I am sure I will judged very harshly for this but here it goes. Today my daughter’s therapist called me with a concern, my daughter had expressed some suicidal thoughts to her. I spoke to her explaining she does this literally every time the end of school breaks come up. She is homeschooled so this isn’t about not wanting to face her peers, this is she doesn’t want to go to school.
I also explained to this therapist (she is a newish therapist) in the past 3 years she has been in mental health hospitals over 50 times. She goes, sits in her room makes paper stars, doesn’t go to therapy, refuses to talk to the doctor, refuses to eat, and treats it like a vacation. Comes back pissed at us even when she is the one asking to go. Those hospitals are expensive even with insurance. We just can’t afford to take her every other week or whenever she is tired of dealing with life.
I told the therapist all of this, I was candid and raw, dealing with her sometimes is so hard especially when she doesn’t want to help herself. Our goal when she is 18 in about a year and a half is for her to have the ability to help herself with this. We have done everything, used every resource available to us, we aren’t giving up, we just feel like we’ve hit a wall.
Turns out the therapist had my daughter on the line and she heard everything I said. Nothing I said was untrue, but I would have been a lot more careful with my words had I known she was on the line. Now my daughter won’t speak to me, said she half to know how I really feel. I fucked up guys and I don’t think I can fix it.
I am so mad at myself for trusting this lady enough to be 100% open about our situation. I love my daughter, she has a lot of mental health problems, I will never stop fighting for her but I may have lost this fight by being open. I’m not sure why I am writing this, my own mental health has been really bad lately not that that is an excuse I never should have said anything.
Edit: Thank you all so much. I posted this then had to go to work, I appreciate all the support. I did get ahold of the therapist to get some sort of explanation from her. To her credit she took responsibility said she royally screwed up. I told her she can’t continue to treat our daughter and she understood. It sucks because daughter really clicked with her and that is so hard to do. But that is unacceptable and really has put me and my daughter’s relationship in jeopardy.
I did talk to my therapist after work and she gave me all the information to report her. She let me work through my feelings and I do feel better about it, or at least not so horrible. I hope my daughter and I can work past this, who knows this may be a wake up call for her.
Thank you for the love 💕
Reminder to commenters: Choose your words carefully... Share kindness, support and compassion, not criticism. We want OP to feel loved, and not in a tough way. For more helpful information please hit up our beautiful rules wiki!
Reminder to all: watch out for a creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 instant downvotes. You didn't do anything wrong, we just have asshole lurkers/downvote bots stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and give her an upvote, ok?
Reminder to Anyone looking to profit off our users' posts and IP by writing garbage copy/paste articles like Krista Torres/Nia Tipton: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
That sounds very fucked up and super unethical of the therapist to not disclose that your daughter was listening to your conversation with her. I would consider reporting her.
Absolutely report this
Absolutely report her. That is hugely unethical.
Therapists can't help without honesty. Her behavior with the phone sounds super unethical and harmful to me. I'm shocked.
I know that's crazy behavior. Even if a family member or friend calls and they are on speaker, I will say immediately after greeting each other, "I have you on speaker, so-and-so is also here with me." That way, all of us are informed and basically consenting to the conversation. I definitely would report the therapist to her licensing board and explain it exactly how you did. You were open and honest, but would have chosen your words more carefully had you known that you're daughter was also on the line. Ridiculous behavior on the therapists part, and I hope that you are able to repair your relationship with your daughter.
I was thinking the same thing. I'm struggling to think of how this wasn't unethical.
Exactly. This isn’t even about OP’s privacy. If her daughter is having a mental health crisis, the therapist essentially set her up to hear something that might push her over the edge.
Is this therapist a middle school girl?? Because calling someone to see what the other person would say about someone else who is on the other line muted is what girls did when I was in middle school. I’m so sorry, the behavior from this therapist is insane
That was exactly my thought. What rational adult pulls mean girl tactics like that?
That’s so not ethical for a therapist. 🗑️
This is bullshit, you're not the one who fucked up here, the "therapist" is.. Your goal of helping your daughter be independent is a good one. Maybe there is even a slim chance that your daughter needed to hear this and will change her attitude in a few days (weeks). But in the meantime, make sure she feels that you actually care about her stated suicial thoughts. This is a really tough situation. Nobody would be getting through this without making mistakes.
I would report her to the licensing agency. That is unethical. I never have someone on speaker without announcing it. As a medical professional, she knows better. Does your daughter make her own appointments?
I would not return to this therapist - if she openly did something so unethical and potentially harmful, who knows what she is doing behind closed doors. YOU did not mess up, the therapist did. I am so sorry- you should have been able to trust her.
The therapist is awful. It's completely unethical for her to have had a call with you and not let you know your daughter was listening. Time for a new therapist.
The situation as described sounds wildly unethical. She should have disclosed your daughter was on the line, especially if she had reasons to think harsh words might be pronounced. Worth reporting IMO. I hope you can find ways to repair the relationship with your daughter.
No way mama, no judgement. You did nothing wrong. The therapist however did and I would report her to whatever governing body regulates her profession. I’m sorry that this happened to you, so unethical.
NTA Well she’s not a little kid and honestly sometimes teens need a reality check. No sense in beating yourself up about it. Let your daughter know that you would have been nicer about it if you knew she was on the line but that you meant what you said. Let her know her mental health doesn’t just affect her but everyone else in the household. It is what it is
This is awful, I am so sorry.
Can I just give a suggestion as a homeschool mom to another homeschool mom? Can she test out either via GED or high school equivalency exam? Either way that's a diploma and she doesn't have to "finish" school if it is driving her to these extremes.
I just want to say I am so sorry you were so ill-used by the therapist this way, it was potentially harmful to your daughters mental health for her to do that without telling you that your daughter was on the line so you could be circumspect about how you answered and it was flat out wrong for her to do that to both of you for so many reasons.
I have said some harsh things to my teenager or about him that he overheard in the past few years when I've struggled with his behaviors too, and he has moved on from it (because nothing I said was untrue or meant unkindly just like you) and realized that I was not being mean, I was being open and honest about how he was behaving.
I would absolutely have a shitfit to have this particular therapist taken off her case entirely and never interact with her again. I would report her to the licensing board for what she did and leave a very honest review of her service today for potential clients to see.
Report that therapist
That therapist sounds fucking evil and harmful. Who the fuck does that? Shouldn't she be working on coping skills with her, especially since she is a minor? What if you were actually an abusive or toxic parent and kicked her out on the street after that or something?! Would her smug therapist self be happy then? I cannot imagine it is ethical to do that in any way shape or form.
Bromo, my heart hurts so much for you right now. I have mentally ill, historically suicidal homeschool kids and have been a mentally ill suicidal teenage girl and 100% you did nothing wrong and that therapist did something majorly wrong.
You did NOT fuck up.
This is somewhere and somewhen that you should have the freedom to be honest and give the therapist insight into what’s going on. What the therapist did was not okay in the least. Like many others have said, they need to be reported.
My mother’s addiction counselor did the same thing to me while she was in rehab. I called and left a message to see if my mother was healthy enough for a family session, and he called me back with my mother in the room to “talk to me about my concerns.” Fortunately, he cut me off and told me she was there before I really got into it. I told him that he needed to call me back privately; that I didn’t expect him to talk to me about her, but I had conditions before I’d sit down with her and he needed to know what those were so no one was wasting their time.
It’s a shitty thing to do. I’m so sorry that it happened
As a therapist, I cannot fathom why this therapist would do that. That’s horribly unethical and downright harmful. What was even the purpose??
For the life of me I can’t figure out the line of thought. I’m definitely dealing with the fall out. My daughter is at least talking to me. And we have spoken on and off about it, when she gets upset she is walking away, and coming back when she is ready. So at least I don’t feel like the damage can’t be repaired anymore.