I lose my motivation to try and improve my social skills and rbf instead of continuing to be a shut in anytime I see shit like this, which is constantly now. Are """normal""" people really paying attention to how fast and wide they smile when they meet people?? Do they really calculate which smile to use on who? Then what was the point of learning to unmask if I still have to play exhausting social games??
This seems psychotic. Why wouldn't you know this? It was given in that pamphlet when you were born, could you not read out of the womb? /s
I didn't receive the manual either
I JUST GOT THE MANUAL IN THE MAIL!! Finally after almost 31 years it just arrived! Wait... No, sorry guys, false alarm. its just a flyer telling me ill go to hell if I dont visit a church. Ill keep you guys posted if it arrives
There's no manual. You don't really think they can print a huge manual on everything you need for life, they only have paper for the important bits. They make a pamphlet, for the crucial not smiling immediately.
What if my pamphlet was coded in ancient Latin and had ominous seals on it? I think the Vatican confiscated it.
I didn't even receive that
The way they describe how to do it just makes me imagine this.
Wow...this makes me feel special.
It does make sense though. A immediate full grinned smile signals a mask. Taking a bit of time to register who the person is and feeling positive emotion at the sight of them - thus the delay - seems more realistic.
Oh there are many awful rules too "playing the game of faces".
Why it is one of my favourites and play it brutally.
I can guarantee that neurotypicals don't know this.
The thing with this is you aren't smiling at the start of the conversation, but in the end, you are smiling so the person you were talking to now thinks that they are the reason why you were smiling which makes them feel special.
No one is going to do this unless they are trying to charm someone
Y'know that makes much more sense, thanks. I don't know why it's being presented as a best practice for someone trying to improve their social ability, but at least thinking of it as being exclusively for charming means I won't ever have to worry about it
These types of books arent actually focused on improving anyones social ability. Theyre to generate money primarily. Not necessarily blatantly false information but the world doesn't really work in a way that can be properly written out in a couple hundred pages.
With that grain of salt tho I do find these books kinda interesting Joe Navarro has a few I liked. Hes at least fairly clear about his stuff not being all inclusive all the time its just some general things that can add up
I do this and can confirm it charms people. Turned my special interest in human behavior into some major tism rizz.
Any other cool things you've picked up?
Maybe not as simple as that one but because I’m so curious about understanding people I’ve always been told I’m a good listener, and people generally like talking about themselves and things they’re passionate about. Encouraging this will ingratiate them to you because they associate the dopamine boost one gets from infodumping with interacting with you. Scripting for active and reflective listening was very helpful for me in choiceful masking. I don’t reflexively do it but I want people to have a good time interacting with me.
Another cool psychology tip about ingratiating people to you is asking for small favors. I am obviously disabled and essentially have a sign that says “I could use a little support” on my chest, which has been beneficial for me in pursuit of winning friends and influencing people because of the “Ben Franklin Effect” where people rationalize liking someone they’ve helped. Obviously be mindful of ensuring these requests are optional and low-stakes, like asking them for a restaurant recommendation, but I’ve found it’s a good jumping off point for relationship building. I’ve joked before that men love to see me struggling so they can step in but it’s truly factored into the rizz.
It is something that NTs do unconsciously sometimes. And it's a useful tool to keep in your evil toolkit for when you want to seem charming.
Right. As an autist that's around neurotypicals at a job I hate, I don't WANT to make them feel special. Cause then they are leeches and won't stop talking to me. As a fawning little jolly autistic bitch, I now understand why people wouldnt stop talking to me.
Recently, with some change, they stopped talking to me a lot.
The one benefit of being autistic: once you've figured out the game, and developed the strength to be more neurotypical, you can play the game better than neurotypicals.
No they don't pay attention to that. BUT. Their brain is wired to pick up these queues even if it's subconscious.
NTs and NAs are different, not only on the fronting thoughts level, but also on bakcground data processing.
In other words they were always playing this game and I just never noticed even while masking... At this point I think I'm more likely to pay more attention to people's smile size and speed and see if they're playing the game than to ever remember to do it myself
Yeah they don't know they're playing either. I imagine for a lot of them its like not thinking about moving your arm or pitching up your voice to indicate a question. Their gut feelings haven't gotten them into trouble socially since childhood so they don't question or think about them, which I personally cannot relate to.
They don’t know they’re playing, but they know you’re not.
Yeah it was very distressing to come to terms with but it explains the automatic disgust response to me. Now I see masking as a respectful interaction with a different culture, where I translate myself so they can understand lolols. Important to have social circles where you can stop translating for a bit I guess.
This
I understand a response, I do flag the disgust, but why does the disgust make sense to you?
It's been proposed a few times that our lack of social ques/correct social ques/correctly timed social ques set off an uncanny valley effect to those around us.
Their brains notice a difference but it comes off as especially uncanny because they've likely never thought about social things in that way. A difference you can't place sets off fear response. Add to that the tendency to not be accurate at assessing the source of their emotions, and the first answer they land on is usually something like "rude" or "annoying" or "weird". In their minds their perspective is default to everyone and anyone deviating must be choosing to do so, because if they were acting like that it would be by choice. People simple lol
I wonder if that puts me in the uncanny valley for them. I always thought it was interesting that humans developed an innate sense for something that seems human but actually isn't. Cool to think I could potentially give someone the same danger response as a skin walker.
I have a simple solution to this, I simply never smile unless I'm like mid-laugh or something. Resting cold bitch face the rest of the time.
I think this is going to be my solution as well. I just started getting comfortable with my rbf and masking less so I may as well wear it out
Same, but I'll admit that parent's comment for me to crack a small smile.
I know how to do this BECAUSE I’m autistic and spent waaaaay too much time studying actors, the NT lizard brain picks up on it but doesn’t know why they have a sudden instinctual trust in me
And THAT’S when you grab their wallet and run
I prefer not manipulating people.
That doesn't seem very malicious but I have to agree
it's only manipulative if you do it precalculated. if this comes natural to you then it's ok! 👍
I’d argue everyone manipulates to some degree. People generally don’t explicitly ask for their needs to be met, they indicate what they want behaviorally, and that can be pretty subtle. When people harp about manipulation I think they’re really concerned about if it’s done without concern for the other person and harms them, especially with malicious intent. A lot of manipulation, like people-pleasing, is done with really positive intent, it just doesn’t play out well in practice. I definitely would like a world where people communicate explicitly and I think destigmatizing manipulation is actually in pursuit of that because shame is almost never an effective motivator.
Edit- I’m realizing you were probably being sarcastic. Leaving my Ted Talk anyway cause I feel really strongly about this.
haha yeah I was kidding but it's a real thing that people think since autistics have to do some of these things intentionally that it crosses into manipulation. but these norms exist solely in NT communication and we have no choice about playing along if we want to have (NT) friends and influence (NT) people.
personally I think they can get fucked if they need this kind of smile from me to feel like they are special. sucks to not be special on your own!
That's not very evil of you
But also, it's not manipulation if you're flashing a fastie and you mean it. That's just communication
How is not manipulating people evil?
I'm playing the long game and will strike when it is least expected.
Now that's /evil/!
No, of course they don't. Their entire socialising strategy is based on vibes. Its just some observant people notice what seems to influence the vibes and write it down. Which is usually that every person wants to feel special and that everyone loves them personally and theyre the most important thing in the world.
I dream of a world where I don't have to police every little minute expression and mannerism of my body.
You guys still smile?
I am always SO aware of my autism when I try to figure out how/when to stop smiling, especially if I'm only smiling to be polite. Like if I laugh at a joke, I have to think about how long to laugh and smile, how to stop, when to stop, etc. Sometimes I just turn my face or body away so I don't have this frozen hair smile that gets weird looks. idk. smiling is weird.
Dude, smiling is for try-hards. You want to make friends and influence people? Literally never smile.
If you just meet life at your resting bitch face, the nuerodifficults turn into such pussies. They will literally never stop cowtowing; they think you're expecting something, when really you're just minding your business.
That's so fucking stupid. I instantly smile at my favorite people because they make me very happy
Editing the way you respond to people you care about is very strange to me. If I care about someone I feel like the best thing I can do for them when interacting is being fully there with them, sharing laughs, being comfortable, letting loose and giving them the space to do the same. Bottling a smile or a look and using it on them to get a reaction you want feels disrespectful and weird even if they aren't aware your doing it.
I'm kinda sure that the people who write such advice know they are narcissistic psychopaths but they don't disclose it because they think that would give them roughly a 0.1% disadvantage in social interactions
good grief I don't think even neurotypicals would buy that
No they are not paying attention, "normal" people are the ones that nayurally conform to expected norms
Fuck’s sake. I’m not doing that.
Why does everyone need to think they’re special anyway. You’re not the center of the universe.
Like this?
NT communication has evolved into coordinated manipulation. You can't convince me otherwise.
So immediately big smile them so they go away, got it
Big smile and prolonged eye contact, even when they aren't looking your way
This is cool and all but I gotta tell you my 2026 resolution is that I will remember EVERY name told to me, the first time I meet someone
I think this tip will just distract me along with the other billion frantic cues my brain tries to flood me with when I’m meeting someone, which immediately pushes their name out of my short term memory =\
Thank God my culture doesn't require smiling at every random person. We are gloomy and aren't afraid of showing that. So I don't need to do fake shit and I can smile only when I am truly happy
If we have to learn it, we might as well do it better than Neurotypicals
Well this kind of thing is generally attempting to describe what NTs do automatically/subconsciously. It's not something they would be consciously thinking about it unless they were a salesman or something. However, a lot of it is bullshit.
K.
I don't think the intended length of this smile is over the course of an entire conversation. The best way I can think of to translate the mechanical actions is that you smile first, and then your smile kind of 'breaks' into a grin, but the important bit is that it's closed at first. for me, since i do have RBF, it comes out as a smile first, then with teeth, then it's over, but that's only when you first talk with someone, before anyone ever really speaks. You might say the initial exchange, but the smile is over after that (or should be, lol). it doesn't come across as psychotic, it comes across as genuine and warm, and communicates active interest
I smile at people because it's contagious and our job location is miserable and stressful. I feel better when I smile too. I don't smile at my supervisor when he rambles. I glare at him. Anyways, if I smile, it's genuine. When I'm passing people, I'm usually outside so I see beautiful mountains and they make me happy. I don't think I smile when I'm walking around indoors (but I also can't look miserable because it could be interpreted as fear and make me a target).
Anyways, if you're trying to get people to like you, just mimic them and let them talk a lot and ask them questions about themselves.
this makes no fucking sense. I say burn it
Every day I am more convinced that neurodivergent people aren’t the ones that need to work on their social skills, because wtf is this supposed to mean??
Like thiiiis? Am I doing riiight?
secret tactic covid enabled: just wear a cloth face mask all the time outside. cant give off weird mouth social cues if they cannot see your mouth
Where is this from, this seems fake. Like it seems designed as intentional rage bait.
It's from the imprint app on the Playstore. Gives bite sized lessons on different topics. It started me on philosophy which was fine, as they provide their sources and explain the practicality of learning each lesson. But the category for communication is just not it. I switched to science lessons since then and it's so much better.
I don’t think you took it this way, but just to clarify just incase, I wasn’t accusing you of rage bait, but accusing wherever you saw it of possibly doing that. When I reread my own comment I realized it could be read another way!
I took it as you legitimately asking for the source which I was glad to give as I do genuinely think it's a good app. One of the better "daily training/lesson" type apps I've tried.
In retrospect, if I noticed there was no question mark I might have realized. Appreciate you making sure though
I don't understand how to do this, and I won't!! Everyone will get my natural facial expressions, and nothing else!! Which is something like this 🫥😳
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Easy solution: never smile
Wait does this mean don’t go into the interaction smiling, but rather wait (for however long- is this seconds? Minutes? Depends on the situation?) and THEN start smiling? Is this even a thing people are aware of? Is this a gimmicky infographic or am I dumb as hell? Do people not like me because I smile a lot?
i can sorta get this, but like... if your just talking to a stranger, why would it matter?
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Shit. New lore drop.
I don't think people know this consciously but I'm thinking of all the fakey smiley people I met who look like they are about to sell you something and I'm wondering if it's because they were trained in Business Bro school to smile at everyone but they literally come at you like :D :D :D :D which for me triggers a fight or flight.
If anything this works to my advantage whenever I forget I’m supposed to come off smiley. Task failed successfully
I have learnt from my therapist that neurotypicals can see people are happy by just looking at their eyes. I can’t see that for shit.
this is how I smile when I see someone I really like, but it's a specific kind of liking, and totally accidental. I just grin at people otherwise, like Pennywise when he's hungry.
It's all subconscious. They don't know they're doing it. I'm pretty good at stuff like this because language is one of my special interests, body language included, but for the average person it's not something they notice they're noticing.
Here's the trick to success, don't mask. Only smile if the person genuinely makes you smile for whatever reason.
fuck me I just love smiling and being friendly. But this was the reason why it wasn’t ok
At what point do they consider that maybe, just maybe, they're overthinking it?
i am unfortunately smiley happy autistic 90% of the time. sorry i dont make other people feel special. in my defense i hate stupid social norms and i will continue not following this one ✨️
What the fuck
Smiling is just sheathing your mouth weapon. "Good day, other human. I come in peace."
I spent many years trying out different ways of smiling, and the slow smile gives me the best results. You also need to relax your eye muscles as you smile. All this smiling allows me to save my resting demon face for when I need to truly scare someone and stab them with my words.