What a sad Christmas post.
I’ve been surrounded by love, 4 and a 6 year old opening presents. Christmas meal. Walks. Excitement. Santa.
But also…
My mum went into hospital a month ago. She’d been struggling for a while, coats on indoors, disinhibitions, hats in hats in hats, squirreling keys, plates, leaving messages on phone (help me, help help ohhhhh etc), generally getting worse and worse. I felt like the little Dutch boy holding a dam that might break.
I rang doctors, hospitals, shouted for help. Nothing. It came to a head when she pushed past a carer, demanded to go out, expressed a wish to stand in the middle of the road, wanted to “go home” even when at home.
On entry to the hospital she bit a security guard and tried to “escape”. They originally diagnosed delirium with a uti. This settled, apparently and she was presenting better.
She then went into a nhs care facility where they could establish a baseline. Was this temporary or something new?
😢 Christmas Eve. Saw her for the first time.
Grabbed a hold of me. Demanded to “go home”. Now. Called me horrible and worse for not taking her. Lifted her skirt, showed her knickers and screamed. Like wtf. She was worse.
I tried to have a conversation, wish her well, try to make her have a chat about her grandchildren, cats, show her pictures. All gone. Whatever and whoever that was it wasn’t my mum.
I’m really sad.
I think she’s now in residential care. I know I haven’t but I feel like I failed.
Still. Christmas.
I’m sorry, that is really tough. I don’t have any advice but please be gentle with yourself. Sending love and hugs 💜
Thank you. Just having a vent.
Oh, my. From across the world, sending you support from someone who is not quite there yet but sitting next to them in the beginning throes of this. The phone calls started last week, while they were surrounded by carers.
Venting here is a safe place full of support and understanding. Love on your family and try to enjoy what there is
Thank you
you didn’t fail… you can’t control the process of dementia.. the doctors can prescribe calming meds & try to help her. God bless you 🙏
🙏
Im so sorry 😔
Not much to say really. Appreciated. Those who work with this day in day out deserve every praise. I couldn’t do ten minutes.
I feel you. It’s hard to find the right words. Sat with my dad at Christmas breakfast and he smelled horribly like urine. It’s so tough.
No advice just hugs. 💓💞💔❣️
Thank you
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
That's really hard. Just remember this; she's being cared for and she's safe. If it's too hard for you to see her like this, don't visit very often, or at all if you need to protect your peace of mind.
I'm so sorry.
Thank you. I’m hoping she may get more stable. I can’t manage that. It’s a parody of what she was like. A stranger with my mum’s body.
I really do understand that. My mom had Alzheimer's I lost her three years before she died.
Any of that sound familiar? It’s all new to me, sadly
This is hard. You haven't failed at all. There's not much you could have done to prevent this disease from happening and have no control over her behavior. They're all both different and the same, if that makes any sense. Some are on different ends of the intensity spectrum for each behavior. My GF is quickly progressing much into the same behaviors. You have her in a facility that can care for and manage her needs. That is the best for her.
🫂😔
Thank you
At least she still wants to talk to you. I hope things improve for you these Holidays. I felt like I failed this entire summer; it took a lot of soul searching and thought for me to understand differently. No one prepares you for this happening to a parent, even if you've seen it in another family member.
🙏
Hugs. This is awful.
🙏
Im so sorry. This is a place to vent with people that understand. This was a sad Christmas for me too. I had to put my very dear friend for over 30+ years into an assisted living facility just recently. This is sad but he is safe. Today is his birthday..that kind of makes me sad too. Im going to visit him. It is just so different...for him and I. Trying to stay positive.
Thank you
Your in my prayers. This is the best place to "talk/text"people that feel the same as you. It helps you cope and take care of yourself better. Calms your mind and fears.