Mixed liquor, wine and beers throughout the day yesterday. Hung out with my family, went to sleep and woke up nauseous with heart pounding at like 5am. Snuck some more wine while everyone was in bed to try to calm down and take the edge off. It barely did anything so I kept sipping. Ended up throwing it all up and whatever was left of Xmas dinner in my stomach. Tried again and puked again. My family is supportive and had some zofran on hand they gave me and my stepmom made me some peppermint lemon herbal tea. It's helping a little bit, but I'm still really shaky. I have a couple of Valiums left over from my last detox but really want to make sure I'm not going to puke again before taking any. I'm so panicky and fearing I'm dying. My boyfriend is huffing at me that I'm going to be okay. I'm telling myself I never have to feel this way again. Why does my lizard brain always trick me into thinking I can handle it. Heating up some chicken noodle soup and going between pacing and lying down
I remember when I was still at the point where I was trying to convince myself I could drink in moderation and I heard someone say something along the lines of “moderate drinkers don’t have to try moderating. If you have to keep track of how many drinks you’ve had, it’s not moderation.”
Makes sense. I'm so jealous watching my family just be able to drink their wine and eat dinner. I did that plus snuck shots from my car and had some spiked Simplys from my stepsister. Then they get up in the morning and are fine, having coffee, while I've shut myself in a dark room shaking and wondering if I finally gave myself pancreatitis, if my heart is going to stop, if I'm internally bleeding, what's this pain and what's that pain, etc. This shit just isn't worth it.
When I was trying to get sober, I had that same jealousy. Now, after about 14 months, it’s just another thing on the list of stuff I don’t drink. It’s already a long list. I don’t drink coffee, green tea, iced tea, etc. Alcohol is just one more thing on the list, all because I was tired of worrying about things like pancreatitis and being able to safely drive or get through a function without my hands shaking. I was tired, deep in my bones, of managing active addiction.
I like that mindset. I'm tired of managing this too. I was almost sober for two weeks, telling myself not today over and over. till fighting with my partner last Thursday and I just broke and gave in, going on a bender. I should have found a healthier way to cope with it. Congrats on 14 months👏
I feel that. I stated up till 2am woke up at 630 puked made it to work on time. Thankfully there were only a few of us in cause I had to keep ducking out to puke. Today was rough, trying to keep things a bit more reasonable tonight so ill be decent monday but its gonna suck
That sucks, I'm sorry :( I'm thanking god I was off work for the week, but I wish I didn't make it a bender. I barely ate for days. I got down some mac and cheese and green beans last night while drinking. I think losing my appetite and killing the hunger pangs with liquor are the worst parts of my benders. By the time my body is screaming for a fuckin nutrient, I'm so nauseous that it's hard to even keep water down. I'm so scared I'm not gonna be good by Monday but telling myself if I rest, hydrate and take some valium eventually, I can do it. I got down a little bit of mashed potatoes, chicken soup, and some Emergen-C so far, with some sips of a wine cooler in between as an effort for a mini taper. I wish you all best luck, this is gonna fucking suck but we need to do it for ourselves. 🤕
Yea were about in the same place, the not eating is what makes it so bad. I barely had any of our christmas meal but that was my first food in four days or so. Ive got some edibles meant specifically for sleep and some seroquil I hope can get me through. Our office got ransomwared over Thanksgiving so monday was my first day back so of course I just day drank for the last four weeks. Horrible idea. But they paid me regardless 🤷
I’m with you! So damn hungover today after hitting a 3 day nightmare. Going to put an end to that so I can be a normal human this weekend.
Good luck! Feels like I can barely tell the difference between a horrible hangover with panic attacks or WDs anymore. Can't figure out how my mind always convinces me I'll be fine this time to drink as soon as I feel better. We can do it!
Yeah I don’t think I have WDs. Just feel like absolute hell. I drank a bunch of tomato juice though so I think that’s helping. But yeah. Let’s cut this shit out
Well it’s almost been 24hrs since my last drink. Still insanely anxious but not shaking really. Began to sweat a little because of a panic attack. How are you doing? I’m hoping my trazodone knocks me out tonight and I can get some healthy sleep.
I think it's been about 10-12 hours for me, since I foolishly drank wine and a shot this morning trying to feel better. I never learn. Lol. I'm still kind of shaky and keep going between overheating and cold. Going between pacing and lying down. Got down some chicken soup, a couple saltines, a string cheese, half a can of mangoes, and an Emergen-C packet. Haven't puked since this morning, but stomach is still bubbling and I just feel generally gross and scared for no reason. I just took an omeprazole and I'm thinking about dumping a liquid iv packet into my Gatorade. Keep making myself drink water as well. Gonna give it another hour or so and then take a valium and some gabapentin to try and rest. I feel tired and just wanna sleep but my brain is buzzing and I'm crazy anxious too. Hope your trazodone works out too and you can get some sleep! Sucks ass but we got this.
Yeah I remember waking up at 3am for a shot and a beer but I puked that up. My wife said she put me to bed around 830 last night so I’m assuming I’ve hit my 24hr. I wish I had something like that to take the edge off. I just have hydroxyzine and trazodone. Hydroxyzine didn’t do a damn thing! Still buzzing with panic. Guessing I’ll feel better by Sunday. Tomorrow for sure not. Hangovers last me at least two days now.
Hydroxyzine didn't do shit for me either! Never tried trazodone. Gabapentin used to be really good at putting me to sleep but kinda lost its effectiveness. Don't really want to start taking higher doses though, I've heard horror stories about people getting addicted that way. I'm honestly surprised my doctor let me have Valium, I've done Librium tapers at home several times but always ended up relapsing after getting out of the woods, and he wanted to try valium this time for my WDs. I don't abuse them, and I'm super lucky he trusts me I guess. Especially being 25 with an alcohol addiction. I'm sorry you don't have anything stronger to help with the edge! Maybe a little bit of melatonin?
Yeah I’ve heard benzo withdrawals are an absolute nightmare. Worse than booze. Which seems impossible. But yeah I’m definitely going to take some melatonin with my trazodone and even if I can’t sleep I’ll just remember that it’s Friday, I’m sober, and I still have the weekend to recover.
Remember this feeling and what got you here.
Hungover here too. Also woke around 4 to 5am, horrible feeling today, sort you guys are struggling but it is also nice to know I’m not alone
Definitely not alone. I’m on day two. Up way too early for a weekend day, hardly slept. But feelings 20 percent better. Just happier knowing I didn’t keep it going and on the right road. We’ll be fixed up a bit more here soon.
That’s really great you didn’t keep it going and are starting to feel better. I’ve just had some soup and that helped, thankfully I’ve not much on at the minute
Eating is always so hard. It’s crazy how much you need it. I managed to choke down a bit of food yesterday. Hope you can keep it up and keep feeling better.
Yeah I mixed alcohols Christmas Eve too and felt like shit yesterday.
I'm doing a little better today. Was able to eat a bunch of greasy food for breakfast. How are you?
Thanks for asking, not too bad, just some advil and water.