As a child free woman I firmly believe that all children deserve to be brought into the world with excitement and enthusiasm for their existence not because the parent(s) feel lile they have to tick some social expectations box.

I know a lot of child free women in their 50s and 60s who are happy with their choice, my sister, a mother of two told me in secret that if she could do it all again she probably wouldn't have children.

Maybe it's your particular social circle but being child free is fairly common in my group, aged 30s and 40s.

Turning 40 this year and have known since I was young I didn't want kids. I essentially raised my two brothers and spent most of my young adulthood raising other people's kids working in a daycare and as a nanny.

I'm 31 and child free with zero intentions of having any children ! I'm in a happy relationship with a partner who also doesn't want children, so it works great for us.

We just dont like kids .....we think they can sometimes be cute and we tolerate them well , we're always told what amazing parents we'd be ,how good we are with kids, etc We don't like them, though, and we'll both happily flee in the opposite direction of a screaming child in a shop .

For me the thoughts of pregnancy and child birth kind of freak me out , i dont want to do that to my body and if anybody asks me I just say " oh god no , I hate kids" and that shuts them up 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm 32F and will not be having kids with my partner. We're 12 years together now and know it's not for us. He struggles with ADHD and we've already done a lot of work to try and keep the mental load split between the two of us to avoid any resentment. It's hard enough to do that without throwing kids into the mix! On the part about being fearful of doing something different, it's a lot more common now than you might think and it's not worth putting yourself out to match with societal norms if they're no longer desirable.

Its very normal not to have kids now. It's great. Many women are opting out due to the reasons you mentioned, and many more.

38f not getting married, not having kids. I like cars and holidays and working and read and my dog. 😊

I love my partner. Very much. But I feel you so much on the mental load thing- this man has two degrees including one in physics and once asked me how to peel carrots.

Luckily for me I:

1. Knew from a very early age I was not even remotely interested in having kids

2. He also does not want kids

3. Neither of us give a flying fuck about norms or being different so we didn’t have that fear.

I’m mid forties and have never regretted it. The closest I’ll get is this time of year when I see my siblings all excited for Christmas with the niblings but even though I know they very much all love each other and get huge enjoyment out of their lives with their kids it just at best doesn’t interest me and mostly seems like something I would very much dislike.

Of my friends who have kids and my siblings I’d say for maybe half of them the ‘kid workload’ is shared equally. Apparently statistically women still do more of the household tasks in het relationships even when both partners work full time so it’s probably not as equal as it appears.

It’s such a personal decision, I’d really try as much as you can not to think about whether it’s normal or not- it’s far far more common now to be childfree by choice and I’ve never felt slighted/othered/thought less of because of it- because in itself it’s not a great reason to bring an entire human into existence. Your other thoughts, on partners, on equality, on quality of life, are much more important and should be focused on.

Im 34f and child free, never regretted it and when my friends largely started having families, It made me even more clear in my mind it wasn't for me. I refuse to give up the life I enjoy for anyone else, and I like the freedom to travel, the pace and quiet at home without constant noise. Very few people actually care that I don't want kids, and I haven't had a issue finding a BF that doesn't want kids, I'm just open about it, like 1st date conversation if not before. More people are going child free than ever, so it's much more the normal now 😊

I'll chime in as a mum of four. I believe parenthood to be a "calling". And I think you really need to have that calling if you want to be fulfilled and content as a parent. I've sacrificed so, so much for my children. Physically, mentally, emotionally and financially I will never be the same person I was before I had them.

To an outsider, especially a child-free one, I probably look like the embodiment of "this is why I don't want kids". Almost all my hobbies have gone by the wayside, I've lost contact with all of my friends (not my doing), I've stopped going out and drinking entirely, we get sporadic holidays once a year for a night, maybe two, to an AirBnB somewhere within an hour of where we live with the kids. I don't have a babysitter. Date nights with my husband are at home after the kids have gone to bed. But none of that saddens or horrifies me. I don't regret my choice, I revel in it. The unbridled joy I experience when I walk into a bedroom in the morning to my youngest who has been singing Christmas songs in her bed since she woke is like a drug. My heart swells for my husband when we both have to turn away so my 5 year old doesn't see us trying not to laugh when she says a word she definitely learned from us. I felt utterly at peace when up playing Monopoly late with my two pre-teen girls and their dad, and my eldest decided to wipe the floor with all of us.

My "calling" as a parent definitely allows me to absorb energy and resolve from all the good times and it helps me get through the tougher moments. I've known other parents who had kids simply because they "should" and they can't cope with their choice. They don't have that resolve. You can actually see the resentment, and that's not fair on either parent or child - moreso the child as they didn't choose to be born!

38F and married, neither of us wanted kids, he got the snip a couple of years ago. Happy out.

I always wanted kids. I now have 2. What I’ve learned is that it’s waaaay less fulfilling than I was expecting it to be. The mental load, as you say, is crippling. That’s just the truth. Anyone who’s on the fence should opt out, IMO. For the sake of a less stressful life. I obviously love my kids, but I envy anyone who’s child-free by choice.

Just to say my partner is definitely family oriented. Those men are out there and I could sense from early on in the relationship that he would be.

But it's also completely fine if you don't want kids. I know several childfree couples, some by choice and others who it just didn't work out for. They are happy as far as I know and the one I'm closest to has watched friends and family have babies in recent years and it hasn't made them feel like they were missing out.

I feel the same way. My partner wants kids, but she works a lot and I know I’ll have to be the primary parent.

I have mental health issues, a short fuse, a low capacity for work and, therefore, poor career prospects. Do I want to keep my family line going? Sure. Do I want to have people who can care for me when I’m old? Sure. Do I want my mom to have a grandchild? Sure. Do I want to traumatise a child with constant meltdowns, and potentially plunge into poverty (and ruin my relationship) trying to keep it alive in a world that’s only getting shittier? Absolutely not.

Having a baby shouldn’t be a mandatory milestone. I would say most people, especially nowadays, are not equipped to do it. We are probably better, if anything, waiting until later in life and then adopting or fostering an older child.

I'm 38 and single, to be honest if I did have a husband / partner, I think I would love to try have a child. I suppose I have had to come to terms with the fact that it might not happen for me and make peace with having that life. I feel I am at peace but not sure yet if I really am to be honest or if I'm just getting on with my lot. I think my real gut feeling is that I'm OK without kids but would like someone to share my life with. I really think child free is a great life though, too many people that long for kids can't have them and too many who possibly shouldn't have kids have plenty, such is life. When I talk about not having kids, I find the most judgement or pity I get is from those in the trenches with young kids.

I'm 35 having a child on my own. Everyone's personal situations are different but I've seen many of my friends who have husbands, basically do everything themselves. I always had the fear of having a child with someone who wouldn't pull their weight. I knew I wanted a child, but was absolutely petrified of having a child with someone who wouldn't be present and willing to do their part. As I got older my standards for a partner got higher, I was cheated on in a previous long term relationship. Next relationship I was treated like crap and I put up with it for fear of being alone and never having a family. Snapped out of that, raised my standards, never seemed to meet someone I could see myself with long term, or who would be a good partner/parent long term. So stopped looking for a life partner and just went ahead on the solo journey. Pregnant now, absolutely shitting it but excited. I know I won't be let down cause I have no expectations for a partner. Now my situation isn't everyone's and there are plenty of people out there with amazing partners but I suppose with my history and just first hand experience of witnessing the relationships around me I decided to just go out on my own.

It is more than acceptable to not have a child. I have a very much wanted and planned two year old. The light of my life. But it is the hardest thing being a parent 24/7 and always being On. There is ALWAYS something even with a truly fantastic husband/Dad. In terms of deciding, if it's not a big yes, it should probably a no. Don't feel pressured. It is the biggest emotional, financial and time commitment you can make

I’m 46F - no regrets about not having any

Absolutely normal and actually probably sensible sentiments.

We're in our mid-thirties and got the snip last year, never looked back. I recommend the anti-natalism subreddit, i used to think the views there were extreme but now they basically make more sense than ever to me. 

The most tedious thing is parents and inlaws hassling us, but since the vasectomy they've left us alone about it, thankfully. 

I’m a mammy of 3, but being childfree is very normal now.so much so that the government is actively trying to encourage people to have more kids.

everyone generally thinks their own decision is the right way to go, but I will ask from reading your post, is it the kids you don’t want, or a shitty relationship? mine are 8 5 and 4 and I in no way shape or form carry the mental load. he does everything I’m excepted to do without hesitation or asking. bathing, putting the kids to bed, appointments etc. in fact it’s 4am now and he’s in with my 4 year old while I’m here wide awake with my cat watching stranger things.

You’ll see lots of comments below from people who happily chose to be childfree because they don’t want children, so you can see it’s not as uncommon as it once was.

However, your post sounds more like you DO want children, you’re just worried about carrying the mental load and having a partner that doesn’t contribute. I know some women who have useless husbands and others who share the load equally and are excited to be dads. My friends with good partners still go out/on holiday with friends, have hobbies, etc., and maintained their independence (as much as you can with kids, obvs).

I think your issue here is ensuing that you DO expect enough of your partner and don’t settle for one that won’t pull their weight. Those men are out there, but you need to filter through the others to find them.

I'm 30f also and I love my niblings but I have no desire for my own kids

I’m 47 and happily childfree. As the years go on, I actually become more and more grateful for my chosen life and new reasons not to have kids come up, that I think comes with increased knowledge and wisdom. I can never know what my life would have been like with children, but I have no qualms with contentment and fulfillment.

Stay child free.

I find it so odd that in this day and age, people are still bemused as to why someone might not actually want kids.

I'm a parent of one, and I absolutely love him to death. But it is H A R D. I'm a Single Mum and his Dad is barely involved. It's so difficult juggling full-time work on top of parenting a 6 year old. I'm also in the process of getting him diagnosed for ADHD. I rarely go out or meet friends, I don't have the time or mental capacity to date anyone, and I can't remember the last time I got a full night's sleep in my own bed. Don't get me wrong, I love him more than life itself and I don't want to change a thing. But parenting in this generation is hard. Full-time work, no village, cost of living crisis, etc. Of course it makes sense why people are having less kids these days.

31f here, fiancé is 28m. We're willingly child free.

I am a child free woman. I'm 38. At one point, I thought i might like to have 1 child, but as time went on, I realised that was because it was what was expected of me. I started to see that I would resent a child for how much my life would have to change. I know that sounds selfish. My husband and I have the same hobbies, do the same volunteer work etc. Sometimes we are required to drop what we're doing to go volunteer. I knew that if I was to have a child, I would immediately lose this part of my life, which I love. At the end of the day, women are the primary care givers. Thats what is socially acceptable. I knew this could never be me. I knew it wouldn't be fair of me to have a child and then resent them. I also knew that my husband would be the fun loving, messer of a parent, while I would end up being the strict one out of necessity. All of these things didn't bode well for a relationship with a future would be child.

The most difficult thing I find now that this is the decision I've made is other people and their kids! All my friends have families and now they don't talk about anything else. Its all photos, school, sports etc. And no matter how much one might love these kids, no one else finds them that interesting. My mother says the same about her friends and their grandchildren.

As a mum of two let me tell you, it’s not easy. I have a really really supportive husband. We’re a 50/50 household. But some things still just fall to me. It’s not because my husband doesn’t want to do them/help with them, it’s because automatically the kids come to me. Three times this week I’ve had to remind my son he always has a dad and can ask him questions too. I love them with all of my soul and would do anything for them but man alive is it hard. Choosing to be child free shouldn’t be something women should be made feel or feel guilty about. If I could do it all again I’d have my children when I was in my early 20’s. I had them when I was 34/36. Make your decision for you and not for what you think society would say.

So I grew up desperate to be a mother. I had so much love to give and I felt so much envy towards my friends who all had kids young. I got to a point in life where I thought I would never make a relationship work. So I had a baby with a friend. (A fuckin mess because he secretly was in love with me he says and hoped a baby would make us more than friends) I was finally a mother and absolutely everything felt complete. It was tough but I was so content. Then I met my now husband and everything felt different. We had a child together and I'm back to the feeling of having absolutely no intentions of having more.

I think you'd know if you wanted or needed to be a parent. If you don't feel like something is missing then just enjoy your life. Focus on yourself and maybe you'll meet someone who makes you feel differently about relationships. Then maybe you'll feel differently about kids, who knows. Just live your life and enjoy life. Enjoy the sleep! Don't worry about what's normal.

Fell pregnant, recently out of a long term relationship (literally a few days), he was very much expecting me to have an abortion. After my struggle with fertility, I knew I may never get the chance again. Now a single but extremely happy parent to a wonderful newborn. Came VERY close to having an abortion due to worries of being a single parent/him coming to make my life miserable/sorting access with him and his family after his sister threatened my life and safety post break-up (she's a single parent known to the gardaí as it is). I didn't and I'm so happy I didn't. BUT this is only because I was physically, mentally and financially 100% able to care for the baby with family and friends around me. I love my baba, but at the same time, I would recommend being child-free. I've missed countless events with close friends, concerts I would have loved and many sleepless nights (sometimes 24+ hours) while those my age are out having some craic. Not to mention the severe body changes, to the point I had to be showered towards the end of the pregnancy and for several weeks after due to the surgery where I nearly lost 1L of blood. If you're not 100% ready and excited for a baby, DON'T have one. Go out and enjoy being young because these are the years you'll look back on when you're old and think "I had some craic". Move house, quit your job, go traveling, host dinner parties!! Because it'll be extremely difficult, if not impossible to do with a baby. I may be happy with sacrificing this of my own free will, but I wouldn't ever ENCOURAGE someone to do the same because it will inevitably take a toll on your mental health if you're not ready for it.

I understand! I love my partner very much but I still feel I do more of the household chores. I've talked to him about this and wonder when we have kids will I do more of the childcare and chores. Recently I've begun asking myself why I want kids, do I really want kids and talking to my partner. We've come to the conclusion that we would be happy without them together but we would like to have them. But probably only one. We both came from awful families without a lot of love and we both feel if we had kids we want to do it right. Its a big sacrifice and they're so expensive in this time. I also have a health issue which may flare up in pregnancy. I've had thoughts of 'is it selfish to have one child' but having two present parents is most important i think. Its funny, I talked to two friends recently who both said they wanted three kids but I didn't get the vibe they thought about the why or had talked about it with their partners. Just that it was the expected next step. 

My decision to remain childfree is a deeply considered stance I've held for over two decades. It is driven by three primary, interconnected concerns:

1. Personal Health and Autonomy I am apprehensive about the profound and potentially detrimental effects of pregnancy and childbirth on my physical, mental, and financial well-being. I value my current state of health and autonomy too highly to risk the significant, long-term impacts associated with carrying a child.

2. Career and Financial Equity While I would have an excellent and supportive partner, the economic reality of motherhood is undeniable. Research (such as that by Nobel Laureate Claudia Goldin) clearly shows that a woman’s earnings potential consistently suffers a significant, sustained dip after having children—a loss disproportionately borne by the mother, regardless of a 50-50 partnership. I have invested heavily in my career and refuse to jeopardize my professional and financial equity.

3. Responsibility and Commitment I am unwilling to accept the potential, life-altering commitment required if a child were to have special needs or significant chronic health issues. The societal expectation is that the mother often becomes the primary, full-time caregiver, requiring her to step away from her career. I am not prepared to sacrifice my professional life and goals for this responsibility.

I have never felt jealous of parents; my feelings are exclusively ones of inspiration for those who refuse to conform just for the sake of conforming. This observation is key: I find myself looking up to childfree individuals who are at peace and embracing a life of possibility. This confirmed my decision. I personally do not see the value in, nor do I wish to emulate, the life of parenthood.

Hi OP. I'm a lot older than you (46) and always said that I didn't want kids. My ex husband tried to push me into it but I stood my ground (he's my ex because he was abusive, not because of not having kids)

I met my partner when I was 42. He has two adult kids (he's in his fifties) On our third date I said that I never wanted kids. He told me he'd had a vasectomy years ago because he didn't want any more and would never be getting it reversed. Needless to say we were both happy.

Anyway I'm 46 now and have never regretted my decision. My best friend (since we were 4) is the same. Happily married and no kids by choice and has never regretted it either.

Yeah I decided long ago that being a mother is not for me

It sounds like you're more worried about finding a good man than deciding if you want kids or not. I think your concerns about the mental load of women are maybe making you worry about decisions you don't have to make yet. Theres also the current trend of declaring yourself one way or the other, you can also just "see what happens" - if you were single and desperately wanted to be a mother, theres steps you can take, but if youre OK with either outcome, then I dont think you need to make that call one way or the other.

I will say, the equal partnership does exist, I found it. We've been together for 16 years, I'm 34 now and we just got married in November, we have 2 kids, both under 4. We are in the thick of the crazy but we are there together. He cooks, he does the shopping because of that and we plan the week of dinners together. I definitely take the wheel on extended family responsibilities like birthdays etc, but we have always had a rule that his family are his to organise, mine are mine. He is so family orientated, our kids are his world. He knows them so well, he plans their birthdays with me, he is an active participant in magic making for them at Halloween or Christmas or any time. There are capable, good, mature men in the world, even in Ireland ha.

Kids are hard work, and I think too many people have them because thats just what they think they have to do. I always knew I wanted to be a mam, but I made sure I was really ready, not just emotionally but ready to provide all the attention, time, love and money that it costs to have a child. I don't think its for everyone, and I don't think having a child gives someone's life any more meaning or importance. Being child free would definitely be a nice life, there are endless ways to fill your spare time without kids, its not the lonely sad life some people paint it to be. I definitely miss the freedom sometimes. And the sleep.

Maybe readjust the focus to be more on creating a life for yourself that you are really content in, and if you find a partner who makes you feel seen, heard and appreciated, you can return the children conundrum then. You don't have to make a decision, it can remain a question until you have an answer.

I've never had any interest in children for my entire life, or relationships for that matter, but nothing put me off more than watching my married friends and their husbands. They're both older than me, near 50, but neither husbands do anything around the house and don't do shit for the kids. Everyone works full time but my friend still gets phone calls asking where her husbands pants are and I just cringe every time. On the other side of things I have cousins who are in great relationships, though no kids yet, and I'm sure their partners will be great dads. But I've seen too much.

I do wonder if I'll regret it and be lonely when I'm older, but that's no reason to have kids or be in a relationship. And plenty of people who did still end up alone.

You get to decide what your normal is. Live your life for you, not other people's expectations.

35 F here. I have no option because I don't have a partner.

Only have kids if you really want it, I would say you should yearn for a child before you just go and have one. It is a lifelong commitment, parents never stop worrying or caring for their adult children.

45 and grateful everyday I didn't go down that road.

Once my mother told me I do not need to have children (I was 8) I blinked at her and said "oh, splendid". I never wanted kids nor like them... My nephew is fine, a couple hours a day maybe.
I never looked back and all of the "you'll change your mind" comments make my eyes roll so hard I see the inside of my skull (sarcastically).

Motherhood is not for everyone.

My mother regrets hers (she has me and my older sister, so I never took it personally)