So, I had a terrible breakup 3 years ago - yeah 3. The guy abandoned me for another girl. I was so devasted. In the months after the breakup he made it seem like I was making a big deal out of it and it was okay that he just "lost feelings for me". We made our mistakes sure, but it took me all these years of replaying the events and over time actually understanding that I didn't deserve to be left like that - as a loyal person throughout the relationship. What made it harder was that we somehow met once a year for the 2 years after the breakup and saw that he didn't genuinely feel remorseful and said sorry because I prompted him to by presenting to him how he wronged me. I was just... aghast. Until I plucked up the courage to go fully no contact a year ago.

Anyways, the point is, over the years after the breakup I completely lost my strong sense of identity - and it just makes me feel like an outsider to myself and a recluse in this world/human society.

I think I'm trying to get back to the version of me that had initially met the boy(now ex) - I was vivacious, in the best shape of my life, dressed well, took care of my skin, hair, grooming, had a social life, was confident, was very balanced, had hobbies such as reading/ painting going on long walks, travelling to new places( usually with him). I think I peaked back then. I was told I'm pretty and smart.

Over the years post breakup, my friends have gotten married and moved away - so I lack meaningful social connections( I moved to America 4 months ago), I put on a lot of weight, I'm feeling old now with grey hair sprouting, I don't feel interested to live life well, I don't care about dressing well- who'll look at me with my cellulite? I don't care for grooming, haircare and nails as much. I don't clap back at rude comments or stand up for myself( I don't even know what it means to stand up for myself), I don't paint or read as much. My attempts at exercise is sporadic and don't make me feel good like they used to, dating attempts have all but failed and been dumpster fires that I don't feel interested to even put an effort. The guys now want to push sex too soon and it feels like this is what I have to put up with to find a long term partner - but then again he might just leave me for the next interesting girl. I'm so tired.

It's like I've resigned to not finding love or enjoyment or happiness in life. Like this is it. I recently got to know through a mutual friend that my ex had gotten his second girlfriend and that they seem solid and would likely marry - I just feel devasted. Like life's unfair. I should wish him well I guess, but I can't as it feels like I'm betraying myself while also being selfish. I thought I'd have a family and kids by now ! My ex told me he didn't believe in marriage and here he is happy to get married.

I'm here wondering if I will ever be in a good state to even be in a position to attract the right mate who will gleefully chose me too.

If anyone has faced this, how did you get back to normal when everything seems out of whac?how did you action on it and what was the journey like? I'm trying to get back to feeling like how I did when I peaked ( at 27 ) - I know that was the best version of me.