I really want to ensure I’m not overthinking a situation.
On Friday (the last day before Christmas break), my coworkers and I decided to have a sleepover at another coworkers house. It was all women and I explaining to my man how excited I was to have an actual sleepover (btw the age range is 25-42).
I get to the coworkers house and one of our male coworkers show up. He explains that he is also spending the night and I’m slight put off because what grown man (who is straight btw) wants to spend the night with all women. I digress.
It’s been about 3 hours into the night and we’ve all have plenty of alcohol; we are playing a numbers game that is basically truth or dare. It lands on me and I say dare. Anyone can offer a truth or dare for me to do; the male coworkers speaks up so fast dares me to take a shot of tequila, put it in my tits, lay upside down on the couch, and take the shot; he says all this while laughing. I go “I’m not doing that”; idk I felt there was a sexual undertone in that dare.
I ultimately called my boyfriend to come pick me up and I spent the night at his house.
Was my vibe wrong? Was it more innocent than I perceived?
Update: Thank you for everyone’s feedback :)
We are either teachers and there is one counselor at this party. I swear the teaching field has a different definition of hanging out; if you’re a teacher, you know haha
I wasn’t made aware of his arrival until I was already at the party. I was told he was going to stop by and then he arrived with stuff to spend the night.
I would have left immediately but I was 1000% too lit to drive and I needed my man to drive me (he Ubered to me and drove my car)
Nobody really said anything. I laughed it off and immediately texted my boyfriend. When I was leaving, everyone was surprised and concerned why I was leaving.
When I brought it to the attention of the oldest person there, she told me to let it go because he was joking. So at this point I don’t want to really talk to anyone in the group about this situation so I came to Reddit.
Lastly I was just hired this year. It felt great to think I was building a friend group and this group of women really wanted to hangout with me.
It's never wrong to remove yourself from a situation that makes you uncomfortable.
Yeah honestly this is it. If your gut says nope then that’s reason enough. You do not owe anyone staying in a situation just to be polite or avoid being awkward.
This hits. People really forget that discomfort doesn’t need a courtroom level explanation. If your gut checked out, you were done, and that’s enough. Politeness is not worth sitting through something that feels wrong.
That line about not needing a courtroom explanation really hits. Discomfort alone is enough reason to bounce. You listened to yourself and that is the right call.
This is so true. People act like you need a full explanation when sometimes your gut already decided for you. Being polite is never worth staying somewhere you feel uneasy.
Yes you were right. That was the responsible thing to do when the situation made you uncomfortable. Anyone who says otherwise is an idiot.
Exactly. People love to downplay stuff after the fact but in the moment it clearly crossed a line for her. Leaving was the mature call and honestly the safest one too.
Not wrong. You were excited about the sleepover because you wanted to spend time with other women. He made you understanably uncomfortable so you left. Were the other women okay with him staying? Was he invited by someone there or did he just invite himself? I think it's really weird that he was there in the first place unless he is really close to another one of your coworkers. Either way, that's a weird dare from someone you don't really know and also work with??
What’s funny is, nobody really said anything and I didn’t want to make a scene. So I laughed it off and texted my boyfriend. When I was leaving, everyone was so surprised and was asking me to stay.
I think you handled it gracefully. Didn’t make a scene, but made it clear that you were uncomfortable by his presence and actions so you left.
That part stood out to me too. An all women sleepover turning into a random guy staying the night is already odd, and then add alcohol plus that dare and yeah no thanks. Leaving was the safest and smartest move there.
Not wrong. Its also extremely creepy whoever was hosting the party invited the male coworker without informing anyone. You were under the impression it was FEMALE ONLY sleep over.
I was completely under the impression that it was all female. Before he arrived, the coworkers whose house it was said that “so and so” is going to stop by. I was like “hmm that’s weird but okay”. He came and when he got there, he has so much stuff. I’m like are you staying the night? And he said yea. This is the first time I texted my boyfriend because I was like wtf?! Haha
Are we sure the male coworker was invited and didn't just invite himself but no one said anything because it was awkward and it was all women against one man?
If that's the case then it's still on the host to say something tbh.
You were in the right. That male coworker is a jackass for that
Your boyfriend is a lucky guy
I think she is lucky to have him. He sounds like he trusts her and is not the jealous type.
They’re both lucky if you ask me.
You're right and your coworkers kinda suck
You are more than not wrong. You are right.
Every single other person in the room should have yelled, "No!!!", called an Uber and sent this person home immediately.
I think his behavior tells you exactly why this co-worker wanted to attend. He was hoping that someone would get drunk loosening up inhibitions. Or perhaps worse.
Nobody really said anything. I realized at the end of this situation, nobody was really my friend there and I know it’s going to be awkward when we go back to school in January.
Teachers?
If anyone says something, you should ask what their reaction would be if a student confided this story to them. Would they tell the student they should remain in a situation where the student felt uncomfortable? Or would they advise the student to safely exit the situation. Just as you did.
Yup. We are all teachers. I just don’t think it needs to be talked about and I’m going to move on like it’s nothing. I could be being typical and say if he does it again, I’ll say something, but I don’t want the headache of dealing with it at all :(
You made the right decision. The house's owner should not have allowed him to stay since it was a girl's sleepover.
He probably inserted himself expecting that alcohol would make it easy for him to sleep with some of the girls. That's why he brought the sexual dare to the game.
Next time you'll know that if a guy shows up at a girl's only event, you won't need a second to know his true intentions.
You aren't wrong.
I think this could have been an awesome teaching moment for the male co-worker. He wanted in on the slumber party with all his female coworkers. That's awesome they included him. When he dared you to do that is when the other women should have pointed out the obvious "that's not ok" behavior. If he wants treated like one of the gals, he needs to be more appropriate.
Facts! Like I know for a fact he hadn’t had THAT much alcohol. Idk why he even thought it appropriate to say with all women! Idk man. :(
No, your vibe wasn’t wrong.
You were right to leave because you were uncomfortable but this whole situation is weird. I've never heard of 25-42 year olds having 'slumber parties'. I've heard of going on vacation, maybe sharing a cabin but not a 'slumber party'. It's also kind of weird to be playing a truth or dare game at this age, particularly with coworkers.
Nothing about this story makes sense to me but maybe I'm far removed from your experiences. I would find the mere invitation to a slumber party suspicious as hell.
Trust me looking back, I now realize it was weird BUT we are teachers and in the teaching field, it’s a different ball game on how we hangout haha most of us have worked with each other for years haha
It’s basically a way to have a night drinking without risking drunk driving is my interpretation. I’ve had a sleepover with 2 mom friends for this purpose and just because 2 of us wanted a night away from our kids and one toddler (very much old enough to gently go to sleep) was sleep training with dad at the house and mom didn’t want to be there for it.
Not wrong. Things went a direction you weren't comfortable with. The best solution is to leave
You felt uncomfortable. You should leave.
You might even feel annoyed at whoever organized this. You were led to believe it was all women, and the dynamic does change when man/men are staying over.
I wish more girlfriends were like you instead of just doing it.
The idea of a sleepover with coworkers is beyond professional boundaries.
I’m surprised I had to scroll as far as I did to see this comment!
I mean I get where you are coming from but we are teachers. The teaching field is a different ball game when it comes to hanging out haha
What self-respecting person would do that?
Right?! I was super confused. Like the gif of that woman with all the numbers and shapes around her face like what?!
I likely would have left the minute the male coworker said they were staying too. That was no longer a safe fun ladies sleepover. If you're uncomfortable you're always in the right to excuse yourself
I would have but I FOR SURE had too much to drink to drive and I needed my boyfriend to drive me haha
Not wrong, sexual assaults are often begin with games like that. Glad your boyfriend got you out of there.
Same! I felt bad because I really didn’t want to leave my car and he ubered to me so he could drive my car. He was like “What I would have walked if I had to” haha
Pro tip for women. Any man who speaks to you directly about your breasts wants to have sex with you.
Agreed!! haha also this is down right hilarious that you said this because my boyfriend said the same thing. He was like homie has to have a crush on me or something. It was soo hard to stop my boyfriend from actually trying to say something to this man before we left.
That’s kind of disgusting. Yeah, intensely sexual vibe. I’d have left too, unless I wanted random sex with a coworker. (Which I do not)
There is no right or wrong here (for you), you’re always allowed to remove yourself from an environment you don’t feel comfortable in.
The person who allowed the male coworker to come is an AH if it was previously agreed to be women only.
Nope, you were right on your vibe-check. I bet things fell apart shortly after you left.
Absolutely you were right to do that. I personally would've called mine the minute a man showed up because me and my man do play that, we aren't cool with sleeping over or drinking around other people of the opposite sex but everyone's relationship is different and everyone has different boundaries and expectations. I think you totally did the right thing. I'm sure your boyfriend was happy you called him and knows he can trust you to do the right thing.
He was. I felt bad but he told me I could and should call him any time I feel danger or uncomfortable haha
You should never feel bad about something like that. I would never hesitate to call my man or my dad or my brother if I felt uncomfortable or in danger. A good man will never be mad or upset at you for that, they might be mad if you don't though lol 😆
He's a keeper.
Playing a truth or dare drinking game with co-workers? What could go wrong?
you were uncomfortable with the male co worker being there & his dare. If i was your BF I'd wife you up
Not wrong. He was way out of line.
That male co worker is a dick for showing up. Good for you on all accounts
Why would he even say something like that to you or dare you to do something like that?
That's not cool - at all. He was pretty clearly testing the waters with you and seeing what he could get away with. Pretty damn selfish of him.
I'm glad you got out of there, 'cause he may have escalated his advances on you. Even though there were plenty of other women there to do something if he tried anything... you never know. Folks like that tend to blame their behavior on the alcohol after the fact. Like that somehow removes their responsibility from their words + actions.
Perhaps he'd had too much to drink - it's still not a valid excuse for being a friggin' nasty creep.
I say this as a recovering severe alcoholic: Being drunk does not absolve you of your actions.
Talking about you using your tits to do anything was wilding inappropriate and a man sleeping over was inappropriate. I would have asked right away if he was invited to sleep over and express your disappointment bc you thought it was going to be all women and you really wanted to get to know them better. And it was just him and you’d like to hang with just the women again if it comes up.
A straight man wanting to spend the night with several females wants to have sex with at least one of them!!!
You aren't wrong to take yourself out of a situation you weren't comfortable with. And, yes, what your male coworker dared you definitely had sexual implications.
What a woman, I’m proud of how you handled the situation!
This entire situation is very strange...
They are all a bunch of losers. They had an “pig pile” after you left
👀👀 what is a pig pile?! Oh my gosh straight to Google I goooooooo!! 😂🤣
A g b
The guy is an ass. Totally inappropriate. The other women should have spoken up on your behalf to form a consensus. And, of course, he should have been the one to leave, not you
Have you considered that the male coworker is having an affair with the host and the sleepover was an excuse to have the hosts husband out of the house?
No because she isn't married plus the host was the 42 year old and the guy is 25. Not saying that can't happen, but I highly doubt it.
he was planning on raping or molesting you if you went through with it.