Anyone else feel like they’re just going through the motions?
We’ve been trying to conceive since April 2025, and every month feels exactly the same. It’s so repetitive that it doesn’t even feel like it’s leading anywhere anymore. I was explaining to my husband that ovulation week and timing everything now feels like something we just do. Just like going to work, showering at night, brushing our teeth etc are things we just do. It doesn’t feel intentional or hopeful anymore. It’s just something we do on days 10–14 of my cycle.
I think part of it is me trying not to think about it too much during the TWW so I don’t get my hopes up. The holidays have been really hard too, seeing babies everywhere. At the same time, I feel weirdly disconnected, like it couldn’t possibly happen for me. I don’t even pray for a baby anymore, I pray that God removes my desire to become a mother if it’s not meant for me. It just hurts so badly to want something and get a rejection every month.
Don’t get me wrong, I want to be a mother more than anything in the world. But right now, I feel like I’m losing hope and starting to believe it might just never happen for us. I know others have been trying for a lot longer but it doesn’t make it any easier.
Does anyone else feel this way? My husband doesn’t understand and keeps saying it’ll happen when it happens.
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Yup, been trying since March and it feels so second nature now that I temp and do opks. The only time we're ever intimate is during fertile week because we both have low libidos. I no longer get teary but I do feel both depressed and disconnected.
Yes this is exactly what I mean. Thank you for sharing and hope the best for you!
You too ❤️
Me three, I’m trying passionflower tea to help with depression, at this point my life attitude is “why not?”
Yeah, this feeling is way more common than people admit. TTC can turn something intimate into a checklist real fast, and that numbness is a defense mechanism, not a failure. It’s okay to grieve each cycle and still want it deeply. If anything, be gentle with yourself and stop expecting your husband to process it the same way.
Yeah I’m feeling that so much. I need to learn to not take it so hard.
I don’t think you need to learn to not take it so hard. 🫂You feel those feelings because they’re real and it hurts and that shows how much you want to be a mother. Reframe it somehow to survive, but still feel what you’re feeling or else you go numb and it all becomes hopeless.
Yep, relate to this completely. Been trying since May and began so hopeful and now I just feel like it's this distant thing which may never become a reality - even though rationally I know it will happen at some point somehow. I just can't imagine actually getting pregnant now.
AF arrived today and I only did one test this cycle on 12dpo and even then I wasn't hopeful. I wasn't even surprised when my period arrived today, I just felt numb to be honest.
I spoke to my husband about it and he was understanding but also he made the point around not being able to change the outcome but just that we had to keep going. It's just hard to keep doing the same thing month after month and getting the same result. Ugh.
I’m so sorry! It’s honestly so heartbreaking to get a negative. Especially with all the hormones around your period, I get so emotional. I personally don’t even test anymore, I just wait to get my period because it’s so hard. You are definitely not alone, being in this sub made me realize that. TTC can be so isolating. Praying for you and your little family.
Me too, TTC since May, finally got my positive in November and it turned out to be a MC. Now all I have to show for it is 25 pounds weight gain. Sometimes I want to just abandon the whole thing as it’s causing a lot of fights and disconnection with my husband.
Also trying since April with absolutely nothing to show for it. I am a results driven person and it drives me insane that with every failed cycle my body gives me no feedback on wtf went wrong and how I can make it better. I’ve started taking some supplements and am doing a trial of letrozole this month. I’m also finally going to meet with a new gyn since moving states and REI. I don’t feel emotionally disconnected yet, possibly because I have had a lot going on with the move and thinking about that but I am really struggling to adjust to life in my new city, home, and job because every time i thought about it would look like I assumed I would be pregnant.
Thanks for sharing! I also started in april, and im now in cycle 9. I’m struggling a lot with my mental health while trying to conceive. And I feel guilty even mentioning that, because medically it’s not considered that long of a time. I was grieving every month as it felt like failing, but now im starting to feel more disconnected. Exactly as you described; that I feel it wont happen anymore and that its so repetitive that it makes me numb. Nothing ever changes.
So sorry no tips or advice, but know you’re not alone in this. Big hug to you and all the others!
I get it. I'm about to go into cycle 11 and we started trying in January of last year. It almost feels pointless because it hasn't happened the last 9 cycles, why did I think 10 would be different and why should I think 11 or 12 will be different?
My only comfort now is that I'm finally at an acceptable amount of times being disappointed to make an appointment and get some answers. Which is barely comforting because I know it could be several months to get in/get tests done/get medication (if that is even deemed worth trying).
My husband is also like "it will happen if it happens and it's okay if it doesn't." This was the first time where he seemed sad, because I told him my period is coming New Year's Eve and there's a slim chance of it not. I told him in the new year, he needs to get on some supplements and get a SA done because I need to not be the only one making changes and losing my mind.
I'm a shell of who I was, honestly. I genuinely feel like I won't be truly happy until it happens because it will always feel like something is missing otherwise. And if it never happens, that piece will always be missing. We can't afford IUI or IVF since it'll be 100% OOP... so there's a very real chance that medical intervention won't help unless it's a matter of meds.
I totally understand feeling this way ❤️ I got my husband to finally do a SA in early December and his results show room for improvement especially for morphology so I think that's given him a bit of a kick to take it all a bit more seriously. He was taking supplements on and off when I reminded him 🙄But since getting his results he's been much more on it. I said the same thing that I can't be the only one taking the burden and it's a joint effort which he seems to have taken on board. So fingers crossed your husband gets his SA and that helps give him a bit of focus 🤞🏻
I relate to you so much. We've been trying since June 2025 and not a single positive. On the very end of 8th cycle, period in 2 days. I had so many things checked, and every result comes back fine 🥲 This cycle I had 21,5 progesterone 7 DPO and I felt so hopeful. But the pregnancy test is stark white again. Everyone around me is getting pregnant with messy cycles or endometriosis. Meanwhile me with my perfectly regular, painless menstruation crying over the keyboard right now. It's really hard to not feel defeated.
We’ve been trying for almost 3 years. I feel like my entire life is consumed by apps, tests, and waiting. It’s just a mundane job now, I feel completely empty.
I feel you ❤️ it’s hard to focus on much else or care about much else.
Tried for 9 months before finding out that we both have factors that force us into the IVF route. BUT in that time: we agreed on an emoji that = “ovulation is near” to text without having to say it and from there, turn it into fun without being a chore. new toys, flirty date nights, a random hotel check in, slutty outfits, cute notes leading up to. Spicy texts/pics during the work day. Have sex in the car, on the couch, the kitchen counter. Butter bath, wine, foot massages….Even if you wouldn’t normally do it…. Do it. It’s fun and exciting and gets you out of your head for a minute.
Sending you hugs. I know this isn’t the point of your post but I have to ask, are you only trying on cycle days 10-14? Maybe that’s just a figure of speech for brevity’s sake so I apologize if my question is offensive. Just wondering if you are tracking ovulation since you can ovulate at different times every cycle, sometimes much later than day 14! In a recent cycle of mine I didn’t ovulate until cycle day 21.
Thank you and no offense taken. I track BBT and opk. My cycles are almost always 28 days with a confirmed ovulation on CD14. We BD pretty much everyday during ovulation week which my doctor said should be between CD9-14
Yes I feel and emotional disconnect. I also started trying #2 in April and in the time I am currently in the TWW of cycle 6, but also had a MMC in there too. There is a lot of ambivalence in there. I am far more meh about having a baby than I was before my MMC. And I know that even when I finally do get another positive I won’t be anywhere near as excited as I was previously. I don’t ruminate about what it will be like when I get my baby any more. It’s always tinged with sadness a little bit.
I’m sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of hugs and prayers.
I feel the exact same way after my MC. It terrifies me about the whole process and I’m no longer excited at all. If I do get pregnant again, please G-d, it will be terror the whole pregnancy.
Yes. I’m so burnt out with all of it. I’m tired of getting excited and wanting it to happen. I will obviously try when it’s time, but I don’t really feel any hope. I’m totally numb to the whole process.
It sucks because I had my daughter almost 10 years ago and I was single at the time and I have always looked forward to this time in my life of TTC with a partner, I thought it would be such a hopeful exciting time but it really is not.
I understand completely. I’ve been with my husband for 9 years and we were waiting for the “right time”. We were so excited to start trying at first and even bought baby stuff that first month thinking it would be so easy. Sending you hugs!
Same. Been with mine for about 12. We wanted everything to be set up and have our careers in the right place before trying. I was ready earlier than husband. Now it feels like so much time we wasted.
Absolutely. Especially after finally getting a positive last month only for it to be a CP. I feel so exhausted and on the verge of giving up.
Yes. Some days I just want to give up and pretend I don’t care anymore. Yes I totally feel you.
I feel you. We started in April 2025 so month 10th started for us. I think this was the most disappointing cycle for me as I got most of my tests including an HSG done last month and they came out fine. Husbands SA is also good. I feel like it’s not going to happen for me because if it did not happen in these 9 months what can change in the next 3.
We have been trying off and on (due to schedules, some months were easier to track) since May 2025 and I haven’t even gotten one positive test, not one cycle. I deeply understand how you feel, it is draining to hold this wanting and hopefulness each month. The fantasy of how it will feel and the things you guys would do if you were pregnant this cycle then AF takes that idea away so quickly.
Honestly writing this, I didn’t know how much I have been holding in. Reddit has been a saving grace during my TTC time because some friends/ family who haven’t had a difficult time or aren’t trying— don’t really understand and that is okay but it’s hard explaining this feeling without sounding like we are focusing too much on it. If one more person tells me to relax and let it happen, I am going to slap them😂
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and you aren’t alone. I hope you keep trying because that gives me hope too for that one day. Sending you love and light♥️♥️♥️