i think i had a lot of shame around thinking this way to be honest. to be clear, there shouldn't be! i just thought i was a boy and a lot of the boys my age would say things like, "i'm a lesbian too!" in like this gross way and for a long time i think i internalized what you're talking about as some form of what these boys were doing unfortunately.
growing up, i had the biggest crushes on queer girls (softball and hockey players especially absolutely just destroyed my heart and mind as a teenager) but just stayed far away because i was so ashamed. ugh, sigh, ack, etc.
I've always felt the way the poem describes about women too, despite being a man. Always had female role models, I just looked up to everything about them. Only recently found out I'm trans too
I was literally just telling my gf today that I’m so heavy on the sub/masochist/bottom and I always love to be roughed up and told what to do. But it was hard for me to enjoy it before. I’m a late bloomer queer so when I was with cis men, I wanted it but it just didn’t sit right.
And then the gay button turned on, and it feels sooooo good. I just needed to subtract the cis men 😆
I feel this. I'm really into certain aspects of s/m/b play, but I'm not at all into humiliation or "daddy" play. Men seemed incapable of separating those things. Like, they couldn't fathom spanking me unless they were telling me what a bad little girl I was. I just like the sting of the slap and the increased blood flow! I like giving up control to a competent guide. Women always seem to realize they can have their way with me while still treating me with respect in a way men never did.
Eta: nothing wrong with anyone liking the stuff I don't. I just think it's weird men seem to default to that.
I super relate to this! I'm kinda the same way: knowing my partner respects me and sees me as an equal in our day to day lives has been crucial for me to enjoy any s/m/b stuff in the bedroom. It's like that foundational safety/trust/equality is why I can enjoy that stuff at all.
I'm sure that's not exclusive to lesbian/gay couples, of course, but it's nice to not have all of the (heteronormative) baggage from society about how one's relationship should work.
Thing is, this largely has to do with the social conditioning of the patriarchy, not the way men inherently are (which is its own tragedy when you think about it).
Yeah, it would've been better to say "the way men are taught to love women" since it doesn't apply a stereotype to an entire group of people. But I get it's poetry, so simplicity is easier.
I’m just a single anecdote, but as a sapphic trans woman I never felt that way growing up before I knew I was trans. The way boys/men my age looked at and talked about women always sounded gross and weird to me. I definitely always knew I liked women, but never remotely in the same way that I’d hear men talk about. I used to always tell myself I “wasn’t like other guys” when it turns out I just wasn’t a guy to begin with.
That’s not to say that men are inherently incapable of truly loving women, and I suppose it could just be because I’m demisexual and autistic, but yeah. The male gaze has always seemed foreign and strange to me, and I feel like most dudes are missing out. Not sure where I’m going with this tbh… but the whole nature vs nurture thing can be so weird to think about from a trans perspective 😅
Maybe the quiet and respectful men were just harder to notice, compared to the yucky ones feeling its ok to comment on women openly like that
I do think demisexuality has a lot to do with it, rather than gender necessarily. As an ace myself, I'm similarly alienated from just finding a person attractive without knowing them first. I'm sure plenty allosexual lesbians have eyes for a pretty lady in that way we don't have personal experience with. I like to think women are more respectful about it though, generally
it's very weird indeed to think about as a trans person, growing up I also felt super uncomfortable around men and about the things they said even though I was supposed to be one. I gravitated around sapphic media and stuff made by woman in general as I didn't vibe with the average hetero relationship dynamics. One of my best friends in highschool was a lesbian and she suspected I was gay years before I came out, so there was some vibes I was giving that made she think I was not cis het.
Now that I realized I'm trans I sometimes wonder if this had any effect in my coming out, like "am I trans because I felt uncomfortable about men's culture and patriarchy" or "was I uncomfortable about men's culture and patriarchy because I was trans all along?", realistically there's no real answer and it doesn't really matter as I'm happy that I'm a trans women despite everything.
One of the most jarring parts of coming to terms with my trans identity was realizing that the reason I didn't relate to or enjoy heterosexual love stories was my inability to comprehend the way men experience love. I just do not look at, think about, desire, or experience women in the same way. While I am sure there is something to be said for the socialization of men playing a part in the way they view women. I was socialized that way for over thirty years and never once did it skew the was I experienced attraction and affection it just made me self conscious about it.
I feel fictional men can be so distant from actual men sometimes, and the gendered roles and exaggeration of it all won't have helped. I don't think fiction represents all of reality, but a stereotype most readers of the fiction can relate to, a fantasy. But even picturing yourself as the woman in straight fiction might not work if it's still full of gender role imbalance and patriarchal propoganda
A man asked me how I felt about women and I felt like I couldn’t explain. Like I just love women, I love all women, I want all types of women, I want to take care of them and be taken care of. I love the way they express themselves and their confusing nature. I love when they make a fuss and then you have to tease her until she starts laughing. I love when women want you and they are either straight forward or give you several signs that requires you to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out. Just looking at them is enough for me and I can’t explain the soft yearning for them.
I explained I couldn’t express my feeling without leaving something out and he in turn said I shouldnt hold back and tell him (because he thought I only viewed them in a lustful manner) as well as my kinks and If I wanted them to own me. Such a shallow way of thinking, sometimes I wonder if hes fetishizing me😒
With that level of emotional illiteracy, he almost can't help fetishizing anyone he's attracted to. He doesn't yet have the concepts and vocabulary to describe other forms of love.
My friend told me yesterday that back in high school I told him that I liked to read yuri better because I found it more relatable. I wish I put together what that meant sooner
There’s a book series that a straight friend of mine really loves and so I gave it a shot - the Dresden Files. It’s written by a man and the protagonist is a man, and I remember being super icked out by the way he talked about his female work partner that he was clearly attracted to, especially physically. I complained about it to my friend and she just shrugged and said, “I wouldn’t mind if a guy thought about me that way.” But I just couldn’t wrap my head around looking at a woman like a collection of isolated parts. Apparently a lot of straight women are into that though?!
Okay but in a kink setting? Absolutely to all three of a lady doing them to me. But in a normal, non-established relationship setting? God I just love women existing and being friends with them or crushing on them for existing as themselves.
This is so accurate and the reason so many of us just think "this is how best friends are" and not that we have an actual crush on our bestie (don't all bffs practice kissing with each other?)
The poem most definitely wasn’t written with Dommes & submissives in mind, but hey, the hopeless romantic lesbians can have their poems & we can have collars on our women & love in our hearts.
I feel a little insecure, because now I have to wonder if I'm doing it right. For the longest time, at least... I did want to do the things the poet didn't.
my dyslexic ass read the second to last lines as
"it's still hunger,
but a different kind of hamburger"
i couldnt agree more
"I put the 'sexy' in dyslexia"
I used to say, word for word, "I love women the way women love women," years before I realized I was trans
i think i had a lot of shame around thinking this way to be honest. to be clear, there shouldn't be! i just thought i was a boy and a lot of the boys my age would say things like, "i'm a lesbian too!" in like this gross way and for a long time i think i internalized what you're talking about as some form of what these boys were doing unfortunately.
growing up, i had the biggest crushes on queer girls (softball and hockey players especially absolutely just destroyed my heart and mind as a teenager) but just stayed far away because i was so ashamed. ugh, sigh, ack, etc.
Same
Me too
I've always felt the way the poem describes about women too, despite being a man. Always had female role models, I just looked up to everything about them. Only recently found out I'm trans too
Same!! Even back in middle/high school.
Yep, extremely relatable. I could never identify with the way men spoke about women, even when I thought I was one.
Awwwww 🫂❤️
Ouch
Called me out
Very much same, I used to say I felt like a lesbian trapped in a man's body for years before I even considered I might be trans
What if I want to be owned by a woman tho?🥺👉👈
She'll own you with your full consent.
Woof woof
What if I want to own a woman with her full consent?
Then you'd have your DMs flooded if the bottoms weren't so shy
Every shy bottom (isn’t that 99.99999% of them?) Is feeling victimized right now.
And like half of them don't mind it-
On that note, I do wonder about the percentage of overlap between bottoms and subs
I want to say a single overlapping circle, but I want to make room for the fabled power bottom.
heyyyy, i mind a little bit…. 3:
Shush.
jsjebthsgsywhw
but i don't want them to feel victimized, i want them to feel what it's like to sit in my lap while i stroke their hair and work at my desk 😔
Add a good girl in there for some flair.
if they sit still and behave, sure.
(please don't fidget; mommy is carrying and she can't pause)
"work at my desk"
one comment later
"mommy is carrying"
hmmmm
hey i can game where i work it's fine
Hehe, cute
They’re sweating like “Do it again!” 🥵
Predictable.
"This is bottom slander, and I guess I'll just have to lie down and take it!"
I read that somewhere and now I think of it every time someone insults bottoms. It's so perfect (and so relatable, heh).
Ope! We got a live one!
Hehe I love to tease shy woman, making them blush is one of my favorite things in the world
It's so much fun to make them all flustered with just a few words. Probably my favourite hobby.
That, or showing an overconfident woman that not everyone will submit to her
Truuuuuue!
Showing an overconfident women you won‘t submit to them in a “shutting down a toxic person“ or in a “🏳️🌈brat“ way?
Edit: Considering the subreddit I have a guess
I mean, both are probably fun, but I was very much talking about the "🏳️🌈" way. So, good guess!
Funnily enough I’d love showing overconfident brats that I will in fact make her consentually submit
You sound very overconfident.
Perhaps.
(Seriously though, I‘m really not 😭. I‘m brave on the internet but in reality I‘m inexperienced)
What about:
Socially confident sub, that lives on her knees once a kinky connection is established 🤭
Then you should be confident enough to DM her, right?
I already did ✨
Good girl ✨
I am.
I am prepared to make my case before the court, that I am owed treats as recompense for the challenges endured in beings “good girl”.
Hmm, are snickers acceptable as a treat?
bottoms are not shy in my experience they are thirsty lmao
Thirsty into the void, easily. Now, approaching someone?
I was literally just telling my gf today that I’m so heavy on the sub/masochist/bottom and I always love to be roughed up and told what to do. But it was hard for me to enjoy it before. I’m a late bloomer queer so when I was with cis men, I wanted it but it just didn’t sit right.
And then the gay button turned on, and it feels sooooo good. I just needed to subtract the cis men 😆
I feel this. I'm really into certain aspects of s/m/b play, but I'm not at all into humiliation or "daddy" play. Men seemed incapable of separating those things. Like, they couldn't fathom spanking me unless they were telling me what a bad little girl I was. I just like the sting of the slap and the increased blood flow! I like giving up control to a competent guide. Women always seem to realize they can have their way with me while still treating me with respect in a way men never did.
Eta: nothing wrong with anyone liking the stuff I don't. I just think it's weird men seem to default to that.
I super relate to this! I'm kinda the same way: knowing my partner respects me and sees me as an equal in our day to day lives has been crucial for me to enjoy any s/m/b stuff in the bedroom. It's like that foundational safety/trust/equality is why I can enjoy that stuff at all.
I'm sure that's not exclusive to lesbian/gay couples, of course, but it's nice to not have all of the (heteronormative) baggage from society about how one's relationship should work.
yeah I was thinking "gonna have to make an exception on that owning part" because uh
i need to collar someone. you understand
Don't worry my initial reaction to this post was "speak for yourself"
lol i’m reading it like as a domme i feel very attacked
Thats beautiful!!!
Thing is, this largely has to do with the social conditioning of the patriarchy, not the way men inherently are (which is its own tragedy when you think about it).
Yeah, it would've been better to say "the way men are taught to love women" since it doesn't apply a stereotype to an entire group of people. But I get it's poetry, so simplicity is easier.
I’m just a single anecdote, but as a sapphic trans woman I never felt that way growing up before I knew I was trans. The way boys/men my age looked at and talked about women always sounded gross and weird to me. I definitely always knew I liked women, but never remotely in the same way that I’d hear men talk about. I used to always tell myself I “wasn’t like other guys” when it turns out I just wasn’t a guy to begin with.
That’s not to say that men are inherently incapable of truly loving women, and I suppose it could just be because I’m demisexual and autistic, but yeah. The male gaze has always seemed foreign and strange to me, and I feel like most dudes are missing out. Not sure where I’m going with this tbh… but the whole nature vs nurture thing can be so weird to think about from a trans perspective 😅
Maybe the quiet and respectful men were just harder to notice, compared to the yucky ones feeling its ok to comment on women openly like that
I do think demisexuality has a lot to do with it, rather than gender necessarily. As an ace myself, I'm similarly alienated from just finding a person attractive without knowing them first. I'm sure plenty allosexual lesbians have eyes for a pretty lady in that way we don't have personal experience with. I like to think women are more respectful about it though, generally
it's very weird indeed to think about as a trans person, growing up I also felt super uncomfortable around men and about the things they said even though I was supposed to be one. I gravitated around sapphic media and stuff made by woman in general as I didn't vibe with the average hetero relationship dynamics. One of my best friends in highschool was a lesbian and she suspected I was gay years before I came out, so there was some vibes I was giving that made she think I was not cis het.
Now that I realized I'm trans I sometimes wonder if this had any effect in my coming out, like "am I trans because I felt uncomfortable about men's culture and patriarchy" or "was I uncomfortable about men's culture and patriarchy because I was trans all along?", realistically there's no real answer and it doesn't really matter as I'm happy that I'm a trans women despite everything.
its still valid tho. men are like that because they've been conditioned that way, but it's still the norm. some stereotypes are true.
One of the most jarring parts of coming to terms with my trans identity was realizing that the reason I didn't relate to or enjoy heterosexual love stories was my inability to comprehend the way men experience love. I just do not look at, think about, desire, or experience women in the same way. While I am sure there is something to be said for the socialization of men playing a part in the way they view women. I was socialized that way for over thirty years and never once did it skew the was I experienced attraction and affection it just made me self conscious about it.
I feel fictional men can be so distant from actual men sometimes, and the gendered roles and exaggeration of it all won't have helped. I don't think fiction represents all of reality, but a stereotype most readers of the fiction can relate to, a fantasy. But even picturing yourself as the woman in straight fiction might not work if it's still full of gender role imbalance and patriarchal propoganda
Can you tell us the name of that book?
she is the poem by june bates <3
Thanks so much <3
A man asked me how I felt about women and I felt like I couldn’t explain. Like I just love women, I love all women, I want all types of women, I want to take care of them and be taken care of. I love the way they express themselves and their confusing nature. I love when they make a fuss and then you have to tease her until she starts laughing. I love when women want you and they are either straight forward or give you several signs that requires you to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out. Just looking at them is enough for me and I can’t explain the soft yearning for them.
I explained I couldn’t express my feeling without leaving something out and he in turn said I shouldnt hold back and tell him (because he thought I only viewed them in a lustful manner) as well as my kinks and If I wanted them to own me. Such a shallow way of thinking, sometimes I wonder if hes fetishizing me😒
With that level of emotional illiteracy, he almost can't help fetishizing anyone he's attracted to. He doesn't yet have the concepts and vocabulary to describe other forms of love.
My friend told me yesterday that back in high school I told him that I liked to read yuri better because I found it more relatable. I wish I put together what that meant sooner
There’s a book series that a straight friend of mine really loves and so I gave it a shot - the Dresden Files. It’s written by a man and the protagonist is a man, and I remember being super icked out by the way he talked about his female work partner that he was clearly attracted to, especially physically. I complained about it to my friend and she just shrugged and said, “I wouldn’t mind if a guy thought about me that way.” But I just couldn’t wrap my head around looking at a woman like a collection of isolated parts. Apparently a lot of straight women are into that though?!
I’m going to save this. Thank you so much for sharing! 😊
Ooh, thank you for the sapphic trans-fem confirmation! That added a lil bit of pep to my step!
Okay but in a kink setting? Absolutely to all three of a lady doing them to me. But in a normal, non-established relationship setting? God I just love women existing and being friends with them or crushing on them for existing as themselves.
Maybe this is what real love: desire without chains, closeness without fear.
This is so accurate and the reason so many of us just think "this is how best friends are" and not that we have an actual crush on our bestie (don't all bffs practice kissing with each other?)
I love that book
Love this!
This is beautiful.
Hey, wanting to tame and own women is still a valid way for women to love women!
The poem most definitely wasn’t written with Dommes & submissives in mind, but hey, the hopeless romantic lesbians can have their poems & we can have collars on our women & love in our hearts.
<3 so true
Can a woman still own me..? I want it 🥹
Real
<3
but I wanna be tamed, owned, and treated like a trophy in a case....
Well I just wanna do wild shit her and her back to me lmao
"I don't love women/the way men love women" is almost exactly what I put in my dating app profiles before I realized I was trans lol
I feel a little insecure, because now I have to wonder if I'm doing it right. For the longest time, at least... I did want to do the things the poet didn't.