Reading the title, a thought must have come across your mind asking, this girl is talking about racism while she herself is "classifying" humans. Well, here's why:
I recently noticed that my mind starts judging people by the way they dress, sit, talk etc etc and makes judgements well before interacting with them. When I realised I began guilt tripping myself saying I am no less to racists.
I am an Indian, moved here years ago and I do not feel comfortable living in the country I am living at the moment. Going back home is always an option, however I've made a life here and leaving it all would be crazy. I personally love this country, culture and I have well integrated into it. I spent my first year here trying to socialise and found it very easy back then.
These past couple of years I feel this distant from people. When I travel in public transport, people curse. I walk around the neighborhood, people curse, I was not allowed into a bar because "no Indians allowed" and any other bar on that street. It was easy to take these passive racism initially and I would just laugh it out. But now it's grown on me. Winters are my favorite time of the year and now it does not make me happy.
The most recent incident: I was in the bus traveling to a station a bit ahead, and took a seat next to a lady. And the whole ride she was coveting her nose and acting restless, that was my lowest point, I could not stop my tears. I've gotten so paranoid by this "smell trend" that I cannot sleep peacefully at night without taking multiple baths. It can be the garbage next to me, if I get a hit of it I don't feel comfortable anymore until I have taken a bath again. Now it's gotten really bad that I am constantly on a lookout on the kind of people I hangout with. I judge them even before a conversation has been made, makes me no less to them.
I tried all I could, reddit is the only app that I have to communicate. I've deleted all my social media because of the corrupted algorithm. I have began slowing to stop my paranoia by letting it go on its on. ( doesn't seem to be working, melatonin 1mg doesnt work on me well now😅 I am awake past mid night and have work in less than 5 hours)
For today I just I am going to take a day off and rest well before Wednesday.
Ps: I did not mention and will not mention the country I'm living at. The natives are the sweetest people I've met. It's just the non-natives( gosh I'm judging again 😭) that's rude. I feel this country is just getting enough hate already for no reason and would not want to be another one to contribute to this hate.
This is my last cry for help. To protect my mental health, I will have to leave to my country if it gets worse than this.
Edit: just noticed I have a typo on my title, Apologies for that.
Well just think of racist people as mentally ill because that's what they are. They thrive on hate and making you uncomfortable. At most times be racist back.
Thinking a judgment and physically or verbally acting on that judgment are completely different. Keeping yourself in check is good but constantly guilt tripping is gonna make you feel worse than learning and moving on from it. Also intrusive thoughts bother you for a reason if you would never treat somebody that way a thought is just that, a thought.
Based off your experiences, have you considered talking to somebody about this like a therapist? It’ll take the load off of you and really put some things in a perspective that make this easier to deal with.
Also, meditation is great to really calm your mind and learning some breathing techniques to get yourself centered and calm the anxiety. I’m sorry you are going through this and that some people are just awful.
Agreed to this. I really didn't care at the beginning. This just seemed to grow on me in the past years. And yes, I do talk to a therapist. She, too, noticed that I have constantly been in defensive mode, and it's just during yesterday's session that she could really put into this perspective and thus my realization. I have tried speaking to a therapist from the same country. However, cultural differences makes it difficult to understand each other. Thus an online therapist from India, easier to communicate however harder to understand. Now I'm stuck between the two.
Yoga is something I always do, however my head is too noisy now for yoga and can't seem to catch my breathing. I have been planning on other new extra curricular activities tho.
I appreciate your answer :)
Wishing you well !
I share some of your experiences and have faced racism in a country where I grew up as a brown person. I racked my brains to figure out the country and couple of regions I had been to that are this racist this openly but then you saying natives are nice meant it couldn’t have been Dubai/GCC lol then I started to think if it’s South Africa or some Eastern European country
It's just sad. I don't understand why people would want to treat someone in a way that they would not want to be treated. People are just insane.
It is Europe
I am sorry you are facing this, as difficult as it seems but you should not put yourself in this situation and face this. Moving will be helpful to you. Good luck.
Just sending you well wishes and safety. ✌️🖤
Much needed. Thank you :)
me too . i hope this does not make you feel unwelcome forever. wishing you well
Dont torture yourself
Sounds like you are in the wrong country. We have many Indians living in England and we all get along fine. In fact we have the biggest diwali celebrations ever in Leicester!! And we all celerbrate diwali and Christmas together.
I made so many Indian friends at school too. Most of the Indians that live here are English now as they have been here for generations and lost their accent and become more westernised. We love Indians because they respect our culture and never tried to change us like most other cultures have tried to do. Plus we LOVE Indian cooking amd we have so many amazing Indian restaurants and they are super fancy.
Certain parts if the world arent for everyone. As a white English woman I wouldn't move to somewhere like Africa or any kind of Muslim country because then I would be targeted.
Move to where you know its safe.
Talk ro a therapist it might help if someone covered thwir nose near you sometimes its not you there are many reasons a personcould be doing that a sneeze or a hsbit to distract your self look at you r phone draw in notes on your phone play music count cars read a book
Already in talks with one :)
That's what I thought too, and she was really restless, I thought she was sick and on the way to the hospital. I ignored it for a while. There was a reflective surface in front of me, and when I saw her through that , she thought that she was covering her nose and constantly looking at me. She was trying her best to move to the extreme left. If possible and given the chance her body would have really merged with the bus wall.
I felt uncomfortable and moved back. Immediately, all the restlessness stopped. I don't want to be rude or anything if smell really mattered to her, she should have known that she was reeking cigarettes.
I sympathize with you as an Asian who's grown up somewhere racially hostile. I think everything I'm thinking has already been said in the comments — if you need someone to vent at my dms are open. Arohanui <3
From my ❤️& soul, pls read, jk sorry for the longest i can't help myself. Lmao Listen, I understand why you feel the way you feel. But let me tell you 1) if u not happy at where u at in that area of where u at, move to another state/areas,cities, & maybe it's a signs, because this universe NOT gonna GIVES u what u want, but only giving you what you NEED.... but at the end of the day, the choice is all yours. If u want to stay and stuck it out - I respect that, or even you decide to go back Home that's ok too but at least tried to make the best out of it, but don't lose yourself because 2) I read a quote one time "to be a BAD person, it is so damn EASY, but to be a GOOD person it's harder 100% than being a BAD person, because it takes pride, mental anguishing, the tears,the pain just to remain a good person. You experienced it at your own hand . You see it... experienced. But still, even now u only judge someone in your head, you feeling ashamed of it & the thoughts of you becoming those people that bullying you. It breaks your heart. And it is a blessing to be able to still feeling that despite of EVERYTHING U BEEN THROUGH. but if u feeling u at the peak of being consumed by those people then just go back home to clear up your mind, and come back stronger than evEr. And may I share some more wisdom that I had concluded because I've been at your seated when I first move away from my own country to lives in another country. 3) Sometimes those people that bullied you, the suffering of them being a bigot, to known that they discriminatory towards a stranger just trying to make a living, going to work and go home. asymmetric their skin-tone, their essence,... I'm telling you, those people they don't have the blessed to be a good person. Like you. By reading your post I can see that u are very very compassionate very caring and most of all Very educational. That's your blessing. Idk where you at but at the end of the day, the division of decision it's 100,100000% yours. I just want you to know. You are doing very great and even if u choose to stay there remember "KILLING SOMEONE WITH KINDNESS." It's never illegal. And maybe next time if that same person on the bus or work saying something bad to you maybe just be kindly approaching them and asked them are you OK? Maybe you can helping them changing themselves to be A Better Person. Just like you. And no matter where you are, in any situation, please always CHOOSEN kindness but be smart, not the type of kindness that people called Naive. Because the naive kindness, it is YOU KILLING YOURSELF
This is something I needed to hear. Thank you a lot for taking your time to write this :)
This was the exact dilemma I was in. The moment I take a decision, people would start dissing me saying you're not strong enough to live here, you should ignore, too weak to not take racist comments.
I don't understand why should I live in a constant fight or flight. Like every other human on this planet I am making a living. I can work in India too, I will earn the same. I have a luxurious life in India than I have over here, and still I chose to be here because I was never the type of girl to stick onto one environment. I've always moved around, and I love it. Even in India I have not lived in my parents home after 17. Thus making it really easy for me to integrate into cultures. But the moment I decided to step into an unknown world, it gets worse. No matter what I try I cannot make myself happy here. Thus me giving up.
Your comment validated that me giving up is not the end of the world but the beginning to something new and better.
To let you know, thank you really! for taking the time to write this. I truly appreciate it :)
Baby you are good. 👍🏼 u know why people treating you like that? Because they feel a threat from you. Your high vibrational essentials THREATENING THEIR LOW VIBRATIONS. Just be yourself, move in life with intentions. I've been up I've down but I will never becoming those push me down even when I'm at the lowest bottom. You're good babe. Love u 😘 also remember diamonds are created under the WEIGHT OF THE MOUNTAIN.
I’m curious to know which country would have a “no indians allowed” sign hung up anywhere. Anyway, seeing a psychiatrist might help.
I was curious as well - seems like a lot of them - Australia, Israel, Korea, Japan.
OP says this country is getting a lot of hate recently, Israel is getting a lot of hate these days. Based on OP's username - could be Japan or SKorea - could be anything, really.
To be fair some entitled tourists do make a fool of themselves while touring other countries.
Edit; like OP said, no signs of course. But owner of the establishment can deny entry.
I’m an American who moved to Australia last year. The open racism towards Indians is pretty wild.
+1 to this. I have seen tourists and mostly Indians sometimes not respecting people's space. They are quite loud for me too. I've told some you being in another country, you represent your nation, don't bring it down. And they go "not my problem, the government is not doing anything" well you can blame the government if they are not doing their work, but you can't blame them for your own actions. These idiots would not understand.
I feel ya. At this point I just Hope it gets better for you. Take care and keep your head up.
you just described why everyone hates indians in those countries and more :p
And you just described a racist POV. I mentioned "mostly" and not all. You generalized it.
Some Indians come from communities that are really festive. To them, having to chatter around and be playful is to have a happy environment. Not everyone does it because they want to annoy the other person but to bring joy to them too. What they don't understand is that Western culture does not have this festive mind. Individualism works here. If they understood they annoyed people, I think they would stop it too.
To some of them its easy to explain to others it's like why people don't like to be happy? Their perspective of happiness is really different. And it's high time that they start thinking what westerners do think too.
At least the natives here think otherwise, they don't generalize people and love the hospitable culture and like to learn more about ours too.
Well, no signs, of course. They'll just verbally deny your entry.
Which country
so much division these days . everybody is different and should not be judged on where they come from
Yes because that's how the human brain literally works; pattern recognition. You're confessing to having a human brain.
Oh wow, I did not realise -.-
God! To be writing this long as post. You are going deep in to the issue .
Yeah, it's just something I want to get off my chest. Writing my thoughts down just makes me feel better.
Don’t let this ah make you feel bad for venting.
I won’t .
People have been so racist towards OP to the point where they’ve essentially become traumatized and this is your response? Shameful.
She is my besty so you know.and I am with her no matter what you said about her .
You do realise we are on reddit and it's anonymous. How tf would we know anything? If you're her 'besty', stfu and support her.