They’ve been planning a trip to Disney, a week there 3 days with park hopping tickets. My toddler will be 16 months old I think. Did I mention the 12 hour drive there during which they expect to just drive straight through?? I also know I’m going to become the one who has to be the disappointment and the solo parent because she’s going to need naps and she’s not going to last more than 2 hours at the parks.
I want to just stay home, but I also don’t want her that far away from me. And I don’t want my MiL watching her because I do not trust her boyfriend. He creeps me out. Period end of discussion.
I’m just stressed we also have our wedding this year and we don’t have time for all of our pto to go into this plus extra money to go into this (mil is for the most part paying for everything but there’s still expenses especially at Disney)
I feel like such a party pooper but I just feel like this trip would be so much better in three years not this year
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Why can you not decline to go? You have a laundry list of valid reasons. Just say no.
I kind of soft launched that idea to my fiance today, he’s at work though we just haven’t had much time to talk about it. I know I can just say no, it’s just his family would be disappointed and they’d probably shame my husband if me/the toddler didn’t go or all of us didn’t go.
This is a great situation to learn how to be the bad guy. These are boundaries that you need now, and you really will need in the future. You cannot control the feelings of other people. But what you can do is say No to this overstimulating toddler overtiredness now before it even starts.
This is you putting yourself and your kid first. Not MIL wild fantasy of wonderful world of disney
OP, please realize that your kid is also watching. They're learning from you how to have relationships and watch out for oneself. Do you want them to learn that they have to bend over backwards to their family at their own detriment? I don't think so.
Remember, you're allowed to say no, and they are allowed to be upset. That's just life, as u/seemsright_41 has so eloquently pointed out!
It’s okay to say no. You don’t have to trade everything you listed—creep boyfriend, stressful trip, difficult travel, too much money, time off of work, wedding planning—just to make them happy.
I would tell her how welcoming and kind it is for her to include your family in her trip, and then give her your very valid reasons for not going. If she tries to negotiate, I would shut it down by saying that I’ve already through through any ways we could compromise to still go, and came back to the same answer: this is not a year that you all can make it. And no, I’m sorry, you can’t take toddler alone; toddler is too young for this trip.
And if she keeps pushing, then it becomes a firm “I know this must be a disappointment to you, and while I wish I could avoid that and hope we can plan this again in few years, I have made this decision and will not change my mind.”
I would also never in my wildest dreams take a toddler to Disney. They get tired easily, not the best at predicting bathroom breaks, easily over stimulated, and can't even do any rides, so you are just pushing them around in a stroller all day for what, cute pics? No thank you! I haven't even taken my 9yo and 7yo yet - because I know most of the day will be spent whining about walking everywhere and long lines 😅
This is amazing advice thank you so much, I do really wish it could work out this year but everything’s been so hectic especially this upcoming year. This “vacation” has just been an added stressor looming over my head. I think my fiance is still convinced it could be a fun trip and that his mom will just watch the toddlers (his brothers 3 year old too) but I don’t think he’s thinking about toddler logistics like if you want something to go one way toddlers will make sure it goes the opposite
My second child was around 18 months i think when we went. I didn't want to skip because my other child is 5 years older and it was an amazing time for him. Don't recommend for the little one. My kid didn't like the strollers all day or crowds. Dad carried him everywhere. Legitimately he hurt his arm muscle from it. He's a good napper and he goes with the flow too, but still it was hard. I would've died if it was my first at that age. Lol He required routine, nap, set activity time. It's super kid dependant. Don't torture yourself or your kid. They won't remember it. You're already stressed, and you know the logistics won't work well. Make sure your dh understands fully and you're a team no, otherwise don't cater to the nonsense. You've got this. Guilt free No!
If she was a different baby I could see it being possible, she gets fully thrown off for days at very small changes. Just driving the 2 hours to my in laws a couple weeks ago was almost impossible
I wouldn’t go, it would not be fun for her or you! You already got good advice but just wanted to reassure you it’s a bad idea 😂 my in laws can be so inconsiderate of our kids/schedule. They act like these few years of naps and early bed times are soooo inconvenient. His family can give it a few years for you guys to go on a trip like this!
Thank you, I need reassurance and I did talk to my fiance about it a couple days ago and he agreed it’s a bad idea. A few years from now would be perfect!!
16 months is way too young, decline, decline!