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its because people are very dependent on their roles in society and being accepted by society at large, and unfortunately society at large is very homogenous. there are "inherent" rules and behaviors (or at least behaviors perpetuated as such) that are and are not okay, and unspoken mannerisms and niceities to employ that a lot of people place their whole entire worth and value around. social perception affects jobs, living situations, being homeless or not, having friends or not, and being A Person that connects with others.

and when people who place their value within those things see someone who does not, or can't, or doesn't understand how to, or doesn't wish to, they are threatened. it is scary and uncomfortable and grotesque to them. so they harm them, or put them down, to let everyone "normal" know "i'm not one of them, i'm a Good Person, who can continue to exist in good graces with everyone else because i am so normal and good"

It is because it's not visible. People have a real problem with accepting people with mental health issues for many reasons. But, you look normal on the face of it. So when you don't act normal, people, in my opinion, feel betrayed. You lied to them when you appeared to be an NT, just like them. Now, you're something else. It's fear of the "Other".

My theory is that people that behave in unconventional ways or even just seem off or unconventional frighten people because of the unpredictability. If a person is going to do something is unpredictable and unusual as flapping his or her hands, perhaps in their minds they don't know what's to stop them from running around and stabbing people. I think neurotypicals behave generally in a predictable way which makes them feel safe around other neurotypicals. That's my guess I don't know though.

I do know that we give them uncanny valley and they can usually tell that we are autistic or at least different within seconds of meeting us no matter how hard we try to mask. I have had people somehow identify me as autistic simply from seeing a dating profile where I didn't mention anything about autism

There are many possible answers as to why some people are so mean. A good part of this may be a general lack of understanding as to what autism is. Some people have personal issues that can lead to bullying behavior. By tearing others down, they somehow build themselves up. As a way of exerting control, they pick on those people who are most likely to NOT fight back. Others have tribalistic-like tendencies, banding together with like minded individuals against anyone who is notably different.

I don't understand why anyone would choose to be a bully.

People get joy out of harassing others that are “weaker “ and “naive” I had several school bullies who bullied me for being innocent (I wasn’t involved In promiscuity and I didn’t feel the need to be mean to people ) not to mention was harassed because I have scoliosis so one of my breast was basically non existent because of my deformed rib cage and I tried to not make it obvious by padding one of my bras. So I got bullied for things way out of my control even though I left people alone. I think most neurotypicals are barbaric and I’m surprised a lot of them are not incarcerated. I wish I could file a lawsuit on some of these people but even with video evidence in many companies I’ve worked for the higher ups just delete the footage because they’re friends with these assholes .

Society has conditioned them to expect certain things from others and hate thise who do not meet such expectations. Many people who have never had interpersonal relationships with autistic people cannot comprehend the idea other people do not understand or refuse to engage in the social norms expected of them. So they make assumptions based on what they do know, almost all of which have negative implications.

Not anything about autism specifically, but flapping hands or wearing a hat are both things that make someone visually stand out. Flapping hands especially often looks like waving hands to get someone's attention. In some cultures if the gesture isn't for the benefit of other people, it maybe bothersome, for example https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Jante

This is a thing in American culture, because we're competitive instead of cooperative. Both in pre-industrial America, as well as other cultures, autistic people have been treated differently. In some cases better. In some cases not better. But unfortunately you and I live in a culture that cannot function without abusing the disabled and other "lower tier" people.

But keep in mind that it isn't an inherent thing. People's perception of autism can and should change.

I think it's a very base human nature kind of thing, as in instinctual, animalistic behavior.

In social animals (like pack or herd animals), they usually ostracize/leave behind a member that acts or looks "weird" or one that can't keep up. I believe the reasoning is that the weirdness could indicate the animal is ill, diseased or dangerous (like one that's snapped mentally).

I firmly believe it's the same with people -- they have an instinctual, knee jerk reaction to humans that don't fit in with the rest.

It's always just "I don't like people that are different :("

Huh? No one ever says that

The bluntness can offend some people. Even if you don’t mean it. I’m not attacking. I’m disabled. This is just what I have observed. It seems like people have a chip on their shoulder and any “disrespect “ can create meanness towards others. Good luck out there. Chin up!

I generally have decent experiences with neurotypicals in my adult life (20s) and most of my friends are NT. However there are certain incidents that confuse me about how some people almost take it as a threat.

Like there was one person (a stranger) I was talking to casually in a smoking area of a pub and he suddenly became very irritated by my lack of eye contact and hand wringing stim, and then my nervous tone as he got increasingly aggressive. He then threatened to hit me if I carried on. Nothing happened as I believe he was all talk but it kind of shook me in a way and made me wonder why such a non threatening action like stimming or looking nervous can get such a reaction out of someone?

I think there’s a very important distinction to be drawn between “mean” and “ignorant”.

Mean implies intent, and while there absolutely is an argument for people intending to be mean to autistic folks, I don’t think that’s what we’re talking about here. In the main, on a person-to-person basis, I don’t think most people are actively mean.

It seems to me that we’re talking about ignorance. People tend to find ignorance much easier when they have no direct experience or concept of something, and autism is a very difficult thing to express in terms of experience.

Even when we talk about things like overstimulation, crisis, routine break and trauma, what a neurotypical person hears and understands is their version of that subject. Often, they will have some cursory level of difficulty with the same things we do, so naturally believe that overcoming those feelings should be just as easy as they find it.

Because autistic body language feels uncomfortable to most NTs (and they often react to social discomfort with meanness), and it also reads like "perfect victim" (eg. no eye contact = perceived as shy and vulnerable, even if you're actually confident) which attracts predators, who are always on the prowl for potential victims

It's not about personality, it's about body language (so, shallow appearances)

People have an evolutionary instinct to bully those who are different to protect the herd or something along those lines.

But because evolution isn't some perfect thing, this is just a phenomenon that makes very little sense in practice. There is nothing wrong with flapping your hands and stuff like that, people are just built in a way where they see something different and have the instinct to bully that person.

People do a lot of things that don't actually make sense because of instincts. Bullying is one of the worst and saddest manifestations of that.

This is basic human psychology. Emphasis on basic. I'll start with a quote from a book and go from there.

“They called themselves the Munrungs. It meant The People, or The True Human Beings. It's what most people call themselves, to begin with. And then one day the tribe meets some other People or, if it's not been a good day, The Enemy. If only they'd think up a name like Some More True Human Beings, it'd save a lot of trouble later on.” ― Terry Pratchett, The Carpet People

Because humans are suspicious creatures and fearful of anything they don't know, sometimes for good reasons, they tend to view anyone who is different as threatening. The first reaction is fear, then some get angry and aggressive, and some decide to avoid confrontation and simply ignore you, you don't exist to them.

As I said, it's basic psychology. People on the spectrum whose differences are distinguishable because they don't make eye contact, for example, threaten social conventions. For some reason, eye contact = credibility and listening. And since the immediate reaction is fear and people usually don't know how to deal with fear, they get angry and become aggressive. You broke the unwritten rules of society, and now we're going to punish you for it. Then they might think for a moment why they reacted that way and if they're progressive people, maybe they'll also try to correct their behavior. Truly progressive people will try to correct society, or at least the people around them [family members and friends].

When I look at the development of human society throughout history, I see improvement. Very slow, at the level of continental drift, but still improvement.

often because people find it cringe or excessive compared to social norms, it doesn’t justify it but it explains it

The main reason why people are mean to autistic people is because they would usually see them as weak. But that's not true. we as a community can make this world a better place for everyone and everything around us

And why do they put other disabled people first and ignore our problems If someone is making mouth poping noise every damn week tell them to stop Nooo the staff member tells me to ignore it and almost suspends me for it The autistic noise sensitive person aka me is supposed to be more supported than someone who does NOT have sensory overload. But the idiot making poping noise who isn't autistic is always put first and is allowed to pop

There is this girl at my job and she's been annoying the HELL out of me since October. She used to pop her mouth every day but now she just does it on Monday's. But today she didn't pop her mouth she doesn't do it on tuesdays,wensdays or Thursdays anymore or very much. But today she SMELLED like a skunk! She smelled bad all morning I gagged twice. I had to wear a mask to keep myself from smelling the stench from her. Nobody but me noticed the smell until right after 10am the girl working at a table in front of me reported it. Then at 11am two staff members finally caught the smell. I can't stand people who stink and pop their mouth. Gross. I even took a bath and bathed myself 3 times because I was afraid her stink got on me. Of COURSE I worked with her today. When I'm working on a rivet machine with clipboards,this girl is supposed to be boxing as in getting cardboard boxes out and using the tape gun. But she only stands,waits on me to make 8 clipboards at a time and then once a blue insert box is filled,then she makes the box. THAT TAKES TOO LONG! And she will mostly stand and do nothing! And no one tells her to do anything they just let her be stupid and do nothing.

I literally just had a conversation around this topic with my therapist. People are threatened by us because we dont try to fit in with society the same way they do. So they have two reactions: admiration, or jealousy. A lot of people when theyre jealous cannot handle their emotions. At least, thats my cynical way of seeing the situation. Maybe thats not the healthiest view idk.

(In this discussion we came to the conclusion that the majority of people dont like performing for a society that throws them away like trash, so thats why people get jealous)

Because they don’t understand us