My HR department denied my request to take unpaid time off to drive home and see my elderly parents. I'm pissed but they don't need to know that- so I gave them all crocheted snowflake ornaments and a bag of fancy chocolates. Gifted with sugar and ✨spite✨ and everything nice ~
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Hey, serious life advice here. Fuck your HR, call out sick, go make the Christmas memories. DO NOT let this become a regret that you sat at work instead of spending time with your parents.
Came to say this exact thing.
When I was bartending at a shitty little dive bar, I was begging people to cover a single shift for me so I could have one extra day off to go see my elderly relatives before they passed. Despite me constantly covering for other people, nobody was willing to take this shift. It was then really unfortunate that I got "SO SICK" the night before... while getting on a plane to go see my aunt that passed about a week after I got home. Fuck these jobs, go see family.
Exactly this. You tried to take time off in advanced and give them a chance to get a replacement for you/prepare to not have you there. They chose this messed up route. And I would 100000% call out sick. Especially if your parents are elderly. I know job security is a thing, and money is a thing, but no job is worth the regret if something happens and you don't get the chance to see them
I wonder how many executives and HR folks are taking Christmas off. Funny how the more they get paid, the less likely they are to be required in-office on holidays. It's the low wage peons that get stuck working holidays.
I second this! You can always find another job, but we as people are on borrowed time!
Jobs are replaceable, family is not!!
Yes BIG AGREE with this commenter OP and if they demand a doctors note, if you have insurance do a Telehealth visit if possible and describe UTI symptoms
Does not need to be a UTI, food poisoning is also okay.
Yes! Just say diarrhea and they want to hear nothing more. 💩
Also useful if you are working with food.
Pink eye
I stayed at work on Christmas eve instead of going to see my mom who had terminal brain cancer. She died that March, Im still bitter at my boss who wouldnt let me have the day.
One place I worked denied all vacation requests for the last 10 days of December because too many people called in sick on those days. Because all vacation requests were denied. All it did was penalize those who play by the rules but they still hadn't figured that out by the time I left.
so true. I have no problem being a lying liar that lies to my jobs, but I have a few rule-followers-at-heart friends and that system makes them miserable.
they never have the guts to call out and they get resentful at the liars rather than the system. (I have tried to convert my friends to liars.)
Even more unethical LPT here, some doctors are willing to give you fake doctor notes if you pay them. I know one who would do this for students to defer their exams.
Might be handy when you need to take extended “sick days” and the company requires doctor notes.
Lots of doctors offices would wright a note for "acute grief reaction and mental health" if you explained what was going on. I write vague sick notes all the time
I did not know that!
But would an unreasonable employer accept that? Some can’t care less about mental health and might discriminate?
I think it depends on the state, Washington state for sure will :)
That's exactly what I'm doing next week since my HR was very petty about visiting my family who lives 20+ hours away for Christmas, I am trying to get shifts covered but they refuse to help me figure that out too when I don't have any coworkers' numbers 🫠
Yep! It took me to almost 40 years old to realise they dont give a shit about you, so dont give a shit about them! Take a sickie, turn off your phone and enjoy your day with your family!!
This. Plus add a shit ton of glitter so it gets everywhere and they can't clean it up.
Can confirm.
There was a company called 'Ship Your Enemies Glitter' who would do just that.
An ex colleague of mine was there when they opened it, and reported that it was glorious and awful. They had to recarpet their office and replace their ergonomic chair.
Worth it.
That's a bit extreme. They could have used an adhesive roller for the carpet and industrial vacuum, and done the same for the chair.
I had a staff tell me they were going to call out when I couldn't approve their PTO for the holidays due to deficient balance. I have a good relationship with them. Calling out when I had to deny PTO would be an insta-write up with potential implications towards firing. So I said...
This conversation did not happen. You did not tell me you planned to do this. You have an intermittent leave and if you were to need the day off for some reason related to it, well, there's really not much I could do about that!
I hate the fucking corporate system, I think it's bullshit to deny time off especially when the employee's medical leave ate up all their damn PTO. I am more than happy to help my employees game the system. I have another one with insufficient balance, so we got creative with how they could take the days off they wanted and are going to get their PTO.
When I worked at my local Lowes, there was a family emergency in the middle of my shift (my youngest niece, who was 7(?) at the time, got kicked in the chest/arm by a horse). She was taken to our local hospital but had to be taken in an ambulance to a children's hospital two hours away, and my mom (who was with her at the time because my sister also worked at that Lowes) was inconsolable and would have needed help navigating anyway in case we lost the ambulance. I didn't ask for permission to leave with my sister. I just told them I needed to go too and clocked out. 🤷 Didn't get fired over it. Worked another few years until I quit to go back to college, but they never let me get any position higher than a sales specialist after that despite my experience and expertise.
"Requesting" time off is a misnomer. It's not a request, it's a warning ahead of time that you won't be available. If they don't want to put the effort in ahead of time to make sure that shift is covered, it's 100% on them. (And only the real "family environment" employers will accept it without batting an eye. Don't let managers gaslight or guilt trip you, and always--ALWAYS--get a picture or screenshot of your schedule the moment it's posted so they can't change it without asking you to try and retaliate.)
Second this. It’s time to call out.
I agree. Family comes first.
This, exactly. I was sick last Christmas so I missed the big family thing, and my grandma passed a few months later. I didn't know it at the time, but I missed the last chance I had to spend Christmas with her.
I'm only 41 and I've missed it on SO MUCH LIFE because I was too afraid to ask for time off or didn't stand my ground when it was denied. It is a huge regret. May you not feel this.
[deleted]
Just let unemployment become a regret instead?
Yup pretty much. At least I would have gotten to spend time with my parents in case something happened. There are other jobs, you only have one set of parents.
Should have filled the bag with glitter. That would have been appropriately spiteful! Beautiful work though!
I have been seriously tempted to send our worst customer a glitter bomb. The only thing that is stopping me is that they could be married or living with a partner or pets and I don't want to wish crafting herpes on them. Let's face it as soon as they undressed after getting home that stuff would be EVERYWHERE!
There's cards you can get that play music when you open it but doesn't stop when you close it and then if they try to get to the battery to turn it off, there's a pouch of glitter that falls out everywhere 😂 I really need to send it to someone but I can't think of anyone I dislike enough to do that to other than some politicians but you know it's not them opening the mail lol.
If you love someone who has a good sense of humor you can always give them one. I gave my mom one for Mother’s Day and she loved it. She doesn’t trust cards from me anymore but it was worth it.
Uhh where would one find one of these? You know, for research purposes…
Amazon has a few different ones. I'm partial to this Valentine's Day card lol.
Just get food safe glitter. Then no worries about pets.
Mail carrier who got covered with glitter yesterday here. Thank you for not doing this. Too many unrelated people get hit along the way.
Just pocket sand glitter directly in their face if you want the same result lol
I share your pain (and job experience); my truck is currently covered in ✨sparkles✨. As are my hands, face, personal items, clothes, a project I was working on and had with me….
I was expecting to hear they have glitter on them.
I also believed them to be glitter encrusted
As the custodian of an office building, please don’t 😭 That would only punish the person who has to clean it up.
I’m failing to see the hate part of this “hate mail”. These are genuinely nice gifts. I saw your other comments about why you’re so mad but I feel bad for you that you spent so much time pouring hate into something this pretty.
Maybe that’s part of the joy? Working out your frustration through something you enjoy? Idk 🤷♀️ I just hope OP calls in sick and visits their parents lol
I would never give someone I disliked a gift I spent so much time making. Better to gift it to someone I cared about.
Everyone is different, just trying to explain what I think OPs motive is.
I dunno, I'm a decently strong believer in the idea that the object carries the energy you crafted it with. I would not be above giving little cursed snowflakes to the little cursed snowflakes in my life.
Kill them with kindness never works. It just helps people feel better about internalizing all their anger and slowly killingthemselves
Maybe I'm just having a bad day at work but the snowflake tips kinda look like extended middle fingers
I was thinking they were really sharp and pointy 😏
I believe the ends of the snowflakes are penises or a middle finger as a subtle fuck you
OR... OP was weaving their intention into the project. I'm pro- fiber art witchcraft!
Great job, OP. Your work is lovely and I think that maybe helps the power of the spell.
I think the stitch on the end of each spire is the "middle finger" stitch
I'm not making ONE STITCH for anyone that doesn't value me. Diversion or not. I'm too grown for passive agressiveness and putting spite in a gift. Nice crochet though.
I get it, but I also get the "turn the other cheek" approach. I think honestly, I feel better when I do kind things for those who don't deserve them. It's like playing kindness on hard mode.
No.
Upvoted their kind reply, since you down voted it unnecessarily 🫶 I hope you have a wonderful day!
What
I'm mad at my HR so I gave them presents. Telling them I'm upset with them would likely just mean they'd make up a reason to fire me- so these are a diversion so I can keep my job until I can find a different one. If they catch wind that you don't like them, you don't last long at the company
If I get you mad at me can I get one??? Lol Those are amazing and honestly I hope you are able to find a job that appreciates you.
Haha thanks me too 😅 But I also made some for my coworkers because I like them 😂 But I definitely started the project out of pure spite lol
angrily crochets
Good way to get some frustration out.
I was thinking this sounds very therapeutic and it's productive too. Plus think of all the spite that went into every stitch. If ever an object could carry a curse...lol
I often crochet when I get angry or frustrated. I'm faster, but my tension is obviously tighter than normal, haha. Since I use the knife grip, my husband gets a kick out of me stabbing with such ferocity.
I get it. It's a weird kind of spite, you do something nice that shows off an impressive skill for people who suck. You're showing that you are more talented than them at something AND then you feel morally superior to them.
I HATED my 5th grade history and ELA teacher, so I proceeded to get over 100% in both of her classes (extra credit work) bc somehow I reasoned that if I was able to completely ace what I thought was insultingly easy work, I was like, throwing it in her face? I didn't need her in order to learn anything, which was obvious by the fact that I never needed corrections? BOOYAH, MS BAILEY!! I recognize now that I am the only one who read the situation thusly...but I get it.
Yeah, I came back from my first semester of college and went to my HS math teacher that I always fought with and said "Guess what, I took college statistics and I got an A! Ha! What do you say to that?!"
I so sure that I had owned him to infinity, and he was going to be mad, and he was like, "Hey congratulations" and I was so confused... (・–・;)ゞ
Kids really, really do think authority figures just hate them and want them to be miserable.
In my defense, Ms Bailey is/was really a miserable piece of shit. I was a really emotional kid, and she made fun of me for crying on more than one occasion. Also made the class "bad kid" basically beg the class for a second shot at this stupidly long packet we had to complete that counted for most of our grade. He lost his and she's all "I'm going to let the class decide if you get another copy". WTF???
(That resolved when I quoted the bible at her --judge not lest ye be judged-- as my out-loud vote. Bc i was also religiously traumatized and a little dramatic)
Love that we both had a traumatizing ms bailey. I got detention in first grade, my sister in year 5 saw me at detention, marched me to the office and yelled at my teacher and neither of us got into trouble.. Some teachers actually should not be allowed to teach!
I like to send my mom a sweet card when she pisses me off. I totally get this energy. Sugar and spite should have been my stage name.
Sorry you're getting downvoted for being realistic about the HR culture at your job. I think strategic buttering-up of difficult people who have power over you can be an effective solution. Good luck on your job search, and I hope you're able to see your folks soon.
What do the little attached cards say? I think you should put “I hope you enjoy a wonderful holiday together with your loved ones”.
Don’t actually put that, just cracking up over here at imagining it.
Fuck im way too spiteful id be throwing in a "wish I could be with my loved ones too oh well"
OP should absolutely put that 🤣 it’s the kind of ‘kind message” that anyone looking from the outside would think it was sweet, but if you know, you REALLY know haha
Girl yes she should!!
I don't get the concept at all. These are nice gifts that cost both money and time. There's nothing petty or spiteful about these gifts whatsoever. (not even saying you should be petty, but that's what you said the intention was). If somebody doesn't value me then I'm not giving any type of gift. Or maybe an actual hate gift like a box that explodes paint and glitter all over them 😆 (for the record: do not do that lmao).
It is almost like bizarro world passive-aggression. Inexplicable to me honestly, but the post is written in a way as though it is so relatable to everyone, which is what is confusing me the most.
I think it's the thought that counts, I assume OP is working through their anger/frustration by channeling it into these works of art -- those snowflakes are imbued with rage.
If you've never tried working through difficult emotions via some repetitive task, I recommend you give it a try. Whenever I'm ticked at someone, and I don't want to be petty/rude in response, I will channel that energy into housework or crochet. Keeping just enough attention on something else so as to not allow your frustration to consume you can be extremely therapeutic.
Killing them with kindness.
It is surprisingly effective and devilishly manipulative ;)
I don’t think it will do anything in a work situation. They’ll take these gifts, say thank you, probably not appreciate the work put in and possibly throw some of it away, and then continue treating OP like crap because thats their job.
Exactly, killing with kindness is for annoying neighbours and mother-in-laws, it does nothing with your work’s HR. They’re only there to protect the company, they don’t care about you as an individual unfortunately.
Yes, exactly. Killing with kindness works because it’s meant to make the “receiver” (of kindness) feel guilty and think twice about their presumably mean behavior. But when there’s a line of command involved that is literally paying the “receiver” to behave meanly they’re likely not going to feel bad about it (at least not enough) to make any change.
I really think in most situations it’s not even enough to get people to question their actions at all. They’re being told by authority to do something and they’re getting paid. The only contest I can see there being is more money and/or more authority. In which case the behavior may change, but not the thoughts and morals of the person doing it.
How is it in any way manipulative? They will just take the gift and say thanks. End of story. Hours of time wasted making nice gifts.
I'm not sure how you've...spited? Them? By spending a bunch of unpaid labour and money on them for Christmas.
The concept makes no sense at all to me, but these look really great!
Give those to people who care about you, not HR lol
Why?
Why won't they let me unpaid time off? Because I used up all of my PTO on surgery & recovery (took zero other time off outside of medical reasons) and now if I take any more days off for any reason I'm ✨fired✨ or at least on a disciplinary track. (Also I never fell behind on my work)
Why am I giving them gifts? Because if they find out you don't like them HR finds a way to get rid of you
Might want to take this off the internet in that case 😅 I know it’s unlikely but you’d be surprised by how recognizable you can be on the internet!
I do hope you can find a place that will treat you well. Merry Christmas.
It sounds awful and like a job not worth missing Christmas over. If you're looking for a new job already and can afford it, I'd go the telehealth/UTI route mentioned in the top comment and save your nice gifts for nice people.
All you need to do to make this properly spiteful is douse both the ornament and the card in glitter.
Not so much that it makes it obviously a glitter bomb, all you need to do is skew your glitter to glue ratio heavily in favor of the glitter and you can infiltrate someone's house for weeks on end. As a former preschool/elementary teacher I can tell you this with confidence - The glitter to glue ratio can be a friend or an enemy (◠‿◕)
Also preschool wisdom: The finer the glitter is the more horrifyingly difficult it will be to eliminate.
If you want to inflict true suffering on your bureaucratic overlords, don't go for something that looks like confetti. Look for a glitter that is as fine as dust, but a noticeable standout color like gold.
You didn’t use short term disability for surgery recovery? That sucks but depending on your state it doesn’t sound like what they are doing is even legal.
You must be American
I'm an American and I have never heard of someone making gifts for HR to hide the fact that they're upset.
woosh - they said that because Americans have shitty work culture and are not guaranteed pto, sick leave, or anything else and can just be fired for whatever reason.
I'm saying this is weird behavior, even for American work culture.
Right, it's simply weird behavior (and has nothing to do with american culture or not). But the person you responded to wasn't talking about her weird behavior but rather the shitty HR and work environment.
Correct. Never said anything about the response being weird, so not sure why the "just saying this is weird even for American work culture" is in response to me, unless they didn't understand my initial comment.
thats so fucked im sorry OP and good luck finding a better work place!!!
Add extra glitter “by accident” and they really will be hate gifts, lol.
As someone who was told I wasn't allowed to take off when my parents were dying, fuck them.
If your family is important to you, go.
They do not care about you, they only care about the job. I repeat. fuck.them.
wow how unfortunate you became super sick all the sudden
Requesting the PTO is a courtesy. It's a polite way of saying that you have a commitment that you need to honor. I'd say fuck them, but I understand this job market is a dumpster fire as well. Sorry, OP I hope you can still have a good holiday, and Beautiful snowflakes!
I am so confused.
Not enough info given on whether their decision was fair or not, but that was obviously not the point of your post.
But if they did make an unfair decision, why are you spending your precious time making them nice things? I dont see the point of this, it seems so strange to me, sorry. Like a positive form of passive aggression, but so rare it doesnt even have a name.
You’re already on their bad list though. Idk if this will help or make them think you’re just doing it to make them happy
OP, as someone who lost their mother too soon, call in sick and visit your parents. Working a job will never fill your soul the way spending time with your loved ones will. Heck, you could die tomorrow and your job will have your replacement ready within the week.
Also, love the spitefully made sweet gift. Absolutely add a note about how you hope they have a wonderful holiday with their families 🤭
As a person who doesn’t speak to their parents and hasn’t in many years, please spend time with yours instead of working. A good family is priceless. Call out if you must. If my parents were worth it, I would do the same.
Not enough glitter on the snowflakes. Glitter makes it festive and they will always find a piece in their office, car, or house.
Oh no! I can't believe you came down sick and can't make it to work now! Oh nooooo
I’m only 40. My parents and grandparents are gone. Tomorrow is never promised. Fuck your boss/HR. You can find a new job. I would give anything to have another holiday with my mom and grandparents. 🥰
Unless you purposely made the chocolate filled with Carolina reaper peppers why give them gifts when they are screwing you over? I doubt they will even like handmade stuff if they are that bitter
I was going to visit my parents but I was telling my Dad that I wouldn't be able to stay long because of work commitments. He was quiet for a minute and then gave me the best advice. He said that's an admirable trait but at times you have to ask yourself, who will go to your funeral. Your family will. But will your bosses?
If you are an otherwise reliable employee, go to christmas. It wont be worth their effort to fire and replace you.
These are much too pretty and nice to be spite gifts. You should find gettohookingcrochet and see some of her spite gift ideas. Such as crocheting tiny “twig and berries” 😉 to use to fill crocheted pies that are sewn shut so you never see the “stuffing”. lol.
All the emotions on this post for me. I’m so sad that you won’t see your parents for Christmas. I’m angry at your employer. I’m humbled by your ability to “rise above” and do this for them. Impressed when I realized the intention is to give the false sense that you’re not mad, so you can keep your job. I respect that level of petty commitment. And honestly. I smiled at the snowflakes, because they’re so well stitched to be given to your “jailers” along with yummy candy and chocolates.
Grrr! This is why I always volunteer to work on holidays. I dont have family and I dont have any reason to take off. I can take off anytime. Let people who want to see their relatives enjoy their time!
Jobs < Family. Call out anyway.
time off “requests” are a notice you will not be there, not a request. they can figure it out. you only have so much time with your parents
Add a picture of you and your sweet parents.
Fuck it. Call in sick. Give it to your parents in person. Old people love crochet because it reminds them of someone they knew who they loved that would make the same thing.
i thought there was actual glitter on these and thought HA HA HA CURSED WITH GLITTER!!!!! GOOD ONE, PAL!!!
"Bump" ! (not the word I want to say) HR. Pick up that phone, call in sick if you have to & go home to be with your parents. HR can kick rocks! You have a life outside of work.
Depending where you live you might have rights under Protected Time Off
Your job is disposable. Your family is not.
You will regret it if you don't spend time with your family. Your work doesnt own you and they don't give a fuck about you. I'm assuming your family does.
Make the right choice.
I'd have called out sick. F Them!
your snowflakes are lovely! but i also really hope you call outta work, family always comes first man :’)
I learned the hard way that your employer could not care any less about you! Family is WAYYY more important than a job!!! Next time LEAVE!! You can always find another job. You can't ever get back the time to see family!!! My Dad was in a hospice center with colon cancer. I would just up and leave work. I never even cared if they fired me. He passed soon after he was put in the care center, so I was glad I left work. You need to work to live, not live for work!
I can get behind a good spite project. Good job and super cute
Do you have the pattern? Also this is so real lol
Big snowflake pattern: https://youtu.be/7muctLt7ikU?si=Zx61PeCEt4BdPJ5r
Little snow flake pattern: https://youtu.be/t6tA9DdVQCI?si=mDUQUU0JnCtAiIj-
White yarn: https://share.google/81d1AbsSOKzAL7OtD
Blue yarn: https://share.google/sA5ER0wUSYlDZytN2
Hooks: I used 3.25 for the white and 3.75 hook for the blue
Mixed glitter modge podge with some water, soaked the snowflakes and then pinned flat to dry.
May the glitter shed on them for eternity.
They will begin to cough in ten days 🪄
I kinda made someone a hate blanket once. They were a roommate I was trying really hard to not hate, so I made them a blanket because service is love, right? At the time, I thought it would fill me with love and sugar or whatever. Really, I just made them a gorgeous blanket and resented them. It gave me a way to focus on something that wasn't them because I was stuck indoors a lot at the time. I miss that blanket some times....
I get it OP. I hope your pretty snowflakes make them feel guilty for being such jerk-butts
Can you do as Veronika did here?
You’re a better person than me.
Just leave and go see them. They will not be here forever and making memories last longer than any job that restricts your mental health. GO BE HAPPY!!! Happy holidays.
cough I can't come in I'm sick !
Fuck your work place
Parents first; job much further down the list of priorities. I ignored HR to see my dad, and it turned out to be the last time I did. I had my salary docked. I ended up quitting tbh.
side note but how did you make the snowflakes so stiff?
My mother used to make these and she used some sort of fabric starch.
As someone in HR. Fuck them, where is the human in their role? I put in place flexible PTO and working hours where I work. Some people still care about the people working with them. Call in sick! See your family I get they need to run businesses but there is a way to do that with empathy and support of your employees. As someone who just lost a parent, I truly hope you get to see your❤️
Hey op, I've been in a similar situation. Please spend the time with your loved ones. You have a finite time with them and there is plenty of time for work. Love the spite though.
Those are beautiful, but it wouldn’t have been a request if it were me. I’d either be applying for some kind of family leave or just calling in “sick”
I think a case of projectile vomiting is in order.
I was lucky. Where I work everyone started off with 3 week vacation + a week (or more) paid yearly shutdown from Christmas to New Years. After 5 yrs you got and extra week vacation and you topped out at 5 weeks vacation after 10 years. I didn't know that wasn't normal since that was my 1st real job
They even paid for 1 volunteer day per year to encourage community involvement.
I do recall there would be issues once in awhile with unpaid leave request so I guess this happens everywhere
Maybe the chocolate that you gave them will make them sick .Serves them right! 😠😠😠😠😠
do you have a pattern for these? Looks great
Thanks!
Big snowflake pattern: https://youtu.be/7muctLt7ikU?si=Zx61PeCEt4BdPJ5r
Little snow flake pattern: https://youtu.be/t6tA9DdVQCI?si=mDUQUU0JnCtAiIj-
White yarn: https://share.google/81d1AbsSOKzAL7OtD
Blue yarn: https://share.google/sA5ER0wUSYlDZytN2
Hooks: I used 3.25 for the white and 3.75 hook for the blue
Mixed glitter modge podge with some water, soaked the snowflakes and then pinned flat to dry.
Now that’s what I call killing them with kindness. Hope you find a better place soon!