Hello Dads, I knew this day was coming but I expected a different timeline.
We went in for an routine echo for her pregnancy diabetes, and 6 hours later we switched hospital and are awaiting the doctor for a timeline on an induced birth. We were told when checking in that mom would not leave until the birth.
32 weeks and 5 days, we knew she would'nt go over 39, but we're still 7 weeks early and I'm kind of at a loss. We never cared about a perfect story, but we're just not ready.
Room isn't half done, I've got 3 ikea box sitting in the living room and we couldnt clean our place this weekend due to family visit. We're not done sorting all we were gifted / lent, baby shower is at the end of the month. There's just so much to do.
We took the bus to the hospital, I just got approved to buy our first car and I'm taking possesion wednesday. Had to borrow a friends car so I can be there for her in the meantime.
Gf is sleeping on a hospital bed while we wait for the doctor and news from the second echo, and I'm scared shitless.
I know we're in good hands, baby is healthy and moving, just too small to get to the finish line on her own. No risk for mom or the baby.
But right now we're scared, and I wanna be there for her and support her.
No punchline, just a guy at a loss. How do you guys cope when there's so much left to do, and no time left?
** edit / update It's a couple of hours later, second echo looked better and dr wants to wait for a third echo in the morning before making any decisions. Its good news.
Was not allowed to stay the night with her, so now I'm home alone pacing in the kitchen.
Thank you all for the words, it helps a lot. I knew the furniture didn't really matter, obviously, I realise now I was just processing the panic while mom slept. We lost two before 3 month in the past, and any hiccup is bringing us back to those terrinle moments.
Thanks for the kind words, and for the reassurances. I'm gonna grab the rest I can now, and we'll see what tomorrow brings. Will probably do the dishes now, while I know I can.
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Man, I’ll be honest with you, looking back now, I could’ve had another year and probably still wouldn’t have felt ready. For us, wee man was in the NICU for about six weeks, so we actually had a bit more time after he came to get stuff done than I’d thought we would so that did help a bit. Being as early as your wife is, you may get a bit of that as well, but ultimately, you won’t remember anything about what the room looked like or whether the crib was assembled or you swept the floor. I totally get where you’re coming from but right now just take some deep breaths and focus on being there for Mom and the little one and the rest will all come out in the wash. Hang in there, you and Mom have got this!
Yeah same here. Kids (yes plural) came 5 weeks early, which was only half expected. Wife went in for a routine OB appt, called me and said she was sent to the hospital and they're coming today.
The thing with kids, you're always working on the next step. Especially at the baby age. It takes literally 20 minutes to set up a car seat and a bassinet. That's all you need, at least for a little while. If you have family, have them go to the grocery store to get bottles. Breast pumps come from a medical supply store within a 20 minute drive of most people. Done, for the first few weeks.
Then every couple weeks there's something else to do. Move the bassinets into the nursery. Get the changing table set up. Upgrade your baby bath. New car seats. New clothes. New shoes. Build the crib. Lower the crib. Convert the crib into a toddler bed. Buy high chairs. Buy new bottle nipples. Babyproof the living room. Babyproof the bedroom. Rebabyproof the living room because the kid started standing up. there is ALWAYS something else to do.
There really is no such thing as being "ready" for a baby. You only have to be "ready" for the first few days, and shit changes so fast and so much that having the bassinet set up before the kid gets home isn't even a drop in the ocean of things you'll be doing and caring about.
It's overwhelming I can understand, and I'm sorry this has happened. But we barely used the baby room until about 3 months. We changed diapers in there sometimes, and housed the clothing. For us the Baby will slept next to mom for about 3-4 months. I'd paint asap and be sure to get those fumes moving out the window with a fan. Then it's just setup. Every time someone comes over in the next few weeks just ask them to help to assemble the crib or change table. Take out a bunch of card board. Break everything into small 20min tasks. You can do this.
And congratulations this will be a story you will tell your son or daughter.
Don’t worry about the ikea boxes or the lack of a full set of clothes.
Once your baby get home, all they will need is you, mom, a bassinet to sleep and a clean area to get changed. That’s it. If you can, have someone run to a target or a Walmart and pick you up a couple cheap sets of plain white, onesies. Onesies (and maybe a puffy jacket for outside) will be the only thing they need to wear those first few weeks.
Best of luck. Hope everything goes well. You got this!
A towel on your bed will do if need be.
Mate, there isn't any 'right time'. We all could have done with an extra x weeks / months / years to get ready in every capacity.
Ours also come early due to medical reasons (high blood pressure in wife). We were out having lunch on a regular Saturday and hours later boom...emergency C-section here is your child.
When yours is born everything changes in an instant. The half finished room, the ikea pieces are all largely irrelevant. You are just in survival mode for a while and that's ok.
Support is making sure your GF is comfortable and has what she needs in any moment.
Also, when born your child will sleep ALOT during the day during the early weeks. Use those hours to fix up the room or do the tasks needed. That's what I did.
Good luck,
You’re practically at 33 weeks, it’ll be ok, although that’s not to say it won’t be tough. We had ours at 26 weeks, spent about three months in NICU and he turned out relatively ok. Trust your doctors, but I have high hopes yours will make it through this just fine.
All that matters is that mom and baby are fine - everything else is not important. You’ll figure it out.
Can't offer advice, but I was also a baby that had to be born 6-7 weeks early. My dad also hadn't finished building the nursery (if I recall his stories right) my mom went in for a routine scan and they told her she had to give birth, now. Car was parked in a 90 minute zone and she had half a bagel on her desk at work. You'll get through this! Its going to be okay! Just take it one minute at a time!
Get some family or friends to help you get setup for minimum viable product for bringing the kiddo home. It doesn’t need to be perfect but get the very basics setup.
NICU will be very draining and for me, at least, I basically couldn’t get anything else done.
All that matters is that mom and baby are fine - everything else is not important. You’ll figure it out.
Brother, you’ve got this. Our first was early and in the wrong state half way across the US so we were no where close to “ready” either. Wife literally ordered a car seat on Amazon from the hospital.
I know it’s a lot right now and it will be for a while but every day will get easier and you’ll come out the other end knowing you can handle anything
Hey soon to be Dad, don't add problems to your current mental load. Your baby will likely be in nicu or observation for a little while, with just you and the professionals. During that time you will figure out what they need.
In terms of the home setup, don't worry about it! All you need is a portable basinet for the first few months and changing requires very little. I massively over-prepared SO MUCH stuff, that I still haven't used at 3 months... Everything that needs doing today will be done. All else will handle itself/you will get it as you need it.
You and your partner have got this! Best wishes!
My friend, you were never going to feel ready but the journey is ready for you. At 32 weeks baby is likely big enough that they’ll do fine but will need a few weeks in NICU to get ready to go home. It will be in overdrive but you’ll have time to take possession of your car and mad dash to get ready. Our first born spent her first year in a rental home without anything that resembled a nursery and she won’t remember our scramble but she’ll know our love.
Im so sorry! Im praying for mom and babys safe arrival and continued good health/recovery!
I will say to help ease you, that if worse comes to worse, i know youll be able to get those things ticked off your checklist it just might happen earlier than you wanted. And slower than planned. But youll get through for now focus on emotionally supporting your girlfriend and doing what you can to keep her and baby safe and happy as they can be
Baby isn't going to be in that room for another 6 months and doesn't care about IKEA boxes. The only issue is the car and you're getting that tomorrow. All good. Good luck!!
Brother—there’s never a thing like “ready”.
Everything will work out. It’s going to be hard for the first few weeks but every day gets easier and before you know it, you’ll be arguing with your kid about bedtime routines and homework and missing those baby snuggles.
We are foster/adoptive parents—every one of our babies came with at the most less than 12 hours notice. We had a lot of baby stuff prepared, but we weren’t remotely close to ready and each time we ended up with late night Target runs and enlisting friends/family/neighbors to help get the things we needed. And it all worked out.
Here's the thing. Babies don't need much, especially in the beginning. Some kind of a basket, a boob, a change of diapers.
I suggest that you do one of two things. Either divide and conquer. Let your wife take care of the baby and you set everything up this week. It can up your three best buddies, have a beer and a red bull and knock it all out together.
But truthfully, you'll never be ready. And it's not as big a deal as you're afraid that it is. Half of parenting is dealing with the unexpected.
A similar thing happened to me, but I had just hit 37 weeks so fortunately we didn’t have to deal with the NICU part - so my advice is strictly related to all the stuff you have to deal with at home.
If and when you can get back to your house, grab just the newborn essentials and try to set them up in one spot so you can see everything, don’t worry about getting it perfectly organized:
Then designate a corner, closet or spare room that’s somewhat out of sight or out of the way, and as best you can, put everything else in there.
Our home was a disaster and we had nothing ready. I thought I was having a regular appt when they told me I couldn’t leave and was having a c-section in an hour. We were actually late for the appt because we didn’t even know how to get to the hospital (we can laugh at all this now lol).
Even the most prepared people are still unprepared bc nothing ever goes to plan. But we’ve been having babies for thousands of years and everything at home is just “stuff”. The most important thing is that you are at a hospital with access to medical care should you need it. Everything else will fall into place.
And most importantly…congratulations dad!!!
Baby doesn't care about all that stuff. Baby wants mummy and daddy, milk, naps and diaper change.
You'll never be ready but one thing I can assure you is that the first 3 months are relatively easy in the grand scheme of raising a child.
All these little projects you need to complete can be done around that time given they dont demand much in those early months. Youll also have extra motivation to do it all for your lil bub :)
Car seat in the car, bassinet ready....other than that you're ready! My boy was 11 weeks in NICU. You'll be okay. Bed rest in a hospital sucks, and I'm sorry for that....but you guys will be okay.
You have more time than you think. We were in a very similar situation, 32+2 at birth. She spent 28 days in the NICU, and we were able to get the nursery and living room ready for the baby. Didn’t care what the rest of the house looked like. Baby shower was scheduled the weekend after she was born. We postponed it to her 3-month birthday, and had my wife’s best friend retrieve gifts already bought. It worked out wonderfully.
You got this.
You take the idea of “ready”, throw it in the trash and handle business.
Dwelling in some notion that you cannot change won’t help. Time to buck up and get things in order.
You got this.
The baby doesn’t know what all isn’t put together.
We had the same happen, take a breath it’s gonna be fine. The room is for your pleasure not the baby’s, it really doesn’t care what the room looks like. It’s a potato that occasionally shouts and poops itself, you’ll have plenty of time while it sleeps, which they do a lot in most instances.
Give the place a quick clean, get the essentials ready, fuck off the furniture builds and Martha Stewart impressions until you’ve got the basics sorted. Make sure momma has everything she needs, pack a bag for yourself and between now and then just get through what you can.
Our baby is two months old and we finally just got a nursing chair for her. Didn’t have half her room put together when she came. Just kinda did it when I could. Your baby will have 0 conception of what make dos and work around you did while she was little so don’t stress about it.
Mom here, You don't need 90% of what you have right away. When Mom is feeling up to moving around she might have fun sorting and arranging baby's room while baby naps. Get a baby carrier and she can hold them while moving around.
Another option could be that once you get the news that everything is fine and it's just a waiting game you could do some runs home a clean or unpack some big stuff so you feel more ready.
My kids are 10, 7, and 6 and I’m still not ready. Being a parent is literally just figuring it out the best you can as you go along. Embrace the unknown and take it one day at a time. The essentials for the baby, momma, and you are food, warmth, sleep, and love, not necessarily in that order. Do that and everything else will figure itself out.
Man, I had a beautiful nursery all set up and my 3 year old has yet to sleep in it. 😆 My son also had a little perfect nursery and didn’t touch it until he was 1. The room does NOT need to be ready! The perfect changing station we set up? Hardly ever used, baby was changed on a mat wherever. The clothes were mostly in a pile fresh from the dryer, not in the dresser we built. The swing was a hit with my son, but not my daughter. They both only wore like 1/4 the clothes I got them because they grow so fast!
All you need NOW is a car seat, place to put baby for sleep (like a bassinet) some clothes, diaper stuff, swaddles, and bottles and pumping supplies (if you go that route) and some bathing stuff (but also baby can be bathed in the sink or with mom in the bath).
The hospital provides a TON of stuff too (we got a swaddle, diapers, wipes, bottles, a pump to rent + parts, and a onesie and hat… and formula if needed). Babies don’t actually need that much, I bought so much stuff we never used! If baby may be in the NICU for a bit, you’ll have time then too.
Just focus on yourselves and baby, the rest will fall into place. If you have any family or friends around, I’d definitely ask for some help too!
Congrats!!!
Our first was born at 34 weeks. Preeclampsia was bad and putting mom (and baby) in danger. She was there for a few days before they did an emergency C-section. Baby spent 2 weeks in the NICU. Thankfully we lived only 15 minutes from the hospital and would spend as much time there as possible. She's now almost 6 years old, happy and healthy and super smart. But we'll never forget those 2+ weeks of anticipation, fear, love, etc. Shoutout to all nurses and the NICU ones in particular.
My wife went in for blood pressure check and got admitted on the spot and had c section next day. We were far from ready, but the baby is 15 months now. It will come together, have each others backs and so what you need to.
Lurking mom here. We had just moved - no furniture, not even a bed frame or a couch or a chair. I had just finished making cardboard cutouts of the size of the sofa we wanted to buy to see if it would fit. Baby came unexpectedly at 35 weeks. I was in labor in the hospital bed, on Amazon prime ordering a bassinet and a car seat so we could leave the hospital. We didn’t even have a single outfit - we left the hospital with baby in a diaper and some sort of disposable hospital shirt.
It was tough. We were in the furniture store with a 4 day old baby, and waited weeks for our couch, table, chairs to arrive. Baby is 11 months and I’m currently in her room that is still blank white.
However, since we had nothing ahead of time, that gave us the ability to purchase everything on an as needed basis, and we didn’t end up with a bunch of extra stuff that we don’t need! I was shocked at how little you actually need in the beginning.
You’re doing great. Start making a list of what absolutely has to be done for baby to exist (for me that ended up being bassinet set up next to bed, wash ~5 sets of baby bodysuits and sleepers in preemie and newborn sizes (if you don’t end up using preemie, that’s ok! Donate!), wash one package of 4 oz bottles and buy one small thing of formula just in case, wash mom’s pump parts just in case, purchase car seat and install on Wednesday. Unpack stroller. Wash one package of binkies. Buy a few packs of diapers in preemie and newborn - you can always exchange for a bigger size later. Buy a bundle of wipes. Set up a little care station for mom next to the bed - ice pads, diapers, post partum pads, tucks pads, wipes, boob ice packs, big water bottle, phone charger, night light, hand lotion. Lastly - stock up the freezer with frozen breakfast sandwiches, “healthy” frozen boxed meals. When you come home order some healthy no prep snacks that last a while in the fridge - carrots and hummus. Apples and peanut butter. While in the hospital bed waiting for labor, have mom pick out some comfy lounge clothes and breastfeeding bras/tanks if she’s choosing that path. Nursery does not need to be put together. Gifts do not need to be sorted. Though it is hectic, there is plenty of downtime in those first few weeks when baby is napping and mom can sort through what she wants. There will also be plenty of time mom is nursing/feeding baby and you can move stuff around and put together nursery yourself.)
I know it is stressful, but pick the essentials, spend time with your girlfriend, and enjoy the baby. Let family and friends help as much as they want. Appreciate the modern age of internet shopping and quick shipping.
You don’t need a nursery. You just need a changing table, two bedrooms and a bathroom.
You’ll be fine. Baby doesn’t care about the state of the house, only that she is loved. Focus on that and forget about the nursery etc.
We went in on 28 weeks and 40 minutes after an ultrasound I was cutting a cord
The weekend before we were stood in a baby store and I literally said “we have another 12 weeks I’m not buying anything yet”
The reality of it is premie babies are usually kept in for a few weeks (depending on a lot of things) but we were told that it’s unlikely baby would be home before their real due date - so relax a bit, you have time!
It’s a wild ride with an early baby, please feel free to DM if you have questions or want a safe space to vent
All the best
My baby was born induced at 36 weeks. My buddy had his at 27 weeks entirely unplanned. We were both equally prepared, I was just more deluded by my ignorance and arrogance. I think if a pregnancy was 2 years you still wouldn’t be actually ready. Just do your best. Focus on the baby and on the Mrs. And we’ll be here for you as a community if you have questions.
My first was born at 33 weeks and we had nothing ready, either. She spent three weeks in the NICU so we had some time, but still.
One day at a time. All you really need when they come home is a car seat (if you drive them home) and a safe place for them to sleep.
Baby isn't coming home for at least three or four weeks. Get to work.
Before you know it, this will be a fleeting memory. You’ll be wondering where the time went and why the baby grew up so fast. I have a 20 month old, and I was looking back at photos from a year ago. What happened?!
If it makes you feel any better, none of us felt ready when our kids got here. We just wing it and as dads, we just make it look natural. Number one priority should be making sure the baby has somewhere to sleep if she comes home soon. So do that and handle anything else when you have time.
Scrap the room. There is a good chance your baby wants to sleep close to you. Bassinet, diaper changing station. Some second hand small clothing and a car seat. That's all you need for the first few months. Toys etc will appear on their own.
I would add a baby carrier of some sort, a potty (if the baby decides that a new diaper is the perfect moment to shit) and a plastic bathing tube.
While it feels like there are a million things to prepare, buy etc take a step back, breath and just remember humans were doing this probably in caves at one point. Take it day by day, tick of the biggest priorities. You got this!
Get the car seat and a place for baby to sleep safely ready. Not even the changing table matters, just put a towel on the ground somewhere safe. Nothing else matters for a long time. You got this.
All you need is a car seat and somewhere safe at home for the babes to sleep, everything else is trivial for now! Dont sweat the small stuff
Deep breaths, "ready" at newborn age is actually a lot more simple than you think.
Ours was also early and between me traveling a lot for work and some renovations we had JUST finished to make the house's layout more baby-friendly when my wife woke me up at 4am because her water broke the house was an absolute MESS.
Most of our bedroom was out in the living room. ALL the baby accoutrements (bassinet, stroller, etc.) were still in cardboard boxes out in the porch, the solid wood changing station we got second-hand from my cousin still needed sanding and repainting. We had no Newborn size clothes because we didn't know what weight he'll be born at. And to top it all off the sink was full of dishes.
And we still managed. When you'll be discharged from the hospital you just need the very basics: a safe place for the baby to sleep, a comfortable place for the baby to be fed, and an organized place for the baby to be diapered. That's it. Not a room, not toys or activity mats (not yet anyway), just those three things plus clothes and consumables.
During our stay in the hospital I'd nip home for a couple of hours every day and get things tidier and ready. I assembled the bassinet. I moved stuff out of the living back to the bedroom. I bought diapers and clothes.
When we got discharged we had some family come over and help with the tidying up, including super mundane things like my sister washing those dishes (finally!).
Today, almost two months in, the baby's room still isn't ready. I'm nearly done painting the changing station. But the lil' one is happy and healthy. We've gotten used to changing on a soft mat with inflatable borders we got from ikea that we just place on our dining table when it's changing time. We use a cushion we already had to support our elbow while sitting in our recliner for bottle feeding time. And the bassinet took less than an hour to assemble, and it rolls to wherever we are (living room or kitchen during the day, bedroom at night).
If we of all people managed, you'll be just fine.
Ours came early in the middle of a kitchen reno and we didn’t have a kitchen sink for the first three weeks. You’ve got this.
Feeling for you brother, our first baby came about 6 weeks early too. We were so stressed at the time but I promise things will be ok.
More than likely, Bub will be in the Special Care unit for a couple weeks (mine was about 4) while they grow a little bit and let their body, lungs, tummy and whatnot develop more. And it sucked to leave the hospital without him and see him every day without taking him home, the flipside of that is that it gave us the time we needed to get prepared.
Multiple baby bunting trips, lots of furniture building, BATCH COOKING (CAN'T RECOMMEND THIS ENOUGH!!)
We ended up cancelling our Baby Shower too, and just told people that once the family was at home we'd organise to see people one on one to meet bub and exchange gifts and whatnot.
It's a journey for sure, but wishing all the best for your family ❤️❤️