Wtf are hands
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  • 240 points thegreatfireoflondon

    hands are the standardized unit of measurement for horse height (at least in australia)

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    123 points EvaTheE

    And are there other animals that have specialized body part measurements? "This duck is seven dicks from bill to arse."

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    85 points JizzProductionUnit

    If that’s how you want to explain getting your dick out in the park. “No officer, I was just measuring these ducks!”

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    26 points Telemere125

    “That’s a whole new charge you pervert”

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    13 points FruitNut221

    God only 7 dicks? Small duck. Last duck i measure was absolutely more like 40 dicks

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    6 points Mindless-Strength422

    40 dicks for you might be 7 dicks for someone else

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    6 points FruitNut221

    Its only 1 for my uncle

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    4 points Mindless-Strength422

    Plot twist: the duck is still in the egg

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    2 points deathwotldpancakes

    It’s only a quarter dick from the ducks perspective

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    2 points FruitNut221

    Well from the ducks perspective im a real pain in the ass

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    1 points SheridanVsLennier

    Are we talking length or girth here?

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    1 points FruitNut221

    Length. If we go by girth, honestly it would just take forever to measure.

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    2 points Lost-Average8108

    Who da fuck's tiny as dick was used for that 😂

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    1 points crappleIcrap

    Definitely not a duck, they got like a 5 foot corkscrew penis

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    2 points Known-Ad-1556

    I’m sure there is a wiki page somewhere on sexual arms races in animals.

    The corkscrew dick is a response to female ducks anti-rape countermeasures and is just part of the ongoing war of the duck

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    2 points Available_Motor5980

    That’s either a huge duck or a tiny dick

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    1 points Flip_d_Byrd

    I've heard them say in horse racing, "He won the race by a nose". But I've never heard "he won by 47 noses"...

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    1 points EvaTheE

    "AAAAAand the winner is Usain Bolt who snatches the victory by seventeen gnats' cocks!"

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    1 points PurplePolynaut

    The duck’s penis or your own? ‘Cause some ducks would only be like 1.1 of their own.

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    1 points PSKthrowaway0123

    They measure octopuses in willam defoe penises but it's corner to corner so it can be devieving

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    25 points BusyAtilla

    It is the standard everywhere.

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    4 points plexomaniac

    Not in the SI, that is the point of the sub.

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    2 points Known-Ad-1556

    Pretty sure the SI unit of horse is 746watts.

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    -4 points CherubUltima

    Fuck no, it isn't. I'm pretty sure all of EU uses Meters, because we are not completely insane.

    Edit: anything but metric for real - you folks are just stupid.

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    12 points Setting-General

    standard for horse height, not general measurement

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    5 points CherubUltima

    Yeah, but still only in idiot countrys. The sane rest of the world uses metric for horses

    "In other parts of the world, including continental Europe and in FEI-regulated international competition, horses are measured in metric units"
    Wikipedia #:~:text=The%20hand%20is%20a%20non,fifteen%20hands%20two%20inches%22).)

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    3 points Protheu5

    Horse height is still fucking height and should be measured normally in metres instead of hands, legs, or whatever extremity they come up with.

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    1 points maddie-madison

    Weird thing is they also don't even measure the entire height

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    2 points CharlesorMr_Pickle

    Hands are used for horse height in parts of europe as well

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    1 points CherubUltima

    Yes, in GB/Ireland. That doesn't count, they use pounds and miles as well. And they are a part of Europe only geographically.

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    26 points Atompunk78

    And in England

    I would bet most places too ngl

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    22 points that-Sarah-girl

    It's hands in America too. But I think a lot of people who haven't been in the horse world don't know that.

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    0 points ThanosWasRightAnyway

    Ummmmmm….”in the horse”?!?

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    4 points Known-Ad-1556

    In Soviet Enumclaw, horse is in you

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    12 points billthedog0082

    I believe it's international, or at least in countries connected to the former British Commonwealth, which covers A LOT of ground. It has been standardized to be 4 inches.

    People need to expose themselves to reading material. This is not an obscure phrase.

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    5 points plexomaniac

    A unit used internationally, but not a SI unit, that is the whole point of the sub.

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    4 points RadicalRealist22

    "anything but metric" implies unusual made-up units, not just non-SI.

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    2 points CherubUltima

    But it is unusual - Europe, most of Asia, africa and South America uses metric for horses. So the sane world if we're talking about units.

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    1 points plexomaniac

    Exactly. Basically, it's only useful for measuring horses in specific locations and nothing more.

    Even in the imperial system, it doesn't make sense, because it's made of another unit. They could simply measure in inches, but they insist on maintaining a stupid tradition that's even more stupid because this unit has changed throughout history. If you read an old book that mentions the height of a horse in hands, there's a good chance it's not the same unit as today.

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    2 points GraXXoR

    They wonder about hands being a weird unit but are totally OK with foot-pounds to measure torque.

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    1 points SheridanVsLennier

    A foot-pound is a 1lb weight at the end of a horizontal lever 1ft long, so it makes some kind of sense. It's one of the least-stupid units.

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    1 points GraXXoR

    I was mentioning because of the body part being used (foot) as opposed to hand. That’s all.

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    7 points Ok_Dog_4059

    Many places and have been for a long time.

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    3 points ZombieAppetizer

    Also, the standard in the US (at least in Texas, anyway)

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    3 points Bones-1989

    Still used in America too. I hate it. Hands aren't standardized. Why the fuck are we measuring things with non standardized measuring devices? It's the biggest mystery since the cubit.

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    11 points CZall23

    It was standardized as 4 inches)

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    2 points Bones-1989

    Show me a measuring tool scaled to hands please.

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    3 points CZall23

    Here you go

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    2 points burgonies

    Wha do you mean it’s not standardized?

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    1 points Bones-1989

    My hand is different than your hand

    If your hands are small your horse is bigger. A larger horse is more valuable....

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    7 points Inlerah

    Do you think, when someone measures something in "feet", that they're literally using the length of their foot?

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    0 points Bones-1989

    No, tape measures are standardized. Hands aren't.

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    2 points iowanaquarist

    Yes they are. In horses, a "hand" is 4 inches

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    1 points burgonies

    🤣 you’re joking, right?

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    1 points Bones-1989

    I thought it was obvious with my first comment. I'm like this irl and my friends tell me I'm unbearable. Lmao

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    1 points annamdue

    Oh, that's why he was called Mr. Hands...🫩

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    1 points Reasonable-Shoe-519

    But they ain't got no hands...

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    1 points Typical_Lack5315

    And we get shit for using feet

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    1 points GnowledgedGnome

    Also in the US

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    -11 points Ning_Yu

    Thanks for explaining it's an Australian thing, cause we use meters even for horse height.

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    18 points MistaRekt

    Global thing. Horses height is measured in hands globally.

    The actual measurement of a hand is 4" or 10.1cm.

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    1 points Dottore_Curlew

    It's just a (former) commonwealth thing... not global

    So if the commenter is from Europe, for example, they would be right in saying they measure horses in metric

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    1 points Ning_Yu

    I don't know what to tell you, in Italy we always used meters.

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    2 points CherubUltima

    Like every other country that doesn't use football fields and other freedom units. So don't mind these crazy people.

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    1 points Ning_Yu

    Thank you, being downvoted for stating a fact is so wild. I guess this sub is now everything but metric in the sense that the users hate metric.

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    0 points Sacharon123

    4 inch are 10.16cm, so closer to 10.2 if you want to round at all :)

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    1 points MistaRekt

    Indeed. I misread something. Who rounds 4mm? Down to 101.5mm

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    1 points Sacharon123

    What? Sorry, is it possible you mis-typed something?

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  • 46 points FixergirlAK

    Those people have never met a moose...

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    14 points Versipilies

    That was my first thought, those things are nuts

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    10 points pearl_harbour1941

    They bolt.

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    4 points Turbulent_Lobster_57

    But they’re very studly

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    2 points Known-Ad-1556

    Hard as nails

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    3 points Known-Ad-1556

    “We called him Moose because of his tall stature and because he’s three metric tons of death and fury”

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    2 points FixergirlAK

    See, that I would believe!

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    2 points AnnaNimmus

    I have met moose. That looks about the size of a small one. That probably didnt eat well.

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    2 points Dottore_Curlew

    A moose or multiple meese?

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  • 100 points Capnhuh

    Hands are a measurement for horse height. A hand is about 4 inches or so.

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    15 points 6869ButterNotFly

    Thanks! I was just about to ask why not use feet, which is a measurement limb i understand more or less atp. Is it the same in British?

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    19 points roqueandrolle

    It’s used globally, and yes in Britain as well as here in Ireland. Some Scandi countries will opt for metric (I worked on a horse farm in DK)

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    1 points dummythiqqpotato

    You worked on donkey kong's horse farm?!?

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    15 points geeoharee

    Yeah this is just a horse thing, it's global. Hands are really quite a good measurement for comparing horses. 13hh is a small pony, 15hh a riding horse, 17hh a draught horse, but that's only a sixteen inch range.

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    0 points Fleiger133

    The US didn't do this one.

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    2 points ImObviouslyOblivious

    If a hand is 4” and this horse is 19 hands, then this horse is only 6.3 feet tall?? Ain’t no way, unless those people are all 4 feet tall 🤔

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    17 points eberndl

    Horses are only measured to the shoulder.

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    10 points egaeus22

    Technically the withers

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    5 points useless_instinct

    Which is the back of the shoulder blade

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    2 points AwDuck

    Bill?

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    2 points plexomaniac

    Another reason it fits in this sub.

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    1 points windas_98

    Thank you! I was wondering this myself and assumed the height had to be the shoulder. That horse is a good 9ft to the head.

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    1 points Competitive-Ebb3816

    *exactly

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    1 points jws1102

    I think you may have missed the point. OP doesn’t actually care what that measurement means.

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    -4 points kelariy

    So a foot is like a size 14 foot, and a hand is a 10 year old’s hand. Makes perfect sense.

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    4 points Matticus1974

    A hand is from the index knuckle to the pinkie knuckle. That's bigger than a 10yo's hand, as it's 4".

    The King's Foot is from the spur of the heel to the end of the big toe.

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    1 points Known-Ad-1556

    Hardest burn I ever heard.

    We were at one of these farms where they do like a petting zoo and have farming activities and tractor rides and do on - you know, for the kids.

    The farmer was giving us a talk on horses and said about measuring horses in “hands”, it being one inch across each knuckle so 4” across the back of your hand.

    My mate (20 yo dude) looked at his own hands and said “no way is a hand four inches across”. The farmer, continuing his talk and not even pausing for breath went “yeah, a man’s hand”

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    -3 points kelariy

    The joke

    your head

    This sub is about jokes regarding non-metric measurement systems.

    A size US14 shoe is the closest US shoe size to 12”.

    10 year olds’ hands are around 4”-5” from heel to fingertip. In hindsight, I should have said an 8 year old’s hand, rather than a 10 year old’s.

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  • 31 points nasted

    A horse that is 18 hands stands six-foot tall at their withers (base of their neck). So, Moose here is an impressive 10.3 bananas tall.

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    2 points drmindsmith

    Things I learned: a standard banana is 7”. Or is it a metric banana?

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  • 40 points _NonExisting_

    Thats how horses are measured? Its not literal.

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    22 points pearl_harbour1941

    It actually is quite literal. A "hand" is exactly what it suggests - the width of a hand from side of thumb to side of little finger. It has been standardized to 10cm, or 4" in the US, but it is a literal hand.

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    2 points bostiq

    so weird, it's not even an open hand, like a span, it's a closed hand

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    1 points pearl_harbour1941

    A span varies according to the length of someone's fingers and how wide they can spread, so it's not all that standardized. Hand width doesn't vary as much as that. And I'm assuming that when the unit was invented in the like Medieval period, the farm girls all had hobbit hands...

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    2 points bostiq

    you must be joking, my hands almost double some women hand width

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    1 points pearl_harbour1941

    Are those women Medieval hobbits? If so, we have a science experiment on our hands! pun not intended

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    1 points _NonExisting_

    I meant in the way that it wasn't the person measuring the horse's hand, which is what the OP seemed to think lol

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    4 points pearl_harbour1941

    Fuck! You're right! Holy heck, how had I forgotten that horses don't have hands?? They have webbed feet.

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    1 points _NonExisting_

    Im sleep deprived 😭

    I mean the person who is measuring the horse wasnt using their own hand, but rather the unit of measurement called a "hand" cut me some slack 😭😭😭

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    2 points pearl_harbour1941

    Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't having a go at you, I was enjoying the absurdity. Looks like those three people only have 1 hand between them...

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    1 points _NonExisting_

    Haha, like I said, so sleep deprived I couldnt even tell

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    1 points Rand_alThoor

    it's an old system unit of measurement. like a 'foot', not literally one's own foot.

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    1 points plexomaniac

    Still fits in this sub since it's not SI.

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    2 points koyaani

    Metric and SI are not equivalent

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    0 points plexomaniac

    Right, but all SI units are metric and hand is neither SI nor metric.

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    1 points koyaani

    Whoop dee doo

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    1 points _NonExisting_

    Not what?

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  • 5 points Fan-Rider

    The global unit used to measure horse height is hands. That's just how you are SUPPOSED to measure horses.

    Also, you only count up to the withers as that is TECHNICALLY the tallest point of the horse when their head is lowered.

    Fun facts: The tallest horse ever recorded was 21.25 hands, and the shortest horse ever recorded was 4.25 hands.

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    1 points Work-ya-wood

    He is 2.16 meters

    Fact

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    2 points koyaani

    How did you determine that?

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    0 points r2k-in-the-vortex

    "Global", lmao. No it isnt, distance is distance and is measured in meters, doesnt matter if its horses of giraffes.

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    2 points koyaani

    You're the god emperor of units apparently. Why not strike them down for their insolence

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  • 5 points ComicsEtAl

    Moose do not have a calm presence. Do not mess with moose.

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  • 10 points EnormousPurpleGarden

    Hands are the traditional unit for measuring horses, donkeys, and mules. A hand was traditionally 4 inches; now it's 10 cm.

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  • 10 points FlamingPrius

    Horses have been measured in Hands for many centuries, in fact it almost certainly PREDATES the Metric System

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    7 points Rand_alThoor

    all the weird units of measurement like inches, ounces, predate the metric system. everything had its own unit of measurement. horses heights were measured in hands. people's heights were measured in feet and inches. apples and grain, etc were measured in bushels and pecks down on the farm. people's weights were in stone, pounds, ounces. money was in pounds, shillings, pence.

    with the French revolution they tried to rationalise and decimalise everything, including time. that didn't work, but they were successful in introducing a linked system of measurement that grew into the current SI units, International System.

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    1 points plexomaniac

    A lot of units predate the metric system. That's definitely not a good argument in their favor, though.

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    4 points FlamingPrius

    I didn’t mean to suggest its age correlated to quality, more that it might be common knowledge

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    0 points plexomaniac

    It isn't common knowledge because it's a niche unit that only survives because it's used by that niche. Even in that niche, it's not universal and is historically inconsistent, since it changed specifications several times and in different places.

    It isn't even a fundamental unit but a derived imperial unit based on inches. This affects its quality as a unit. SI was designed exactly to avoid this kind of problem.

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    6 points FlamingPrius

    I have never ridden a horse but I knew OF the unit. Maybe I read marginally more than average, but I do tend to think it is common knowledge

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    0 points r2k-in-the-vortex

    Obsolete and arse backwards, yes, thanks for stating the obvious.

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  • 7 points OnkelMickwald

    Ask mr Hands.

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  • 7 points teslaactual

    Hands are a legitimate form of measurements equal to 4 inches or 10.16cm

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    0 points plexomaniac

    Not in metric system.

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  • 3 points A-Sad-And-Mad-Potato

    Moose.... "calm presence"....? Meese have more of a "snap and fuck you up" presence.

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  • 5 points PresentDangers

    If you read this post in any other voice than Tina Belcher's, you are doing life all wrong.

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  • 2 points Natural_Ad_7183

    Moose are fucking insane

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  • 2 points LightspeedDashForce

    "moose" "calm prescence" no???

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  • 2 points bostiq

    To clarify: it's 0.020 Football fields (American Football, the one you play with hands, mostly)

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    4 points Goofcheese0623

    Ah, but did you know it's 7.11 e -17 parsecs?

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    2 points bostiq

    Ah, that actually reads better...

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    2 points pdkt

    "Football sir?" "Yes, it's a sport where you throw a ball with your hands". I love that General Washington sketch.

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  • 3 points KittenVicious

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hand_(unit)

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  • 2 points Feather314

    That’s how horses are always measured pretty much everywhere, this is like completely normal and standard

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  • 2 points Difficult_Bee_49

    This is a normal and standardized measurement of horses. Each hand is 4 inches, or 10.16 centimeters. This horse is 19 hands, which is 76 inches (6'4) or 193.04 centimeters tall!

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    2 points plexomaniac

    It's not. It's 193.04 cm to its shoulder.

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    1 points Difficult_Bee_49

    I should have specified to the horse's withers lmao.

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    1 points koyaani

    How did you determine that value?

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    0 points plexomaniac

    I didn't. The other guy did

    Each hand is 4 inches, or 10.16 centimeters. This horse is 19 hands, which is 76 inches (6'4) or 193.04 centimeters tall!

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    1 points koyaani

    So it is 19 hands

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  • 1 points windas_98

    You don't ride that horse, it goes where it pleases and takes you with him.

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  • 1 points wtkphoto

    My horse broke my toes. She weighs over 15000 pounds.

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    1 points PlatypusDream

    My horse broke my toes. She weighs over 15000 pounds.

    😲 The school bus I drive is only about twice that. What kind of horse is so huge??

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    1 points wtkphoto

    https://youtube.com/shorts/_DZKwCVKneg?si=TL6yLkVIi5dRW8vB

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  • 1 points SpicySwiftSanicMemes

    Horse? Hands? Reminds me of something.

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  • 1 points VIP_NAIL_SPA

    17 fortnights

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  • 1 points ManicYetti

    Why not lie and just round up to 20 it's an even number and nobody's fact checking that shit...

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  • 1 points Used-Line23

    Instead of using your feet to measure, use your hands for height of horses

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  • 1 points SheridanVsLennier

    Steady heart and calm presence...

    What's that they say about horses? They're only thinking of two things: Suicide and Homicide.

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  • 2 points CharlesorMr_Pickle

    Hands are a pretty standard measurement for horse height it’s not just a weird american thing

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  • 2 points czlcreator

    Horse person here,

    Hands are a unit of measurement up to the withers of the horse. Which is the top of the shoulder.

    Why? I don't know. The horse world has been one of the least scientific communities I've ever come across.

    The horse in the picture looks to be a black bay and has four frogs, 19 hands tall (Doesn't include the neck or head), with a star and has a halter on.

    A horse person will agree but comment on the frog thing but it's technically correct.

    A non horse person will look at that that and smartly shake their head and do literally anything else with their life and avoid the unfortunate path of owning a horse, where as some will look up what all that meant and possibly challenge which is worse, horse ownership or gambling.

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  • 1 points UniquePariah

    A Hand is 4 inches, in the same way a foot is 12 inches.

    There are a lot of legitimate imperial measurements and many of them are used in specific circumstances. Horses are measured in hands.

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  • 1 points Due-Radio-4355

    Tf is a hand just use cm or feet. Get over yourselves and use real measurements. Horse pple…

    Dumbest measurement possible. For example, both my hands can reach 12-3 keys across on a piano, while my gf can barely reach an octave. (8 keys) How is this in any way good? What is the consistency? How tf am I supposed to measure a horse? Would I fail a horse test because I said he’s 11 hands while some dumb instructor can’t get anywhere but 22 hands?

    Anyway, with that out of the way, Moose seems to be a good boi.

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    1 points koyaani

    Get over yourselves

    Ironic for such a self-righteous subreddit

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    1 points Due-Radio-4355

    Speak for yourself 😂

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    1 points koyaani

    ...

    Ironic lol

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    1 points Due-Radio-4355

    Yea Mr self righteous being literally self righteous. Just take a number and state ur opinion, lol

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    1 points koyaani

    lol

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    1 points Due-Radio-4355

    Lol

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  • 1 points koyaani

    I never see this subreddit complain about things like light-years or electron-Volts. Why do you fetishize a unit system?

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    0 points Sykolewski

    Light years and eV are common, imperial is relic of the past

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    1 points koyaani

    Nah

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  • 1 points QuestNetworkFish

    If you think that's bad, wait till you find out when this horse's birthday is

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  • 1 points Bloopool

    Moose aren't renowned for being calm and steady, last I checked.

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  • 1 points Nates_of_Spades

    horse people are weird

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  • 1 points Alexander_Ruthol

    Approximately 38 bananas.

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  • 1 points mebjammin

    At least one person in this photo has been fucked by Moose.

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  • 1 points Okay-Crickets545

    You still can’t cavalry charge a tank, but we’re getting close.

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  • 1 points Indescribable_Theory

    Mufuxers using Metric not understanding hands... bitch it's what you used before metric.!!. It's the reason yall forced the creation of Imperial with feet as a unit. /s

    Also, ≈10.16 cm

    Again, it's an ancestor to the standard SI.

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  • 1 points Rothenstien1

    Hands are the standard measure for horses basically anywhere Europe has invaded throughout history...

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  • 1 points Rand0mlyHer3

    Moose are anything but calm

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  • 2 points VaultGuy1995

    It's a traditional unit for measuring the height of horses, but it's still dumb. 1.93m btw.

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    1 points plexomaniac

    It's even dumber because they measure it only to its shoulder. It's much taller than 1.93m.

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  • 1 points Designer-Issue-6760

    4 inches. 

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  • 0 points Thrownaway5000506

    Cubits

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  • -1 points Nargarinlok

    19 hands... Never seen a dumber unit... Since feet and inches...

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