My childhood best friend has asked me to be a bridesmaids and my niece to be her flower girl.
My friend told me she has a flower girl dress picked out and asked if she should send the link to me or my sister. My friend and my sister aren’t by any means friends, they’re acquaintances at best. So it wouldn’t make sense at all for my sister to pay, she would just say she’d rather not have her daughter in the wedding. But I’m feeling a bit cornered into buying the flower girl dress.
Well it's certainly not YOU who should pay for it.
But it sounds like the niece is an inappropriate choice in the first place if the mother isn't even friends with the bride.
Yeah, such a weird choice of flower girl!
My guess is a flower girl fits the vision of her wedding, but she doesn’t know any little kids
Agreed. And since the niece has no emotional connection to the wedding party, the bride should pay for the dress. She is basically hiring an actress to play the part. The cost is the cost of the dress.
Agreed--unless OP suggested having her niece as flower girl. If it was her idea, she may have to pay for all or part of the dress.
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
Agreed! And also maybe buy the flower girl a gift as a thank you.
I didn’t have any little girls in my family so I had my 16 year old nephew. He is a ham and it was perfect.
A sixteen-year-old boy with the right amounts of snark and charm is generally a hit at any family event.
Oh he was a hit! I even walked out to see him go down the aisle…then back to my hiding spot!
For sure!
A male 16 year old ham would be a delight! Happy for you.
I hope someone got a video of that.
multiple videos…he was great!
Love it! Teenage boys are so goofy. The teen years should be fun in this house. My son is a total ham so it should be entertaining 😆
I love that
Love that!
I asked my coworker who is very much a ham if he would be my “flower person” if I ever get married, lol
Omg I just said the same thing 😂
She could Hansel and Gretel a couple if she put her mind to it
The friend is hoping that OP regards this as a personal honor and will act as if she's the child's sponsor/mother that day (and buy the dress).
I need a cute kid to fill the role of flower girl to complete the aesthetic for my vision.
If someone asked me, as the parent, if one of my kids could be in a wedding and I accepted, I would expect to pay for those related expenses, provide the kids’ travel and supervision, etc.
Regardless, OP is definitely not on the hook to pay for any of this.
I wouldn't expect anyone in my wedding party to pay for the privilege to be by my side.
It's my wedding not theirs. Why should they be out any $$$.
In fact I did just that, I paid for my wedding.
I've always felt this way (which is why I didn't have a wedding party), but it seems that having bridesmaids and groomsmen pay is the standard.
It is actually standard *in the US* for wedding participants to pay for their own dresses.
However, it's also standard to actually know the people you ask to be in your wedding, so I don't know what to make of this situation.
Many flower girl dresses are not even that expensive. My daughter was just in a wedding and her’s was $34 from Amazon (and beautiful).
When I got married 5 years ago, the flower girl dresses were $35.
I expected to pay for my daughter’s, but my mom ended up buying it which was a nice surprise.
Kinda sounds like the bride doesn’t know a girl that’s the “typical” flower girl age and is just asking for someone kind of random to fill in for aesthetics, which is weird to me. When I got married, we didn’t have a ring bearer or flower girl because no one we were close to had kids at the age you typically go to for a ring bearer or flower girl. They’re children, not props.
I had my sister's husband's niece in my wedding.I paid my sister to make my dress ,her moh dress and the flower girl dress.
My husband made my dress and had enough material left to make himself a matching western shirt. We had 2 people. Met at the dump LOL 20 years, 19 married.
The couple getting married or the parents of the flower girl would pay for her dress. Just because you're in the wedding doesn't give you any responsibility for your niece's costs. If the bride is uncomfortable contacting your sister about the dress, then your niece shouldn't be her flower girl.
Yep. This is the way. My niece will be my flower girl, and I plan to buy her dress. My sister will already be buying my older niece’s bridesmaid dress. If your friend isn’t comfortable talking with your sister, then your niece shouldn’t be in this girl’s wedding.
Good point. It puts OP in a precarious position if the bride doesn't talk to the niece's mom. Anything that goes wrong from either side will be blamed on op
This! My sister is totally non confrontational and was put on the spot in person when asked, so naturally she agreed. Now unfortunately I’m in a position to either suck it up and pay or be the one to say my niece can’t do it
It seems clear to me that the parents are the point people to deal with paying for the dress. That being said it seems your friend, the bride, caught your sister off guard when she asked? Maybe the three of you should have a conversation and reconsider if having your niece is a good fit. You love your niece but you don't want to be her caretaker/ responsible for her throughout the wedding. Although I have compassion as a single mother of two daughters, one has to step outside of their own comfort zone to be the best advocate for their kid. Mom needs to talk to bride. If your sister and the bride won't talk to each other, tell them both to leave you out of it. Traditionally a flower girl is included because there is a significant relationship between the couple getting married, the child, and their parents, not just because it looks cute.
This is a copy of result of a Google search for the etiquette/rules of a flower girl.
Key rules are about managing the child's needs and comfort, such as having a parent nearby, using an escort for younger girls, and providing distractions for the ceremony. The choice of attire often mirrors the bride's dress and is typically paid for by the child's parents. Wedding ceremony duties Processional: Walks down the aisle, usually after the ring bearer and before the bride. Aisle activity: Traditionally scatters petals, but can also carry a small bouquet, a flower hoop, a sign, or a basket of flowers. Post-aisle: Sits with her parents or stands with the wedding party, depending on her age and comfort level. Reception: Can participate in the wedding party's grand entrance if she is comfortable. Key considerations for the couple Age and maturity: The role is typically for children aged 3-8. Older children might be better suited as junior bridesmaids. Parental involvement: A parent or helper should be present to assist a younger child, especially for the walk down the aisle. Comfort and distraction: Provide toys, snacks, or a tablet for her to use during the ceremony, especially if she will be sitting with her parents. Attire: Choose a dress that complements the bridal party, and ensure it is comfortable for the child to wear. Cost: The flower girl's parents typically pay for the outfit, though the couple might offer to cover the cost as a gesture or if it's a custom dress.
This answer is helpful!
In all honesty, unless your sister is excited for your niece to be a flower girl, I would encourage her to decline.
In my experience, flower girl dresses are like bridesmaid dresses - paid for by the person wearing it. Though since the flower girl is a child, it's paid by her parents.
The real question though is: why is your best friend asking a random kid to be the flower girl? Who asks a random acquaintance if their kid can be in their wedding party. Why your niece? It's weird as hell.
Regardless, this should be a conversation between your friend and your sister - you don't have a role here.
Her nephew and my niece are friends and play together. So she isn’t a random kid to her, but I do agree that the relationship feels too far removed. Her being the flower girl is one thing, but adding additional expenses that fall on me doesn’t feel right.
They don't fall on you - step out of the middle-man role. It is not your wedding and the flower girl is not your daughter - no matter who pays for the dress it's clear it won't be you.
The bride should already have your sister's contact info if she's asked her about her daughter being the flower girl. I assume your sister isn't in the wedding party, is she even a guest at the wedding? For a flower girl or any other child in the wedding party, it's really their parents you are asking a favor from. If the bride is asking for your sister to pay for the dress on top of all the effort and inconvenience, your sister may very well decline - and that is fine. It's still between those two, and has nothing to do with you - and you should not step in and offer to pay.
If the bride wants your niece in the wedding and in a specific dress, she will likely need to provide the dress. Regardless, don't worry about it, stay Switzerland here.
You are right that the expenses shouldn't be on you. But I still don't understand how she would ask someone who is not a friend - barely an acquaintance - if their kid can be in her wedding? It reeks of wanting a specific "look" rather than having people actually important to you. Would she even invite your sister if she didn't want your niece in the pictures?
My sister would have still been invited, but PROBABLY only because my parents are invited. I don’t think her intention in asking my niece was purely for the look, but she is the only little girl my friend knows so it was definitely part of it.
“Here’s my sister’s phone number. I’ll just let you contact her yourself. You’re going to have all sorts of details to coordinate”
Warn sister in advance.
Perfect response!
Your friend is being selfish. She's asking your sister to take on the enormous chore of having her kid in the wedding and she doesn't even know her well enough to text her the dress details. It's possible that this isn't just so she can have a specific look, but I certainly don't see another logical explanation.
Like this whole situation would have me looking sideways at my friend. This is such a big ask.
That’s how I’ve been feeling! I didn’t mention in my original post, this wedding is over 2 hours away with the rehearsal dinner the night before for the wedding party. It’s all just a huge chore!
My sister handled all the dress details and the flower girl fittings and her and my fittings.I just picked the pattern,the material and the cost.I also had to agree to picking them up and taking all of the them to the wedding.
If she's stuck on having a flower girl, when she doesn't know any other little girls, she's DEFINITELY just going for the look. Or she's forcing the tradition of having both a ring bearer and a flower girl.
It's totally weird to have your neice do it. And yes, she should be going through the parents, not you. You need to put your foot down on that one.
Edit: and if she does end up having her as the FG, then the parents should definitely be invited as well. Etiquette 101.
It doesn’t feel right that she’d pick a flower girl without being close to her parents.
I’d try to stay out of that. Tell your friend that she can call the parent directly and you’d prefer to stay out of this one.
Who’s going to supervise this child at the wedding? Who’s going to relay important upcoming wedding details rehearsal, meeting point, etc to the Mom? This is so odd. Tell her you think she needs to speak with the Mom directly.
Just tell her, covering flower girl dress isn't in my or my sister's budget. Does the girl know already? Have you talked to your sister about presenting a united front?
This is definitely country dependent. In the UK the bride pays for the bridesmaid dresses
From the USA, was a flower girl at age 6, bride paid for my dress and my sister’s.
It would sound so logical to me that if you're expecting your wedding party to buy specific clothes, you're paying for it and not the wedding party. Those people have usually invested a lot already in your wedding (bachelor/hen party, gifts, time).
And my advice is to stay out of it.
Bride can pay for the flower girl dress if the mom of said flower girl isn't close to her.
OP, DO NOT PAY FOR ANYTHING BESIDES YOUR OUTFIT. I cannot stress this enough.
Really depends on where you are in the world, I think.
I'm in the UK, so it would be on the bride to buy the dresses of her bridal party, including the flower girls.
Yep, I got married in May and I paid for my bridesmaids dresses, shoes, accessories, hair and makeup.
If the bride wants a flower girl, she pays for her dress.
I’d say if the bride wants to pick out the dress, the bride should pay. If the bride is fine with any dress, then the kid’s family can figure it out.
It's hard to say - I think there are some cultural norms here that have variance. In Australia, it's generally viewed as an expense of the bridal party. Same as bridesmaid dresses, hair and makeup, etc. If the bride wants it, she pays for it.
This is how it should be in the US too. It's should not cost money to be in a wedding party.
I paid for the flower girl and ring bearer's outfits (Neither made it down the aisle, lol). I also made sure their parents were on board first, though. In my opinion, the wedding party is there to help celebrate and support the couple getting married, children are not obligated to do so, and no one is obligated to make their children a part of that.
In this case, the bride should pay for the dress to say thank you to the flower girl and her parents for being involved in the first place.
The bride pays for it! What the hell? The bride pays for it and gives it to the flower girl as a gift. This MAY be cool and fun for your niece (but also maybe not) but it's a chore for your sister. The bride really thinks it should be a chore AND an expense?
Do the right thing and tell the bride your niece's size and that she needs to buy the dress.
How old is your niece? This isn't casting a part in a play, it's a wedding party.
She’s 4
Great age! I hope she grows up knowing you.
I wish. I've never heard of a bride in my area paying for a flower girl dress. Parents usually complain about the costs, just like bridesmaids complain about their costs. Being in someone's wedding is expensive.
Man that is so crazy! I know it's the custom but why does it cost money to be in someone else's wedding?!? Like you don't pick the outfit but you (or the parents) have to pay for it? Wtf!
Why is this kid being treated like a prop for somebody's wedding? Cause that's all this is, there certainly is no emotional meaning behind it.
Usually the mother of the flower girl pays for the dress, but she is also usually the kind of close where she would be at the wedding, possibly even a bridesmaid. In this circumstance, the relationship is so far apart, I think the Bride should pay if she wants that child in her wedding.
I agree with you. Perfectly stated.
There's no reason why you should be involved in who pays for the dress and you certainly shouldn't be paying for it. This should have been discussed between the bride and the girl's mom ahead of time. They should figure it out themselves now.
Let your friend know that your sister isn't in a position to buy the dress. If she really wants your niece to serve as flower girl, she's going to have to foot that bill.
"Love the dress! Niece wears a size XX, let me know if you'll have it delivered straight to XXX (here's the address) or if I should pick it up from you when it arrives."
Typically the flower girl dress would be paid for by the parents of the girl wearing it. But also typically, the parents are either related to or our friends with the bride. In this special circumstance, I think it is only appropriate for the bride herself to pay for the flower girl dress. It seems like the mother of the child is doing her a favor, and allowing her daughter to be the flower girl. IDK if the bride just didn’t know anybody else for the small girl to play the part? But it is very rude and inconsiderate to have the mother pay in this case, and the burden certainly shouldn’t be put on you. The bride should have just been courteous enough to pay for it herself, IMO 🤷🏽♀️
Your niece is a prop. The bride should pay. Consider it the rental fee for using a child as a prop for her wedding.
In my view the bride should pay for a flower girl or junior bridesmaid dress. (Actually I'd like to include adult bridesmaids dresses to but - apparently - everyone just accepts today that bridesmaids have to pay for their dresses...)
I agree - but it has become the norm for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses. However, kids in a wedding are different - while most adult women won't want to wear their bridesmaid dresses again, they could. (and I have worn a few of mine to other occasions). Children who A. don't have many dressy events to go to and B. will outgrow the outfit in a matter of months will never wear it for any occasion other than this wedding, and don't have any means to pay for it themselves. Parents are already doing a massive favor by chaperoning their kids through wedding stuff without getting any of the fun (?) of being in the wedding themselves. The couple should go out of their way to not add an expense onto the parents' plate.
In recent years, the trends in bridesmaid dresses have shifted so that it’s much more likely that they could wear them again. Back in the day this was not the case. I was a bridesmaid three times and there’s no way I could’ve worn any of them after. I agree the bride should pay for the dress, as they are doing her a favor.
I paid for the dresses of my flower girl, junior bridesmaid, bridesmaid, and MOH. For the JB, BM, and MOH I just picked the color and told them to pick out whichever dress they wanted in that color, because my 12yo JB would look silly in a dress designed for a grown woman, and my super short and busty MOH wouldn’t look good in the same dress style as my taller BM. I wanted them to be comfortable and feel good because I love them and was grateful they were supporting me on my wedding day and leading up to it.
If the bride and your sister aren't friends, why is your niece in the wedding? This doesn't make sense.
OP might have her neice a lot. My kids were close friends with the neighbor girl, but she wasn’t actually our neighbor- her aunt lived there and she was just always over. If bestie and neice are always hanging out with OP at the same time, it can make sense.
Your sister needs to say no
Why is she flower girl at all if they’re just acquaintances? That’s so weird. It’s the Bride that pays so I would push back or just let your sister pull her daughter out of the wedding.
The bride should pay for it
I paid for both my flower girls dresses.
Bride in my opinion
I paid my flower girl's dress. It was my responsibility. I was glad she and her family could come and attend. So I think It's not her mother's or your responsibility to pay.
This is a good question that I don’t think has one straight answer.
But are you paying is ridiculous and there’s no world where you should pay for this.
Is the bride paying for all of the bridesmaid dresses as well?
In my mind, if the bride is picking something out, then the bride should be paying for it if it needs to be that one specific thing. Now, if that’s just a template for your sister to get her address like that, then that is different.
But I think it’s on your sister to pay for the dress, and if she doesn’t want to, and doesn’t want your needs to be the flower girl then so be it.
When it was my wedding I paid for all the bridesmaids’ and flower girls’ dresses. If I want you to wear something specific that you don’t already own, then you shouldn’t be out of pocket for it. I did get them to provide their own shoes though.
I’d be more worried about your niece apparently not being close to the bride, if her mom is only an acquaintance.
Her and my niece are close. Her nephew and my niece are friends
Is the nephew in the wedding too? Anyway, the bride should pay for the dress.
Same. And I’ve been in wedding parties for which the couple also paid for the outfits. One exception—for one wedding, bride asked us to purchase our own shoes. That was minor—and she made it a point to select affordable shoes that we’d be able to wear later. I’ve never understood the desire to go broke buying outfits at the whim of the bride because it’s an honor to be asked. 😂
Ask her who is paying for the dress. Every options team from the answer.
I've got a granddaughter the bride could rent for the right price!
Weddings don't need flower girls and if your niece is the bride's best option, she should probably just skip it altogether. Regardless, you, OP, have nothing to do with buying the flower girl dress. And if your sister would rather not incur the expense she can certainly tell the bride "no."
I’m pretty positive it’s just like bridesmaid dresses where in this case the flower girl’s parents are responsible for paying for it. I didn’t even pick out my flower girl’s dress. I just told her mom to pick one out that she liked lol. I will add though, that she did ask me to let her daughter be the flower girl even though I was already going to ask her anyways. I didn’t care, I was just happy she was happy to have her daughter would be the flower girl.
The bride & groom should pay for it. If they want a flower girl, and want her in a particular dress then they should pay for it. It’s that simple.
The same should also apply to bridesmaids dresses & groomsmen suits. And anything else that they are requiring them to have or wear to fit their aesthetic for their day.
I will never understand why people think it is acceptable to saddle their friends and family with a bill to be in their wedding, it’s rude.
The wedding party will already be having to buy gifts, take time off work, pay for the bachelorette / bachelor parties, possibly spend money on travel and hotel rooms etc. That’s already a lot of money spent on someone else’s day.
I’m in the UK, it is not as common here as it seems to be in the US to expect the bridal party to pay for their outfits. When I got married 18 years ago me and my husband paid for our MOH and Best Man outfits. I also paid for MOH to have her hair and make up done on the day. Because it was us having a wedding, it was us that asked them to be part of it and it was us that decided we wanted them to look a certain way. So it was our responsibility to pay for that.
I’m honestly so happy that I am past the age where I’m likely to be asked to be anyone’s bridesmaid, wedding expectations seem to have gone insane nowadays.
In England the bride pays for the dresses, the bridesmaids pay for the shoes 🤪
At my wedding, one of the flowers girls Mum was not in a position to pay for the shoes so I bought them all, do that no one felt awkward.
In England it is an honour to be asked to be a bridesmaid, not an expectation to haemorrhage money.
I‘m of the opinion that if you don‘t choose the dress you don‘t pay for it.
I personally paid for all the material and patterns for my wedding party dresses, including my 11-year-old sisters who were junior bridesmaids and my two 5-year-old nieces' flower girl dresses. (In fact, I also did the sewing for those dresses along with my MOH dress).
When my daughter got married, I again sewed the flower girls dresses and paid for the materials. Also sewed my daughter's gown. I think my daughter met her bridesmaids halfway on their dresses.
When my son got married 8 years ago, they bride and groom paid for the flower girl dresses and the ring bearers clothing.
I think the bride should pony up the money on the flower girl dress.
Why are YOU feeling cornered?!
Why, if the bride and your sister aren't friends, is the little girl a flower girl?!
Where I'm from, everybody buys their own dress. She can just say no.
If this bride needs a flower girl then she needs to buy the dress. End of story!!
The bride
I've been a flower girl 4 times in my life. So this is from my experiences.
My mom's wedding to my ex-stepdad, my grandma made my dress.
My aunt's wedding to my uncle, my aunt paid for my dress.
One of my mom's friends' wedding, my mom and her friend went halfsies on my dress because the one we all liked was a good amount more than they planned to spend but it was perfect for their wedding.
My mom's really good friend's daughter's wedding (I was the only girl they knew who was still young enough to do it), the bride paid for my dress.
I would say that the bride/groom purchase the flower girl dress.
If the mother of the flower girl chooses the dress, the mother pays, or uses something they already own.
If the bride chooses the flower girl’s dress, the bride pays.
It’s that simple.
Traditionally, the mom or dad of the flower girl pays for the dress and outfit. But in this case, sounds like the person asking (the bride) should be paying.
If the couple isn't including it in their wedding costs then the bride should ask someone more appropriate.
It would make absolutely no sense at all for your sister to even say yes to allow her daughter to participate in this wedding given their lack of friendship/closeness.
The bride pays. Not the mom.
You need to tell the bride if she wants your niece to be the flower girl she’s going to have to pay for the dress. Something tells me your sister isn’t even going to be invited to the wedding
Let me ask you this, do you think your sister would be invited to this wedding her daughter will be a part of, what will you be expected to take care of all your nieces flower girl duties and keep an eye on her? This is a weird situation and I'd be telling your sister don't do it.
What I’ve found is that whoever is wearing the dress, it’s their job to buy the dress. Same with tuxedos. What’s that, you last minute asked my husband to be in your wedding party and now we have to pay for a $200 tux rental? Because you wanted an extra person?????!!!??? It’s happened to me four times and I absolutely HATE being included in weddings! I didn’t have a wedding because I don’t like being stupid with my money, so please don’t invite me to be in YOUR wedding where I am expected to be stupid with my money.
Advise friend you'll leave the flower girl dress to be worked out with niece's mother. Remove yourself from the equation.
Why is your niece in a wedding when her mother doesn’t know the bride?
No they asked they need to pay don’t not buy it
Just here to say it is entirely up to the bride/the child’s guardian(s). I do think it would be appropriate to talk to your sister and if she can’t afford it, have a discussion with the bride. Maybe the 3 of you discuss it collectively? If it were me, as soon as I was asked to be a part of something I would have this conversation prior to agreeing to anything.
I thought the bride pays for the flower girl dress?
My daughter was a flower girl 4 times. I paid for all 4 dresses. I think the mom should pay if she agreed to having her daughter be in it.
I always thought it was like being a bridesmaid… you accept the responsibility of being in the wedding, you accept the costs as well too? Is that not how it works? That’s why I say no 😂🤣
Usually the parents of the flower girl. Why did she ask them if she isn’t close to them? Sister should have said no.
I don’t understand the whole outsourcing of financial responsibility in weddings. If the bride and groom want something, and someone else hasn’t offered to pay for it as a gift, the bride and groom need to pay for it. I used to want to be a bridesmaid, but after years of reading horror stories about the financial pressures outsourced to the wedding party, I’m thankful I’ve never been asked.
The bill is the parents if they have agreed to their child being in the wedding. Regardless of the closeness of the relationship. If your sister doesn't want to pay it, tell the bride she should pick a different child.
If your sister isn't friends with the bride, it's really awkward for her to choose your sister's daughter to play such a big part in her wedding. I would decline the flower girl role going to the niece, because you can't ask your sister to pay or the bride. It will otherwise be up to you to pay..
My daughter will be a flower girl and I expect to be paying for the dress
The parents buy the dress unless the bride offers.
It’s the Bride. Period. If she can’t afford one then it’s simple you don’t have one and how tacky to ask a bridesmaid or maid of honor!!
I’ve never heard of a bride paying for the flower girl’s dress. The parents should pay for it. But also super weird to ask someone’s child when you aren’t even friends with the parent.
Nothing says a child is being used as a prop when the child’s mother isn’t close to the bride
Tbh I hold the expectation that when you agree to be in the wedding you agree to buy the attire unless otherwise stated by the bride. HOWEVER as a bride I made sure to chose options that were low cost or allow them to pick what they wanted. This is a lack of communication. Have your sister reach out to the bride and talk…
Just like the bridesmaid dress, it would be paid for by the person (or parent) of the wedding party member. Or you can pay for it if you want. Or your sister can say no to her daughter being the flower girl. In other words, the bride doesn't pay for it.
Updateme
My flower girl was my daughter and I paid for her dress
I think the safest thing is to step out. Money always makes things ugly in a wedding. But generally I always saw that the parents of the kids payed for the dresses.
If your sister agrees, she should buy the dress although I don't understand why your friend wants the little girl in the wedding if she's not close to her.
WTF?
Tell your friend that she could possibly use her neighbours neighbours kid and see if they want to pay for the dress..
Depending on the culture it’s either the bride’s expense or the parents. Not yours.
And the parents better be invited or else you will also be babysitting.
If I was getting married I’d buy the flower girl her dress.
Part of the reason I told my cousin she could pick any white dress she wanted for her 6 year old is because I didn't expect to pay - if it's a white dress she likes anyway, hopefully she can reuse it.
I bought my flower girls dress when I got married. I felt that because I picked it, it was only fair. I bought the bridesmaids dresses for the same reason
I knew my cousin was in a tighter spot than me financially and I didn’t want her to be put out too much. She told me she found a cute one on sale at Target on the post-Easter clearance section. I sent her $40 to help.
In general, the child’s parents usually pay for the flower girl dresses, just as the bridesmaids generally pay for their own dresses.
You aren't the parent with any authority to make decisions about the child. So the bride will have to go to your sister for permission regardless and if your sister declines, so be it.
In my experience the parents of said flower girl pay for the dress.
Don't pay for it and don't have your sister pay for it.
The flower girl’s parents pay for her dress. The bride and groom may also opt to pay, but it is not required.
I don't care what tradition says, any financial burden that comes as a result of attending a wedding should be placed squarely on the hosts head. Unless the bride is perfectly fine with any cute dress the parents already own, the bride should be paying for the flower girl's dress herself.
In the U.K. it’s all part of the wedding budget. if you are in the USA and they have asked someone random (which it seems they have) I would expect them to cover all costs.
It must be an American thing. In the uk and when I got married, I paid for my bridesmaids dresses, shoes, accessories and hair and make up on the day. Groomsmen’s suit hire was also covered by us. I personally think to ask beloved friends and family to pay for an expensive outfit for one day and (let’s face it) that they will never wear again is just rude!
I don’t know, but I should have thought of this myself. I’m a bridesmaid this spring and my two daughters are flower girls. And I’m not paying for my bridesmaid dress, hotel accommodations for the weekend, shower and wedding gifts, AND two flower girl dresses.
I paid for my flower girl’s dresses - they aren’t adults and I didn’t want to put it on the parents.
That being said, if the parents accept the invite for their daughter to be a flower girl then normally they are accounting the payments.
In my family, if you're asking someone to be in the wedding party, you foot the bill. So in this case, friend should be paying for the dress.
Sidebar though, why is she asking people who aren't her friends or kids of their friends? Seems a bit too creepy to me.
The parents of the flower girl pays.
If the bride has a very specific and pricey dress, and insists on that particular one, then it makes the most sense she buys and pays for it. If bride is okay with a general look, then mom could find something within their budget range then ok for parents to buy it. One can get cute dresses for about $50 and they can reuse it for other events too.
I don’t think she should be in the wedding at all.
Give the bride your sister's contact information and have them work it out between them. Step out of the middle.
Normally speaking the flower girl's parents would pay. Seeing how they aren't close, the bride should pay for the dress. Really, the bride just shouldn't have a flower girl.
Usually the parent of the flower girl or the bridal couple pay for that
"Old Friend, my niece and I are excited about the wedding. I'm concerned that my sister doesn't know you well enough and might feel like you expect her to pay for the dress if you approach her directly. It's kind of you to check the dress with us, but why don't you route your link through me so my sister doesn't misunderstand. Then she can respond directly to you about sizing before you order it, fittings, etc. And I am available to help with communication if needed."
The expectation is that she pays for the dress she requires and the girl wears it as long as it's in good taste. (I guess. I'm not up on the wedding etiquette, but any time I've participated formally, my outfit was provided.)
You're only cornered if you seem to entertain that she is attempting to breach etiquette. Assuming she's paying as should be the case keeps the onus on her.
I would just have her send it to your sister. If she wants to pull her daughter out of the wedding, she can. I really don't know why your niece is a flower girl to begin with if your sister and the bride aren't friends. Don't feel guilty about not buying the dress, it's certainly not your responsibility. If your friend is just having her in the wedding because she wants a young girl in the wedding, then I would say the responsibility is hers to pay for the dress.
All my bridesmaids bought their own dresses - they just showed me before they bought. And 2 of my bridesmaids had their kiddos be flower people and the other a ring bearer - they all bought their kids clothes themselves- of course showing me options first.
It is kinda weird to ask a person they aren’t close with to basically rent their child for their wedding 🤷🏻♀️ this isn’t rent-a-child
Bride should oay in this case.
"Please send me the link and I will check with my sister about the size. When you purchase the dress you can ship it to X."
My advice is to STAY OUT OF IT!
Tell her you are excited for her wedding and that you are honored to be in the bridal party. Then give her your sister's contact information to coordinate anything regarding your niece. If her mom doesn't want to spend the money or make commitments for herself or her child to this person she doesn't know it's her decision and her right. I'm telling you this is a mess waiting to happen!
When my daughter was little, she was in a very good Friend's wedding. I was a single Mom at the time, but I bought the dress with the understanding that was her wedding gift.
I think y'all need to take a step back because it sounds like your friend is using the child as a prop since she's not even close with the mother. If I was your sister I wouldn't be bringing my child there.
I bought clothing for the three kids in my wedding. I also wasn't precious about it and got Easter clothes in my color scheme threeish months before the wedding. So it wasn't expensive in the terms of a wedding.
Bride wants a flower girl- bride provides the dress
My daughter and my cousins daughter were recently in my sisters wedding as flower girls. And my sister (the bride) paid for the dresses. Since children don't have their own money I think it always makes sense for bride & groom to pay.
Your niece is not a prop. Since they aren’t close, I don’t see why your sister would want her daughter in that wedding. She can easily say no thanks
Definitely a weird choice. Typically the parents would pay but honestly, if I was your sister, I’d say no to the whole thing. It would be weird for the flower girl to be at the wedding or reception without her mom. I’d have no desire at all to pay for a dress and spend a whole day at a wedding and reception for someone I don’t know. It wouldn’t be any fun.
My sister in law bought my nieces dresses when I got married.
Normally the mother of the child pays for it. However, I as the bride in both my weddings paid for the flower girl dress because I wanted something specific and a little more expensive than I felt comfortable asking them to buy.
The couple getting married or the parents of the flower girl pay for the dress. If the bride barely even knows your sister, this is a very odd choice for a flower girl.
A flower girl no longer needs to be a cute little girl, I’ve seen grown men, darling grannies, bffs, nephews, even dogs be the flower people/pets.
I guess it depends. I paid for the flower girl dress at my wedding. Her mom was a bridesmaid as well. And I also paid for the flower girl dress for my sister-in-laws wedding for my daughter. But in both situations I was trying to help out the my bridesmaid/my SIL because they didn’t have a ton of extra money.
My daughter was a bridesmaid in my sister’s wedding. My dad paid for the dress. If not, my sister, the bride would have paid.
Why would she choose your niece for flower girl? How does she know your niece and not know your niece's parents??
If she is just desperate for a flower girl and doesn't know any little girls, so she just chose your niece to fill in the empty spot.. then she (the bride) needs to pay for it.
Typically, the mother of the flower girl would pay, though.
She knows my sister, they just aren’t close friends. My sister’s family is invited to the wedding. I’m with my niece a lot and her and my friend’s nephew play together. It’s an interesting dynamic so traditional wedding etiquette doesn’t give me a clear answer
I paid for my daughter’s dress when she was in my brother’s wedding. And the shoes. And the alterations.
When I was a kid and was in my cousin’s wedding, my parents paid for the dress. And the shoes.
When I was an adult and in my friend’s wedding, I paid for the dress, the alterations, the shoes, hair and the makeup.
It’s weird that your friend asked your niece when she isn’t friends with niece’s parents. In that case, bride can pay.
Traditionally the bridal party buys their own attire. I assume your niece is being invited due to their relationship with you so if her parents don’t want to pay then you would be the next in line. It seems reasonable to say you are honored she has been invited but that she will have to decline.
In this scenario, the bride should pay
In my experience - everything you wear in a bridal party is at your expense. That said, not your kid, not your expense. If she wants the flower girl she can buy the dress, otherwise she can get a new flower girl. Easy peasy.
My nieces were 4 when I got married. I have always been very close to them. I paid for their dresses, shoes, accessories, etc. It never even crossed my mind to ask my sisters to pay, I was honored to have those little girls in my wedding. If the bride isn’t close to your sister at all, then your niece is being used as a prop in the wedding. In my opinion, if the bride isn’t willing to pay then I would decline allowing your niece to be in the wedding. Heck, I’m borderline on the fence regardless because using people as props for aesthetic is pretty icky.
First, I'm just going to say it's weird that she wants your niece in her wedding when your sister barely knows this person. Is your sister invited since it's HER KID? Anyway, your friend should pay for the dress in this situation. It's weird though.
I didn’t say she barely knew my sister— she is my childhood best friend. Yes my sister (included her family as well as my parents) are invited. I said in several different comments that I babysit my niece a lot and my friend is around her often. She is always at her birthday parties, she isn’t a stranger to my family. Her and my sister just don’t have a close relationship.
I paid for my flower girls’ dresses and shoes AND gave them Ariel dolls to keep them occupied during the service.
We bought dresses for the flower girls in our wedding. They were doing us a favor letting their girls be in the wedding so I wanted to pay. They purchased the shoes.
Why does your friend want your niece in the Wedding when she isn’t friends with your sister? She doesn’t have to have a flower girl.
Usually the parents of the flower girl.
My niece was my flower girl and my sister was my MOH. She paid for her daughter's dress.
What does the niece say about it? Is she at all INTERESTED in being a prop at some woman’s wedding? Does she even know the bride?
If she WANTS to do it, she should discuss it with her mom.
I paid for our flower girls dress. I feel like that’s pretty standard, especially since your sister and the bride have no relationship
I don't understand this concept of bride and groom, not paying for their bridal and groom party, outfits, which involves both flower girls and page boys.
Where I come from, it's the bride and groom, that pays for everything. The only thing they may not pay for in full but might contribute to, would be new shoes except for the liitke ones in the wedding party. Usually you are told a colour and we tend to keep the colour neutral enough that people would have those colour shoes at home. You can rent shoes for guys but I don't think you can for the girls.
For this scenario, paying for the outfit for the flower girl, especially considering the bride and the mother of the flower girl aren't very close, should fall on the bride.
Is the fact that anyone in the wedding party, are expected to pay for their own outfits, the reason why there are soo many bridesmaids and groomsmen, in American weddings?
Maybe she can rent a flower girl.
My second wedding I had 3 flower girls and one bridesmaid. I paid because why should the parents cough up for something you want?
Why is the bride having your niece as a flower girl? Are they close? Or is it for the photos?
It's weird.
I would think the bride pays for the flower girl dress. When I got married, I paid for the flower girls dress and for the jewelry for the bridesmaid and the MOH. They paid for their gowns, shoes, etc. otherwise, the parents of the flower girl could pay for the dress. Personally, I feel like it’s something the bride should cover.
My Parents paid for Both my Bridesmaids dresses and the flower girls dress.(And ribbons and shoes ). My husband paid for the groomsman's rentals andy Dads tie. (My Dad just wore the suit that he wore to Church.)
My girls were flower girls quite a few times and I was always happy to have them participate! I paid for the dresses each time. But we were always close with the bride and groom and it wasn’t the economy from hell.
When I had someone’s kid who was not my friend in my wedding I bought the dress for the flower girl.
Ok.. 1st. A best friend's neice, could have a relationship without having a close one one with the mom, cause..Aunties babysitter, and sometimes have their besties over too..
My Best friend in Michigan.. (I freaked her neice out when I visited last summer, totally different story, but related, cause her family is like family to me, I had seen this little girl grow up on Facebook, but she had never met me. Was walking past her house on the way to my best friends house, and saw her come out side, with her cousin, the other sister's daughter, who had also never met me.. I was on the phone with her, was across the street, we were talking about getting together there the next night, but I was like I can't just walk past them and NOT say hi.. and was excited to meet them, and see her sisters .. so I crossed the street. Called her by her name and asked if her mom was home 🤣 she gave me the same look her mom would🥰. Stranger danger.. 🤣, they love their Sammi now tho.🤣) Anyway.. my daughter was in my Best friend's wedding AS her flower girl..a million years ago. (She was 2yrs, now 29. 🤯) bridesmaids were "family " at the time, but she wanted to include "me",
Funny story her son who is 10 months older than my daughter, got married on 2 22 2022 on a Tuesday at 2:22pm..
My best friend was babysitting for me while planning her wedding and Her son and my daughter would sit and plan "their" wedding.. He would wear a PURPLE TUX, she would wear a PURPLE DRESS....
We moved away.. so they didn't marry each other.. but on His wedding day..( I was not able to travel, but was there in spirit) ... he wore a PURPLE TUX.. his wife, a teal dress... It was also my son's birthday, so my daughter and I brought him out to dinner.. I didn't even connect the things until we got home and I messaged my best friend to see how the things went..
All of a sudden I realized that my daughter showed up to dinner wearing a PURPLE DRESS on her son's wedding day that he had his PURPLE TUX ....thousands of miles away!!! 🤯 I had to ask my daughter if she intentionally dressed in purple.. NOPE.. may have been a subliminal choice, cause she knew about the wedding and the tux..
And My poor daughter.. she shared this with me around that time.. FOR YEARS!!! she thought that she had gotten married to my best friends son that day. 😳🥺😂
We moved away right after the wedding..
But she wore a pretty dress and he wore a tux and they walked down the aisle ..
So my daughter spent the first early memories.. BELIEVING she was a MARRIED woman 🤣🤣🤣
She did not share this with me until recently..
Anyway.... my Best Friend paid for the dress. Cause I couldn't.
I have been asked to be bridesmaid, but I can't pay for things.. sorry.. I will gladly stand by you help you plan and navigate the things, but I am sorry, I can't afford a dress..
My boyfriend "17 years not married " has been a groomsmen alot in a short span.. and has started to say no.. Cause the tux rentals are expensive..
Then there was the time I accidentally dressed like the bridesmaids, like a weirdo..🤣 I knew the colors were red and black.. cause his tux. So I wear a black cocktail dress, with red heels...
Wedding starts. All the bridesmaids are in different black cocktail dresses and RED HEELS!! 😳🤦♀️ we are eall still good friends and I have brought it up.. and she is like you should have been 🤣
Anyway sorry went down my own personal rabbit hole..
I would ASK your friend if she is going to buy the dress. Cause not everyone can afford to spend money to play dress up for a day.
Doesn't mean they are not supportive, and don't want to be included.. Bruh.. if I am hot gluing things for centerpieces.. you know I got you.. even if I can't afford to walk in your wedding parade.
At mine and my husband’s wedding we paid for all outfits to do with the wedding, as in best man, groomsmen, MOH, bridesmaids, flower girls etc