Like whenever I hear them casually say they're glad if they have 1 hour of free time for themselves WEEKLY, I think Jesus fucking Christ, you have my heartfelt condolences. Sounds utterly miserable to only be able to have fun for 1-2 hours the entire week. I don't get how anyone is capable of living like that without becoming depressed as hell. And they wonder why we don't want to reproduce?? Seriously?! Is this even a question?
When it comes to parents two things seems like a trend with them: Misery loves company. And they love to brag, even if they are horrible in it.
The moment you say anything to agree when they complain or point out how pathetic it is when they say something "positive" or "brag" like 1 hour free time without kids a week, they will immediately say how awesome kids are, parenting is the best thing, you are horrible.
It's better to just ignore they speak at all.
I just stare at them for as long as I can without blinking
Or, you point out that you have more free time than that, and then they think you're "selfish" because you're doing something with your time besides caring for someone else, I suppose.
I think a lot of them also have a martyr complex
For most of human history, there was very little choice about being a parent. These days they have to believe they made the right decision.
It feels to me many parents participate in martyrdom Olympics.
Try telling someone you're tired. Oh no no, you don't know what 'tired' means unless you have children /s
Try saying something is difficult. Oh no no, taking care of little Timmy and Jimmy is difficult /s
Also, I love how parenthood is simultaneously "pure joy, so natural and amazing" and "the hardest job in the world". I don't know, to me these two are mutually exclusive.
At my last job where I worked onsite, my manager (who started having children pushing age 40) was walking by and said out loud, "Have kids, they said! It'll be fun, they said!" 🤦😂
I need more than an hour or two a week just to decompress, let alone for that to be my fun time.Â
Honestly, I don't really know how to have sympathy for parents. I mean how do you feel sorry for people who willingly signed up for a life of misery and depression? They lost the right to complain when they made the choice to breed.
I try to remember that (a) Often they made that (irrevocable) when they were in fact too young to have fully developed judgment, (b) For some of them the (often religious community) echo chamber definitely rose to the level of bona fide brainwashing, and (c) Some people, whether by nature or upbringing, just don't have the strength to stand up to the pressure.
But...
Yeah, it's still hard. Especially considering that so few of them will even admit, no matter how obvious it has become, that they made a mistake. I think it would be easier to have sympathy for their situations if they were at least honest. But I guess that psychologically they probably can't even be honest with themselves, let alone anyone else.
I think they just feel misserable and like to complain.
Not all parents are like that though. I know some who never complain.
And then they will you it’s all worth it and the best thing that ever happened to them 😅 Really ? Are you sure ?
I've been health coaching a guy with a 2 year old. He said he has 'no time' to do anything for himself. We went through his entire week tooth and comb to identify any available time. During that, he listed off every single thing he had to do in a day, and most of that involved his son. It was constant, from 6am, to 8pm. He sounded so listless, depressed, stressed, and bored. He said, 'Do you want kids now?' God, what a life!Â
"Indeed, that sounds like a miserable way to live!" ;)
I swear they make it sound like sooo much fun to be a parent. 😂
yep, its a cultÂ
Yes. I genuinely think I would go into a deep clinical depression if I had kids. I need downtime for my mental health. Just having to clean a house with 2 people and 3 dogs can be too much for me. There are too many chores already. When I sit down at the end of the day, I think about how exhausted I would be if I had to start caring for kids. Just having to drive them places would be too much
I’m pretty sure they don’t care if they think it makes parenthood look bad when they’re at that burnt out stage. I think it’s a good thing that parents are honest about how hard it is to raise a kid and do what they want. It should be normalized so future parents are prepared. I’m glad when they’re able to have a little bit of time to themselves.
Problem is they're usually not just complaining, they're saying that's how everyone should live and if you have fun in life you're lazy, childish, etc.
My SIL is always having 'breaks' away from her kids because she just dumps them onto other family members or my brother and takes off to do her own thing.
She's constantly bragging about how 'easy' kids are on social media as she stands smiling and posing with her newborn strapped to her chest while her toddler is red faced and crying in the background being clearly ignored.
Both the baby and toddler are just cute little accessories to show off to get praise and validation from others.
However it's very two sided as SIL will plaster her kid's faces all over social media and in the next heart beat will complain about how clingy the toddler is or how loud the baby was that morning.
You get an hour a week to yourself, and bonus get to cook what they want for at least 3 meals a day for years.
Sound freaking depressing? They look depressing and miserable too. I got a death stare by a parent with a toddler on Christmas Eve because I was a single woman by myself talking to my dog. Dude looked miserable af.
Some genuinely strike an amazing balance. Mostly I have heard complaints. This morning my friend not being able to get away. It is a very complex situation. I am not a Mum but it is to the point where she is gentle parenting very gentle and I understand on child may have mental health problems who is 5. I said she needs to also worry about her own mental health. How someone can forget about themselves and own needs beats me...that means time and space for yourself, remembering there is a separate unrelated relationship with your partner, etc. I'm confused about the appeal but it is each to there own!
Hmm, what does that mean in actual practice?
Bragging about punishment is some weird flex.
Parenthood is a calling, not a validation chip.
I've been so overwhelmed just from the holidays alone, have had little time for myself... if I only had an hour of free time every week, I would be even more depressed!!!!!! Peace and quiet is a MUST. You never get that when you have children. Not having time for yourself sounds miserable.
"i love my children!" "they are my world" "I cannot imagine my life without them" Yet if somebody asks them what their perfect day looks like, they never mention their kids. It's always along the lines of "a day for myself". Pft yeah okay.
My coworker was complaining to me about how hard fly with her two kids the day after Christmas and how they and drive an hour to their destination. Like what do you want me to do? You chose that life.