It's Christmas. I made some of my mom's sandy tarts. She always made these at Christmas forever - 30 plus years. It's the one thing I am making dessert wise. Took some to my father in memory care. I gave him one, and asked him if he remembered them - nothing. Proceed to just hang out (the internet at the facility was terrible). He asked me if I had seen my mother recently. I told him his wife died three years ago. Twenty minutes later, he asked me the same question.
I know I am losing my Dad. I know it with all my heart. I expect this is his last Christmas. But still, it absolutely gutted me for some reason. Maybe I hoped he would remember, and the hope was just squashed.
I didn’t see my mom today. She loved Christmas, it was her favourite holiday - I brought her a box of her favourite orange cream chocolates and she didn’t recognize the taste this year. My own little family doesn’t quite understand - my brother passed, my dad passed and my mom has dementia…holidays make me feel so lonely and unseen. I see you today and I know how hard of a time this is for you 💜
It is a particular kind of sadness, being the last one to hold the family memories.
Sending you all love and strength during these difficult times. 🫂💛