NEANDERTHAL VAMPIRE

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  • 631 points Dragonkingofthestars

    hang on let me find a DM, i have a new vampire the mascarade character now

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    159 points Tasty__Dirt

    -7th gen

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    181 points Dragonkingofthestars

    Session one everyone's talking about how they turned, guy turns to me: So how did you turn?
    ME: don't know, all I know is my oldest memory:
    Other guy: oh and that is?

    https://preview.redd.it/8ocvth59cd7g1.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=09dd0699aff8721bc3963f502e7d3554c66bbf3e

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    31 points feleaodt

    I can hear this image

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    30 points dezzear

    But we're out here and he's in there

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    20 points Cthulhy

    And we're in there and he's out here

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    11 points God_is_carnage

    He's the sheriff and we're frozen out here

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    8 points Dragonkingofthestars

    But what I want to know is where's the cave man

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    2 points maps-and-potatoes

    What about Java, from "Martin Mystery" ?

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    21 points Usual-Vermicelli-867

    The weirdest mathusula

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    4 points Hrtzy

    "Yeah, so all eleven or so of my grandsires embraced the first person they drained. Kain's facepalm almost leveled the village."

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    13 points MyNameIsNotRyn

    More like The Diary of a 1,000 Year Old Vampire (a solo TTRPG)

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    6 points Mammoth_Cricket8785

    I know vtm is like DND and the rule set can be used to create a custom world and such but would this work in the original setting. I know the Christian God is real and angels and such are real in the original setting but I've never heard shit about dinosaurs in the world of darkness. I know you have a bunch of different therianthropes like spider people and what not but I don't remember anything about dinosaurs. So idk if it follows any of real world evolution or is it all Christian mythology with a splash of it's own lore. Allowing other human-ish vampires to have existed.

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    6 points Plane_Upstairs_9584

    So, according to demon, reality used to be a beautiful symphony of states of matter layered on top of each other. Humans evolved, the Earth was old in one layer, another God spoke and it all just popped into Creation. When angels fought they swung weapons at each other, but at the same time they also debated, they competed to create opposing symphonies and so on. Once God disappeared and the war in Heaven resulted in all sorts of war crimes, reality shriveled and those layers melted away until now only the hard bedrock exists. So if you look at reality, dinosaurs existed, the Big Bang happened, and so on. But many supernaturals have tales or remember the different layers that once existed in their myths.

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    4 points lesbianmathgirl

    You can force non-anatomically-modern humans into young earth creationism so it shouldn’t be an issue. IIRC Demon implies creationism is strictly true in WoD but I don’t know if it requires young earth (or if old earth is acceptable)

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    4 points BerserkApe

    Dinosaurs exist. The Mokole(Werelizards and Crocodiles) use them as their war forms.

    Time in the world of darkness is a construct of mortals and other beings asserting their will on reality to make sense of it overtime.

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    1 points Darkstar_111

    Preceeds Cain by 200 thousand years!

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  • 1000 points _just_is_

    I'm tired of vampires only being like 150 years old.

    [Also this was originally meant to be a Halloween comic, but i was too sad to draw at the time, so just pretend it's still Halloween and that this comic is relevant]

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    293 points SquidTheRidiculous

    My theory is Tommy Wiseau is some sort of neanderthal vampire. It would explain his inexplicable money and unplacable accent.

    ...no not seriously

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    79 points RaspberryStandard972

    He invested one mammoth steak 200.000 years ago.

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    19 points Nate_layks_beygels

    Bro buried a mammoth and waited all that time to convert it to fossil fuels, man had a plan

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    1 points SquidTheRidiculous

    Look if you live over 100,000 years and don't find a way to get rich that's a skill issue.

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    16 points liggy4

    He's really DB Cooper, of course.

    Maybe he could still be a vampire too, though.

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    2 points Ask_about_HolyGhost

    *unplaceable

    Implacable Accents

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    44 points Meatslinger

    In the world depicted by the novel Blindsight, by Peter Watts, your Neanderthal-era vampires exist and are considered a historical fact. There's even a handy explanation that them seeing intersecting Euclidean lines (i.e. cross shapes) causes short-circuiting in their brains, explaining why holy symbols would have any effect on an otherwise naturally-occurring predator and why they died out slowly as human civilization advanced and built structures with many right angles.

    And then apparently we, being the hubris-filled creatures we are, decide we should clone them back to life and force them into indentured servitude as living computers. Surely that can't possibly go wrong. And that dismal concept isn't even the primary motivating plot point.

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    6 points Deaffin

    I liked how they went about actually testing the limits of the effect. I recall something about having them look at a landscape with a flat horizon and something in the middle of it like a tree, then incrementally restricting more of the image trying to find the sweet spot to figure out how it works, all that kind of thing. There was such a good vague explanation that made it sound plausible because their brains are just built different, so they're really good at multi-tasking and such.

    I should read those again, it's been a while so my explanation sucks. Fantastic books, I do not recommend them.

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    6 points Meatslinger

    Fantastic books, I do not recommend them

    This is how I know for certain you read it. Watts has a weird way of making you kinda just hate everything, including yourself. I've only read Blindsight, but the experience was like a horrifically bitter drink; halfway down the glass you wonder why you're subjecting yourself to it, but you can't stop.

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    5 points Deaffin

    I'm not sure if this is an actual genre, but the best way I've come up with to try to explain them is "Philosophical Horror".

    It really doesn't help that I related so much to the main character with half a brain. If I'm not mixing up the two books.

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    34 points captainwombat7

    I've always figured either ancient vampires get killed for being too strong or have set themselves up so efficiently that they never get noticed

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    13 points [deleted]

    I imagine it's very difficult to essentially be a serial killer for so long. Eventually someone will stop you.

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    9 points crazyrich

    Well if you are serial killer that can turn invisible, fly, and all the other vampire tricks and presumably have the resources of someone alive that long, plus the power creep of vampires as they age it’s not inconceivable.

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    6 points DaDragonking222

    Well vamps also get stronger as they age so that'd help out

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    4 points Cute-Honeydew1164

    Remember that a lot of the time, vampires become an allegory for the super rich, so in that regard, who wins? 200 angry people from a local town or one vampire?

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    3 points Deaffin

    The one vampire can afford guard dogs with bees in their mouths, and when they bark they shoot bees at you.

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    3 points DaDragonking222

    Oh yeah that's fair, though a smart vampire would have enthralled people in town and have them sabotage efforts to unite against the vampire

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    1 points spudmarsupial

    In that case they should all die at the hands of other vampires. Or go mad with power becoming imaginary power becoming frustration and delusions of grandeur.

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    1 points Dorwyn

    Depends on how much money they have. ie. Saudi royalty

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    10 points Chaos-Queen_Mari

    To be fair, these days good old Dracula would be pushing 500

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    5 points EisKohl

    One of my oldest OC characters is a Noble from the 800s. She's a joy to write in modern settings, though I adapted her for fantasy as well where it also works quite well with the age, depending on what setting.

    It's so fun to have Vampires that are old as shit but not insane, you get to play with so much history. 150-200 years is basically nothing in terms of history, but it's the "most known" period, so I get why people only make them that young

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    3 points TheLastRanger99

    In “A Discovery of Witches” the main vampire is from like the 1st/2nd crusade

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    3 points digno2

    you'd maybe enjoy watching a movie called The Man from Earth.

    An impromptu goodbye party for Professor John Oldman becomes a mysterious interrogation after the retiring scholar reveals to his colleagues he has a longer and stranger past than they can imagine.

    it's on youtube in full length for free.

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    2 points joshul

    I'm tired of vampires only being like 150 years old.

    The last few Anne Rice novels, which goes absolutely bonkers with the series’ vampire lore, has plenty of ancient vampire representation. Though no vampires over the age of 6,000 years old.

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    2 points The_Narwhal_Mage

    Trick or treat!

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    1 points Prophetforhire

    But where has he been for 200k years?

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    1 points Deaffin

    You know what would be terrifying? A cro-magnon vampire.

    They were taller, stronger, and smarter than modern humans are today. They regularly killed and often ate Neanderthals already, so...

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    1 points bakedpatata

    I want to see vampires before Jesus was born confused as to why crosses hurt them.

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    1 points tooktherhombus

    Come to Europe. Main area for Neanderthal DNA here (including me, but I'm not telling you where I live)

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  • 222 points Beneficial_Cash_8420

    The other vampires panel reminds me of dialogue in the Sims 

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    96 points _just_is_

    was going to reply in simplish but felt too embarrassed

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    30 points Dinoduck94

    We embrace that kind of stuff here

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    8 points Beneficial_Cash_8420

    Sul sul

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    8 points See_Ell

    I like that, if converted to actual words, both vampires just say “wanna bone?”.

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  • 81 points Nandvs

    So... A Ventrue.

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    33 points RemusShepherd

    Not only a Ventrue, an Antediluvean. That's why he's walking around in broad daylight and ignoring the scorn of human beings; there's not a damned thing anybody can do to stop him.

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    11 points Prudent-Ranger9752

    Holy shit it makes sense

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    6 points GreyMesmer

    Yeah, his feeding restriction is obvious.

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  • 48 points Doodles_n_Scribbles

    Vandal Savage/The Immortal but sad

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    18 points Slow-Distance-6241

    The Immortal but sad

    Immortal is sad too, now's the question of what's worse - reliving lives, forgetting everything from time to time including all your loved ones eventually leading to complete nihilism and dissociation and being forced to become the leader of a dystopian future or remembering everything

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    6 points Doodles_n_Scribbles

    I'll be honest, I haven't watched Invincible. I just know the Immortal is basically a good guy Vandal Savage.

    I don't enjoy gory cartoons.

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    -5 points Slow-Distance-6241

    It's gorey only half the time, but whatever

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  • 38 points paladin_slim

    Man, no wonder Caine doesn’t interact much with his descendants. I’d be lonely too.

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    12 points Usual-Vermicelli-867

    The oldest mathusula is around 8000 years old..which means the anti are around 13k

    Which means kain. Kain is probably 20k years old

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  • 59 points [deleted]

    [deleted]

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    176 points _just_is_

    yeah, but he got exposed to garlic around the time agriculture was created

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    65 points Atanar

    Imagine living for hundreds if thousands of years an all of the sudden the t-Shape hurts you because Jesus got crucified.

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    11 points stmfunk

    Does garlic kill vampires? I thought it just hurt and scared them. Maybe he wandered into a rice paddy and could never escape

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    23 points _just_is_

    sure, but if you fell into a pit of recently harvested galick, i imagine it might have the same effect as falling into a vat of acid

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    1 points stmfunk

    Except that garlic is a solid?

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    11 points Charmo_Vetr

    The smell definitely isn't.

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    2 points AnotherLie

    It is if you eat enough of it.

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    1 points mememan___

    It's more like in intolerance really, or in some cases a mild allergy

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    13 points Doodles_n_Scribbles

    Might've been killed

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  • 25 points YesterdayHiccup

    Why didn't he sire anyone while Neanderthals were around? Did all of them just fell over time?

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    35 points _just_is_

    I don't think even he knows. he might have tried a few times but they died or left - but that would have been at least 50k years ago so the memory is a little blurry

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  • 23 points Few_Butterfly4450

    There’s a book in the night watch series that has a Neardenthal vampire. Really cool as he was the strongest one

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    8 points _just_is_

    oh cool! I love Terry Pratchett but haven't read The Knight Watch yet. I'll have to get on that

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    9 points Romakarol

    I looked it up because I like both discworld and night watch (the russian fantasy novel) and in this case they are referring to the russian fantasy novel series. IDK if it's any good in English but I liked it a lot.

    I didnt get as far as sixth watch which is where this character shows up.

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    4 points Few_Butterfly4450

    Not from sir Terry Pratchett (discworld rules though). It’s from Russian author Sergei Lukyanenko

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    3 points _just_is_

    haha whoops my bad! Haven't heard of it but i'll check it out

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    1 points webchimp32

    They made the first two into films but then the director skipped off to america for the big money.

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    5 points oboyohoy

    There is also a book in the Anita Blake series that has a neanderthal vampire. Maybe not so uncommon after all haha

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  • 31 points Veritas_Vanitatum

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  • 12 points i_dopt_know

    Vándalo Salvaje?

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  • 6 points Sera-Lilly

    Whelp, new rimworld idea now

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  • 4 points pic_omega

    Esto me hace acordar un par de cosas: primero a los libros de Anne Rice sobre vampiros donde según tengo entendido (lamentablemente no lo lei) en uno de sus cuentos se da a conocer el origen prehistórico del vampirismo y por otra parte en la temporada final de la serie Buffy the Vampire Slayer vemos el ancestro cavernícola del vampiro contemporáneo: el Turok-Han.

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    2 points RagingCain

    Anne Rice FULLY did the historical fiction of vampirism but - excluding Memnoch the Devil due to the flow of time in that story - only goes back I think 12,000 BC.

    Excellent reminder to read Anne Rice for younger vampire enthusiasts.

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  • 5 points Murksiuke

    Honestly, that's just bad planning on his part. He should have just bitten a few neanderthals whilst they were still around

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  • 7 points LoversboxLain

    I love the art style and the storytelling. A Neanderthal vampire is a cool idea.

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    3 points _just_is_

    thanks <3

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  • 3 points 333H_E

    I read somewhere Ozzy apparently had neanderthal genetics and it's theorized his unique structure is why he survived his extracurricular activities as long as he did.

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  • 5 points Geruvah

    The same will happen to the human vampires eventually

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  • 2 points batatafritada

    I thought I was in Rimworld lol

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  • 2 points hipnotron

    This would be a great movie.

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  • 2 points hereticnasom

    There is a movie about an immortal neanderthal. He's not a vampire, but was an interesting idea. If you're into philosophy and intellectual arguments https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Man_from_Earth

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    2 points itsrocketsurgery

    I watched this once by complete accident and it was great. I was really early in my college years and it was the perfect story telling art piece kinda flick for that time in my life. I heard there's a sequel but also read that a lot of the reviews says it ruins the experience of the first one so I haven't watched it. 

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    2 points hereticnasom

    Same. I started the second one, but only watched about 20 minutes of it.

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  • 2 points InstructionOk6162

    This is such a fun idea. The mix of prehistoric and vampire lore somehow works way better than it should, and the art really sells it.

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  • 2 points FrogInShorts

    Sub should have a tag so I don't keep looking for a punchline in a comic meant to tug at the heart. Woulda hit a lot better if I knew it was a story not a joke.

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    2 points Tasden

    The joke is the situation, the SITUATION!

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  • 1 points GEAX

    That's a really cool idea

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  • 1 points eviltimeban

    Did you get this idea from the post on the Twilight sub?

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    1 points _just_is_

    haha no but i'm sure other people have thought of this before

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  • 1 points Stunning_Kick_1229

    I'd settle for a Cheddar Man vampire, honestly.

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  • 1 points Ponceleong

    This reminds me of a book called "Fever Dream", one of the characters is a vampire older than any human civilization to ever exist.

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  • 1 points The_Random_Hamlet

    Turok-Han, is that you?

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  • 1 points tanngrisnit

    The Man From Earth.

    Great movie. No vampires tho.

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  • 1 points psyllogism

    The sci-fi novel "Blindsight" posits that "vampires" used to exist in neolithic times, and humanity decides to genetically engineer them back.

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  • 1 points Shaltibarshtis

    You might enjoy this movie about a "caveman" that have survived 14k years until the present day.

    The Man From Earth

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  • 1 points kazukax

    As someone who has way too many hours in rimworld, this sounds like a neat run to do lol

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  • 1 points Ildrei

    Reminds me of the Ulrika the Vampire books from the warhammer fantasy setting. There was a 10 ft tall cave woman vampire with huge drooping breasts and belly, and naked with body paint.

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  • 1 points Ghost-Music

    Uh oh I have more Neanderthal dna than most. Looks like I gotta watch my back. Or neck.

    Awesome Halloween comic. This is a really cool concept, actual ancient vampires.

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  • 1 points hacksawomission

    For those bored of the 200-year old class...

    https://www.goodreads.com/series/122289-the-oldest-living-vampire-saga

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  • 1 points Infamous_Today3462

    Narr.... Poor gay neanderthal vampire.... Is a sentence I never thought I'd say.

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  • -2 points WoodenEmotions

    Neanderthals are humans

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    2 points CilanEAmber

    I guess people don't like to hear that, but you're right. They're human and we're human, just not the same kind.

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  • -5 points feltcutewilldelete69

    Good comic, but I felt let down by the lack of a punchline. You had everything; a solid, relateable concept, good setup, but the last frame didn't deliver anything. It could have been a picture of a security guard, which is at least a joke about something, but currently the last frame can be completely deleted and it wouldn't change anything. Comedians talk about this process as "cutting the fat", because jokes can be punchier when you cut the stuff that everyone is already thinking. You already told us about the museum, so we had the last frame in our minds two frames ago.

    Sorry to be a critic. Like they say, "Everyone's a critic". I liked the comic. Keep it up.

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  • -6 points cerealkiller788

    There is no such thing as a Neanderthal. No one has ever found evidence of one. Nor has there been any scientific proof of them ever existing.

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    10 points ErraticDragon

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neanderthal_1

    One example of evidence of neanderthals: A neanderthal specimen found in 1856.

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    7 points _just_is_

    as opposed to vampires?

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