Do any of you have any “rules” when your kids date?
I want to have some rules, but I’m not sure what is right.
For both of my kids I have been very open about discussing sex, sexuality, safety, and consent. For the older one they were awkward and not into dating as a teen. Younger kiddo is very outgoing and will have a person they are dating over to our house next week.
I am definitely not a save it for marriage person, but I am also not sure what I am comfortable with under my roof. I feel all kinds of conflicted.
My only rule is: You cannot date anyone who's not kind to you". That's it. I trust my kids, and so far they've made great decisions.
Every kid is going to need custom rules that work for them. Generally speaking, they need to be emotionally stable, a good communicator, have self-confidence, be respectful, kind, understand consent, safe sex, and same goes for their partner. I'm not a sex therapist and don't have teens yet, 3 kids though, so I've been thinking about how I will eventually approach this. Good luck!
'Dating' can mean all sorts of things depending on age and maturity. Many of my kids peers have been 'dating', but that just means they tell there friends they dating for school cred. Some others just hang out and watch movies together with a parent around.
Knowing the age of the kid in question will probably get you some better advice.
No significant others in their rooms. At all. They can hang out downstairs. Usually I’ll go upstairs, leave my door open and check often. If my husband is home he’ll sit on the couch & do his thing. He doesn’t care. The kids will go for a walk to the park or hangout in the backyard or something.
My kids are still little, but my main concern is safety.
Body safety: not to lose control around people they don't trust to care for them, consent, safe sex practices (protection, but also cleaning afterwards etc), how to choose a suitable place to have sex (not breaking any laws, not exposing themselves to unwilling witnesses, etc)... And a long list.
Emotional safety: how to identify when a person is safe and kind, to understand that sex sometimes doesn't go as planned and how it's important to have it with somebody you can trust to have your back (either feeling vulnerable or to support you through practical issues like getting plan B), how to become a kind and safe partner (avoiding toxicity, manipulation, being with people you don't like to cover your own emotional wounds, etc)... And another long list.
However, it seems you may be more concerned about whether to allow them to sleep in the same room when visiting or something similar. To be honest, if they want to have sex, they'll find a place for it. If you're uncomfortable with them having the choice while you are at home, I'll let them know when you'll be out and how long for... So they have access to a secure, safe, clean space regularly while also ensuring everyone's comfort levels are respected.
No teenager wants to have sex in a filthy public bathroom or at home when your parents are downstairs. They do so because they have no better options. So, if you make sure to let them have the house for an hour or so (ey, I'm going to X, will be back at 4), they'll be safe and everyone could pretend nothing happened.