I’ve been dating a girl for a few months now, we’ve been on several dates and she invited me to spend new years with her friends.

The thing is, I have liked her since last June, and we didn’t start dating until November. It was hard to read if she liked me or not, she would give me signs that she did, but then would pull away.

We had a nice date before Christmas and I realized she could be a potential partner long term.

On New Year’s Eve we were out drinking with her friends. At midnight she kissed me on the cheek; I went in for a real kiss, she pulled back because she doesn’t like PDA, and later she joked about “leaving men in 2024 because they’re trash” while I was standing there. I was drunk and insecure, and I started acting jealous and possessive. I began hovering over her whenever she talked to any guy at the bar, which is completely unacceptable.

Later she told me I hadn’t really tried with her friends, that my energy was off, and that my behavior felt possessive. I can see that now. I’d kind of decided in my head that I was only dating her and saw long-term potential, but I never clearly asked how she felt, so NYE hit a nerve for me. That’s not an excuse, just the context.

A few days after that, we went to another event together. Beforehand we talked about NYE, then I made the mistake of going back out with her and her friends while I was already pretty drunk and emotional. I went into “I have to fix this right now” mode, over-spent on drinks, and eventually blacked out. That made me even more anxious that I’d messed things up.

We finally had a sober phone call. I fully owned my behavior on both nights, apologized, and told her I’d like to keep seeing her but slower and with clearer communication. She said she had actually been leaning toward us being better off as friends, but that she liked what I said, felt heard, and that we’re “good.” She suggested maybe trying a sober date to see how things feel. We agreed to give each other about a week of space and then check in. She said she’s fine with either of us reaching out.

When this week of space is over, how should I reach out and frame the conversation so I respect her feelings, show that I’ve learned from this, and give us a real chance to see if dating still makes sense?