I got a vasectomy years ago in my mid-20s shortly after getting married, but decided to keep it on the down-low from my side of the family to avoid the potential drama. They didn’t expect me to have kids in my 20s, so it never really came up either.
I’m 30 now, and recently decided to tell them to get ahead of the potential holiday “When are you having kids” push. They were surprised, but laughed it off and didn’t dwell on it long since they know my how my wife and I are both childfree.
HOWEVER, since then, they’ve been making a lot more quips about us having kids. Mostly joking, but a lot more frequent now. Like “First you get a cat, next day it’s a kid” or “careful about buying that knife set for Christmas, your kid would cut itself”.
I can’t tell if they’re just having fun (we all tease each other to a similar degree on different topics), if they haven’t really internalized what I told them, or if it is actually bothering them but they don’t want to kill the vibe while we’re all home for the holidays.
Anyone ever experience something similar?
Could it be they thought you were joking as a way to cover up you're about to start trying for a kid? Some people will do the weirdest mental gymnastics to make things fit their narrative.
Plausible deniability jokes. If you get mad, they were just joking. If you change your mind, they always knew it. I get them too.
Ah, classic Schrödinger's douchebag.
Probably not what’s going on but I have had people literally just not understand what a vasectomy is or what they actually do. Like I have told family members “I had a vasectomy” and I don’t know what they thought that meant but on a few occasions it was clear they weren’t knowledgable in what that was and just didn’t want to seem stupid or uniformed when it was brought up.
It’s a long shot but maybe don’t rule out them not understanding that you being childfree is just a biological fact of your body.
I remember asking “out of curiosity what do you think a vasectomy is?” To an aunt that made a comment and it was somewhat embarrassing to see her just freeze up and have no idea but it really can be they just never heard of that before.
A scary amount of people seem to think they're reversible too.
I would ask them why they’re joking that you would be having kids when you already got a vasectomy. Are they saying that your wife would be unfaithful? It’s so bizarre.
It sounds like they're hoping the vasectomy fails and they end up accidentally pregnant
Or they believe it can be reversed or IVF treatment exists, or adoption
You don't "accidentally" get IVF or "accidentally" adopt though.
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They're posting in a CHILDFREE subreddit. They wouldn't be here if they're going to change their mind.
The question was why are family members still bringing up children though he is neutered, I explained that the family could believe they still have options and still believe they will
To me, it sounds like they either thought you were joking, or genuinely have no idea what a vasectomy is. You need to ask them if they understand what a vasectomy even is, because there's a good chance the topic of kids is going to be brought up more now.
Oh the denial is strong with them
im sorry but this sounds like what ppl do bc of childfreeism. this would make me so uncomfortable bc its ppl directly telling u they do NOT respect ur wishes. If i kept telling someone pregnant to abort or someone with kids to give them up for adoption as a "joke" i'd be immediately cut off from the family and called crazy, shamed and given r#pe and d3ath threats.
They're in denial. They can't accept you won't fit their script. Eventually they'll have to accept it. Like it or not
It sounds like they are in a weird state of denial. They may be poking at that hoping you'll say, "yeah I was just kidding". you might have some quick comebacks ready for them or print out your medical papers and put them in your xmas card to them.
You can always joke something like, "sure, a million in my account and I'm listening..hehehe"
They suck. Either set and enforce boundaries, with pain and consequences, or just lower your level of contact.
I think it's also a case of people not understanding that a vasectomy is permanent. Like, you just go get it reversed when you're ready 🙄
That seems a bit malevolent to me. Especially because even though they can say they are just joking, the fact is that you cannot have kids now. If it bothers you, make a boundary. It sounds like their offloading their disappointment onto you.
My aunt had a failed tubal after four kids and seems to think that means no force on Earth will stop babies from coming.
I suggest getting really confused. “Why would you think that? Do you not understand what a vasectomy is? I can explain it again for you if you are struggling with the concept.”
If you usually tease each other for things, I’d just ask for clarity’s sake since it’s clearly bothering you. If the teasing is good natured, they shouldn’t have a problem with stopping if you genuinely ask that they don’t joke about that particular subject.
If they don’t, then you know that the teasing (about anything) isn’t actually teasing and just a thinly veiled hurtful comment that they can claim was “just a joke” if you do call them out on it.
Semi related but It's nuts they think kids will cut themselves on a knife set. Our knives are WAYYY far back on kitchen counter tops that I don't even think I could cut myself on if I really tried.
Maybe say "I got sterilized" instead? Maybe they don't understand what a vasectomy entails?
"I told you I got snipped, do you need me to explain in detail how this surgery works? I can draw (my balls) too, if it helps"