This is why it’s extremely important to be as CLEAR as possible before feelings are formed. lf there is even an inkling of doubt it’s best not to see that person romantically.

I commend both of you for the responsible way you handled this situation.

That really sucks. Whats rotten is you could still be 100% crystal clear and still encounter this situation with a partner. Ppl will change their minds and often flip their life scripts. For me I had a vasectomy and I make it adamantly clear there is no chance of kids nor for adoption. You tend to weed out the fence sitters with this info if you’re infertile and direct.

Sorry you’re going through this. I was in this exact position a few years ago. It was horrible but as such it’s just a tiny drop in the water in terms of your life. You’ll be ok

He knew you didn’t want to have kids and he didn’t believe you/pay attention. It’s on him not you to constantly remind you. If kids was important to him, why wasn’t he discussing it early too? Why wasn’t he asking you to clarify ‘do you mean no kids ever or just not right now?’

Don’t take this disclosure responsibility on you. This guy also wasn’t also checking in with you nor did he listen/respect you when you mentioned it months ago. He wasted your time. If kids were that important, it should’ve been him to discuss it.

At 34 I put in my dating profiles that I'm unable to have kids (mentally I'm unable so I won't lol) and I don't want them anyway. Got rid of a lot of guys who hoped I'd change my mind and suddenly get maternal

based on personal experience, I wouldn't stay friends. once he finds someone to have kids with and realizes how much he actually hates parenting, he will be tempted to rekindle something with you and you don't deserve to be someone's second option

I’m so sorry you’re going through that. All of your feelings are valid.

I do think it’s a disservice to you to think that you weren’t enough. Maybe reframe it that you and your ex respect each other enough to say goodbye now instead of denying what is true to both of you and ending up in a place of pain and resentment.

Be kind to yourself and take the time you need to grieve, wishing you the best.

It’s natural to be sad. You were hoping to stay with him, but his interests are different to yours. He wants kids and you don’t, it’s totally alright. At least you both figured it out earlier, than anything else happening down the line unexpectedly. Take care of yourself. There’s someone out there for everyone 

It sounds like you both handled it in the healthiest way possible, which is amazing. But I'm sorry it hurts now💔

Is it normal to feel really sad that being with me wasn't enough?

It's not that you weren't enough, you just weren't compatible. There was no amount of 'enough' you were ever gonna be for someone that is not compatible with you, and this kinda thinking just leaves you vulnerable to the next person in the future who will be happy to tell you they want you more than kids to get their chance with you.

The fact that this guy broke up with you was lucky - the next one might not be that responsible and honest. So you really need to protect yourself better if/when you date again.

You need to establish compatibility before getting emotionally invested in someone. Yes, 7 months in is better than after two years and a country move, but it still takes a toll to have this kinda heartbreak, so you should prioritize avoiding that all together in the future.

Telling someone you're childfree is just one part of the equation. You also need to verify they understand what that means, and verify they've made their own decision to be childfree, and verify they've got the necessary decision making skills so that you can even trust their decisions in the first place. Without that, you are essentially just gambling, and the deck is stacked against you.

Take your time to grieve the breakup on your own terms, but then learn from it and improve the process where it failed this time. Don't fall into thought patterns that do the opposite, like clinging onto the idea of 'being enough' - because people will exploit that if you let them.

How did it last 7 months? I can’t imagine wasting my time in my 30s with someone not aligned with my goals.

It's completely normal. My boyfriend dumped me this week because I didn't want to open our relationship. I'm heart broken and angry. Any ending is painful. You are entitled to feel whatever you feel.

The amount of breeders that say they're childfree but then go on to say if it happens it happens. Pisses me off.

You're not childfree if you want kids. Really not hard to figure out. Why do they have to ruin things

Responsibly handled by both of you. I would have done the same if my wife and I had the same misunderstanding in the beginning. Lucky for me and her we are on the same page regarding kids.

It’s normal to feel sad. It’s unfortunate that he wanted the idea of future children more than he wanted to be childfree with you, but at least he actually listened to your stance, genuinely considered things, and reached a conclusion without stringing you along or deciding that he could get you to change your mind

Honestly part of childfree dating is not just telling them what you are going to do kid wise,it is also figuring out EXACTLY how they feel about kids. Telling someone what you want allows them to be quiet about their true beliefs, and keep you in a relationship where they secretly want you to change.

Getting an in depth dive of what they want with kids is so important, especially for women as it seems to happen to them more. I am so sorry this has happened, but keep this as a lesson to proactively see what they want.

I hope you are able to heal from this and I wish you the best.

Aw, hey, really glad you guys were able to end things amicably & respectfully. I see a lot of horror stories on this sub where things end up waayyyy worse. I wish you luck in your future ones

Seriously you are saving yourself a ton of expense and hassle with immigration. My husband was already here, but to go thru the green card process to citizenship, we are 3 years in plus $12,000 and still looking at another 4 to 5 years before he's a citizen. It's not an easy undertaking. I'm sure you'll find someone more compatible soon. Lots of singles out there and you only need to find one.

You gotta have the conversation regarding children early, early on. Like, before you've entered into a relationship early. You save nothing by holding off on making your views and preferences clear. It just leads to heartbreak, and heartbreak hurts more the longer you invest in the person.

Hugs

You need to screen people better. Unless he was also 100% CF, you dont proceed.

This happened to me with someone I fell deeply in love with and would’ve done anything for. I think about it every single day.

My husband and I didn’t actually have the discussion until several months after we got married. We married young and it just never really came to mind as something to talk about. He was under the belief that it was just what you did but didn’t really have a huge desire for them. I got lucky in the fact that he didn’t have this future envisioned for himself where he had kids. I ended up being enough. But I know it doesnt happen that way for everyone. We’ve been married for 13 years now and are very much childfree. We have enough parental stress when it comes to having pets lol