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I started telling people closest around me now that we are at 13 months. I just couldn’t silently deal with it anymore. It also helped with people not asking silly questions or bothering us as they know we’re having a hard time as it is. I’d start off by telling people you trust and hold closest to your heart

We started out not wanting to tell anyone. But then two months in my mom asked if we are thinking about kids and I told her we are trying and that it takes time. Then I told my older sister because I told my mom. After that it has actually been helpful for family to know because they don't keep asking our plans and it means I can ask them stuff without having to provide new context. Like I was confused why my temps were so high a couple cycles ago but not pregnant and I could discuss this with my sister (who has kids and temped etc) and analyze. And my mom has been able to share some infertility history of extended family. My sister still keeps saying "when you have kids..." which is taking a slight toll on me as it has been 8 months and nothing, so the optimism is a lot more than I feel.

My husband told his dad before we started since we did genetic testing and we needed some information. But recently he updated his mom fully on our situation.

Around the 4 month mark I told my best friend because it was on my mind a lot at the time (we are long distance and have catch up video calls every so often). Recently I have shared with two colleagues because it is so prevalent on my mind I feel like I can't keep it in haha.

I wish I never told anyone, 🥺

My friends know but that’s it. I don’t need the added pressure of the in laws knowing. It will be the first grandchild and they make comments about it already

My very close friends (2-3 other girls who may as well be my family) know, but absolutely none of my family or my husband’s family know, and won’t know anytime soon. I don’t need the added pressure or stress of them poking around and asking questions.

If we end up needing something as invasive as IVF, we would share that, but we would still stay very private about it and only provide the very basic information to them.

I’m kind of an open book, so I told my colleagues who I consider friends within a couple months. I also told them when I got pregnant, and then had a miscarriage. I found it really helpful to have people to talk to about it. I also ended up having one of them confide in me that they were also struggling and actively trying. It’s so nice to work closely with someone sharing the same struggles.

I told people as soon as we started trying and I feel like I jinxed us 😂

Were the most private couple in the world but by around 12 months ish it started to feel like we were lying, with bloods and SA being done. So we told 1 set of parents first at 12 months ish.

My closest friends know. Have yet to tell family or in-laws. We are on cycle 9. Recently found out about male factor and I have my HSG tomorrow. I’ve also been thinking maybe it’s time to share but also I just don’t want everyone know either

I think you might need to learn more about your cycle as day 14 is not always the best depending on your cycle. I would highly suggest OPKs to figure out when you ovulate.

As for the family question, I think it would depend on whether you think they’d be helpful or just more pressure. My first took 9 months and we told nobody. This time around our family knows we are trying and have had a miscarriage, but not overly getting into the nitty gritty

We hadn’t really thought of telling them anything, it was only after my second miscarriage that they worked it out themselves and honestly the support from my family has been insanely helpful. I understand the response won’t always be helpful though so it’s up to you and how you think your families will react.

My friends knew. I didn’t tell family until we had our 3rd miscarriage and were going through IVF.

My family were super respectful. My ILs were not.

Thank you for asking this question, as it’s something that’s been on my mind as well. I told my parents on cycle 8 after going to an RE for infertility and getting a hysteroscopy to remove a 2cm submucosal fibroid and two polyps. I couldn’t keep it to myself because mom always asking about it, so I finally told her.

I would consider meeting with a fertility specialist if you have the insurance or financial ability. It would help to know if all your ducks are actually in a row and making sure you don’t have any fertility issues. A Semen analysis would help also. It may not be as simple as tracking OPKs if he has fertility issues or you have some hormone issues that could be addressed. Hopefully you’re both perfect but if not, then at least you have a starting point and can see what can be done to help. Good luck and lots of blessings in the new year.

I told everyone everything from the start, but I have a clinical case of the can’t keep my mouth shut oversharing disease, so I don’t think it was a surprise that this was also something I shared freely. I honestly haven’t found it to be a problem, people are mostly nice/curious about how things are going and I don’t mind sharing. But I also knew I had PCOS in advance and never thought unprotected sex would end in a baby, so I didn’t have the sadness of letting go of that narrative in my head.

Once we started doing medicated cycles at a fertility clinic (about 14 months into trying), we felt weird keeping it a secret because I go in so often for ultrasounds and blood work, and I’m super close with my mom and sister and can’t lie that often, haha. Just our close circle knows.

But I’ve reposted some vague infertility things on FB very intentionally to kind of soft launch it to extended family so they stop asking. I also asked my mom to kind of ask people to stop pestering us about babies on my behalf.

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I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks on cycle 1 so.. everyone knew. It was miserable. I wish I could have kept it to myself because after that there were so many comments about how long it was taking.

Around the 3-4 month mark. We had just moved back to our home state, and two of my sisters (one SIL, and my brother's wife) opened up about their miscarriages. I thought I would get pregnant quickly, and I wanted to warn them ahead of time (joke's on me, 2 years TTC and failed IVF) to avoid triggering them.

On the bright side, I have had an enormous amount of emotional support going into IVF, and even more so now that I failed my first IVF cycle. Everyone knows how hard its been, I am not alone and never have been. I don't go a single day without getting texts from loved ones checking on me.

I feel like this varies by personal preference. With my first, I told everyone and didn’t like it because of the invisible pressure I felt. Trying for a second, didn’t say anything until I got a positive. We shared with close family, but it ended in miscarriage. Two months later got a positive again, shared out of hopes to make myself feel more optimistic, it ended up an ectopic and the lack of understanding and overall support honestly disappointed me.

I haven’t been “seriously” trying since due to personal reasons, and if I do again / if I get a positive, it will be my business only.

This is a great question. We have only been trying since September. We have been together for 5 years and married in September. We knew right away we wanted kids so we started trying right away. Two of my closest friends know we are actively trying and one friend knows that we aren’t “preventing”. None of my family knows we are trying, and none of his family knows. They don’t really ask but will casually make comments like “when I become an aunt/uncle/grandma/grandpa…” etc. It doesn’t bother me but definitely makes me feel some type of way. It’s just the unknown of will it ever happen for us. I know it is silly because it has only been 4 (almost 5) months.

My family and close friends know. I've confided in a co-worker as well. We've been trying consistently for 5 cycles and were trying on and off before that. I kind of wish this time around I was more casual about it with my friends/family, but it's been hard because my two closest friends are expecting and I know my family really wants a grandchild in the family. Just feels like a lot of external and internal pressure

I haven’t told any parents coz they don’t need to know. I’ve mentioned it in passing to my sister and some friends because it’s come up in convo- mainly my complaining about how annoying TTC and periods are, after over a decade with an IUD.

Very select few know. Mostly my friends that have been through it themselves. Family members do not know because they are too emotionally invested and I couldn’t handle the idea of disappointing more people every month on top of my husband and I.

I’ve only talked about this with my best friend and SIL. My best friend is NTNP so she’s not as locked in as me but she’s also nice to vent to. My SIL has struggled with infertility for a while and I had to tell her when I asked what prenatal vitamins she used. But she’s not going to tell anyone about it because she knows how I feel about my privacy.

I don’t plan to tell my mom until I’m in the second trimester. As far as my MIL though, I’d prefer to not tell her until the baby is here but it’s very touch and go there. My FIL, I already have an idea to announce it to him in my second trimester.

But this is because I’ve already had a miscarriage before so I’m very cautious lol

I started to be open with people about a year into TTC. Mostly supportive comments, but also some ‘it’s going to happen soon’ and ‘stop trying as hard’ type comments. Well…. One year later and still no pregnancy. IVF in the new year. Really glad I did tell people though, as I couldn’t carry on pretending like everything was fine. My mental health has generally been better this year, since telling people.

I didn’t. I didn’t want to talk about it or have them asking me questions. I only told a few close friends

As soon as I was diagnosed with POF. I told them don’t be surprised if I am pregnant soon or never will be..

I’ve shared with the 2 couples in my family that are around the same age (they shared with me that it was difficult conceiving as well.) The others have put on pressure and generally I push past comments. It’s none of their business. If the women got wind, they’d be sharing my private life to everyone they talk to. In general I find that a lot of older generations really have zero understanding of how normal infertility is.

As for you? Ask yourself what will keep your peace. Will your family respect your privacy, or will they have no filter? Adding stress doesn’t help with conception.

I only told my parents once we decided to do IVF (2.5 years in with no positive tests). We won’t be telling my in-laws unless the IVF works and we just tell them I’m pregnant.

I just told my MIL after my CP at cycle four of trying. My husband knew she’d be able to relate for support reasons due to her history.

I told my two best friends & closest family a few months back. It had been 7 cycles of trying and I was just needing support. My in laws don't know and won't know until there's a pregnancy.

I did not. They figured it out after we told them about our 7 week miscarriage.

For me, I told my side of the family pretty early and it has already been a year. My mom is generally nosey, but I opened up to her one time when she was poking and I had just gotten my period and she doesn’t ask questions anymore. It really has been like grieving for me during several of my periods; it feels less lonely that they know and they love me and my sisters have been so positive and cheering us on (I’m the oldest and they haven’t had their own babies yet).

My husband didn’t want to tell his parents, so we haven’t told them and they have been asking for years when we are going to have kids. They don’t speak English and they live in Egypt so our family halves don’t speak to each other and my husband fields these questions on his own. He doesn’t think they would accept IVF and doesn’t want to deal with talking about that.

Almost everyone in my life knows…I’m unfortunately an oversharer.

We were also put into an awkward situation where in laws are going on a cruise in June and they have been asking us since LAST June if we want to go…had to say we aren’t sure if we will be able to. Of course now here we are, only one cycle away from knowing for sure if I’ll be able to board before their 24 week cutoff policy. Never imagined we would be in this situation with any chance to go. It will be a sad trip for sure if still not pregnant

I wouldn’t recommend telling many people unless you know you’d get it, IE: other friends that got pregnant recently and it took them at least 4-5 months of trying, or your mom / sister if you’re close like that. People who you’d be comfortable telling if you had a miscarriage or chemical, complication, etc.

Unfortunately a lot of people not in this life stage just don’t “get it” and I got some not intentionally rude but kind of hurtful comments from single friends / friends who aren’t trying for kids anytime soon. Or some will try to give advice like “relax, it’ll happen when it happens, go on vacation, give up alcohol” etc as if we hadn’t been doing all those AND also tracking LH for months.

It can also create more pressure / shame if it takes longer and you feel like they’re judging you or they ask you if you something’s wrong (again some people just don’t get it).

Do you want to talk to them about it? If yes, do so when you have some private time with them. If you just want them to stop asking about potential babies, what worked for me was being very direct and saying “If and when I’m pregnant, I will tell you. Please don’t bring it up if I don’t bring it up first.” For me, I do not want to talk about it and I didn’t want to deal with the judgment especially from the in laws.

We have told my sister and our closest 4 friends - one set who struggled to conceive their 2 kids and another set who are also 1+ year into trying. Very trusted and empathetic people in our lives. We are on cycle 19 so I think we will probably tell my parents soon to support our mental health and open up our support system further.

I just casually said yeah I been stopped taking birth control. And that was the announcement.

Not till a year of failed IUi

3 days after the birth of our baba.... lol. Yep some shocked faces that for sure

We told them before we started trying because we didn’t think it’d be hard. I’m glad we did as it took 2 years and they knew not to hassle us about grandchildren

I told my parents from the beginning and they have been the most supportive ones. Infact I'm the one who is struggling and stressed out but my parents are a blessing in this case. My mother in law also and she also told me not to stress and I will be pregnant soon. 

I have been fairly open with close friends and family and I really recommend it - 99% of the time they've responded well and have become huge sources of support. I felt clarity was the most helpful thing for us and everyone around us because it meant our families had no excuse not to make unhelpful comments - and if on the rare occasion they did (here's looking at you Father in law), I felt very comfortable calling it out and saying hey, that's not ok - because they should know better now.

If you have an extremely understanding family (people who had kids within 3 tries will never ever understand) you can say it.Orelse dont expect them to give good advice. When you say be ready for following stupid advice 1)go on vacation 2)I had no problem conceiving 3)oh i think its you who has the problem 4)i think its because of your weight(or health issue) 5)they will never mention husband might be the problem 6)Moment you say you are struggling they will go with ohh my cousin had twins, i had a baby (i dont know why they say that 7)every month they will be waiting and saying "still no baby? What is going on? 8)most of the people don't know how to address this issue they say nonsense hurtful things in the name of being supportive.

So find one or 2 people who have gone through infertility and speak to them. REST ARE USELESS

I have only told my therapist lol. I don’t plan on telling anyone close to me friends or family.

We didnt tell anyone. It’s not anyone’s business that my husband and I are having a lot of sex- and planned sex at that 😂 It took 14 cycles of trying (7 of putting in the work of tracking everything), and we told our parents and best friends the day after we got our BFP.

My mom and one of my best friends are the only people I told and they knew right away. I told them because my mom went in for testing when they were trying because they struggled (and therefore would be understanding of the fact that it is not always a quick process), and I told my friend just so I wasn’t dealing with it all alone. Then I have two outlets to talk to about it and if I was inexplicably upset for whatever reason they could put it together why and I didn’t always have to come up with an excuse.

We haven’t shared with my in laws at all because every child in their family had been conceived by accident or on the first try so they just don’t understand the process. They have also been pushy and made insinuations about it in the past to the point where I’ve flat out told them they very well may find out on Facebook if it ever happens.

My husband and I are entering our 8th cycle as well and I completely get where you’re at. This cycle felt like a turning point for us in the same sense that maybe it is a bit more complicated than it is for the average person. Either way, sending hugs!

I told my mother, sister, and best friend almost immediately. I really thought it would be like snapping my fingers. My mom had all four of us almost exactly two years apart - how hard can it be? The first few months I shared every negative test with them. Now I only share if it hits especially hard.

I told my husband I don't want his family knowing until either we start ART or we get through the first trimester. His family is mostly great, but some of them are... Not. They talk amongst each other a lot, so I can't tell just one or two. I know some of them have caught on to us trying (not drinking at all during the holidays, avoiding lunchmeat and raw fish) but they're being very respectful about it.

I told my closest friends immediately, my parents after 4 months and my husband also told his siblings after a few months. I need to talk about it. My friends are older and already have kids so it was very helpful to me. I would have not been able to keep it to myself. Especially since it’s taking so much longer than expected.

We were TTC for 18 months and built a strict rule that we only told people who we felt we needed their support. We at no point told anyone out of duty or feeling obliged. This is about you, not them.

I’m not telling anyone personally. If I end up having a baby I’d like it to be a complete surprise to others, and if it ends up not happening I’d like to pretend nothing ever happened 😂

I've only told my mom, and I'm currently on cycle two of TTC. I don't want the pressure of multiple people asking for updates, but I also need at least one other person to know what I'm going through. For me it'd feel weird telling multiple people.

I’m pretty much in the exact same spot as you, BFN yesterday on our 7th cycle trying! I’m pretty open and my immediate family and a lot of my friends know we’re trying. I’ve been giving my mom updates on our initial fertility appointments. I feel like it’s uncomfortable no matter what so I don’t know what the answer is. My friend’s husband who did know told us “good luck” way too many times when we hung out the other day (they are currently pregnant from cycle 1), but on Christmas Eve my cousin who DIDN’T know kept harassing us about having kids because we need to populate the world with smart people…

We’ve been TTC for 17 cycles now and I told my MIL at 11 months - I wanted to keep it a surprise, but we were moving forward with fertility testing and I didn’t want to keep it from her anymore. I learned she also experienced infertility so it’s been very helpful to have her to talk to.

I have also been more open with my close friends and family as time goes on. I want to be able to help others and myself by talking about it

Our families know vaguely that we are working towards having kids soon, and my friends know vaguely that we are hoping to have a child within the next year if things go well.

Past that: I’m going to tell my closest friends as soon as I get a BFP, we’ve decided to tell our immediate family sometime in the first trimester if that feels right, and everyone one else will be after 15 weeks.

You have to do what works for you. I know I’ll want support if we lose a pregnancy, but I don’t want people asking me about TTC because it’s going to make me sad.

We told good friends and family before we actually started TTC. If it takes longer, I’ll be happy to have their support. I know they wouldn’t “check in” about it unprompted if it takes longer. They’re good people.

Only our parents and closest friends know we are trying. Haven’t said anything to extended family, casual friends or co workers.

I think it really depends on the family member and how you predict they will react and if it’s something you’re comfortable with.

My mom and dad took 9 years to have me, with no diagnosis as to why. When my husband and I started to try for our first, I hinted to my mom because if we did have fertility obstacles, she would be understanding.

I told my husband to tell his dad and step mom (both of who are very nosy and would always hint at having grandkids) that they shouldn’t ask any questions in front of me in case it didn’t happen right away/that it was possible genetics would make it hard for me us to conceive. That was very helpful of him to step in and do that, because I don’t know how I would have handled their questioning as they are both overbearing and annoy me to begin with 😂

He did the same with his mom and her husband, but they wouldn’t ever think to pull the “so where are my grandkids” card.

You know your family best and have a good idea of how they’ll handle it/how they’ll respect your requests if you say that your mental health is suffering and whether talking about it with certain family members will help or hurt ❤️

I haven’t told my parents because I’m scared LOL. I don’t want them to know I’m having sex 🤣🤣. Idk how I’ll tell them when im pregnant. We’ve told some close friends when the topic arose and the setting was appropriate. Mainly only telling people that have struggled to get pregnant or already have kids and we kinda want some insight on how long it took them. We’ve told my in laws that it’s coming soon because my MIL won’t leave me alone about it (and still won’t even though she knows it’s not working for us right now).

I told my mom almost immediately, because I tell my mom everything. With my in-laws we only just told them recently, because we’re going to have to start IVF soon and while we’re lucky enough to have insurance coverage it’s STILL financially out of our range without a little help so we were planning to start a GoFundMe and didn’t want that to be the first time they heard about it, lol. I’ve also spoken to friends, coworkers, etc about it. I don’t mind being open about it to an extent, especially as we’ve been trying for about 15 months now and I personally feel like it’s good to be open about things like infertility (though I can obviously understand choosing to keep it private as well)

3+ years down the line and we still haven't.. I'm really glad we haven't, because it's hard enough as it is dealing with infertility... 💔I can't image having to update anyone or answer questions or have people looking at me like they are trying to figure out if I'm pregnant or not.. 😵‍💫

We didn’t tell anyone until we had already been trying for a year and needed to do IUI, at which point we told our immediate family and I told one of my best friends. Now that we’re moving on to IVF, I’ve started to be a bit more open about it (and am planning to mention it to some people at work since coordinating coverage when I need to be out for egg retrieval won’t be super straight forward).