Waking up, I stretch.
Open the window, I shake my head.
For hanging just outside my window, is the Cold Sun...one of the items I have to get for a quest.
Ignoring it, I go inside, wash-up, change clothes and then go downstairs, to make breakfast.
I look at my knife stand, noticing a weird knife in it.
Taking it out, I roll my eyes.
It's only the hilt, with nothing as the blade, yet I know it can cut anything for it is the Void Knife.
Putting it back, I grab an apple, and simply leave.
Not even 5 steps later, a ball of see-through threads rolls to my feet.
I kick it away.
"HEY!" a shout is heard.
Ignoring it, I go towards the village.
That ball of threads, by the way?
They are the threads of No-Fate, the last "impossible" item you have to gather, to have a chance to go on a date with "She Who Was, Is, and Will Be.".
I really don't get it why they can't choose another hero...
I already told them I don't have an ounce of interest in dating.
Reaching the village I stop.
Looking at the "villagers" walking left and right, I sigh.
"Must you do this? You really moved out the people that lived here?" I ask.
Almost instantly all "villagers" stop doing whatever they were doing, and stare at me.
One by one they disappear, until only the "village chief" remains, approaching me.
"You have to do it, child. For the universe." he says.
I roll my eyes.
"You do realize that I am not interested in romantic relationships, or physical relationships, or any kind of relationship at all, right? And you do realize that She would know this, right?" I ask.
He flinches.
"Just find a fella, who you think could impress Her, and let me be." I say.
He groans.
"But there isn't! Also, it has to be a mortal, and it has to be someone whom wouldn't lust after her, whom wouldn't be enthralled by her sight, whom would be able to accept her. You...You are the most accepting, the most flexible minded mortal! You would be the perfect husband." he says.
I roll my eyes.
"How do you know She wants a man? Maybe She's into women, or neither, or both. You are assuming stuff about an entity you can't even comprehend...and with whom you are too afraid to speak, even though as deities, you could speak to Her." I say.
The "village chief", or the god that took his form remains speechless.
I go up to several stalls, I take what I came for, obviously, leaving coins behind for the ware I took, and I go home.
Opening the door, I see Her knitting once again with the No-Fate threads.
"Thanks for standing up for me." She smiles.
"I stood up for common sense, not you." I mutter to my friend, before going to make something for lunch.
"She Who Was, is and Will Be", appeared in my house randomly, on the very day I was chosen...stating she would save the universe anyway, as it's her home.
Seriously...deities and their prophecies, and mortal proxies...why can't they just talk or act themselves?
"Don't worry, I'm not that into you either," the Cosmic Guardian waggled its tentacles while reassuring the reluctant hero who was shoved into its domain empty-handed. "I'll save the universe when the time comes."
"You don't actually need the three prophesized items?" Uldan asked. "Those sages were adamant they were needed to woo you into saving the world."
"Are you familiar with the concept of a snipe hunt?" It blinked with many eyes and gestured for the young man to sit where tea was served. "The so-called First Hero could not believe all it took was asking nicely for me to save his universe, so I made up a quest to make him feel more...accomplished. Heroic. Something cool for the bedtime stories and the silly bard tales in the taverns. Like retrieving the sunny moon from the ocean, the skull of a giant scarab beetle and... what was the last one again?"
"The night of day."
"Well, anyway, the First Hero submitted a painting of the sun and moon reflected in the sea, an ordinary monkey skull he claimed to have purchased from a talking giant scarab beetle, and...I forgot the last one again," the entity sighed, tapping its head with a tentacle. "It's been so long since the world needed saving again."
"So, I can go back and report that the world will be saved without wooing you?" Uldan had to make sure this was the case. "Would the Prime Minister and the sages believe that?"
"I don't know," the Cosmic Guardian shrugged. "Every hero has at least tried. Be creative. Do something fun. Interpret the three impossible things however you will."
"Do I look like a fun guy?" Uldan was annoyed. "Couldn't you just save the day because that's your job? You don't need to be wooed or entertained to do so, right?"
"Right," the tentacled creature pouted. "But that doesn't mean I am not allowed to ask a hero to indulge me with some entertaining quest."
Uldan crossed his arms and glared at the guardian. "I'm not into that kind of thing."
"What are you into?" The entity tilted its head to one side as a curious puppy would. "Surely we can find something to have fun with until the source of the crisis looms over and I inevitably punt it into the next reality. My existence in this domain is a lonely one, for there is only one like me, and people only talk to me when their world needs saving."
"...Mario Kart?" Uldan wasn't much of a fun guy in his own opinion, but he had a Switch 2 console and knew a few games from being roped into being Player 2 by his cousin's son.
The Cosmic Guardian's eyes lit up as it raised an approving appendage with glee. "I choose Mario Kart 64!"
"Uh...I was going to say Mario Kart World."
"That's a new one," the entity was confused.
"I can teach you if you teleport my Switch 2 into your domain. You're still not my type. I still don't want to woo you or whatever, but...friends? I can be your friend. You can have my contact. We can stay in touch beyond just saving the universe."
"Friend...I like that," the guardian smiled and wiped its tears. "Let's play, my new friend Uldan."
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Waking up, I stretch.
Open the window, I shake my head.
For hanging just outside my window, is the Cold Sun...one of the items I have to get for a quest.
Ignoring it, I go inside, wash-up, change clothes and then go downstairs, to make breakfast.
I look at my knife stand, noticing a weird knife in it.
Taking it out, I roll my eyes.
It's only the hilt, with nothing as the blade, yet I know it can cut anything for it is the Void Knife.
Putting it back, I grab an apple, and simply leave.
Not even 5 steps later, a ball of see-through threads rolls to my feet.
I kick it away.
"HEY!" a shout is heard.
Ignoring it, I go towards the village.
That ball of threads, by the way?
They are the threads of No-Fate, the last "impossible" item you have to gather, to have a chance to go on a date with "She Who Was, Is, and Will Be.".
I really don't get it why they can't choose another hero...
I already told them I don't have an ounce of interest in dating.
Reaching the village I stop.
Looking at the "villagers" walking left and right, I sigh.
"Must you do this? You really moved out the people that lived here?" I ask.
Almost instantly all "villagers" stop doing whatever they were doing, and stare at me.
One by one they disappear, until only the "village chief" remains, approaching me.
"You have to do it, child. For the universe." he says.
I roll my eyes.
"You do realize that I am not interested in romantic relationships, or physical relationships, or any kind of relationship at all, right? And you do realize that She would know this, right?" I ask.
He flinches.
"Just find a fella, who you think could impress Her, and let me be." I say.
He groans.
"But there isn't! Also, it has to be a mortal, and it has to be someone whom wouldn't lust after her, whom wouldn't be enthralled by her sight, whom would be able to accept her. You...You are the most accepting, the most flexible minded mortal! You would be the perfect husband." he says.
I roll my eyes.
"How do you know She wants a man? Maybe She's into women, or neither, or both. You are assuming stuff about an entity you can't even comprehend...and with whom you are too afraid to speak, even though as deities, you could speak to Her." I say.
The "village chief", or the god that took his form remains speechless.
I go up to several stalls, I take what I came for, obviously, leaving coins behind for the ware I took, and I go home.
Opening the door, I see Her knitting once again with the No-Fate threads.
"Thanks for standing up for me." She smiles.
"I stood up for common sense, not you." I mutter to my friend, before going to make something for lunch.
"She Who Was, is and Will Be", appeared in my house randomly, on the very day I was chosen...stating she would save the universe anyway, as it's her home.
Seriously...deities and their prophecies, and mortal proxies...why can't they just talk or act themselves?
"Don't worry, I'm not that into you either," the Cosmic Guardian waggled its tentacles while reassuring the reluctant hero who was shoved into its domain empty-handed. "I'll save the universe when the time comes."
"You don't actually need the three prophesized items?" Uldan asked. "Those sages were adamant they were needed to woo you into saving the world."
"Are you familiar with the concept of a snipe hunt?" It blinked with many eyes and gestured for the young man to sit where tea was served. "The so-called First Hero could not believe all it took was asking nicely for me to save his universe, so I made up a quest to make him feel more...accomplished. Heroic. Something cool for the bedtime stories and the silly bard tales in the taverns. Like retrieving the sunny moon from the ocean, the skull of a giant scarab beetle and... what was the last one again?"
"The night of day."
"Well, anyway, the First Hero submitted a painting of the sun and moon reflected in the sea, an ordinary monkey skull he claimed to have purchased from a talking giant scarab beetle, and...I forgot the last one again," the entity sighed, tapping its head with a tentacle. "It's been so long since the world needed saving again."
"So, I can go back and report that the world will be saved without wooing you?" Uldan had to make sure this was the case. "Would the Prime Minister and the sages believe that?"
"I don't know," the Cosmic Guardian shrugged. "Every hero has at least tried. Be creative. Do something fun. Interpret the three impossible things however you will."
"Do I look like a fun guy?" Uldan was annoyed. "Couldn't you just save the day because that's your job? You don't need to be wooed or entertained to do so, right?"
"Right," the tentacled creature pouted. "But that doesn't mean I am not allowed to ask a hero to indulge me with some entertaining quest."
Uldan crossed his arms and glared at the guardian. "I'm not into that kind of thing."
"What are you into?" The entity tilted its head to one side as a curious puppy would. "Surely we can find something to have fun with until the source of the crisis looms over and I inevitably punt it into the next reality. My existence in this domain is a lonely one, for there is only one like me, and people only talk to me when their world needs saving."
"...Mario Kart?" Uldan wasn't much of a fun guy in his own opinion, but he had a Switch 2 console and knew a few games from being roped into being Player 2 by his cousin's son.
The Cosmic Guardian's eyes lit up as it raised an approving appendage with glee. "I choose Mario Kart 64!"
"Uh...I was going to say Mario Kart World."
"That's a new one," the entity was confused.
"I can teach you if you teleport my Switch 2 into your domain. You're still not my type. I still don't want to woo you or whatever, but...friends? I can be your friend. You can have my contact. We can stay in touch beyond just saving the universe."
"Friend...I like that," the guardian smiled and wiped its tears. "Let's play, my new friend Uldan."