As you all well know, my husband has been a whiny bag of sickness this week. As such, he's been even more temperamental than usual.
Anyway, today he texts me and says that he needs to start taking his blood pressure daily and wants me to remind him to do so after work.
I say okay, I'll set a reminder and how about you do too because then between us, it should be impossible to forget. He texts back and basically says "I don't wanna and your the wife, shouldn't you want me alive?"
So I text back that of course I do, but I hate being solely responsible for remembering and reminding and it should be a team effort.
He immediately gets pissy.
I get two voice messages back with him going on saying that yes, it should be a team effort and that he's the one that has to remember all this shit, that he's the one that has to remember his pills, he's the one that has to think about his diet and that I refuse to participate and that's the whole problem.
My guy. I'm the one that grabs his stomach pill and hands it to him twice a day. I'm the one that does ALL the cooking and has been portioning his meals and making him salads and what not when he said he wanted to eat healthier. All me.
In WHAT world am I not participating?? In what world do I "not care" about his health.
Hell, when he first started occasionally taking his blood pressure, I was the one who told him that he wasn't going to get an accurate reading unless he sat still for 5 mins, feet flat, don't move before hand. The man was stopping into the pharmacy, fast walking/running in and going straight the blood pressure machine and going "see! 145/90! Its high!" Of course it is, you damn near ran to the machine. Even when he takes it at home, he'll just randomly plop down, pull out the machine and take it, no rest period or anything to make sure it's actually accurate.
But yeah. I'm the problem. I'm the one that doesn't care, doesn't participate and doesn't help him with anything.
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Oh, boo fucking hoo. He's an adult with health issues. What did he think he'd be responsible for doing? It's not up to you to make a grown man take his meds, prioritize his health, and remember appointments. It's totally cool to have a shared calendar with reminders in it for you both, but it's ultimately up to him. If he doesn't like it, then it really fucking sucks that he had to grow up because that's life.
If he thinks you're not participating, then show him what that actually looks like.
Does the same thing with his damn CPAP. Complains and whines that he's tired and needs to wear it but rarely ever puts it on without multiple reminders.
Like he'll lay down with his phone to go to bed and I'll tell him to put it on and he'll say "not yet, I'm going to scroll for a bit" knowing FULL well that he's 100% going to pass out with the phone in his hand within 5 minutes.
I saw your post about your husband being sick the other day. It seems like you already know this but just to reiterate - this level of your husband wanting/needing you to care for him is NOT normal. At least not for modern relationships (but I haven't seen it in anyone I know that are my parents age either).
He sounds like a big baby. This must be madening for you, But it is typical man baby behavior.
Friend, drop the rope. “No, I am no longer willing to be involved in your health care. You are a grown adult. Handle it yourself.”
So much this. Make sure his life insurance is up to date and let him manage his own shit
Is remembering to brush his teeth a team effort? How about getting off to work on time? Does he need reminders to drink some water and eat some food each day? Better yet, is anything for *your* daily life a "team effort?" No. Taking medication and monitoring his health is a him-effort. If he had asked his partner kindly to help him remember something he struggled to do, that would be one thing. But he's delegating his mental load of his basic self care onto you, and being rude about it to boot. I think you should reply with "I don't wanna, and you're the person whose health is at risk. Shouldn't you want to stay alive?"
your husband is a dumpster fire that makes your life harder not better and i believe he hates himself so much he wants to drag you down until you hate yourself too
I'm not married to him and I feel exhausted reading this.
Every time he wants you to do more of his personal mental labor, ask him "So you want me to be your mom?" If he says yes, then get excited and make sure he knows sex is now off the table because who wants to have sex with their mom.
Or ask him if he needs someone to remind him of every little thing when he's at work. Or doing his favorite hobby. No? Only at home? Weaponized incompetence.
And have fun commiserating with him "yeah it is SO exhausting to have to remember every little thing about being an adult, SO WHY DO I HAVE TO REMEMBER FOR EVERYONE?"
Then teach him how to set up alarms and Google/Apple Calendar reminders on his phone. If he forgets, so be it. You're busy taking care of your own routine and the kids. Who you can then teach to do their own routines and congratulate them loudly for.
And watch more Jimmy on Relationships. His videos help remind me I'm not crazy.
What the hell. Make him set a timer and remind you to take your meds/vitamins/bc or for other basic life things and see if he can see why he sucks for expecting the same of you. The fucking audacity. Please don't do any of this shit for him.
Does he need you to hold his dick so he can piss too?
What a useless selfish person he is.
I think it’s time for a 2 week long vacation
Mine smokes. And can't believe why his is so high.
Made him get life insurance through work cause he won't listen to me about smoking or over salting. Fuck it lol
Mine is trying to quit smoking lol which makes him even more short tempered and grumpy than usual because, well, nicotine.
Hoping it sticks this time. He's quit before and gone months without one only to end up right back at it as soon as something he finds stressful happens.
Hey girl! I just wanted to let you know... When you decide to leave him? You're gonna be SO MUCH HAPPIER.
And I hope you're okay today. And if you're not? Consider that 2 years down the road from leaving him, you're gonna be yourself again.
You're more patient than I am. I'd be like, "If you can't care about your health enough to chuck a pill down your gullet once a day, then why should I?"