My husband and I have been separated since July 2025. We have been together 14 years. I moved out into an apartment, and we have our kids every other week. In 2021 I discovered on his work iPad when I was a stay at home mom that he was looking at photos of one of his college students every day for weeks. He was going to her IG through the internet to look at her pictures so all the times he looked at her photos was in his internet history. The more I scrolled down and saw It was every day the worse I felt. When I confronted him he swore nothing was going on between them. I chose to believe him and tried to forgive him but it’s fueled me full of resentment. He told me he wished I sent him pictures like the ones she took (which were all heavily filtered scandalous selfies) he said he was flattered by her friend request. To add to this I was his student in college when he was student teaching. So it just really made me question if how we met was okay, and if students are his “thing.” Our sex life struggled before this incident. He's very into all the things .. toys, dirty talk, porn, .. he wanted things done to him. At times I minimized my feelings to make him happy. He would message me all day long and send me things all day about what he wanted sexually, I felt at times like I was living in hell, but still felt I needed to make him happy. There were times I spoke up about not liking things. But, all of this has just eroded my attraction to him. For holidays and his birthday he would say he just wanted me to be sexy for him or wanted photographs. Since we separated he has worked on Himself and I know he’s trying. He's admitted a lot to where he went wrong and has begged me for another chance. And while I long for our family to be whole. My body feels closed off to him.. I worry his sexual desires wont change. I cringe at the thought of him touching me again. This has left me unsure about going through with filing . The what ifs..