I'm a rookie FA - 30 years old with no kids, I hold down a decent career and pay my bills etc. Drank 24/7 for over 2 years, but I got sloppy towards the end and have been talked to endless times by my partner and family.
I can live with not drinking around the clock anymore. I can handle not drinking in the morning and afternoon. But I can't handle coming home from a long day at work, playing some videogames and getting drunk. It brings me true happiness like nothing else ever can or will. It's just my drug of choice. I'm genuinely a happy drunk. I don't know why my partner and family can't accept that, and make me feel immense shame for it. If I'm not hurting anybody (except my own health I guess - but I don't need to live to 90 anyway). I genuinely don't see a problem and don't want to quit. I've done 11 days sober but caved in tonight. The longest I went before this was two days, two or three times in the past couple years.
I'm not entirely stupid, I know I'll get caught sooner or later - but how do I delay that? Long term CAs - please give me some advice, tips, tricks etc. How can I hide my evening drinking better going forwards?
Chairs
Slowly sip on a beer in front of people while you rip shots of vodka in private.
Nothing like showing up to a bar/party already 10 shots deep just to feel normal and sipping on a light beer telling people "yeah I'm going to take it easy tonight".
Yes this was my Saturday ðŸ«
This is very effective. Kept me in CA for at least 5 more years than I could have by outright trying to hide it.
Doesn’t align with my current lifestyle, but when I was a gleeful CA, it made the charade easier to maintain.
That works or they will just think he's a mega light weight because it sounds like they all know hence this post lol
That's textbook right there! I used to hide mini shooters while I'd drink that shitty light beer.
Once someone knows you have a drinking problem, there is no hiding it from them
Especially if you live with them.
Short-term you can get away with shenanigans here and there, like saying you have to work late and hitting the bar instead, getting them to 'casually' drink with you and then going hard once they're wasted/off to bed, or switching to 'alternative' alcohol like mouthwash and food extract. But eventually they will catch on to you; it's a matter of when not if.
My mom was an alcoholic and I could tell the second she had one beer. Had nothing to do with her being drunk eventually you can just tell right away
We don't hide it as well as we think, particularly around loved ones who learn to pick up our "tells".
Even before I was a CA I picked up on when my CA dad was sauced, even though he thought he was hiding it well. Same for CAG, when she was trying to be discreet. For my part I know I at least get a little bit chattier and lively. An FA friend once compared my drunkenness to CAG's and said "you just get a little more talkative, almost like a normal person" lol.
I think strangers/co workers dont notice nearly as much as this sub tends to claim. But the people who already know your problem, yeah there is no hiding it from them
Same with my mom. I could hear it in her voice, even over the phone.
Gaming and getting drunk brings true happiness.
Chairs!
So you want to ruin your life? I won't take responsibility, but you are in the right place:
There's a long road ahead to perfect the hiding. Different ways, different methods. As it was already mentioned, say to the people you go down with the consume, just a few beers here and there, nothing fancy. But in reality, you keep hidden bottles of vodka and jug it down when you are alone, like in the bathroom. You need of course to keep the balance and to not smell too much.
Hide bottles, both small and big ones, where people won't go to look and where the chance of getting caught by coincendence is very low. Like a friend used to take the dog for a walk, got to the forest and had a shovel hidden there, he used it to bury and dig up the bottles. Dogs are perfect to get a reason to get outside.
I had my hiding spots back in the days, like one i mentioned was to put a bottle into the terrarium of tarantulas. Most people are so scared of spiders, they won't even go near the glass.
The small vodka bottles and shooters are easy to hide, even in your clothes. Fill water bottles with vodka. Become a smoker, so you have an excuse to go outside, where you can smoke a cigarette and quietly take a few sips.
Get a beer can, drink it a little bit or how much you want, then in hiding you refill it with vodka. Put liquor into other stuff, like your cup of coffee in the morning, some tea etc.
When you are in the spotlight and there's no way of hiding it, you need to be innovative like MacGyver. Like get benzos, that will keep you safe (but don't fuck it up with the booze, it's a strong combination and a blackout can do even much more damage than when you get caught drinking)
When you get confronted, it depends on what happened. When it is possible, try to shift the blame (like my boss at work, it's all so stressful, i had to drink - i am the victim here!!), but when it is not possible, take fake responsibility and promise to get better, appeal on their mercy to minimize the damage.
But you also need to keep track of what the people know, what the narrative is, you need to be in charge which of your family members or friends know these things. When you build a web of lies, you need to be the spider in the web, not the victim that gets tangled up.
Still... better make already alternative plans as a failsafe, because at some point, your house of cards will fall down.
God, this is such a great go to guide. A good lie always has enough elements of some truth in them to be convincing.
Thanks! When i think about it, the AA has the "big book" for sobriety. Maybe i should write the exact opposite, the CA "big book" about being an alcoholic.
Id so read it haha
The hidden tarantula bottle is insane ðŸ˜ðŸ’ª
Thanks! Not about the booze, but i used to hide other drugs that are smaller, like capsules filled with powder (afghan heroin) in the rifle, because i knew, my girlfriend in this time would never have taken the rifle and even when, never dissassembled it. To get the drugs, you had to remove the barrel and use a special long pliers set to get it out.
what does failsafe means?
If something goes wrong with the plan (or might go wrong), the failsafe is Plan B, that (hopefully) will be successful.
That's right. Better plan ahead.
Also, when the house of cards does come crumbling down, keep in mind that people becoming aware of all the lies and sneaking around can easily irreparably destroy the close relationships you have. OP, do what you want to do, just be aware of what you’re signing up for.
That's right. But even without alcoholism, it's a good thing to have different friends groups anyway. It can happen with other things too, like when you get married and then divorced, your ex takes away your friends and turns them against you. Better have some more friends, that are not involved.
I drank 24/7. At work, at doctors appointments, with family, and somehow with a girlfriend. How she didn’t taste it I don’t know.
Anyways, never been called out on it except when it got to the end stage and I was just not able to keep up the mask being surprised by a family member in my crippled state.
My tricks were simple. Just vodka mixed with stuff. Gatorade or juice usually. Then I drank coffee to mask some of it. Always paranoid, never caught even if people might have suspected.
That’s it really, other than not drinking so much that you get sloppy in speech or motorics.
They knew. They always know. Just didn’t give a shit because you weren’t sloppy.
People always say this, and perhaps it is true. But it’s hard to fake genuine surprise, and I have told many of them afterwards. Thee lows of WD somehow make me think confessing my sins is a good idea. Or at work when it was either honesty or lies I no longer had in me.
Either way, as a CA it’s probably best to assume that everyone knows. And if not you’ll fuck up and they’ll know soon enough.
In my experience, the partners always know but don't say anything. What happens instead (in my case) is they start emotionally withdrawing because you have effectively by drinking.
You can not tell me any human can drink at CA levels then make out with their partner and them not know.
Maybe since I’m a CA and work w people. I can smell and sense it so easy. Just like when I smoked I didn’t think I smelled that bad now get sick from smelling others smoke from a mile away. But yeah when I went sober for a while I could smell it the second my partner had even one.
Yeah, respectfully your girl knew. It’s hard to miss but clearly you’re not a shitty drunk if people knew and didn’t say anything
I hide in my den and drink. I do most of my drinking after my partner goes to bed.
I mean … you will be drunk that’s how they will know . It’s hilarious that you think seeing you drink is the issue and not how you are when you’re drunk
Bro the don’t live to 90 will change quickly entering your 30s. Have you lost your ER virginity yet?
If you’re not broke and live with someone close to you, the trick is to not use the booze on the bar cart and never touching the random 2-4 beers in the fridge.
Drink nips and just pretend you’re tired playing video games as you go. Or spike club sodas…with the nips. Always make sure you get rid of them.
Your middle paragraph hits hard. I know that game
Hide mickeys of vodka and take big swigs while drinking soda in front of whoever you’re hiding it from.
It's a lot easier single than in a relationship. If you have a partner they're going to know. Eventually you'll be given the choice of them or the booze.
if you pay all the bills and like to drink when you get home do it , do what you wanna do but don’t get mad or be surprised when some more time goes past and they decide they are also gonna do what they wanna do and leave you .
Live to 90? My dude alcoholics start developing life threatening conditions and dying in their 30s. I think you need to better understand what you’re signing up for. Anyway, your family can’t accept it because your behavior probably is negatively affecting them and you just don’t see it. I also thought I was only hurting myself but in retrospect I caused others a ton of stress and trauma with my antics. Even if that’s not the case, you’re hurting them by forcing them to watch someone they love slowly kill themselves.
All that being said, stashes around the house that you can quickly drink from when nobody’s looking, and the number one priority for not getting caught is not getting noticeably drunk. Hiding your drinking is pointless if it’s obvious you’re plastered.
I would put vodka shooters into a V8. No one ever called me out but I know they could probably tell by my yellow eyes. Now I don't even bother trying to hide it.
You have a few points of concern IME:
Then it's the game of trying to stay just sober enough so it doesn't get suspicious and you can gauge what your partner/family notices.
Dump a few coolers in a couple of 1L bottles you can sip on discretely I guess. Maybe add vodka.
My dad use to fill up a bottle of mouthwash and then color it. Nothing odd about a man sipping on a bottle of mouthwash all day.
Like fill it up with alcohol? But.. why a bottle of mouthwash? That draws way more suspicion.
Actually this was more of sneaking it on vacation.