I’m an 18 year old female in Calgary and my mom got super angry at my whole family this morning. All my stuff from my bedroom was thrown downstairs and I got beat up as well. I’m in my first year of university with $200 to my name. I’m not sure what to do as I know that if I move out I’ll end up homeless and have to drop uni because I can’t afford to pay for them myself.
Right now, I just need to get out of my house and come back when she’s calmed down again hopefully. My mom did a night shift but when she wakes up I know I’ll get yelled at and beat up again.
What are some places I could go for the day and maybe overnight? I’m so lost I don’t know what to do.
Edit: would i be able to book a hotel room with just a passport and university id? Are there any affordable hotels in Calgary. Might be safer compared to other options
OP, please pay attention, there is folly in getting advice from the internet. We don't know the intricacies of your situation and you should be careful about sharing too much here.
I have worked in social services for 2 decades and recognise that you are getting advice here that ranges from bad, to okay, to good but missing nuance.
You are still a dependent who is entitled to support from your Mother while attending continuous, consecutive, full-time school terms. You have the right not to be beaten or abused. You are absolutely a vulnerable person as a youth with no income, and because you are dependent on your parent to attend post-secondary school.
Please, get some advice from a professional, NOT THE INTERNET. You need to call 211 to get referrals to services in your area.
If necessary, there are Youth and Women's shelters. 211 can provide guidance on where and how to get into one.
Only you can know how dire the situation is. As a recent adult, this is likely the first really big decision that you need to make. Whereas you should not tolerate violence or abuse, you may not have the emotional maturity to accept and take accountability for your role in the problem and/or in identifying and supporting a solution (if there is one). Either way, leaving makes you very vulnerable and opens questions about financial security and your ability to continue university. Be mindful and intentional in your decisions.
Someone mentioned Alberta Supports funding (aka Welfare). There are a few issues with that advice: - as a full-time Student, you are NOT eligible for ongoing supports. At most, you will be able to get a one-time issue of funds to tide you over for 1 month (unless you drop out of school). - processing times are slow and the process is tedious. This will not solve any immediate issues if you need to leave your Mother's house now. You will still need to go to a shelter or other refuge with friends/family. - DO NOT expect to be put up in a hotel. Be mindful that hotels are about the worst place for vulnerable people to be sanctuaried. They are havens for natcotics and human trafficking, among other serious social issues. A Women's or Youth shelter is always better since you will be surrounded by professionals who have your best interests in mind. - as you will not be eligible for anything more than one-time support, your problems are only delayed by getting assistance. If you leave your family home, you still need an income. That means dropping out of school and getting a job, or applying for Student Loans and working during the Summers (if you decide to stay in school).
Other considerations: - if you are going to leave the family home and that results in your Mother severing ties or financial support, you need to make a decision about how to handle your siblings. - you are 18 and unable to care for your siblings, financially or emotionally. Your decisions here matter. - call Children's Services to get them involved if there is a child welfare concern. They do not automatically apprehend children and people don't realise that they actually have services to support families to build better skills and supports: 1-800-638-0715 - 'in case of cabin decompression, put your oxygen mask on first and then help other passengers with theirs. If you lose consciousness from oxygen deprivation, you cannot help anyone else.' What I mean is, take care of yourself first. It is HUGE to take full responsibility for yourself. There are systems and supports available for your siblings. Get to a safe place, figure out your situation and make the calls to make sure that your siblings are accessing the supports they require. Personally help them once you are able (sorry, this might be years from now).
I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I truly wish you luck. Again, please get off social media and get support and advice from professionals.
This is the advice!
This needs to be upvoted.
Isn't there usually support for domestic violence suffers through the University too?
It has been a moment since I was in university and even though I ran out of a meal plan in my first year in the dorms and survived off of 1 meal per day that I mooched from friends, I didn't access any services myself. I was shocked to learn, many years later that universities operated their own food banks and other social supports for Students facing food insecurity, homelessness, mental health and addictions issues, etc..
Yes, I would presume that the University would have some supports.
This is 💯 the best response and couldn’t have said better - thank you vivr
https://www.calgarywomensshelter.com
Don’t go back home, you don’t deserve to get beat up.
Also please reach out to the wellness centre at your uni. They usually have extra resources to support students.
Also, check your student association's programs. Mine had a program for emergency student funds. They also had free food programs and offered safe spaces if i remember correctly.
OP please don't forget to apply for student awards as well!! There are so many that apply to your situation. 💛 please be safe.
I think they are currently closed because of winter break but once they open up again I’ll reach out, thank you
Insanely bad advice, you have no context whatsoever.
Lack of context maybe but when a child, even if they are 18 is beat up its abuse... they should seek someplace safe
No. As an abuse survivor this is correct advice. She is 18. She doesn't have to go home and shouldn't because it is dangerous for her. No one ever should be told to go back to their abuser.
What’s your advice? Stay home and take the beating?
In what world does context need to be provided when a child is abused by their parent?
The Criminal Code of Canada is the only context needed. Assault is assault. No contextual exemptions needed.
Wow. What an insanely ridiculous reply. What do you think the shelters are for?
I’m wondering what your advice is with no context? Or just this message? Every piece of advice is correct. And I’m so grateful for everyone giving the supports to this young person.
Alberta supports, fleeing abuse funds, apply online
Hi, I’m sorry this happened. You can call 2-1-1 or check out their resources online. It’s a resource call centre and they can provide lists of services for safer places to stay, financial services you may be able to access, low cost counselling options etc. I do recommend calling and talking to a person as they might have more to offer than what you may find yourself on the website.
2-1-1
211 is the correct information.
Check out the Alex community supports center, they are for youth specifically https://www.thealex.ca
At the very least I would document your abuse and consider calling the police on her/filing a report. I am not sure what causes her to behave that way, but it's illegal and you shouldn't feel like a victim in your own home, ever. She should be under the notion that any more will result in potential jail time, or at the very least, being separated from her kid(s). Best of luck, better times will come.
I have been recording all the times she’s been yelling at me and my sliblings for the past few months. If I make a police report I don’t know what will happen to my silblings because we don’t have any family here and I don’t want them to get lost with foster care
Do you have any cultural or religious communities that could help support in any way? Whether you do or don't now is THE time to build a support network around you. They might not solve the problem but can support you and your siblings in a roundabout way, and might provide more help in a future emergency. External supports can be in school counselors for you and siblings (free), teachers, family doctors, social workers, free law support, school friends and their parents/families, church friends, sports groups and coaches etc.
You have to tell the police, she needs to see some consequences.
Fuck yes. And anyone supporting that “mom” needs their hard drives checked. I hope she gets karma in a federal jail.
Since you are 18, you can apply to the court to be their guardian.
Alberta Family Violence Supports. You can call, text, or live chat. They were immensely helpful when helping my friend break her lease to escape an abusive roommate
I would go to an Alberta works office and apply for the one time 1000 fleeing abuse grant and see if you qualify for anything else. You could stay at a women’s shelter a few days or Alberta works will even pay for a hotel if shelters are full.
Unfortunately it is very difficult to get into an office. Everything is online and so difficult. There is lots of scanning needed to be done of bank statements, ID, proof of eviction ect. I just went through this and it's not easy to get a social worker.
Hopefully Mom cools down. Not sure what this young person means by beat up as of course that is definitely not acceptable.
Ok I lived in a smaller city before and services were a lot more accessible. I don’t work in the field anymore so not sure what things look like for the triage and intake process. Maybe going straight to a shelter and have workers there advocate for you to Alberta works would be better.
I'd suggest asking for student loans. If you have already, you can ask for extra income due to emergency as you've explained and they will imburse the funds and process it faster.
Good luck and I hope it gets better. No one deserves this and you're more than welcome to send a dm if you ever need to vent
being a mom doesn't give you rights to beat the kid. please call police
is it alright if i message you with some resources? im a similarly aged girl in calgary and i JUST went through a very similar thing!!
Yes you can defo dm me
Will do !!
Go to a women’s shelter and take your siblings with you. They’ll help you out. I understand your worries about foster care, but you’re all living in an abusive home at the moment and no one deserves that. Find safety for all of you, then make decisions about how to move forward with the help of the women’s shelter and/or 211 and other resources.
Phone 211
The Distress Center is a great place to start, they can direct you to resources and guidance. Your school can likely provide some assistance and work with you to help with accommodations while you get the rest worked out
I would look into student loans and alternative funding for school. Often that combined with a summer job would be sufficient to support yourself through the university years. Friends and family may be options too. Transferring to an out of city university may help.
The calling the cops advice and shelter are interesting but what's the long term plan? They are likely more nuclear options that have there place but what happens to you and your siblings in the medium to long term?
I would reach out to the shelters to understand the options but ask about the next 3.5 years not the next 3-5days or couple months.
Universities also typically have extensive support resources and (often) people who want to help. If you’re comfortable sharing what’s happened, talk to people in various departments (mental health, financial aid etc). Don’t give up if you get an unhelpful person, it can be a bit hit or miss sometimes, but the right person can really make things happen.
Call the police, press charges. She might have to be the one to leave the house.
They would both have to leave the property as the victim does not own it and cannot afford rent.
I’m so sorry that happened to you - and I’m so sorry that 2025 ended that way for you. I’m here if you need to talk. Please also call CPS and try to get this reported to the police.
Like what many people are saying - 211 and shelters.
I also messaged you OP.
Call 211
There should be some women's shelters in Calgary. I don't live there, so I don't know where they are. You might get better luck asking in the Calgary sub Reddit.
It is horrible that your mom is doing this to you.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Reach out to supports at your university as well, there may be some emergency funding available to help you get settled into residence or an apartment of your own, and they can assist you with loans to cover tuition.
Do you have family or close friends you can stay with? I see no one else asked this.
My family moved here from Bangladesh a decade ago and I don’t have any family in this city or province. I don’t have any friends that im close enough with to stay over
You need to talk to a crisis worker so call 211. You also need to start thinking of an exit plan by saving/earning money and considering your future. I would look into army or navy and join there. For now maybe donate plasma and get some money for it.
I agree you need a crisis worker then. For you and your siblings. I feel for you, and I am so sorry this is happening to you. But your safety along with your siblings has to come first. And this may get your mom the help she needs too as a side note
You will get DMs offering support sympathy and help please DO NOT trust or go to see any of these people under ANY circumstances.
This sounds like it is reoccurring. Phone the cops. Do you have siblings?
Call the police
Definitely Charge her with assault. Doesn't matter that she's the loins from which you emerged, she needs to learn a very viable lesson about emotional maturity and the lack of it that she clearly has. You don't act like that to anyone let alone your children. Uni will sort itself out in time, there's scholarships and bursaries, and part time online learning, when there's a will, there is a way dear, but get yourself out of that house.
I dont know your context but if it was something you did then own up to it. If you dont want to say then reach out to your friends or go the shelter. But dont think the shelter will be any better than staying at home
What is mom so mad about? She must be very tired working night shifts.
She has NO right to lay a hand on you, unless it is for self defense.
Did you do anything or do you have any accountability? My sister tried to attack our mother once or twice as a teenager so mom had no choice but to defend herself and fight back. Sister then told the school that mom hit her, leaving out the rest of the story.
Is there a middle ground? What is mom coming home to after night shifts?
Is she getting home only to face other adults expecting her to cook and clean up after then? Is that why she lost it her shit? Is she losing control of her household becuase she has ither adults living there sponging off her while trying to dominate her or break her house rules?
Again, she has no right to hit you. But the yelling... what is it about?
OP replied to another poster that it's just her and her younger siblings at the house. She mentioned that they have no other adult relatives in the area and she's afraid of them getting thrown into foster care.
Considering the set up, OP is likely responsible for her siblings while mom is working.
I saw that too, but the OP is an adult and maybe she has friends, aka other adults coming around eating the groceries, messing the place up, drinking, smoking dope.... I don't know. Do you?
Mom is working nights , paying all the bills, stressed out. Something is causing these fights.
The OP is legally an adult. The mom doesnt have to support her but chooses to anyways. So I was just curious if OP is able to step out of herself for a moment and assess the situation with a clear mind.
What are the issues. Why are they happening. Is she in danger. Does she need to remove herself and risk being homeless, risk her siblings becoming foster kids. Lose her mom's financial support towards her education.
Can she describe the physical altercation. How did it start? How dod it end? What led up to it. These questions are important for her to think about when making a huge, possibly life altering decision for herself and those kids.
Living in fear is NO life. If it is what she says, she, as an adult has an obligation to protect those kids. But she is running away alone, right? Why doesnt she want those kids in foster care?
Incorrect, under the Family Law Act, OP is considered a dependent and a person entitled to support as long as they are attending continuous, consecutive, full-time school terms.
Both you and the other poster are correct: - there is missing context that needs to be assessed so that OP can be provided with proper services and an appropriate plan for their circumstances. - no-one deserves or should tolerate abuse, especially of a minor.
For context, OP needs to get some advice from a professional, NOT THE INTERNET. They need to call 211 to get referrals to services in their area.
Edit: spelling mistakes
Wtaf? Don't blame the victim just because something happened in your family. There is absolutely no excuse for what this mom did and trying to find reasons or middle ground with an abusive parent is not the answer.
There is no excuse to hit anybody except in self defense.
I feel like asking if there is more to the story is a form of due diligence and not victim blaming. If she makes a statement to police, they will want to know what lead up to the physical altercation before making assumptions.
I honestly dont mean to victim blame.
If there is more to it, then the OP needs to consider everything before making a big play and making herself homeless while risking putting her siblings in foster care.
And yes it did happen in my family where the teenager hit first and my mom had to hit back to defend herself. These experiences... There are often two sides to every story.
The OP is an adult. Wanting more details before advising and coddling is how I roll. Maybe that makes me an ass.
What is your "due diligence" going to achieve here? Are you a cop? Are you a crown prosecutor? No. Your "due diligence" only serves your OWN curiosity at the potential expense of this young woman feeling doubted and unheard, which makes it harder for abuse victims to leave. Keep it to yourself.
Yes, I'm curious. No to the rest.
What will these questions achieve?
I would ask the same questions to a friend. I would want them to think about the choices, their responsibilities and their own actions as an adult first. Assess the situation.
How dangerous is it. How real is it. How did the physical altercation begin?
If she is just angry and venting or exaggerating, then she needs to make sure before jumping on the victim band wagon that you are on.
You are encouraging her to victimize herself and become homeless, and lose all her educational and financial support... out of emotion. You aren't helping either. You weren't there either.
All I am doing is asking first. "Is there more to it" and if she has any accountability she needs to be honest with herself. Not me. Not you.
She said she has younger siblings in another comment. She is an adult and she is responsible to report child abuse. Right?
Now. Tell me why she is only worried about getting herself out but doesnt want to report it and get them kids to safety?
Let me be perfectly clear: A child getting abused by a parent IS NOT VICTIMIZING THEMSELVES. They ARE a victim of CHILD ABUSE.
And she has expressed concern for her siblings elsewhere in-thread, after which I told her she, being 18 and next of kin, can apply for guardianship.
P.S. I am someone currently in therapy to recover from my parents' abuse. One of the characteristics of abused kids is that they take TOO MUCH responsibility on themselves for what happened. You are reinforcing an abused kid's self-blame. Congrats.
Right, so you're helping by adding the stress of guardianship onto her? How on Earth could she manage that if she cant even look after herself? That IS TOO MUCH responsibility. Don't be a hypocrite!
Now tell me the characteristics of a spoiled brat who lives rent free and has her tuition paid for.
She is a University student without a job on Christmas break. Her siblings will also be off school. Mom working nights. No doubt stressed out with bills, tired of picking up after everybody and doing everything while adults / teens / kids sit around doing nothing to help. This is a CLASSIC recipe for a domestic arguement. Something happened and an argument got physical. It could literally be a one off thing and not any indication of anything more.
Maybe you're right and this is an ongoing problem; but as a person who was abused you are projecting. You are encouraging her to pack it all in without even knowing the details.
Maybe I'm right to ask a legitimate question to an adult; but as a person who was never abused I am also projecting. I am encouraging her to think about it before making a rash statement that could cause their entire world to crumble.
The truth is, we dont know. We weren't there. But you putting guardianship onto her shoulders is no more stressful to a possible abuse victim than me asking if there is a bigger picture to think about. So get off your high horse.
Ugh, spare us the abuser apologia. The OP stated the 18yo is the one getting beat up. If you don't believe her, keep it to yourself. The slim odds that there is more to the story is not worth making what is most likely a kid being abused feel like it's their fault. The mom isn't going to see you defending her. Learn some trauma sensitivity and go journal about your suspicions in private.
She is an adult.
If an adult tells me they got beat up, that's usually the first thing I want to know. How did it happen!? And who initiated it.
I don't give a shit what the mom sees or doesnt see. I dont know these people. Throw the bitch in jail if she is beating her kids. But this OP is the only one who can stop it and save the other kids from it. So.
What do you think a cop will ask when an adult reports that they got beat up?
Who attacked first will matter.
She is 18. She is legally an adult, but that doesn't make her less this woman's kid, and her prefrontal cortex is still not fully developed into adulthood. And again, you're not a judge, or a prosecutor, or anyone else in the legal system, so TO YOU who attacked first does not matter except to satisfy your own morbid curiosity. This is someone asking for help, offer it, or STFU.
Nope. It is a public forum and she might be that woman's kid, but she is an adult by law.
An adult says they got beat up. OK. How? Explain.
If she wants to get those other kids to safety or file a police report, she will be treated as an adult. This isnt school counsellor shit. This is grown up stuff now. How it happened will matter.
This question is not as cold hearted as you want to make it out to be.
Two sides to every story, but yours is lived and truly valid. Create a safe distance from family with a friend if possible, or as mentioned elsewhere, head to the Calgary Women’s Shelter.
Define "beat up". Were you injured?
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I know it’s difficult for you to imagine this, but women are not a monolith. Some women get upset when people use that term, yes. This 18 year old has bigger problems. Read the fuckin’ room.
You don't have to post every thought you have to Reddit my man.
I am a victim of that. Who knew ?