I hate myself for what I am and that I have a crush on my best friend I know for 13 years. (sorry if something about my grammar or spelling is wrong, I just got drunk again)
A shocking amount of who we are is left up to chemicals in our brain that we can't control. Scientists have studied what causes humans to be attracted to each other, and they were able to identify 3 causes...but also a clearly outlined "X factor." The X Factor contributes just as heavily as physical attraction, shared values, and a sense of connection, but it is scientifically impossible to find a pattern in that X Factor because there simply isn't one. It's either crazy chemicals in our brains or a crazy set of circumstances that causes the chemicals to react a certain way, that can't be explained but that leads us to fall in love. It is scientifically proven that you can't choose who you love, even if you resent the fact that you love them. It's also scientifically proven that you can't hate yourself into a version of yourself you can love, and you can't bully yourself out of a tendency you don't want. Learning to accept it is the only way you will find peace.
That's just confirmation bias. The reality is literally all straight people find some people of the same sex to be attractive, but we just don't overthink it and turn it into a mental quirk with us, and then start to fantasize & subconsiously trigger our sexual hormones every time we see them.
It's basic pattern recognition; Like I can tell Chris Hemsworth is a lot more attractive than say an average guy down the streets. Now, do I wanna fantasize about his looks and imagine myself doing things with him?? No. But do I have the ability to think about that? Definitely yes. I just know where I stand.
You realize you can train your mind to associate things with stuff yk.. think of immediately having to pee for example after going in the restroom, it's cuz your mind got trained to that after years. Not because DNA made it that way, (no bs you know what I mean).
There are plenty of men who find other men attractive but aren't attracted to them. There are also plenty of men who want to fuck Chris Hemsworth. Your experiences are not universal, you don't feel same-sex attraction not because you're "not subconsciously triggering your sex hormones," but because you aren't gay.
You don't have free will. If you can not control your actions, how you react to things, who your ancestors are, and if some randomness does exist in the mind, you still have no free will
Some argue having a little free will but that does not make one be able to resist their imagination
I believe it has nothing to do with free will because "will" describes a person's actions and queerness is not an action taken but a state of being. Free will doesn't cover what happens in our thoughts. People are gay in the same way they are ginger or autistic, it is not their will to be that way.
I've been to many cities and many states. I probably wouldn't stay where you are tbh. There's nothing wrong with being gay but you definitely want to be in a place where you can feel safe to be yourself.
I highly recommend if possible that you save up some spending money for a couple weeks vacation to a major city with a good gay bar scene. You don't need to try to fix everything all at once, and frankly, coming to accept yourself will come in stages and take years.
That said, the first step is knowing that better is out there, and showing yourself what your future could be like.
A few fun nights out surrounded by gay guys can do wonders for you. I can't tell you how it will play out, because you're as likely to cry for 4 hours after being around that acceptance as you are to hook up with someone, and have a fun night in a hotel room.
Even if you can't move right away, please don't stagnate. You're on a stepping stone, and you WILL get to the next one in time. ❤️❤️
I have friends that are a lesbian couple (F and MTF trans), they're moving to Minnesota by the end of the year because of the LGBTQ+ community in that state.
Our state used to be good but all the conservative Christians retiring and buying multiple houses is a big reason why things have gotten less accepting.
I know people who had to stand up to the point where they created normalization in towns like that but also have known people that just left to somewhere where they were more accepted. Unfortunately you'll have to find what is the best route for you
Thems the breaks. You're gay. You can hate yourself or love yourself but you can't force change. Roll with what your instincts say. You were simply born.
Buddy there is nothing wrong with being gay. You are who you are and anyone who has a problem with that can go to hell. probably ain't much coming from some random on Reddit but know that I support you bro.
This is a really sad post and althoigh your rights are violated in many countries like Middle East or you are mistreated even in some states of the U.S., you still should strive to live
Be proud to live in your skin, if you live in the balkans or anywhere I find the matter not necessary to go wave flags and tell people your sexuality
But be proud and comtent in your skin you do that by finding your circle, unfortunately I have no expereinece with your situation and if God has spawned you in anti-gay countries I hope you will be safe
I'll tell you what very few people are going to be telling you.
Don't listen to the media. Don't listen to news outlets, influencers, anything like that. If you want to know the true answer to your question, it will always come down to the creation of this world and your foundational beliefs. Because it truly does change the answer to this question a whole lot when you look at it from that perspective.
I encourage you to read and study on things that might get you not the answer you want but the answer your soul is dying to hear.
I was homosexual for about 10 years of my life growing up. I always thought I'd marry the same sex. But I everything changed the first day I looked to the skies and prayed.
God showed me what love truly means instead of the empty version of love the world offers us. It's temporary fulfillment, but in the end, you will always end up feeling extremely depressed and spiritually empty. It's like trying to catch water with a net. You'll get ahold of it for a short amount of time, but you'll just always end up with nothing.
I still chose to believe in God even though I didn't understand many things about Him. I was a practicing Homosexual still a bit after I was saved. Eventually, I cut it out of my life, which was really hard, and took a lot of praying and self-control.
And that sounds very bad. And I'll never encourage you to hate yourself because I don't hate myself. You shouldn't ever hate yourself, ever.
But the best decision I've made in my entire life was to stay faithful to God, even if that just simply meant only believing that He existed at times. Because I knew I would and will always come back if I do that. Sometimes life is so hard and my depression is so bad that the best I have to offer is a simple "thank you"
Even though I didn't understand why God said Homosexuality was a sin, I still chose to take the path in following Him. And that's what love is. It's a choice and I encourage you to look into this with an open mind instead of listening to so many different propaganda around you, no matter the side it is. Some propaganda will encourage you to hate yourself, which I don't think is ever okay or will heal you. And some propaganda will tell you to embrace yourself and follow your heart. Which I also dont think is right because the heart of a human is a very naturally selfish and evil thing.
I think you are a wonderful person and I am very glad you're here, God is glad you're here and He loves you very much.
I'm aware this comment may sound rude, I'm not actively intending to be rude or to provoke any sort of negative thinking in you. But reading this post I saw a lot of who I used to be and what I used to think of myself and I want you to know many people love and care about you and there is a God that has a love that overflows the fulfillment of our hearts.
Most probably due to a chromosome deformity. At least that's what the big brains say. Were in da same boat brudder. It sucks sometimes dont it?
And mate you really shouldn't be getting drunk at 13 that shitll fuck you up, not trynna be your mom but shits no good. I learned that when it had me with a gun in my mouth when I felt like nobody understood me for being who I was and nobody accepted me.
most of the time your mother has multple chidren plaque builds up if you're lucky enough just a little bit of that plaque gets stuck in the brain the makes you like the same gender OR you're just a uniqe little guy IDK just what i read
A shocking amount of who we are is left up to chemicals in our brain that we can't control. Scientists have studied what causes humans to be attracted to each other, and they were able to identify 3 causes...but also a clearly outlined "X factor." The X Factor contributes just as heavily as physical attraction, shared values, and a sense of connection, but it is scientifically impossible to find a pattern in that X Factor because there simply isn't one. It's either crazy chemicals in our brains or a crazy set of circumstances that causes the chemicals to react a certain way, that can't be explained but that leads us to fall in love. It is scientifically proven that you can't choose who you love, even if you resent the fact that you love them. It's also scientifically proven that you can't hate yourself into a version of yourself you can love, and you can't bully yourself out of a tendency you don't want. Learning to accept it is the only way you will find peace.
Thanks for your explanation, I hope that I can except myself as who I am one day
What he said. Cuz what I said is kinda stupid.
Sounds like something I would say but is sepf destructive
That's just confirmation bias. The reality is literally all straight people find some people of the same sex to be attractive, but we just don't overthink it and turn it into a mental quirk with us, and then start to fantasize & subconsiously trigger our sexual hormones every time we see them.
It's basic pattern recognition; Like I can tell Chris Hemsworth is a lot more attractive than say an average guy down the streets. Now, do I wanna fantasize about his looks and imagine myself doing things with him?? No. But do I have the ability to think about that? Definitely yes. I just know where I stand.
You realize you can train your mind to associate things with stuff yk.. think of immediately having to pee for example after going in the restroom, it's cuz your mind got trained to that after years. Not because DNA made it that way, (no bs you know what I mean).
There are plenty of men who find other men attractive but aren't attracted to them. There are also plenty of men who want to fuck Chris Hemsworth. Your experiences are not universal, you don't feel same-sex attraction not because you're "not subconsciously triggering your sex hormones," but because you aren't gay.
You don't have free will. If you can not control your actions, how you react to things, who your ancestors are, and if some randomness does exist in the mind, you still have no free will
Some argue having a little free will but that does not make one be able to resist their imagination
Bullshit. Nobody knows for sure.
Agreed. Hating yourself isn’t the solution though regardless.
People tend to forget that love is a chemical reaction
Does not this also leas to the free will dilemma?
This comment if it is true is great validation for someone (wink) who has doubts about Islam
Thank you
I believe it has nothing to do with free will because "will" describes a person's actions and queerness is not an action taken but a state of being. Free will doesn't cover what happens in our thoughts. People are gay in the same way they are ginger or autistic, it is not their will to be that way.
I probably can't convince you to stop hating yourself for being gay but you really should try to accept who you are
But how should I? I just want a normal life, which isn’t possible with my homophobe hometown
I've been to many cities and many states. I probably wouldn't stay where you are tbh. There's nothing wrong with being gay but you definitely want to be in a place where you can feel safe to be yourself.
I'm probably not the right person to ask as I've never had to really deal with homophobia/transphobia that much
I highly recommend if possible that you save up some spending money for a couple weeks vacation to a major city with a good gay bar scene. You don't need to try to fix everything all at once, and frankly, coming to accept yourself will come in stages and take years.
That said, the first step is knowing that better is out there, and showing yourself what your future could be like.
A few fun nights out surrounded by gay guys can do wonders for you. I can't tell you how it will play out, because you're as likely to cry for 4 hours after being around that acceptance as you are to hook up with someone, and have a fun night in a hotel room.
Even if you can't move right away, please don't stagnate. You're on a stepping stone, and you WILL get to the next one in time. ❤️❤️
Truly well written
I have friends that are a lesbian couple (F and MTF trans), they're moving to Minnesota by the end of the year because of the LGBTQ+ community in that state.
Our state used to be good but all the conservative Christians retiring and buying multiple houses is a big reason why things have gotten less accepting.
Get out of your hometown!
You’re probably going to find life easier if you move.
I know people who had to stand up to the point where they created normalization in towns like that but also have known people that just left to somewhere where they were more accepted. Unfortunately you'll have to find what is the best route for you
The only reason to hate yourself is because other people have told you there's something wrong with being gay.
Fuck them. They're wrong. It's not something to be ashamed of, and it's not even all that unusual. You're fine. They're the ones who are broken.
Don't literally fuck them, though. They get really weird about it after.
Asking the deep questions.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooOELrGMn14
Y r u geh
Thems the breaks. You're gay. You can hate yourself or love yourself but you can't force change. Roll with what your instincts say. You were simply born.
Idk just kiss some dudes ig
Why don't you just not be gay .🤷♂️
Very funny derek 🙄
Why are you gae?
Chemicals
Factual
Buddy there is nothing wrong with being gay. You are who you are and anyone who has a problem with that can go to hell. probably ain't much coming from some random on Reddit but know that I support you bro.
You got to get over it man.
You are how you are.
And you’re fine the way you are .
That’s it. That’s all.
You’re fine the way you are.
I'm sorry your going through this
I wish I knew too bro
Yes
You was born that way it's actuallyscience
This is a really sad post and althoigh your rights are violated in many countries like Middle East or you are mistreated even in some states of the U.S., you still should strive to live
Be proud to live in your skin, if you live in the balkans or anywhere I find the matter not necessary to go wave flags and tell people your sexuality
But be proud and comtent in your skin you do that by finding your circle, unfortunately I have no expereinece with your situation and if God has spawned you in anti-gay countries I hope you will be safe
hey, don’t hate yourself, if your gay it’s okay, being gay isn’t really a choice, you feel attracted to the same gender, so what? no big deal
There is nothing wrong with you
I'll tell you what very few people are going to be telling you.
Don't listen to the media. Don't listen to news outlets, influencers, anything like that. If you want to know the true answer to your question, it will always come down to the creation of this world and your foundational beliefs. Because it truly does change the answer to this question a whole lot when you look at it from that perspective.
I encourage you to read and study on things that might get you not the answer you want but the answer your soul is dying to hear.
I was homosexual for about 10 years of my life growing up. I always thought I'd marry the same sex. But I everything changed the first day I looked to the skies and prayed.
God showed me what love truly means instead of the empty version of love the world offers us. It's temporary fulfillment, but in the end, you will always end up feeling extremely depressed and spiritually empty. It's like trying to catch water with a net. You'll get ahold of it for a short amount of time, but you'll just always end up with nothing.
I still chose to believe in God even though I didn't understand many things about Him. I was a practicing Homosexual still a bit after I was saved. Eventually, I cut it out of my life, which was really hard, and took a lot of praying and self-control.
And that sounds very bad. And I'll never encourage you to hate yourself because I don't hate myself. You shouldn't ever hate yourself, ever.
But the best decision I've made in my entire life was to stay faithful to God, even if that just simply meant only believing that He existed at times. Because I knew I would and will always come back if I do that. Sometimes life is so hard and my depression is so bad that the best I have to offer is a simple "thank you"
Even though I didn't understand why God said Homosexuality was a sin, I still chose to take the path in following Him. And that's what love is. It's a choice and I encourage you to look into this with an open mind instead of listening to so many different propaganda around you, no matter the side it is. Some propaganda will encourage you to hate yourself, which I don't think is ever okay or will heal you. And some propaganda will tell you to embrace yourself and follow your heart. Which I also dont think is right because the heart of a human is a very naturally selfish and evil thing.
I think you are a wonderful person and I am very glad you're here, God is glad you're here and He loves you very much.
I'm aware this comment may sound rude, I'm not actively intending to be rude or to provoke any sort of negative thinking in you. But reading this post I saw a lot of who I used to be and what I used to think of myself and I want you to know many people love and care about you and there is a God that has a love that overflows the fulfillment of our hearts.
Why did you- more like how did you type this while you were drunk
Most probably due to a chromosome deformity. At least that's what the big brains say. Were in da same boat brudder. It sucks sometimes dont it?
And mate you really shouldn't be getting drunk at 13 that shitll fuck you up, not trynna be your mom but shits no good. I learned that when it had me with a gun in my mouth when I felt like nobody understood me for being who I was and nobody accepted me.
Thanks for your answer. But to correct myself I am not 13 years old, I just know my friend for 13 years
Sorry I'm high 😭😭 and stupid.
most of the time your mother has multple chidren plaque builds up if you're lucky enough just a little bit of that plaque gets stuck in the brain the makes you like the same gender OR you're just a uniqe little guy IDK just what i read
Some folks are just predisposed to be happy.
Because when people get drunk it turns them gay for 25 hours a day but you will wake up straight again.
Read the room dude
Or someone goes into prison straight and comes out gay.
What an amazing statement you made there
A+comment