Between medic school, horrible partner, bipolar disorder and general stupidity i am fucking drowning. I constantly have passive si that creeps in, every day I’m so pissed off from the start. The swings in my mood are getting worse and i am soo fucking anxious all of the time. Every day after i go home from working with that partner i either drink or overdo it on my medication, because if i dont my HR sits at 120 resting. I daydream about quitting my job/school pretty often even though I’m doing fine. Ive been doing this for fourish years and this isnt the “worst” I’ve felt but its approaching that area which is really scary for me.
Sorry to bother you guys
God I don’t miss medic school.
You need to have balance. You have too much on your plate.
If you don’t have kids or family obligations, quit your job before quitting medic school. School is an investment in your future - don’t sacrifice your future for the present.
Also no one is bothered this is an anonymous forum people can keep scrolling if they want lol
I hope you are already in therapy. Please start it if you are not.
Medic school is crazy cause there were at least 2 different times I went 48hrs without sleep. School, work, clinical. The time crunch is absolutely maddening. Speaking from experience as I’m now in medical school and get a full nights rest every night.
Can I ask about your transition from medic to med school? Did you already have a bachelor's degree prior to EMS/medic school? I'm considering this route myself but it seems like quite a maze to get there.
Yes I already had my bachelors. Made school easier for sure and strengthened my application quite a bit.
Reach out to your school’s people or your employer’s HR/benefits portal for mental health support and see what kinds of resources they have, if any.
It doesn’t hurt to talk to licensed people confidentially and it can feel like the scariest thing, but it’s a totally human experience and it’s okay to talk with a therapist or psychiatrist. The worst thing is we do is feel this massive shame around asking for help, but if a friend said the same to you, you’d probably want to help them.
We can’t help others so well when we’re also having a hard time. We can’t pour from an empty cup. And there is zero shame to be had in checking yourself in to get help if needed, either. It’s literally what helpers sign up to do. 😊
Don’t apologize for talking about it.
keep bringing it up if that keeps you here. You aren’t alone, many of us understand similar struggles, and what we don’t understand we empathize with.
You might be an alcoholic. I was like that once, thought I had a ton of problems but really I was just in moderate alcohol withdrawals at all times (unless I had a drink). Super high resting heart rate, anxiety, etc. quit drinking and drugging and virtually all my life’s problems disappeared
We all feel burnout but if this is constant or worsening after year 4 it might be a solid move to try something else.
Having a bad partner when you have mental illness will drag you down. Break up.
i think they mean a work partner "every day after working with that partner" but I agree that if he also has a bad relationship it needs to go
Is there some sort of peer support service you can access where you are?
If you are at the point of suicidal ideations, you MUST change something. NOW.
As others have said, you have too much mental load and not enough to balance it out.
Reach out to someone. Yes, it is hard. The first thing my GP did when I did the same a month ago was to congratulate me on mustering up the courage to do so. It's fucking hard to admit you have a problem, much much more so to people you know, rather than on Reddit. But you do have a problem.
For immeriate interventions I can just say: if you can take a day off and walk through a forest or over a mountain for a few hours, do it. If you can't, take an hour to get outside. You CAN fit that in. And leave your fucking phone home.
Are you seeing a therapist? What medication is it that you’re overdoing it on? Do you mean you take too much of it?
Do you have DBSA in your area? When i lived in Seattle and Salt Lake City i found the DBSA groups paramount to being supportrd living with Bipolar, nothing else came close group-wise (and its free!)
Have you considered that maybe this is not a good career for somebody that has bipolar disorder? It’s hard enough to emotionally regulate for people who don’t have any mental health challenges. Maybe consider a less stressful job?