Moms of older kids or adult kids…can I please have some words of encouragement?
I just dropped of my 5th grader at school and I’m sitting in the car bawling. He’ll be going to middle school next year. He’s just a baby. My oldest will be going to high school next year. How can that be? I was just tucking him in bed and reading him a book 5 minutes ago. How did time just escape me? Where did time go?
Have I done enough? I haven’t. I should have divorced and given them a good life years ago. Yet here I am, subjecting them to their dad’s anger and volatileness. Even through this they absolutely adore him though, which is why I’ve stayed.
I’ve sacrificed so much for them and I would do it a million times over if I had to. They are my world and I’m just so fucking sad to think that their days living under my roof will be over sooner than I’ll realize. Will they want to remain close to me as adults? You know what my 8th grader said to me yesterday? “Thanks for always having my back”. Damn, that felt so good. I’ve got to be doing something good for him to feel and say that, right?
I hope to God that they realize I will always be here for them. It doesn’t matter how old they are. I don’t care for them to know how many sacrifices I’ve made for them as long as they always know they are loved and I’d do anything them. But please why can’t I slow down time? How is it that time is just speeding by? This doesn’t feel real anymore.
Moms of older kids…how did your relationship with your kids change as they got older? Can you tell me of amazing things or ways you’ve kept that bond into adulthood? Tell me something that’s better with them as older kids/adults vs now?
I mean a pre-teen and teenager. And I still want time to just stop so I can soak it in.
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I have one about to go to high school and two younger. I used to be so terrified of them getting older but I’m actually really enjoying this stage!! I focus on making as many memories now as I can. Also, I am married to a man who lovesss his family, we spend a lot of time with his parents and siblings and it reminds me that life isn’t over once they are adults as long as I foster a good relationship with my kids. People are always like “you only get 18 summers!” and that’s just total bulllshit to me lol. We go on a lot of vacations with our families still and spend lots of time together in the summer. If anything it’s even better because we all have adult money now and can do even funner things!
The whole “18 summers” thing just kills me lol. It’s not like you just up and dump your kids when they’re 18 (if you’re a good parent!). I’m 30 and I still need my parents, just in a different way. And they love being grandparents which is even better.
My mom unfortunately did do that to me when I turned 18 and I basically work every day to make sure my kids get the complete opposite. So traumatizing 😭 I fully expect and support my kids staying in our home for as long as they need.
I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that! For what it’s worth, this internet stranger is proud of you for obviously being an infinitely better mother than what you had.
Unless they choose to go away for college, I actually hope my kids don’t move out at 18. I hope they stay home a while longer and save money and set themselves up for a successful life away from home.
You are so sweet, thank you for your kind words! I hope the same for mine :)
Looking at it from another perspective - I’m 45 and my mom is 71. We’ve finally ended up in the same town again after twenty years and as apprehensive as I was, her presence has been nothing but a a blessing. We’re closer now than we ever were, I think.
As long as there’s life, there’s time to have the relationship you’ve always wanted. ❤️
I have a 15 year old. Who has created her own world. She is going to a Early College High School and is all ready taking college classes. She will be 16 when she graduates she will also have her ASOT.
I am being forced to treat her like a college student living at home. and she is stepping up to the plate.
For me it has been a joy to provide and guide her to be the person who she wants to be. So I do not have any I wish she was little or what not.
She is a pretty cool kid doing really amazing things.
Right now we are keeping connected by Hubby and I giving her the support she needs. The teen years have been fun
Mine are 16, 18, and 20, and it truly went by so fast—your feelings make complete sense. Wanting time to slow down just means you’re really present and loving this stage.
As they get older, they naturally become more independent, and our role shifts into supporting them as they find their footing. Being there for milestones like learning to drive, first jobs, and whatever path comes next has been incredibly meaningful. Encouraging them to take those brave, sometimes scary steps has helped them grow - and it’s deepened our bond, too.
What’s better now is the closeness. The relationship changes, but it doesn’t fade. It becomes more mutual, more trusting, and honestly really rewarding. We still enjoy each other so much. Try to soak it in - you’re doing something right, and there’s a lot to look forward to 💛