I'm firmly of the belief that most people say 'I want one/make me one' as a pleasantry. In their eyes it's a better way of saying 'this is nice/well done'

I've never made anything for anyone who's said this and they never asked again. Folks who genuinely want you to make them something will follow with more questions about price, material etc

This system is yet to let me down

This probably doesn't apply but I'll say it anyway.

I love collecting jewelry, especially as souvenirs when I'm traveling. I never wear most of it. But I love each piece - they all have a special sentimental value to me.

If you made me a headband, I'd probably love the hell out of it and never wear it. When I look at it, I'd think fondly of you. It would make me feel warm and happy, but it probably wouldn't come out of my jewelry box.

Your exfriend could be like me. That's all I'm saying. Probably not, but maybe.

OP lowkey maybe dont give gifts at all to people who wont appreciate it. Including store bought gifts.

Growing up, no matter what it was I was taught to focus on the intent behind the gift. The love and care. That to be handed a gift was to be told 'I love you', 'I thought of you", "I wish you happiness', "I care about you".

So naturally no matter what the gift I'm usually hyped af. Because it means I have people in my life who care about me. That they can't see that means ...well nothing good.

Its only okay to refuse or not be happy if the giftee had told the gifter beforehand no gifts, or that they dont like handmade gifts at all (I honestly dont usually like handmade gifts because it makes me nervous to just use it as intended because I think oh god they spent xys hours on it, but then I feel guilty about not using it. Irrational ik but I dont want anxiety as a gift)

Obvs your situation is diff bc they mostly asked for these gifts which makes it double rude. Hopefully you find people who do appreciate your thoughts and care.

I think some people are intimidated by handmade gifts precisely because of the time and effort that supposedly went into it. From their side, they can’t reciprocate it if they are not crafters.

So I do believe some people see handmade gifts as too much, which is why I don’t force praise and I never follow up. I made the gift because I wanted to, how they receive it and if they cherish it is not going to affect me emotionally. It will inform my decision to make or not make something for them again, but that is a separate matter.

Most people in this sub need to learn one very important thing: most people don’t like crochet items, and those that do will never like them as much as a crocheter likes them. Also, what people do with gifts once it’s in their hands is frankly none of your business, it’s not yours anymore.

I would encourage you to try not to even pay attention to the reaction or the “thank yous” after you’ve given someone a gift. In most cases people aren’t going to understand the time it took to make the item, so their reaction likely isn’t going to make you feel like the effort was worth it.

I enjoy crocheting and don’t always have a project that I actually need currently so I tend to use the opportunity to make things for other folks as a way to try out a new pattern or just give myself a new project to work on that isn’t the same line up I would normally do (hats, granny squares, etc).

For example, I recently made my sister a baby blanket for my new baby niece. It took me weeks! I changed the color scheme about 2 weeks in and started over. I changed my mind no less than a million times when I was laying out the granny squares (sometimes after getting halfway through sewing them together and had to start over). All of this is to say it was the definition of “a labor of love”. When I gifted it to her she of course said thank you, but had she known the suffering I went through to complete the blanket she should have thrown me a parade!! I had no expectation for her reaction bc she had no idea how much effort it took to finish it. What I did focus on were all the ideas I got while I was making it. I have so many notes now for future projects with tips I learned during the process, things I would do to improve the pattern in the future etc.

If I could give any advice, it would be to try to reframe how you think about gifting the things you crochet. Enjoy the process of making it and enjoy the process of getting it out of your home so it doesn’t add to your pile of projects you made for fun lol

After you give someone their gift, don’t worry about what they do with it. Just enjoy the journey and keep on hooking!!

I know I’m going to get downvoted for this, but it kind of sounds like you were wanting praise for the gifts rather than care if they actually like them. My opinion on gifts is that the gifted can do whatever they want with the gift. I have handmade gifts and of course I want them to love it, but it’s about the intent behind the gift. I made it/bought it with love and hope that they would love it. If they don’t, that sucks but it happens.

I only say that you were looking for appreciation because you mention you brought up the gifts at a later time and were expecting someone to say something. I will say not thanking someone for a gift is rude, but that is definitely a given.

It’s rude and unkind not to thank someone for a gift, but there may be reasons for the other issues: the ex friend you were traveling with may simply have forgotten to pack it.

Regarding secret Santa’s - I always thought those gifts were left in person, when the recipient wasn’t there to see who placed it. Maybe mailing is customary for your group but lately I’ve been reading about people who were concerned because they got packages in the mail that they weren’t expecting, and they were afraid to open it. So maybe they didn’t know it was from you?

That said, not everyone appreciates gifts - handmade or not. So save your craft for those you know will.

I really only crochet for me. If someone loves something I made, I may give it to them.

This honestly sounds more like you were expecting more appreciation, not that they actually didn't like the gifts 🤷‍♀️ idk

I feel the same way! One of my friends kept asking me to crochet her the stuff I crochet for myself, I gave her gifts a couple of times but the last time I crocheted her something, she didn’t even comment on it and put it away. I decided I will not crochet anything for the people I know for the sake of my well being lol

Something else that may be going on, at least with the first friend who requested but didn't wear the headband, is fear of damaging the handmade item. I also knit and my dad requested a sweater. I made sure to pick quality, durable yarn and included simple care instructions. I wanted him to be able to wear it without having to be overly gentle with it. 

Turns out, he loves it so much he's afraid to hurt it, so he only wears it for special occasions. I've tried reiterating that it's not that fragile, but he's just determined to cherish it, lol. 

I’ve learned over the years “omg can you make one for me?!” isn’t a serious request 9 times out of 10.

It does suck watching your work go unappreciated

My friend knitted a headband for me years ago. I love it, but I've hardly worn it because a hat keeps me much warmer. I still think it's the coolest thing even though I haven't worn it in years.

It seems like you might get the most joy out of seeing people's reactions when they receive the gift. Figuratively speaking, try zooming out and considering a different perspective. Maybe when you're working on the project, you can think about how exciting it will be for the person to have the headband rather than how exciting it will be to see what they say. I hope that helps you feel better gifting around the holidays and I hope you don't stop crocheting for your friends!

I made hats for everyone in my immediate family one year for Christmas and everyone loved them. Well I thought everyone loved them because later on in the day one of my family members said it was fine but it was a gift white people would give for Christmas.

We're not white.

I'm not sure how they came to that conclusion 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️ Also several other people in my not white family kint and crochet so again it was very confusing. Needless to say this person won't ever be getting a handmade gift from me ever again.

I make a blanket when someone makes a human and close family get an Xmas ornament each year. They’re the only ones that appreciate it in my experience.

Firstly, I think the joy is in the giving, not the receiving of praise. Of course no thanks is rude of them. But that's a "them" problem and not a "you" problem.

Second, i think people are being polite (as others have already said) especially when they don't crochet themselves and they can't continue on the conversation, the nicest thing they could think to say is "I'd love one of my own".

I only crochet for myself and my kids if they ask for something. If I feel like giving I donate little hats to our public hospitals which are givem to premature babies, I do this because these are what my twins were given when they were born as they were delivered early and I thought it was so sweet.

I was given a crochet headband I never wear. I don't think I am your former friend, but I will say: the minute your gift is given, it no longer belongs to you. We don't know and can't say what happened here, maybe your headband was so special that your friend couldn't stand to bring it and lose it, or maybe they've realized they're not a handband person after all but they value the effort, or maybe they were just being nice when they complimented you.

I don't wear the headband I was given because my gender got very weird right after I got the present, and suddenly the color and style are incongruous with who I am today. I still value the gift immensely, and I'd be hurt if a friend was taking it personally that I was experiencing something larger than them. You literally don't know what's happening or why, and making bad-faith assumptions will build resentment instead allowing your labor of love to build closeness.

Call me a selfish crafter but I only make things for me. It’s my hobby, my yarn, my release, my time… I’ll teach someone before I gift, and even then I spend energy on kids before adults because they are flaky. Sorry, OP for the lackluster support of your gifts. My only advice is to focus on you and things that make you happy.

Oof, what a let down! Some people just don’t get it, and really that’s okay. Others might love it, but are terrible at expressing it or remembering to say thank you. The hard part is not letting that be a mirror of your own worth as a giver nor a maker. It helps me to think of everything I make as practice, honing my skill, that way I’m still getting something out of the whole process, even if it isn’t received with enthusiasm and appreciation.

I often tell myself that once I've given the gift away, it's no longer in my possession. It's up to the recipients to decide what to do with the gift. If they like it, that's great, and if they don't, that's fine. I still enjoy the process of making the gift, no hard feelings.

https://preview.redd.it/ukj899auc28g1.jpeg?width=3060&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f608410483937115ae5f95f4bd2d99b7b14eb294

Here is my giant granny 👵 square afghan that I made for a dear friend.

My general rule is: don't make something for someone who doesn't know how to make the item because they won't know how hard it is to make. My daughter wanted a scarf out of a particular colorway of yarn. I taught her basic crochet. She gave up on it after days of trying. She put the yarn aside for weeks. The yarn got tangled and messed up. I said "Okay, let's untangle this and make a scarf for you." Then I got it all untangled and started crocheting her a scarf. She was overwhelmed with happiness and joy because she didn't realize I meant I was gonna make it for her. She was grateful and has worn it every day since I made it. Because she knew how hard it was to make because she tried it first. It also taught her how good I am at crochet when she saw how quickly I made the scarf. :)

The only crochet gifts I’ve made for people are when I’ve truly wanted to make it and I didn’t care if they liked it or not, I mostly just enjoyed the process and time crocheting.

Luckily my husband and son wear their hats all the time. I made a balaclava for a friend who said she wanted one and subsequently sent me pictures in it while skiing. No clue if she wears it a lot, but I’m glad I made it for her and I learned a nice pattern. I made a baby sweater for a friends baby (because I started making it for my baby but I have a big baby and it didn’t fit and and hers was smaller and younger 🤫).

I used to crochet a lot of gifts. Now I pick one person each year and they get it. And it's someone in my immediate family that I know appreciates it. Whenever people (outside family and very close friend) ask me to make something specific, I say no. 

I learned a lesson recently from my kids.

A generous woman in our community crochets hats free for the taking. In past years, my kids have taken a hat, but then very rarely wear it.

The lesson here is, they get excitement from the fact that it is a free item. So this year when they saw the hats I called them out and no one complained about not getting a hat.

This. I simply cannot and will not hold onto the item once I’ve finished it. I hope it’s appreciated, but if it’s regifted or even thrifted, I hope it is treasured by the eventual owner. My heart was pure in the offering.

This is interesting. I have made about 7-8 handmade crocheted gifts in my life and I have only been met with a reaction like this one time.

I traveled all the way to Washington states from the middle of the U.S. for a friend's baby shower. I hadn't seen her in years and she set me a (hey you probably won't be able to make but Im pregnant and this is when my baby shower is text.) I was like WTF congrats yeah I will absolutely be there. But that's just the kind of friend I am I guess. I had like a month and a half or so before the shower so I frantically started working on a baby blanket for her. I had left over yarn from another project and thought it would make a cute blanket. It was a granny square blanket and I worked on this blanket sewing in the ends literally until the day before the shower. I gave it to her explained it was handmade and how everybody should get a handmade blanket. she looked at it and said "thanks" she put it back in the bag like it was nothing and moved on.

Fast forward I am now pregnant I had been trying to call her for a few months to tell her. Eventually I sent her a text that I was pregnant and would love for her to come to my baby shower but completely understood if she couldnt make it because we lived half way across the countries from each other and she never texted me back. No congratulations im so happy for you. No send me your registry. Absolutely nothing just left me on read.

Some people are just really sh!tty.

I made a bunny lovey for my niece when whe was born last year, and I dont think she's ever actually played with it. My sister-in-law keeps it on a shelf in her bedroom, and said she would make sure that stays safe, so that makes me happy, but I wish she got to actually use with it.

https://preview.redd.it/ox2au8ej328g1.jpeg?width=2992&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f4a1907cc85bc5c12eb2d86d22dcf285276b43fa

I spent over 400 hours on a blanket for my husband. He knew I was making it. He approved the yarn and stitch pattern. I even had him do a texture test to make sure he was good with it.

Cut to me finally giving it to him: the feeling of that huge blanket on his skin was a sensory nightmare and it now lives wadded up in a ball in the gap between his pillow and the wall.

Sometimes people want something until they have it and feel it and find something unexpectedly unpleasant. I'm not saying this to downgrade OP's feelings or experiences. I'm just sharing a context that might occasionally apply.

I once crocheted some Christmas decorations for secret Santa when I was in the middle of buying my first home and had no money! Person unwrapped, didn't seem impressed and left them on the table when we left the restaurant. So I took those decorations back and they now go on my tree every year 🙃

Maybe people just don't like headbands? Maybe your colour choices weren't as good as you thought? I see lots of garish choices on this sub.

Ok, there are a few things about this post that caught my eye.

1) it seems you're seeking affirmations from gifts that may have been merely suggested instead of actually asked for, and especially from ones you decided to gift on your own. By that, I mean if someone truly wants something, they will give more details than just a passing phrase of request. They will list colors and textures they like or details for a personalization. Not just simply state it. This is often considered a pleasantry instead of an actual request. Something people will say instead of "good job" or "that's great" because that can sometimes seem demeaning as if to come off as praising a child, not an adult. I don't necessarily agree with this outlook on this style of communication, it's just something I have noticed societally.

2) you say you've been crocheting for 10 years. How often do you gift your work? I ask this because maybe it has become more expected and less of a unique surprise or courtesy. When someone has been doing a craft for a long time, the people around them may become a little desensitized to the actual work involved. This does not mean they aren't grateful or supportive. It most likely just means they have run out of things to say at this point.

3) there may not be malicious intent behind any of these interactions at all. Examples: - For your friend you made the headband for, could it be that she simply forgot to pack it and maybe felt bad and didn't want to say anything because of this? Or maybe she was worried she would lose it and it means too much to her to risk that. - The gift exchange was for handmade gifts but most people don't often have 10 years worth of skill to craft something. Could it be that your gift intimidated some and they just didn't know how to express gratitude for it? Or maybe they simply don't communicate well or didn't know how to contact you to say thank you or didn't feel they have the appropriate time to do so. Granted, I do think it's respectful to at least thank someone for a gift of any kind, this is not a universal sentiment.

4) the gift you made for a birthday got a thank you from the receiver yet you still seem upset by this. What did you truly expect to happen? Did you want more praise or adoration? You got what you mentioned you wanted earlier in this post yet it doesn't seem enough. This doesn't make sense to me.

With all this stated, I feel that you are expecting a lot of adoration and praise for gifting items from this craft. Personally, I don't think gifting should come from a place of expecting commendation. It should come from a place of gratitude for the person you are gifting to, not the other way around. If you give simply for the love of gifting, you will probably be a bit happier with the outcome. That said, maybe hold off on the craft gifting for now and stick simply to explicit requests.

I make a lot of things just to keep my hands busy and then donate them, so when someone says they want one congrats it's yours! people have learned to only say that to me if they actually want it.

in the same vein, I only ever make something specifically for a person if they asked me "what would it cost for you to make me a...". whether or not I actually charge them, that way I know it is appreciated regardless of their reaction.

Look - I make people gifts because I love them, and I like making stuff. Full stop.

How they feel about getting a gift from me, isn't something I can control, and is, very specifically, their side of the street, and I don't police that for them.

Alot of people are so busy being themselves, and there's a whole lot of complexity and attention wrapped up in that, and they don't think about how they affect the people around them, for years, if ever.

They definitely don't think about what it means to have someone care enough to craft a thing for them - and that's ok. We don't do it for them, we do it for us, because it's our way of giving something meaningful to someone we care for - and we do it because it makes our souls sing.

We are responsible for doing what gives us the greatest feeling of achievement and enrichment, and when something leaves our hands, it's no longer our problem what becomes of it. Learn to let go of your creations, and give a gift completely - without strings - and it becomes a little easier to feel happy and fulfilled, just by the action of giving.

Sorry for all the words.

I have often had to be very firm with reminding myself that “the joy is in the making.” I’m making this gift because I love making it, and that is the part that makes me happy. What happens next is out of my hands, but I’ve already gotten my satisfaction out of the act of creation. The joy is in the making.

And also: all those people suck.

I’ve made my sister several blankets that she asked for. I never charge her for the work and she provides all the yarn needed in her chosen colors. We both really miss Joann’s, that was our go to place.

I'm hoping that first one at least is a case similar to my mum with, for example, the coasters I made: 'oh it's too Mice to use I'll save it for a really special occasion' but yes it is a bit upsetting when it feels like they don't truly appreciate the thought and effort that goes into crafting.

I rarely make things "for" someone. I often, however, make something and, somewhere in the process, someone sees it and loves it. I finish it and give it to them. These have always been people I love and am close to, and the projects have been things that, for the most part, I LOVE but don't actually use. More than once, I've made incredible, heavy shawls while living in a hot, humid climate as a bigger person who runs hot naturally. When a skinny, cold-running friend fell in love with it, it was like a gift to me.

So, I guess my advice is... 1) repeatedly pick projects unsuitable for your lifestyle but very suitable to your crochet style 2) while you work on them, pretend to be the kind of person who would use them 3) bump into your friend Nicola during the process and find out she IS the kind of person you imagine you are 4) finish and give project over 5) the real finished object is the friends (or whoever) you made along the way

Hm. This is hard advice but your expectations are too high. No one cares, and it sucks. I would encourage you to make things for you that brings you joy, and if someone wants to trade you money on the spot, then you’ve got a deal, but no more gifts from the heart for a while, because it doesn’t sound worth the effort. Or, keep making things for people but be totally detached to the result or lack of praise. Either way, people are lame, but keep making stuff.

So… while I understand where you’re coming from to some extent it also sounds like you’re expecting very specific validation through gift-giving. Giving gifts with the expectation of receiving something in return is generally a bad way to go into a gift giving situation (and validation is something you’re seeking in return)

Gifts are about the people to whom we’re giving them, not us.

I'm sorry that you were done the way that you were done by your ex friend with the headband that you made her!How unfeeling of her ! She didn't even bother to wear it fir you geeeeeeeezr!I hope that tou called her out on it. Shame on her! 😔😔😔😔😠She should have had the decency to wear it for you to see.Especiallu after she begged you to make it for her. You have every right to be hurt ,and nit be friends with her again I feel. Wounds can cut deep. I think that she did you dirty !Shame on her! 🤨🤨🤨🤨😠She didn't even take it on a trip with her either? I think that you have every right to be upset. And as for rhe gifting of the other two ladies nit saying thankyou !Shame on them as well ! ☹️☹️☹️☹️😠You went through the trouble of making them and your now ex friend gifts 🎁🎁🎁 and they can't even say Thankyou? seriously? bad people .! I hope that you can gift people who will appreciate your crocheting or knitting !I crochet too.And I live doing it .😊👍👏

Off topic, but can I see your headband? I crochet as well!

Also, I have also learned not to gift my crochet items either. Once I made my boyfriends sister a whole baby set (12 star blanket, umbilical octopus, matching set of pants, cardigan, and a bonnet, headband with aa bow, and also some baby booties) and she didn't even give me a gift that year, nor appreciate the gift I gave her lmao. I've done this more than once and never learned my lesson. Now I don't crochet gifts for ANYONE, unless they explicitly ask for them. It sucks because I love making things to others, but its super soul crushing when you come to find they never liked it in the first place.

I’m totally done making items for people even if they explicitly ask. My SIL showed me a pic of something and asked if I would make it for her.

I first had to figure out what it was made out of (turns out it was paracord). I ordered different styles and colors to get as close to the pic. And then had to figure out how it was stitched/woven which took about a week of trial and error (turns out it was a hand weaving technique, not crochet like she thought).

At about a third of the way through, I had her look at it to make sure she liked how it was turning out. After more than 2 months, it was finally done! It looked exactly like the picture! She wanted me to ship it to her home address, an NYC high rise and said she’d watch the tracking so it wouldn’t sit out by the mailboxes at risk for being stolen.

Weeks later, not a peep about it. I asked for her to take a pic with it. She ‘kept forgetting’. We pieced together from bits of other conversations that she forgot about tracking the package and when she finally remembered, two days later, the package was gone.

Never again!

I had a lady ask me to make her some gloves for her arthritic hands, but she couldn’t pay me. I said no worries, i have plenty of scrap yarn! I got her color combo and worked my butt off getting them right. When I finally gave them to her, she literally looked at them, said “oh” and never wore them. I stopped offering to be nice after that. If i make someone something, it is something i am already comfortable making.

As a counterpoint: At one job i said “everyone who wants me to crochet for them gets one free item, probably this mesh bag” and had maybe 5-10 people ask for the mesh bag, and a couple of them paid me for things like a romper or dress alteration. Every single person who got a bag from me went out of their way to tell me when they used it and how much they love it.

I think you had the right intent in your gifts, it was the recipients who were bad gift-receivers. They probably were expecting something bought. Crochet can be more “rustic” than people want. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I only crochet gifts for kids now! They always show appreciation (I make amigurumis).

I have a family member who knits and gifts me sooo much stuff. I feel terrible that I literally have to donate so much of it. I crochet, so I like making things for myself. I only need so many hats/socks/gloves and I'd rather keep the ones I made for myself. I'm currently in possession of literally 8 baby blankets for a baby who isn't here yet. Three of the blankets are pure white yarn, which seems like a bold choice for a baby that is going to be messy. Everything she makes is 100% acrylic yarn, and I'm trying to use more natural fibers in my family's clothes everywhere I can, especially since yarn sheds so much and I don't want microplastics everywhere.

I'm grateful that she thinks of me and know that she loves knitting, but I also love crochet. I've told her that we have plenty of things and that I really enjoy making my own things, but she won't stop. So most of her gifts now get graciously accepted then go direct to a donation.

This is why I a) don't take orders b) make things that I like and then decide who gets it after. I really only make blankets now and I've got a list in my head of people I want to gift to. This relieves the pressure for me because typically at some point in every project I start to second guess my color/yarn choices and put it down for a while.

I learned very quickly on that I only give handmade items to people who also handmake items. They are the ones that are the most appreciative.

Over the past 3 years I have given 3 knit blankets as wedding presents. 1 couple wasn't all that impressed, 1 gave a very appreciative and appreciated Thank You. 1 was absolutely thrilled and I still get pictures every now and then of it being used. A long car ride when it is being taken along, movie time on the couch, even in the hospital with their brand new, happy and healthy baby. I know not every gift is going to be a slam dunk but reactions like couple 2 and especially couple 3 out weight couple 1.

I knit and crochet more because I like to than because I want the finished product. I keep all my finished items that I don't have plans for in a tote and bring it out during the holidays for my friends and family to pick what they like. With this method I am only making things that I like and want to make (no commissions that I might not enjoy making). Also letting everyone choose instead of gifting means people only pick what they like and if they don't like anything they don't take anything or they take something useful like a dishcloth.

This isn’t a crochet thing but for an in-law’s bridal shower I made five quilted pillows in wedding related patterns (bachelor button, wedding ring, etc.) and when she opened them she said, “Oh. Did you make these?” in a condescending voice and then “accidentally” left them behind. So. No more handmade gifts for you, then. Oddly enough, after she had children she was always hinting that she would LOVE some handmade kid things. Sorry, no time for that.

I learned the lesson very early!!!

I used to make quilts. These take forever I’m sure you know. I have gifted one for friends who got married. They found it weird I’d give that. They weren’t super happy.

I gifted one for a new colleague’s baby. I mailed it cause she left work early in her pregnancy. She never said thank you….

I gifted a last one to a friend who wanted one. It ended up given to another friend who used it for her dog.

Now. I’m good at crafting. My quilts weren’t crap. After the last one, I never made quilts anymore, and I’m very careful to what I give to who. And I never spend too much time on the craft either if it’s given to someone else.

People are not forced to be happy and appreciate what you craft. If you expect anything in return, even then using your gift, then don’t make it. Don’t give other people anything.

I started making baby blankets when I had to medically retire from a cherished career in Labor & Delivery (I'm not a nurse). These were detailed blankets, c2c graphghans, filet crochet, bobble stitch with Teddy Bears, Bunnies and Christmas themes, even a couple of the popular "premie octopus" that have become so popular. I get bored easily, so I always chose intrucate patterns and techniques.

The intent was to donate them to my former Unit. Weaving in ends is my downfall so I had a bunch of unfinished blankets. I worked so hard to finish over two dozen blankets (bassinet-sized), even buying a wearable light so I could tackle those ends at night without bothering my husband. I was so happy and proud to bring in several bags of blankets ... just to be told they no longer accept hand made items because they found a needle in one of the blankets, I'm assuming a misplaced finishing needle. Many of the blankets, hats, and booties came from the local retirement homes and church groups. I'm so sad that parents will no longer be sent home with a handmade gift and also for the people that took such joy in making these items.

I joined a local charity group on facebook and have been offering these blankets to any new or expecting parent. There has been an overwhelming response and requests. The recipients have been so appreciative! Many say they don't have a nanna/abuela/auntie/tía to make a blankie for them. I'll be busy making blankets and stuffies for a long time coming! I've got my gift making cro-jo back!!

Yeah I know what you mean and it hurts your feelings because the work and money you put making it, but take into consideration that they don’t know what all is involved..I started thinking one day because I used to make a lot of baby stuff and a baby blanket for every new member added to my family but that is it, and I then noticed that I my granddaughters hardly wore what I give them..so I just quit offering to make anything..

I make unsolicited gifts for people. My joy is in making it while I think about them, whatever they do with it after I give it to them is their business. I’m sorry you are feeling like this, that’s discouraging. Maybe in the future just crochet things for premies at hospitals/cancer patients, because they definitely appreciate it!

I’ve given bags and scarves I’ve made to family and I never saw them again. It doesn’t bother me, I know they kept them. Maybe one day they’ll look at it and think, “I’m not getting rid of it because (my name) made it.” I give people things I crochet because I love making them. There are a few times I never got a thank you, but that’s ok. I just consider it a donation of sorts, 😂

Someone I worked with regularly complimented a crocheted shawl I wore. It was gifted to me, was granny square pattern (easier for me to make), and was made out of inexpensive worsted weight yarn. I said I would teach her how to make her own. After multiple interactions like this I finally said: pick out a yarn color and we can meet at Michaels to pick out a pattern and yarn. Mistake! She went on a trip, visited a high-end yarn store, and picked out yarn that was over $25 per skein in a DK - almost fingering weight and a pattern that was knit not crochet. Sigh...it took me months to make this shawl. I'll never offer to make anything for anyone again.

I learned this last year at Christmas. I made mittens for someone who had specifically asked for them (the cute ones that look like geese puppets). Shipped them off and she received them, then told me she didn’t like them bc they fit awkward (I tried them on as I made them and they were fine to me). I wouldn’t criticize someone’s work like that but I guess I’m glad she was honest so I knew to never make mittens again. But it stung. Now I just make what I want for myself haha

not everyone deserves handmade gifts. i recommend only giving crochet gifts to people who you know would appreciate it. for example, i’ll crochet gifts for my best friend because i know she’ll love and cherish it forever but i will NOT crochet gifts for my grandparents because it’d get tossed in a pile of trash just to get covered in mouse and roach poop. you just need to know the person you’re gifting to 🤷🏻‍♀️

Alternative take: I crochet, and have received crochet gifts. I rarely use the gifts, but only because I don’t want them to get damaged or worn 😅 but I love them all the same

I made a bunch of hats this year for the holiday season. I have yet to see anyone, aside from my mother, wear them. I even made matching hats for my friend and her two daughters! They are frequently on the floor getting stepped on when I visit. I have learned my lesson this year. People are so consumptive that I honestly think they don't even know the time and care handmade items are made with

My mom is the type to never shut up about how crafty and artsy I am, always on about how much she would love something from me. You might think this is a good thing- it is not. She offers my "skills" to strangers in crafts I have never even attempted (like preserving + arranging someone's funeral flowers in a box frame- the flowers were big wet peonies btw which she picked from the arrangement for me in front of everyone.).

When I picked up crochet, she got my first big project- Bonnie Bay's Celtic Cable Throw (free tut on yt). It was beautiful, because I was neurotic about it. So much frogging and tweaking and practicing, until it looked just like Bonnie's. The pattern is almost like a sampler of complex stitchwork, with gorgeous big tassels on the corners.

She took a picture holding it up WRONG SIDE out (no discernable pattern, just lumps, she does crochet and knows better but her stuff is much simpler)- posted it to FB with an "at least she tried" face and a caption about what an amazing crafter her daughter is. She got a handful of "what a good mom you are for supporting her, bless her heart", then promptly boxed it up. The only action that blanket sees is when she threatens to throw it in the trash when she's mad. Idek if she still has it, I havent seen it since the day I gave it to her.

Moral of the story, protect your heart, especially when you put it into your work.

I’ve learned the hard way that if I’m thinking of making a handmade gift, I’ll gift a small handmade thing first and I’ll see if they like it and use it — and only then are they allowed on my “big item recipient” list. I’ve seen too many of my gifted quilts wadded up in a pile on the floor.

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Gifting can be so hard, I always worry that the person won't like it. Lately I have been working on letting go of needing appreciation for gifts ( I have some family that is just strait up rude about regular gifts, like not even unwrapping them and shoving them in a room.) And deciding to let go of the desire for a thank you has been liberating.

I'm sorry you have been hurt. It is so hard to spend hours and hours on something and get no reaction.

Everytime someone makes a post like this I get frustrated that those people have a friends that makes them such sweet gifts yet I who would adore such gifts don't have friends like you.

I'm sorry they suck! There are peoole out there who would appriciate you and your effort! Good job with all the gifts!

I feel you and i learn this lesson the hard way, i grew up in a village where hand crafted things were prized and my whole family either knitted or crocheted we were a big family of 12 houses and the ladies will all gather round in the afternoon and just sit and knit or crochet or embroider and all their work was greatly appreciated by everyone even by the people who didnt know how to do any of that. Our houses were adorned with beautiful handcrafted stuff, then we moved to the city and me and my mom noticed nobody has any interesting hobby everyone just busy making a livelyhood, city life was advertized as a great way to live cause you had everything at your disposal, you want to eat something at 3 in the morning you can get it, you have a wedding coming in a week you can get beautiful dresses just like that but that ease also cheapened life imo, now i live in a different country and even here there's no appreciation for the beauty of yarn art, people want what they see on tv and everything has to be quick and cheap doesn't matter if it has no soul. I've gifted so many things to my friends and I've noticed they'd rather wear something stupid from shein than my beautifuly made shawls or carry a bag that i made them, so yeah i say to hell with these ignorant people I'm just going to make things for my doggo my home and my appreciative and supportive husband, And I'm sorry you had to go through that

Im always so shocked to hear stories like this because ive probably gifted 5 scarfs to people over the years and every winter I see them pull then out.

Im so sorry your gifts weren't appreciated.

I mean, I totally understand what you mean. I only give out baby blankets as gifts. People give out compliments and when they do, they usually mean it as, it looks nice on YOU. They do not usually want it... that is from my experiance anyways. Or there are some fake friends who says one thing and does another. Those people are everywhere... sorry you had to go through that OP

I have learned the same thing. the only people who have ever really used and enjoyed my gifts was my husband. I made him a headband he wore for MONTHS until it got overstretched and he couldnt wear it. we opted for different kinda headbands later due to that. But he was so sad. He also loves my crochet animals.

My kids are the next one, they love crochet stuffies. Their fav thing honestly. They use it on and off but Definitely have loved over the years and keep coming back.

I made stuff for mil, aunt and grandma in law, no luck. mil wore it once at least. love her for that. aunt, nothing. Grandma passed so she gets a pass. But yeah, I dont like making gifts its a fun hobby for me. I think I wanna make more stuffed animals though.

Yeah. I had a close friend pass recently and I'm trying to be around for her kids, but I live in another state. so I text them stuff and send items in the mail occasionally... I never get a thank you or even find out if they got it. It's weird bc they have decent manners otherwise. I may mention it next time I see them.

I made a simple beanie for a work secret santa, because it's been therapeutic for me to crochet hats lately. By the time I finished it I was thinking that the person may not like it. This post is the nail in the coffin for me keeping said hat... I was telling myself the whole time "I don't mind if they don't appreciate it," but now I'm thinking "I'm broke and this is too nice of a gift to give to someone who might just throw it away"

I only give crochet to very specific people who I know will appreciate it.

I’ve fallen into the gifting trap where I make something and the person never uses it, too. It makes me feel sad because it’s so much work and probably a decent chunk of money because I don’t gift garments made of cheap yarn.

I make my crafts for me. People who really appreciate what I give them have come around from time to time. Those are the real ones and it feels so good to make stuff for them. You’ll find those people too.

Don’t waste your time on the folks who bury your beautiful work and don’t show it off. Whenever my mom wears something I’ve made, she always makes sure to tell people I made it because she’s proud of me. That’s the kind of person you’re looking for.

I made scarves for everyone in my brother’s family coming to Xmas this year. But I did it because I was learning and experimenting and so I just picked out yarn colors they’d like. It was for me firstly, though. Two years ago I made them little amigurumi mugs that I slaved over as a beginner and no one said thank you. They’re great people in some ways, but they are entitled in others and don’t seem to practice gratitude in their lives like me and my parents do. So they get scarves. Not because they deserve a handmade gift or I deserve praise, but because I wanted to practice with a new yarn type and stitch, and a scarf is at least more practical than amigurumi. Once they are given, I will let it go. If they’re thankful and excited then MAYBE I’ll do something again next Xmas, maybe more personalized. But I had to realize that I crochet for ME, first and foremost. No expectation of praise or gratitude. Protect your peace. I had fun shopping with my mom this year and having her pick out yarn for me to make her something with. She doesn’t crochet, but sews baby blankets all the time and had to learn the same thing. You gotta do the hobby for YOU and NO ONE ELSE.

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The way I approached gift giving my craft was that actually... most have been unsolicited, so I never expect anything to come from them. For someone I volunteer for, she likes to call us minions (after the movie despicable me), so for Christmas, I crocheted her a mini minion. She still has it with her to this day and even referred me for 'volunteer of the month' and used the minion gift as one of the reasons. For a friend that was my valentine date, I knew she liked avocados and Winnie the pooh, so as part of the V-day gift, I crocheted her both in amigurumi form. a few months later, we're hanging out at her apartment and I see them displayed up in her window, to the point you can see them on google maps. I don't do it for these moments or any gratitude, so it is a great feeling when it happens. The solicited request I got once was for a beanie. After it was finished, she told me it was too long but it'll do, then I come to find out her mom keeps taking it for herself and loves it so much I got a request for another beanie. One person's trash is another's treasure.

I only knit or crochet for myself and my children. My oldest is 12 and is very into different styles and colors then myself and it's quite fun to play around with (mainly knitting) sweaters for them. My youngest is 6 and is still into toys, so this is also fun (also great for using up LOY). I tried to make something for my husband once and he was the pickiest of my whole immediate family and I decided not again! I don't make for other people outside of the house because, while I hear the "are you selling your finished items?" or "can you make me something?" all of the time, I don't want to be ensnared into a hellish place of hating what I'm making for the person or encountering someone more demanding than my husband was or feeling as if the recipient cannot appreciate the effort I've put in. If my kids start showing signs of being not impressed with what I'm making, I'll switch to only making for myself with 0 guilt. These hobbies I picked up as a sort of self-preservation, realizing I needed something for me. There are plenty of hobbies out there that don't produce a physical item and the people that do them get the extra benefit of not having to navigate this quagmire that people who have hobbies that produce things do.

If you picked up crochet for something for you, there's no problem only doing it for you.

I also find gift giving really tricky and end up erring on the side of a gift card because people are weird with gifts.

Now when people ask me to make them something I say 'Absolutely, if you buy me the yarn you want'. That fields out the time wasters. I don't drive so getting yarn is the main hurdle for me.

it took me one christmas to realize most gifts aren't worth the time and effort in making for random people. I gauge much more carefully now on who is actually worth crocheting for and those are the people who LOVE IT and at least act like they would die for it upon receiving it. THOSE are the joy jackpots, meaning i get SO much joy from both making and gifting. Of course though, i still am very meticulous in picking the chosen project and perfect yarn to ensure that it's uniquely theirs and made with all the love and thought i can put into a material object... which honestly makes it that much more fulfilling. plus, browsing ravelry and etsy for projects is way more fun than mindlessly scrolling on my phone. I also have to say, it makes the holidays a lot less stressful to just pick out a unique pair of earrings on etsy instead of spending that money on gorgeous yarn for a skinny scarf that wont be appreciated. I am really learning to realize how valuable my time and energy actually is and it is a freeing experience.

i may have went on a ramble, but i deeply understand the feeling of gifts not being appreciated, as our primary motivation for doing so is to spark joy in someone's life and give them something innately meaningful. If you can find the silver linings of it, may you experience true liberation of crafting bliss

I have a friend who specifically said in our group crafting chat that they wanted a particular wearable in a particular style. I made one for their birthday knowing it was the wrong weather at the time and they wouldn't be able to wear it for 6 months. They loved it at the time and said they were happy to get it. Then once the weather changed they sent pictures to our group while wearing it out, and it definitely made me happy to see it being worn.

But that's literally the first time I've ever seen that happen, and I made it knowing it might sit on a hook or draped over furniture forever. I just have a very thoughtful friend who knew I'd want to see my project being used.

I guess my point is we can't make gifts with any expectations for our own happiness afterwards. But it's never a waste to make something when hopefully it's still an enjoyable hobby and you enjoy giving it away.

My BFF always thanks me when I make her something, bday gift or just because I'm making a new item and thought it'd be cute/useful for her, and always gets absolutely giddy that I took the time to make her something. Real friends appreciate the time and effort. Even if she comes back with modifications I could make to it, or maybe a random idea to evolve the pattern, we exchange gratitude and criticism with grace. I think everyone deserves a friend like mine ❤️

I only gift my husband or kids. My youngest daughter has a bunny which was my first real attempt at amigarumi that she totes around that’s falling apart but she won’t let remake it (I still have the yarn I used it’s just a multi colored cotton). And my husband is getting 2 crocheted Christmas gifts this year; a blanket and a snood type head covering.

Not everyone deserves a crocheted gift. I have had good experiences and bad experiences. This summer I completed a baby blanket for my cousin's kiddo. The mom to be cried because her grandma had made quilts for her and her siblings and now her son had something from someone who loved him. I crocheted her older child a giant bear because I determined that she was crochet worthy. I've made te new baby a hat with bear ears that is going to be so cute on him.

I'm so sorry to hear that. A couple years back I made a scarf for my grandfather and he almost cried when I gave it to him.🥹 I like to think that although he didn't have any knowledge of textile arts, he was a mechanic and appreciated the time and skill that went into working with your hands.

I’m obsessed with making blankets, all sizes and colors. Love to learn new stitches although I have been crocheting for almost sixty years (yes, I learned when dinosaurs roamed the earth). My family’s attitude to anything they see me working on is ‘oh, that’s nice’. I mentioned boxing up some of the finished blankets and shipping them to a charity I support, and then they were like, ‘what, you just gave them away?’ Well, I had to make room for the new ones to come, and they weren’t interested. Fortunately I have friends that value my work!

I do give handmade crochet gifts, even unsolicited. I know people may not always love them or recognize the time and effort, but sometimes they love them, and even when they don’t, they are usually happy to be thought of. Regardless, I like doing it and having a reason to make things.

I am big on the idea that a gift is out of your hands once you gift it. If you expect a certain response or level of appreciation, maybe you shouldn’t bother investing a lot of time in something that might not be appreciated. It puts a lot of pressure on the recipient to love something that they may not love for whatever reason!