Breastfeeding is so wonderful and terrible at the same time. Be kind to yourself and listen to your body. Tell your husband your milk production might be better if you could actually sleep and recover. It’s also ok to be done with breastfeeding if you want. Formula babies are happy too.

As a side note, I’d get your birth control locked down. Your husband is showing you who he is.

Omg the rage I feel for this manchild you are unfortunately married to is... well, if I say what I really feel Reddit will ban me.

I personally think you should switch to formula. Pumping is causing you physical and mental pain. He is treating you like a milk cow and it's DISGUSTING. He's also not taking any nights when he is perfectly capable of feeding baby since you are pumping AND he is on paternity leave??? AND THEN HE WANTS PHYSICAL AFFECTION AFTER TREATING YOU LIKE A COW AND ALLOWING YOU TO BE TORTURED WITH SLEEP DEPRIVATION?! What in the actual fuck.

HE does not get to decide ANYTHING about breastfeeding/pumping. It is YOUR body. He needs to step up or GTFO. I am so very sorry you are dealing with this. What a worthless piece of shit.

Your husband is being an unreasonable asshole. He has one fucking job when it comes to breastfeeding and it is being supportive and he can't even do that. Women produce less milk when stressed so he is actively negatively impacting your supply by being such an ass. He is being less than useless and you can safely disregard whatever dog shit opinion he has about your efforts.

I had a similar experience in not being able to get my first baby to latch and it was extremely painful. I tried exclusively pumping which was fucking miserable and I hated every moment. But some women just don't produce much while pumping, especially when it's unpleasant for them. It was frustrating though because my body just made less and less the point where pumping just wasn't worth it. The best decision I ever made was giving up pumping and fully embracing formula. My husband was supportive. Your husband probably won't be and you're going to have to be ready to let her his shit ass opinions and attitude roll off your back.

OP, no one really tells moms just how fucking hard breastfeeding is. The pumping, the need to eat so many calories to keep the supply up, the stress of wanting it to go well, the demands it places on your body, the hormones that are completely out of whack, etc etc. It's so much.

I just had my second baby Monday night, and my supply is already completely gone. I produced a lot the first night, but then it sharply dropped to nothing and I cannot get it back. I am too exhausted, recovering from a traumatic birth which includes a cervical laceration and so much fucking pain managing it postpartum, having a 2 year old to manage in the meantime, and my baby being in the NICU.

You're not inadequate. You are NORMAL. This is one of those issues that so many moms go through and it's not talked about enough, quite frankly. It's so isolating and demoralizing. Your husband needs to, very quickly, STFU. I want to smack him on your behalf. He is so fucking supremely self-absorbed.

"Rescue" you??? THIS IS ALSO HIS BABY. If he ever needs to sleep, then I'd tell him, "I'm sorry honey, I can't keep rescuing you. You get 3 months off of work and aren't going into the office. This is your time. You're grossly inadequate for wanting some decent sleep. Other men can manage this just fine, why can't you?"

He sucks.

Wow, what the fuck. Your husband can go suck a dick. Tell him to go hook himself up to the pumps and try to squeeze some juice out of there. Your husband is being a tyrannical asshole. I had the exact same problems as you and after about 3 weeks of it, and my husband seeing me cry and struggle to pump and breastfeed, he said we're done and going to get formula. My mental health immediately improved when we made the decision to just go with formula. And guess what? My son is now 5 and is super healthy and the smartest kid in his class. In the end you can't tell which kids were breastfeed v formula fed because the important part of that is they are fed! Why is he so obsessed with the kid being breastfed? 

Your husband sounds like a PIS, quite frankly.

Breast feeding is brutal and it is NOT something every woman can do or does without experiencing the same pain, exhaustion, and discomfort you’re experiencing. You’re not a failure at all. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are clearly devoted to your child and by every indication an amazing mom.

Your husband, on the other hand, should feel nothing but shame and disappointment in himself. He isn’t parenting. He isn’t being a partner. He’s taking a vacation. He doesn’t respect your labor, he doesn’t see you, he doesn’t want to show up for his child, and he has basically bullied you into doing 100% of the work by making you feel miserable about the times he “helps.” You deserve so much more and I hope deep down you know that.

If your husband wants more milk, he needs to start doing an 8 hour shift so you can get uninterrupted sleep.

No 8 hour shift? No more milk.

Fuck that guy with a saguaro cactus. That is all.

Sooo I had my first in 2001 and I struggled with breastfeeding. Back then, while still in hospital, the nurses actually gave a little formula to my daughter to get her fed from a medicine cup to avoid nipple confusion and take some of the pressure off of me. They also sent me home with a can of formula, again, so that there was a back up option for feeding so that I wouldn’t get overly stressed and her father could handle it. It worked well, and was able to exclusively breastfeed within a few days.

Because breastfeeding can be so challenging, the hospital also had an info sheet they gave out to fathers and other supporting family members. 2 more kids, and I never had further problems with breastfeeding them. But I kept that information because although I never had to apply its recommendations, it is incredibly valuable information. I just dug that out and will add it here.

https://preview.redd.it/ljlhzfmbe6cg1.jpeg?width=2858&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=112fb9615af6023a5e542366e7bbab5b39fb4c8c

It’s a little crumpled after 25 years. But the main point of this publication is:

You need support. You need rest. You need the pressure to be taken off of you.

It’s an investment in you and the baby and the ability to breastfeed. If you need to do formula at some point, that’s totally fine. Your baby will be happy and healthy. And if you’re hoping to stick to breastfeeding, the learning curve is a challenge, and sometimes our bodies or babies just don’t cooperate. I really wish I could explain this to your husband followed by a swift kick to his ass. It’s not as easy as 1-2-3 to breastfeed until you and the baby get the hang of it. Once you do, then it will become 2nd nature.

The support recommended in this publication can be done by anyone in your support system, although if your husband doesn’t step up and lets someone else do it for him - while on paternity leave - that tells you a lot. It will be a predictor of the type of father he will likely be, especially behind closed doors when no one is watching.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with these very difficult and incredibly common challenges. Congratulations on the baby and a big, supportive hug to you.

ETA: it took me about 8 weeks to really get the hang of breastfeeding with my first, and zero time for my next two. I also had uncooperative nipples - definitely flat. One analogy I read that helped me tremendously was to handle the breast/nipple the way you would bite into a big burger where you kind of squeeze it down to get your mouth around it. A very gentle squeeze and ease it into the baby’s mouth. And also you should be nice and warm. Hard nipples can make it more difficult for some. I remember the lactation nurse flicking my nipple to make it pop out for my daughter to latch but it didn’t work for me. I needed my nipple to be soft and relaxed or the milk wasn’t going to flow out, it would only trickle and hurt tremendously if the nipple was erect. If you have any other moms in your life, see if someone could help you out with that. It was one of the most difficult and lonely times in my life. I wish I could help you myself. Please just relax as best you can because the stress and tension will be an extra hurdle to deal with mentally and physically. I’m going to send you my positive energy and vibes. 💛

OH HELL NO!

Honey I want you get a can of formula today! You do not have to use it but I think you need it on hand. I say this because I was you I want to breastfeed so bad, but DD could not transfer the milk and would take so long to eat (she is now 15 and still takes forever to eat) so I start to pump, and boy DD love the fast bottle. So I pumped ever 2 hours for 4 months. Till my Blood Sugar hit 400 and I could not do it any more.

Now my hubby was behind me 1000% and it was my choice if we were formula or breast feeding. All he cared about was that DD was getting fed.

Your husband is being a asshole barnone. Umm...he should be waiting on you and baby hand and foot with his leave.

He is showing you that he believes childcare is 100% your job and you will never, ever have the support you deserve from him. He is making an already difficult situation harder for you, and you don't deserve that bromo. I'm so sorry.

Sorry not sorry

Next time your husband complains about ANYTHING having to do with the baby exhausting him, look in his eyes, smile, and say "that's just fatherhood". If he gets upset by that, lock down your birth control immediately. IUDs hurt to get but the peace of mind is worth it.

He's weaponizing your exhaustion. He WANTS you to be exhausted and give in to being a milk slave and not expect him to do anything. He has THREE MONTHS off of work and he's only spending 4-5 hours watching your baby a day especially if you are expressing milkd? You don't have a partner right now.

When you are able to think again, start researching the grey rock method. I have a bad feeling you'll be needing it more in the future.

And please please consider formula before you are hurt any further. I had very low milk supply with both of my babies. I suffered, I had to supplement and I had to switch to formula at a few months old. They survived and were rarely sick. The colostrum was the most important part. And don't let him use "breast is best" to control you. In an airplane crash, you have to put your OWN mask on first. Never forget that.

Breastfeeding is great if you can and want to do it. Formula is great if you can't or don't want to breastfeed.

Your husband should barely get any day in this decision because it's your body. Also stress can decrease milk supply so he's not even helping by critiquing you.

Not every woman can or wants to breast feed. I never produced enough and we supplemented with formula and my husband told me multiple times that it's important baby is fed, it doesn't matter how.

Tell him to start producing milk then! Ugh. 

I could barely produce and hours old, my daughter had to be formula fed. My husband was able to feed her and she was full and slept. 

I struggled with that in the moment, but looking back (daughter is now 5.5) my husband was able to feed her in her first moments. It's beautiful. 

She was combo fed for 4 months, then I tried hard for 2 months to produce but I couldn't anymore. 

6 months on she was formula fed. 

Guess what, she's thriving and brilliant and strong and loved and all the wonderful things. 

Fed is best. 

Did you know that men can lactate? They totally can! It takes a ton of time and some hormones that will make him a little nuts, but it is possible. I suggest you tell your husband this, and let him know that you are in complete support of his breastfeeding journey.

When the asshat says that he doesn't want to breastfeed because the hormones will make him crazy and it hurts and it's time consuming and it generally sucks, send him to the store for a can of formula and relax.

Mama, fed is best. When I had my boy, he wouldn't latch. We tried formula, which he sucked down with gusto. Turns out, my milk never came in (yes, really, I called the doc), which cemented for us that formula feeding was the right choice. Does that make me less of a mother? No, it does not. Does it mean that my son is now somehow disadvantaged? Well, at 10 years old he's 5'4" and ahead of grade level in basically every subject, so you tell me.

Now please, quit kicking your own ass over something you cannot control. Feed that baby and relax.

I didn’t even read your post beyond the title.

If he is upset about your milk supply, he is free to make some himself.

If he doesn’t want to or can’t, he needs to silently haul his ass to get formula.

Your husband is passing judgment like my mom did on me when I had my first child. I was absolutely miserable pushing on with breastfeeding in the same, difficult circumstances as you are enduring. I kept going and it made me depressed until I could give up at 10 mths. Kid would not take a bottle either.

With child no.2 I put my foot down and as soon as they stopped gaining weight around 8 weeks I packed it in and give them a bottle. It was night and day. I was SO much happier and it was so much easier.

Your husband is a horrible person for guilting you like this and not helping you properly. My mom was a horrible person too. You matter too and don’t let him pretend otherwise. Also, you are doing great - even if you pack in pumping and feeding tomorrow.

I couldn’t even finish this I was so mad on your behalf. Leave this man or if he’s willing to change seek out therapy. If he really wants you producing more milk he needs to take more off your plate. 4 to 5 hours is not enough. Especially if he’s on leave from work.

“That’s just motherhood?”what a shitty thing to say. Sorry momma. Your body your milk your decisions. Sounds like you need to supplement with formula. It’s ok to do that it you choose to. It’s your choice.

You are doing great. Your husband is being an ass. If this is his first kid and he's normally better than this, you might chalk it up to lack of sleep and parenting experience, but he's 100% in the wrong here.

I had a terrible time getting my milk supply up and getting my babies to latch. Make sure you're getting sleep and enough food and water -- my supply went up when I went back to work and started eating normal meals again. See a lactation consultant if possible to make sure you're getting a good latch that isn't further injuring you. And see if your doctor will write you a prescription for Newman's All Purpose Nipple Ointment. That stuff saved me both times.

I would like to throw your husband out the window, thank you.

You are not falling behind. Your body is working the way it is supposed to. It’s not normal to have a huge surplus of milk. Pump when you want to pump and throw your husband out with the trash

Also there’s nothing wrong with needing to supplement with formula here and there. If he’s so worried about the lack of milk in the fridge he can go get a can of fucking formula

I couldn’t even finish your post because I want to jump through the screen and beat your husband with a switch and a broom stick. What a useless piece of absolute garbage. I’m sorry. That’s probably not helpful. I’m just so mad for you. How dare he say those things. Pumping is so hard for so many women and the way he’s dismissing you and using his paternity as a vacation is just so gross.

I went through this. Luckily my therapist saw it all happen in front of her and called him on it. Don’t have any more kids with him. Formula is perfectly adequate. Do you have someone who can help you or at least talk to other than him?

I’d stop pumping immediately. Fuck that guy for making you feel bad.

Don’t have another child with this man until further notice. What an asshole. Switch to formula or at the very least pump less and supplement with formula because YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH SUPPORT TO BREASTFEED/PUMP. There is nothing wrong with formula and to have it as a choice is feminist actually - it gives women freedom and choice. 

Nothing was more dehumanizing than pumping for me. I only did it because I worked and breastfeeding from the breast I loved. If i couldn't feed from the breast there is no way in hell I would have pumped in perpetuity. I would have switched to formula the moment I realized the boob wasn't going to work.

You tried, it’s not working out, that is OK you did not fail, this is normal. In fact you've truly out done most people. Producing 24oz is a TON. Only women with tons of support or the perfect latch situation can do 100% breast milk. Plus formula I truly believe hells them sleep better. 

If he gives you a hard time explain this all to him. If he continues to give you a hard time honestly I would take the baby and myself to a family or friends house momentarily for some support and to see if he can get the fucking message. 

It is insane that he isnt helping you with the baby at all on “paternity leave”.

My first thought reading this was man fuck this guy. He should just get his ass back to work instead of riding out that paternity leave by doing absolutely nothing except berate his wife who just had his child. I WISH my husband had three months of leave, the first day he left us to go work I cried as soon as he locked and closed the front door. Sis go get a can of formula. You don’t have to use it right off the rip, but if you ever find yourself with zero breast milk, you’ve got a backup. I’m so sorry he’s treating you this way. You deserve a hands on partner.

I can’t believe this asshole is not even working and is still expecting you to do all of the parenting while you’re exhausted and a milking cow pumping constantly. And has the nerve to criticise you and complain. I mean I can believe it because these men are so predictable in their utter uselessness.

If he was a decent partner he would be doing everything for you. You’re recovering from pregnancy and birth - it is a huge trauma for the body. You’re sleep deprived to the point of exhaustion.

When I had my daughter we were both in hospital for 2 weeks after birth due to severe complications (I almost died, she was premature in NICU) and my husband had the 2 weeks off while I was in hospital staying overnight most days to help me there and then he had 2 weeks off when we came home. In those 4 weeks he did everything for her. When he went back to work I had to learn how to change her because he had done ALL of the nappies to that point. I had to learn how to swaddle her because he had done all of the naps and bedtime. All I did was breastfeed pretty much. Daughter is now 10yo and her whole life he has been the same, he has always been equally capable the only thing he didn’t do was make the milk. I know I can walk out at a moment notice and they will be fine. I was in hospital 3 weeks last year - no disasters at home everything went smoothly. This is what your useless lump should have been doing for you both. What an utter disappointment of a father and husband. I wish my husband could chew him out for half an hour 🤬

OP you need to take control of your body here. Start supplementing with formula to give your body a break because there’s no chance your lazy husband is going to let you have a break. His behaviour is not OK and I hope he figures that out fast otherwise you really need to consider your options. I’m so sorry he’s ruining this time for you.

When he complains about being exhausted after childcare, tell him this is fatherhood and everyone you’ve talked to has said that. What a douchebag. Seriously

I’m so sorry, if he really wanted to help you produce more milk he’d be cooking healthy meals for you making sure you get enough sleep and feel relaxed all of these things help and everything he’s doing is hurting. I always found pumping much more uncomfortable than nursing even when the equipment is right and my lactation nurse used to say “your not in love with your breast pump so you have less oxytocin which means more pain and less milk.” It’s so hard and it ok if you have to supplement or stop but if YOU want to continue, is there any possibility of working with a lactation consultant to help your baby latch? There may be lip tongue ties or other issues that can be addressed and they may be able to help you get baby to latch. Again, no pressure it’s absolutely fine to stop or supplement and I’m sure you’ve busted your ass already to get where you are. I am so sorry again, your husband is a jackass

Switch to formula and make him give half the bottles.

Jfc. My husband BEGGED me to switch to formula because I was crying from pain after my first was born; we supplemented for like 2 days and my milk came in and I overproduced and it was easy and painless to breastfeed and he was STILL saying, “if pumping is too much when you go back to work, formula is a great option, just so you know!”

Your kid has already gotten the really good stuff, the colostrum, before your milk even came in. You've done fabulous by your kid! Your kid needs you way more than breastmilk, though. If you need to stop to be sane, do it.

But I highly recommend squirting breast milk at your husband the next time he's an ass first. He deserves it.

Okay, first of all, take a deep breath. You are doing amazing and you are a great mom. Also, your husband is being an asshole and a bad father. Breastfeeding is hard and no one prepares you for it, unfortunately. Would you accept some breastfeeding advice from a fellow mom with flat/inverted ripples who managed to pump for 6 months and EBF for the other 9 months?

Hi BroMo. I’ve never given birth so I don’t have advice on that front. But I would love to tell your husband that if he thinks he can do better, he’s welcome to try. The fucking nerve.

Your husband sounds inadequate, not you!

Stand your ground. It’s always hard in the beginning but to belittle your efforts and make you feel less than is unacceptable. If I were you I would lay it all out what’s bothering you and what you need from him, if he can’t follow through then he is the example of someone falling behind. Your a strong mama and can do anything, keep your head up

First, he can go fuck off.

Second, and most importantly, your worth and value does not come from how much milk or how successful you are with breastfeeding.

I feel for you so much and wish I could just hug you.

I was also an exclusive pumper due to numerous breastfeeding issues, and people who are not EPs just cannot grasp how physically, mentally and emotionally draining it is. Aside from being constantly hooked up to a machine and feeling like a freaking cow being milked, the entire day and night (and your whole mind) is consumed with “pump, store milk, wash pump parts, feed baby, hold baby, change baby, try to get baby to sleep, then oh, its time to pump again”. The sheer effort involved in being an EP is beyond insane.

Eventually, when my babies outpaced my supply, I supplemented with formula and not only did my babies thrive (they are now 8 and 11 yo), but I also began to thrive. I had time to actually enjoy my baby and motherhood, instead of doing the mental calculations on how often and when to pump.

You are an amazing mother, and that’s not because of the breastmilk. And if your husband cannot see that, then he is a real piece of shit that needs to be kicked to the curb.

Talk to the LaLeche League or a breastfeeding counselor about making sure you have the right size flanges for your pump.

Also, if your baby has a tongue or lip tie that can make things very difficult.

If you want to continue breastfeeding those would be the best options.

If you want to quit and just give formula that's ok too. I struggled with nursing my first due to a severe tongue tie that wasn't caught early on. I wish someone would have said it's ok not to breastfeed.

Your husband is being awful right now. Find the support elsewhere.

24-30 ounces a day is huge and a tremendous accomplishment! You should be really, really proud. My advice is to top kiddo off with some formula if needed rather than run yourself ragged pumping. I remember when I was pumping for my oldest and started supplementing with formula the immense relief I felt that there was now infinite food available if I needed it!

If your husband finds that inadequate then he can try the pump on his own useless nipples and see what happens.

If he wants breastmilk so bad, he can make it himself

He gets to be this pissy when he starts lactating. Jesus F Christ on a stick.

I had it tough the first go round of breastfeeding. Only thing my spouse said? “It’s okay to supplement. Anything you want to do is okay.”

His behavior is abuse. Abuse decreases your output by increasing cortisol and decreasing prolactin.

Do not accept this behavior. It will get worse.

I have insufficient glandular tissue which means my during puberty, for some reason my body didn’t grow enough milk making tissue. I only produced 10oz MAX on a good day. So I always had to supplement anyways. But as hard as I was on myself for not producing enough (I had crippling postpartum depression as well ✌️) my husband was the one that encouraged me to make the jump entirely to formula and put my mental health first. I will sing the praises of breastfeeding all. day. long. 

But you know what far outweighs the benefits of breastmilk for a baby? A mom that’s supported and able to decide how her baby’s fed. Because until he is able to grow a human from scratch that’s not for him to decide. 

You’re doing great and I hope one day your husband sees that. Hang in there, if you need someone to talk to about breastfeeding or pumping I would love to chat, I’ve seen about all there is to see 😅

Gosh, I could write a novel of a reply because man oh man.... What this brought out / up for me is.... well, something ... But I'll keep things short because you've already received a ton of really thoughtful comments and I don't want to get long-winded or repetitive

Your husband needs a reality check. He's gonna need to give you time away from baby. He is gonna need to stop with the attitude. If he thinks it's so easy he should try hooking up the pumps. IMHO the husband should have very little say in matters that relate to moms body after birth.

I dont blame you for not wanting to kiss him. Unfortunately the resentment can build and things can go south quickly when a partner refuses to get a clue and step up ... I would hope he would listen to reason but something tells me he's stubborn and maybe not willing to see where he is wrong and ignorant here

I bet if he posted a question like "how many of your wives/partners struggled to BF?" on r/daddit he would get quite the response... But I bet he wouldnt do it because he's the prob the type that doesn't want to be proven wrong or to idk... Learn something... Support his wife... Gah! I'm sorry OP this sucks but you are not alone and we are rooting for you - no matter what you decide to do moving forward I think is the right decision (it does not matter what your husband thinks!)

Your experience reminds me of my experience. So sad. I have really, really bad pain from breastfeeding too. And I went through a brutal child birth that was converted to c section after a failed induced labor, which was also after multiple months of injections from IVF. He insisted on breastfeeding after all these pain and got upset when I asked the nurse for the formula. It’s heartbreaking and it scarred me deeply. So I really feel your pain and disappointment. Take good care of yourself. I know other comments said you should talk to your husband about letting you rest and sleep more so that you can produce more milk, which I tried with my husband by asking him to take more load at night during his paternity leave so that I could catch up on sleep - it did not work and backfired. Some people are just impossible to reason with and all they think about are themselves. So OP, save your energy, rest as much as you can get. And do not parent another child with this man.

You poor poor thing. I want you to re-read the words you wrote about bleeding into the pump and compare that to what your WEAK, LAZY husband is willing to do for the family he created.

I was married to this guy. Our kid was starving because my supply was too low. We did everything, including the tongue tie- nothing worked and I thought I would die from exhaustion. The pediatrician finally mandated formula- my son got fat and happy and started sleeping through the night. At 14, he’s smart and never gets sick. Fed is Best. Rest is a human right. Your husband is fine literally torturing you.

I like to think of breast-feeding as a symbiotic teacher-student relationship. But both of you are the teacher and both of you are the student. Your baby is teaching you how to make milk, you are teaching him how to feed. So I would say though I understand the anxiety and feeling like you need to pump, I would actually just try and spend more time with your baby on the breast. Breast Pumps don’t always do a great job at nipple stimulation, which is what causes the milk to express This is just my advice and it’s not meant as judgment or anything at all. You can do this! And just tune out the husband.

I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. How he’s treating you is not okay in any way, shape, or form. The fact that he thinks he’s “rescuing” you says a lot about how he feels about parenting responsibilities. It should not be like this. 

I wish I could give you a big hug because I relate to this so much. Years ago, I was in the same boat as you. I got a lot of advice to just “leave the kids with him for a weekend so he can see how it really is.” Let me tell you now - This advice is not safe for everyone. Only you can assess that. 

This type of behavior is way more normalized than it should be. That does not make it okay. 

This is not your fault. You should be able to sleep. You do not have to breastfeed, and it’s not your fault if you’re not producing enough. I breastfed three children, and had three completely separate breastfeeding experiences — one baby exclusively breastfed for several months and continued to breastfeed until she was almost two, but her younger sister couldn’t even go one day of fully breastfeeding and I got mastitis and thought I was on my death bed. One of my nipples is half flat and that boob has always sucked at producing. 

You matter. Your health matters. Your sleep should be a right, and not something you have to beg for. 

Breastfeeding is so hard. I did 3 weeks with my first just pumping, she was only fed 1 breastmilk bottle and the rest formula. My second i did 6 weeks, mostly pumping, some breastfeeding if we were out and she got fussy. But i gave it up for my sanity.

I agree with all the comments here to give it up, BUT your husband kind of seems like the type who will refuse to pay for formula because you can make milk for free. Do you have enough money yourself to pay for formula?

Otherwise, id say focus on breastfeeding and your son. Nap when he does, pump when you can, eat lots to maintain supply and just stop doing everything else. Your husband can step up with chores and shit. If hes not gonna help with the baby he gets to help with other shit. He had fun making him, he can deal with being a PARENT.

As someone who never produced enough to feed either of her babies (and yes, I did everything and tried everything for 5-6 months with each kid), it’s ok to give your baby formula to supplement. I was so focused on trying to make more milk and breastfeed that barely remember what it was like to hold them as babies because I pumped after every feed and would hand them over so I could try to make more. If I could do it over, I wouldn’t have tried for more than 2 weeks and enjoyed my babies. They are pre teens now.

You’re not inadequate, you’re doing great, and you deserve rest and space. Take care of yourself and your babies

Fuck him. My milk never came in - something to do with my prolactin levels. My mother’s never did either. My healthy, strong, clever 2.5 year old absolutely needed formula as a result and there’s literally no difference between him and his breastfed peers. It’s great if you can manage it, but it sounds like you can’t - this level of bleeding and excessive pain is not reasonable. You don’t have to put yourself through something so painful when there is a viable alternative for situations like this. You are not failing, you matter too and he is being an arsehole, frankly.

Oh my goodness. He’s on paternity leave?? What is he doing with his time if not helping you?

Who else do you have in your life? Family? Friends? You need to reach out to them. Your husband’s behavior here is unacceptable. You need help, even if it’s just to protect you from him making you feel worse.

Your husband is a pr1ck.

I will preface this by saying you are a fucking SUPERSTAR for persevering with pumping when it is so painful as I would have switched to formula. Your husband has LITERALLY no skin in the game when it comes to feeding your son and if pumping isn't working for you and causing you this much pain you should seriously consider switching. I FF both my daughter's and they thrived. You need to enjoy your feeding experience with your baby and it sounds like this is causing you pain and distress

I would also gently say your husband is being abusive behaving in this way towards you and feeding and this is NOT normal behaviour on his part. He is completely failing in his role as a father and a partner to you. Do you have any family that you can go stay with because this is not a great supportive environment for you. 

Sending you hugs

I don’t want to make this too long and other than the fact that your husband is an asshole and I agree with many points already made here. IF you really want to continue breastfeeding, as I had a very hard time myself, look into domperidone. It’s a prescription. I had my nurse practitioner prescribe it and I was able to order it from overseas very cheaply. It increased my production from 1oz a day (yes, it was bad) to 24oz in less than a month. It’s very safe, it’s available literally in every country over the counter. You can get it in the US but only through compounding, so it’s much more expensive. I bought a 90 day supply for like $30. This was a decade ago so not sure if anything has changed but it might be worth it.

Until your husband grows a pair himself and breastfeeds, he should STFU. Please take care of yourself ❤️

First off, I'm sorry you feel the breastfeeding pressure so strongly. Mothers have fallen victim to deep depressions because of this, get mental health help asap.

Second, get fixed. He's not gonna be a better husband or a better father with a second, third or fourth kid. Trust me.

Third... consider separating. At least temporarily. He's not helping your physical or mental health, you haven't seen or heard the worst he's capable of if he already acts this way.

Credentials: 11 years total, 4 kids (2 babies at once) with the same model of "man" and deep, deep trauma.

Unfortunately I don’t see the future being good with a guy like this.

So, I couldn't breastfeed because I absolutely DESPISED it, plus I over produced to the point where I'd nurse, then pump an additional 9oz out of each boob only to be rock hard engorged, leaking and miserable again in 20 minutes. My daughter was put on formula at 4 weeks old and my son was on formula from birth. Both my obstetrician and my children's pediatrician made it VERY clear that my mental health trumped everything because a happy, healthy mother is what my baby needed more than anything else on earth.

My kids are now 24 and 22 years old. They are healthy, happy, amazing, intelligent, successful young adults and we have an amazing relationship. They suffered absolutely NOTHING from me being unable to mentally handle breastfeeding. It has had ZERO impact in their life. I do not have one single regret about formula feeding my children.

I tell you this because the current fear-mongering & shaming culture around breastfeeding is so toxic to all you new moms and it breaks my heart for those of you suffering under the peer pressure. Being a mom is hard enough without subjecting each other to self-righteous judgmental-ness. I can promise you as "old" mom who's been around the block that your baby doesn't have to breastfeed to be healthy or intelligent or bond with you and there is A LOT more to being a good mother than your breast milk. Put your foot down with your husband and don't beat yourself up. The best gift you can give your baby is YOUR happiness.

I wish you nothing but the very best and hope you're able to find your peace 🩷

What’s HE doing to help?

He’s being abusive to you so you’ll stop asking him to help and just do everything while he relaxes. He’s so supremely selfish and cruel. This is his fucking child, too.

Please tell me you have supportive family you can go stay with for a while to get some help. You’re already a single mom to two children. At least get away from the man-baby .

Also, your sleep is important. Stress and sleep can both impact your supply. I had to do the same things as you’re doing and I tortured myself far longer than I should’ve. I wish for anything I had given up breastfeeding sooner. We moms put way too much pressure on ourselves.

Your husband is disgusting.

Pumping is the worst - so much respect to those who make it work. You really need to go see a lactation consultant and see if anything can be done to help. It's so so difficult. And pumping 8x per day, or every 3 hours, would help your supply, but you need to get flanges that fit you properly and some lubrication so your nipples can heal. Or maybe you can just feed him and ditch the pump somehow, which would be ideal. Either way, if you want to make it work (I understand completely why you wouldn't want to continue if you feel like it's just impossible right now and you are feeling defeated and you are in pain) find a lactation consultant, pronto!

My 4th and 5th babes had medical reasons why I needed to pump for a while, and it felt infinitely more difficult than breastfeeding.

I am SO angry at your husband right now fuck him all the way to hell!!!! Motherhood is not being chained up a pump, before formula women who couldn’t breast feed used the wet nurse or a goat, long before then I think it would have been totally normal for every kid to nurse from which ever loving, lactating woman was near by (aunts, cousins, friends maybe even, you know, cos we’re allo social). 

I tried for 12 months to breastfeed/produce enough, triple fed the entire time is fucking sucked if I did it again I’d have stopped pushing for breastfeeding/lactation success at 3 months max, my body just wasn’t ever going to get there but I made myself fucking miserable trying. 

The one thing that was nice, that you can do too if it works for you, is comfort nursing overnight. And the super cool thing about our bodies is if you make a full supply or 2 mls, your body will pack the same amount of antibodies into whatever amount you’re making.

Fuck your husband he sucks

Draw a line around how much pumping you can do without it affecting your quality of life and combo feed for the rest. (And if nursing over night happens yay but if it doesn’t no stress this is just a tiny drop in the ocean of what you’re going to give to your babe over their life!!!!)

oh my God your husband needs to shut the fuck up and be a man already.

first of all, this is me, a mother who exclusively breastfed 2 kids for 3 years each, giving you permission to throw away the pump and switch to formula. there are no gold medals or Nobel prizes for torturing yourself to give your baby breastmilk. the difference is negligible, and fuck everyone behind that "breast is best" campaign for giving people the idea that formula is somehow poison. if you were living 150 years ago and you couldn't afford to literally hire another woman to nurse your baby for you, you would be giving him goat milk and hoping he doesn't starve to death. formula is a fucking miracle designed exactly for circumstances like yours.

second, start being a bitch to your husband, because he's being a bitch to you. everyone he's talked to says motherhood is hard? cool, what do they say about fatherhood? if it's your job to feed the baby and sleep with the baby and spent every second of your life Velcro'd to the baby, what the fuck is his job as a father? and he better not say working since (a) he's not working, and (b) that's not being a father, that's being an ATM. what is his role as a FATHER in RAISING HIS CHILD? if motherhood is hard, shouldn't fatherhood also be hard? why does he get to cum inside you and peace out for the entire rest of the process? what did he even want kids for if he doesn't want to have anything to do with taking care of them?

I reiterate, he is not "rescuing you," he is RAISING HIS GODDAMN CHILD. he contributed to the creation of the child, so he needs to contribute to the rearing of said child. you don't need to "figure out how to sleep," he needs to figure out how to BE A FUCKING FATHER. and idgaf what he thinks about your milk supply, he can be disappointed when he starts lactating. until then he can shut the fuck up, man up and do his fucking job as a father.

and if you don't want to say all this to him, pull up my comment and just hand him your phone and let me say it to him directly: GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF, DUDE, YOUR JOB IS TO RAISE YOUR CHILD AND SUPPORT YOUR WIFE. and yeah, fatherhood is hard, everyone I've talked to says that. 🤬🖕

The extent to which your husband is comfortable seeing you in pain is really disturbing to me. Breastfeeding has worked for me on 1 of my 3 children, and my husband was my biggest supporter on whatever I needed or wanted to try. He hated seeing me in pain and now that Im pregnant with our fourth he’s really concerned about trying breastfeeding again because he knows that the harder moments of breastfeeding really contributed to my postpartum depression. Your role as a mother should not erase your personhood, especially not to the person who has chosen to love you most.

So if I were you, I’d set some hard boundaries. The first is how you’re feeding this child. If you feel fulfilled and happy pumping to give your child breast milk, keep doing that. But it doesn’t sound like the case. Formula is amazing and my 7 and 6 year olds who drank formula are well adjusted, really smart, and very healthy. It didn’t disrupt their development or our attachment to drink formula from a bottle, so please don’t let the soul crushing societal guilt connected to nursing force you to do a thing that is seriously destroying your quality of life (and that societal pressure SUCKS and shouldn’t exist but I know me saying it doesn’t just make it go away). You decide what will work for you. The next boundary is a serious talk with your husband about him respecting and supporting your choices for baby’s nutrition, and that he needs a major attitude adjustment. His first priority needs to be you, because in his parlance, that’s marriage. And his next priority needs to be stepping up to take care of his child, because that’s fatherhood. Your physical and mental health is severely compromised right now and he’s not making it better. Mothers also have to make sure that they remain able to care for their children, so prioritizing yourself a little is not selfish, it is crucial. Make feeding plans, make night shift plans.

And this last but is on the back shelf, but apparently my grandmother (a 1950s housewife from a very conservative religious upbringing) told my mother once “there are worse things than divorce”. Going through the rest of your life as a subhuman in your own family would be worse than divorce, in my opinion.

I dont know about you but I pumped and breastfed my first for the first three months and I had to stop because the when my milk would let down I would feel absolutely horrible. Like it wasnt worth it for me to feel that way. I almost only felt it when I was pumping as well.

The term was Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex. I cant explain it but it was the most awful feeling mentally I ever felt in my life, and I have a history of depression since I was a child. So I dont know if youre also experiencing that while trying to pump.

Another thing to consider is does your baby have tounge or lip tie? My second had both and it was extremely painful for her to latch, so we just didnt. Its worth just checking over and then talking to your Dr about, if it was that its worth correcting as soon as possible.

I hope you are able to find some relief for the pain. And formula is fine... men are all in our business about breast feeding... I told my husband, why dont you let em latch on to you for 45+ minutes or how about i put this electric suction cup on you and run it as hard as it goes (which is what I would do to get the pumps over with faster but they still took 20 min each side, I could never get both to work at the same time properly.

I’m so sorry, your husband sounds like a horrible person. You and your baby deserve better. If you don’t want to continue breastfeeding, don’t. You are the only person who should get a say in that decision. But if you would like to try and continue, have you seen a lactation consultant? If not, definitely do so!! Most of them accept insurance and you can get multiple visits covered. I’m sure many of them also would be happy to talk to your husband so he can learn something that’s actually useful rather than just being a dick 🙂

Omg. Hugs and good vibes to you.

This made my blood boil. I am so sorry you're going through this.

First, he needs to stay in his fucking lane. But he also needs to do some research and get his head out of his ass.

I can't articulate my thoughts. I'm so angry for you.

But I will say, if this pattern doesn't get better and show signs of lasting, I would carefully consider not having more kids with that guy. I'm sorry if it's brash. But it probably won't get better. My husband was kind of supportive and didn't harass me about the milk, but he never improved on equal effort with the kids. And now nearly 9 years later, I carry the emotional burden and am the default parent. And I mean that I am the one who was up all night with them as babies (because at least one of us should get decent sleep, right?), and I'm the one who has to have patience because he never does (I can never just walk away to cool off). It's not all bad, but the pattern of effort that began, much like you described, never really got better. And if yours treats you this way now at such an early stage, it's a good indication of how the future will be.

The good news is, you can put your foot down and set some boundaries and expectations. It sucks and you shouldn't have to (esp being exhausted and vulnerable post partum), but please don't let him walk all over you. You def deserve better than this. You sound like an amazing mom. I hope someone has told you that lately.

And also, it's okay to do formula. We did that with my first because I was having trouble (breastfeeding hurt, and i was ready to toss the pump across the room - i hated it). And I had a breakdown and felt like a failure when I saw him guzzling the first bottle, but the relief after was so worth it.

Just, good luck and you're doing amazing.