I’m not sure if what I’m going through is deconstruction, lament, or simply faith under pressure—but I’m trying to be truthful about where I am.
I still find deep meaning in the teachings of Jesus. I believe in the Beatitudes. I believe in loving your neighbor, caring for the marginalized, humility, grace, and peace. When those teachings are lived out without bias or power plays, I genuinely believe they make the world better.
What I’m struggling with is the church—especially Christianity as it’s often practiced and politicized today.
A lot of this comes from lived experience. I experienced abuse as a child and harm within the church. I’ve witnessed racism and injustice from many directions. I’ve seen Christianity—particularly evangelical Christianity—become entangled with politics, nationalism, exclusion, and cruelty in ways that feel completely disconnected from Jesus.
This past year has intensified everything. I’ve lost a relationship with a sister due to mental illness. I’ve watched my mother suffer through cancer and the crushing weight of our healthcare system. I’ve watched my father decline with dementia. Another sister I’m close to has aggressive breast cancer and financial strain, yet continues to show incredible grace. I’ve prayed through all of this. Some things have improved—but much hasn’t—and it’s left me exhausted and questioning.
What I keep coming back to is this: I don’t think the problem is Jesus. I think the problem is how often churches feel more like courtrooms than hospitals—more focused on doctrinal alignment, culture wars, or certainty than on healing, compassion, and love.
Because of that, I’ve started considering whether spaces like the Unitarian Universalist church or even agnostic communities might be healthier places for me right now—spaces that allow doubt, grief, and moral conviction to coexist without pressure to “have it all figured out.” I’m not trying to abandon faith or replace Jesus with nothing. I’m trying to find a spiritual environment that prioritizes honesty, compassion, and care for people over belief enforcement.
I don’t know where I’ll land. I’m not declaring myself “done” with Christianity. I’m just acknowledging that the version of Christianity dominating our culture doesn’t reflect who I am—or who I believe Christ is.
If anyone here has walked a similar path—toward UU, agnostic spaces, or back again—I’d genuinely appreciate hearing how you navigated it.
Thanks for reading.
Would welcome DM’s
You might want to find a local United Church of Christ. Their views may be compatible with your beliefs as well.
I am an ex-catholic. I found UU when I had a tough life experience and I needed community I wasn’t getting from the groups I had studied Taoism with.
I got lucky because the day I went the youth were sharing their UU elevator speeches.
I randomly picked a slip of paper with these words. “Most religions are about putting people into heaven. Unitarian Universalism is about putting heaven into people.”
These words continue to ring true for me. Even though I am an atheist.
Can you talk more about putting heaven into people?
Sure.
If you think that the purpose of life is to get to heaven, then your mindset is one of doing things that are approved and avoiding things that are forbidden. It’s a rewards punishment dynamic. At the core is control of behavior. It sets up a dynamic where you end up bargaining to get into heaven. I did x bad things but x+y good things so I deserve heaven.
But if you focus on putting enlightenment or positive experiences into a person, then you have a system where the reward is already inside. You are responsible for yourself. There is no “do I deserve heaven” dynamic. You do. We all do. Universal and unconditional love and forgiveness.
It doesn’t mean you cannot protect yourself from being trying to take advantage of you or your community, but we all deserve as many chances as possible to be a better version of ourselves.
Consider the show Ted Lasso. Same point really. Forgiveness isn’t toxic positivity. Forgiveness is not letting the things people have done to you take up space in your life.
Why do people do terrible things to other people? We are broken people who were raised by broken people. Punishment isn’t going to solve this. But making sure everyone has what they need to heal and grow. That is putting heaven into people.
I love this! Beautifully said.
I'm not sure there really is a widespread agnostic space other than UU unless you look for something like service organizations without a spiritual focus.
You can absolutely be a Christian UU. Though dogmatic Christians might not agree, there is nothing in UU that contradicts Christianity. UU teaches that wisdom can be found from a variety of religious and spiritual traditions, but not that all paths are equally true. Jesus is looked upon as a great teacher, but UU does not dictate on his divinity or lack thereof - that's left to individual discernment.
That said, there are branches of Christianity that might be a fit. u/practicalm mentioned United Church of Christ - they're closely affiliated with UU (there's a joke that UCC stands for Unitarians Considering Christ). Episcopaleans, Disciples of Christ, Quakers/Society of Friends, Progressive Christianity... those are all options you could look into if looking for a more specifically Christian environment.
I can think of some places for agnostic or atheist community.
The Satanic Temple.
The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
And various Free Thinkers and Agnostic groups you can find in some cities and meetup.com
My UU church has a Christian subgroup called " Friends of Jesus" that meets up twice a month for fellowship. Jesus is also heavily featured in the major Christian holiday services of Christmas and Easter. So long as you are tolerant of other of people's beliefs I think you'll find a home.
Yes - including possibly putting up with the occasional evangelical atheist lol
This is the path I went. You can look for your local UU online and watch a service or two if they are available to get a feel for how they do things. They vary a lot by location. There's also The Church of the Larger Fellowship, which is mostly online. It's perfect fine to just find your own way in the UU and not rush it, either.
I gave up trying to figure it all out and consider myself agnostic now. There are progressive Christians at the one I attend, along with Buddhists, atheists, and pagans. I enjoy the variety of beliefs.
I actually need to head off to the solstice service this morning, as I am one of the lay ministers, but you are welcome to DM me.
I’m not terribly comfortable with labels, coming from the catholic church and knowing that I’m not that. I thought for a while I was atheist, agnostic, Buddhist, a lot of things. The nice thing about UU is the space that is not just allowed but also encouraged. Not many faiths can say that.
First I want to say, thats a lot to be weighing on your spirit with your family and these deep questions. So I'm sorry for that strain and that pain and the deep wounds you're tending to. I hear you. I hold space and send love to you through that fog.
Second, while I think you would no doubt find THEOLOGICAL safety and SPIRITUAL nourishment in a UU space, and the runway to probe these large questions... UU congregations are still human communities and a lot of the issues you mentioned being frustrated with in the church communities you've been in, may reveal themselves in different forms in any congregation you partake of. Not because Unitarian Universalism is a problematic faith, but because all human communities have problems. So if you can go in with a focus on development of a healthy spiritual resilience and reconstructed faith formation, you can better weather the inevitable storms of flawed human institutions. Does that make sense?
Again, I'm sorry for the weight of your load. I'm praying for you and your family.
Your path sounds a lot like mine. After a lot of reading and asking questions about UU, I’ve decided that it seems to be the place I need to try. I’ve tried other churches and maybe it’s the churches I’ve chosen or maybe because I’m in the Bible Belt, I haven’t been able to find one I feel completely comfortable with. I’m hoping that UU will provide a safe place for me.
I think a lot of us follow that path. We like being in a community that promotes and practices compassion and taking care of each other, our community, and our world, but we can't hold with theology or judging.
A lot of the "liberal religion" denominations are making space for that. UUs are undoubtedly leaders there, having pretty much summed up theology with "believe in as many gods as you like," but the Quakers, Congregationalists, Episcopalians, and others are getting pretty flexible about congregants' beliefs. And why not? The Gospels never show Jesus demanding a detailed statement of faith from anyone.
But it can happen anywhere. I think the same hypersocial nature of humans that moves us to form congregations moves us to form factions within those congregations, and Unitarians can be as nasty to each other as members of any religion. Well, I exaggerate -- there haven't been any UU-on-UU religious wars or massacres -- but they can get pretty nasty.
One doesn't have to be Christian to appreciate Jesus. You will find that many agnostics and atheists, including in UU, appreciate Jesus as a man and even phrophet.
Wonder if Quaker would be an appropriate fit ?
I was wondering about this as a Quaker attender, but I know the lack of forms (outside of silence) in silent worship can be an issue for people who are attracted to the ritual aspects of religious life. Unfortunately, it's my understanding that programmed meetings incorporating ritual (like in Evangelical Friends meetings) also tend to dovetail with the "courtroom" issue that OP rejects.
I think you probably could fit in well at a typical UU church and still be a Christian. In our church of 300ish UU’s, we have Christian, buddhist, Jewish, pagan and at least one Muslim member. Most of our services are secular or refer to a higher power or an energy greater than ourselves, etc, but that can mean whatever it means to you and traditional “God” and Jesus do still come up from time to time.
But as an FYI, there are congregations that are strictly Christian Unitarian Universalist. This website can tell you more about how they fit in with other UU’s and there is a map of current congregations.
http://www.uuchristian.com/chapters-and-contacts
Honest question and I am. It sure how to formulate it. But once concern I have is when you believe in everything your left with nothing. Does that make sense?
I think I understand your question. And as someone who is a UU after leaving Christianity, my response would be that I don't believe in "everything." But being UU gives me space to figure out what it is that I do believe and gives me the courtesy of community while not requiring that I arrive at certain answers in order to belong.
One of the outcomes of my faith deconstruction was learning to sit with the fact that, contrary to what Christianity teaches, there may not actually be answers to many of our most pressing questions in life. Not just that we may never know exactly what happens when we die, but that there may be a much broader path in what defines a good person.
If you're a fairly liberal person, it may seem that the UUs don't really draw a line anywhere, but especially in this troubled time, we actually do have some pretty hard principles that we all try to live by with regard to human dignity.
UU and Identfy as Humanist Unitarian Universalist and indulge in discussions.
I literally only found out about UU less than 10 hours ago so take my opinion with a grain of salt 😭
However, if you want a safe space where you can feel safe and free to explore your own beliefs and follow the path YOU want to take, UU might be a great fit for you. We accept people from all belief systems. Even atheists like me! There is something for everyone here and it’s a great group to talk about beliefs with.
As Practicalm, said United Church of Christ is probably going to be the best fit. They actively teach from the Bible. That's their sacred text. Unitarian Universalists welcome all (including Christians), but don't always teach from the Bible. Some congregations may never teach from the Bible and are instead more humanist and atheist. Some may lean more Christian and teach from the Bible regularly.