My girlfriend asked me to rank all the girls I've been with in terms of looks. She really insisted that I be honest and not just humor her, and she asked me to be objective and not include feelings, which I consented to. But instead of doing that, I told her a lie. I said she's second (I didn't say first to make it believable.)
In reality there are a couple of my exes that were conventionally more attractive (purely physically, but I obviously love my girlfriend much more for other reasons). But I couldn't bring myself to say it, even though I promised honesty. I believe it's very important that relationships are based on trust, and I betrayed my own principles, because I didn't have the courage to uphold them
My girlfriend asked me to rank all the girls I've been with in terms of looks.
This is/was a whole entire trap. Do not ever engage in this type of conversation with someone you're in a relationship with.
The trouble is that she WILL take a non-answer as an answer, usually in the worst way possible. OP played it right and has to bank that answer for the rest of the relationship
You can give an answer, you just can’t actually rank them. Something along the lines of “I’m not going to pretend that some arbitrary ranking means anything near as much as the fact that I’m with the most beautiful and amazing woman I’ve ever known. I wouldn’t be here otherwise. Should we get pizza and watch a movie tonight?”
clapping along. "good answer good answer."
Survey says? dingdingding
❌ ❌ ❌
Yea this won’t work lol it’ll just mage tiu look extra avoidant
If she seriously asks these questions the situation is already as bad as it gets. There is a slight chance that your definite refusal to discuss it would bring her to her senses. Otherwise you only choose a miserable future.
That sounds like a her problem. Anyone that asks this type of question is extremely childish and if someone asks you this question you should probably rethink your choice to be in a relationship with them. It's a stupid question/test and a lose lose situation.
Which adult person comes up with something like this? How shallow and insecure is this?
This right there. You’re not winning whatever you say
I took an extra breath when this line was finished...
Ohh boy oohhh boy.
You have to fake a heart attack.
Niche but like on King of Queens when Doug faked the heart attack when he forgot Carries coworkers name at her work event lol
Yeah it's a shit test. And a sign to not date that person.
They want to lay these mines all over the place, but then get upset when we activate one of them. Ladies, and some of you dudes, stop testing your SO. It's disrespectful, because it always seems like you're just praying that a landmine will go off. That's the level of insanity it feels like, sometimes.
came here literally for this comment 👏🏼
My honest thought is, men do this all the time. Why make a reddit post about it? Like this whole post is pointless. Its like making a post that states water's wet
"Idk, you made me forget all about them"
nice one
i like this answer but its still sort of a lie. but i agree you need to lie for questions like this
Best answer possible. OP just fucked himself for forever. This will be twisted in numerous ways in future arguments, the examples are endless.
Thx
Bro these questions are traps. The correct answer is
“Uhh I don’t rank people that’s for weird insecure dudes”
Cause she will hurt you for this later on
I like that answer. You're dodging the question in a way that can't be disputed easily.
Thank you. I’ve had a lot of trap style questions and the only answer is that you (or her) is too good for that in a positive way but someone has to be the scap goat so it’s always society, other men, government, etc
She will take that to mean she is ugly. There's no winning this you just have to lie
Nah the second you answer you’re wrong. Saying she’s the prettiest means ur lying and probably banging her in this woman’s mind
then you need to lie more convincingly. you need to really sell it and give her the validation she is seeking or else she will look for it with someone else
Why would you want to be with someone so insecure and childish? Don’t lie and have higher standards instead.
if you are attractive and have plenty of options sure. for ugly people like me you have to accept some flaws. its not like im flawless either
You can accept flaws without enabling their behavior. My ex had a tendency to guilt trip people into doing things they weren’t comfortable with. I didn’t dump him over it, but I did tell him I didn’t appreciate it and I didn’t let him guilt me into anything. He slowly stopped doing it because he saw that it didn’t work and that it was making me uncomfortable.
Having 0 boundaries is more unattractive than any ugly face or body because it means you don’t respect yourself.
It's a great answer because it's not even a lie.
Or maybe ask if she's feeling insecure ? Needing reassuring
NO! That’s gonna be a problem. When those questions are asked it’s between insecurity and being toxic. Saying that either gets you a situation where you still have to answer or have a fight.
The right answer is that she’s above that cause she’s smarter and better
Then she should go to therapy
Potentially yes
she’s asking to get hurt with that question. and you saying second is honestly bad too💀 that’s gonna live in her mind rent free. yall must be teenagers
She deserves second (and that’s a lie) for being so stupid as to ask. I’d have told her second from last, so she’s lucky he’s a nicer guy than me.
It’s sadly amusing when someone tries on the alpha male persona and all it accomplishes is revealing to the world that you’ve never been in a relationship.
Agreed. There’s a sentiment that’s easily agreeable, that these sort of “test” questions are stupid and damaging. You either get unnecessary pain from the partner being actually honest, or you get deception because the partner doesn’t actually want to hurt you (and usually because the answer is much more complicated than a simple yes/no can suffice).
But then the poster just couldn’t stop themselves from showing off how macho they are by putting down a hypothetical. Wow, soooo strong, got ‘em!
I mean he has a point, she is rather stupid (and presumably insecure) for asking this question.
I don’t think that was his point. He wanted us all to know that if he were in OPs position he would have used her insecurity to be cruel as punishment for exposing her insecurity to him, rather than take the opportunity to help her see that she is safe and secure with him. Because he’s a hard ass.
We’re all insecure. It shouldn’t be considered a weakness.
Biggest laugh is how devoid of a sense of humour you and all those downvoting are 😂
Maybe try being funny then
Maybe try getting a sense of humour and not being perma offended by everything.
Oh! I’m not offended. I don’t care enough for that. You’re a silly little man.
Ok Karen
It must be the bots again ay??
you just aren’t funny babe
SHE shouldn’t be asking questions like that. In reality, she’s searching for compliments & for you to make her feel good…. But those kind of questions just get feelings hurt.
YOU shouldn’t have given in to it & just hyped her up instead. Said something like you guys are together for a reason & you don’t think about past girls.
Those answers don’t do anything for either of you… I understand the curiosity, but I think this is like both of you shooting yourselves in the foot lol… Now she’s going to be insecure being “second” & you guys are gonna have issues. Big yikes.
Some white lies are ok.
This is one of them.
Not dating toxic people that create traps like this is also okay.
Some questions aren’t about truth, they’re about reassurance. Ranking people you love is a losing game. You didn’t fail honesty; you chose kindness in a badly framed test.
Are you in middle school?
You fell for a classic trap. What are you, 16?
She should not have asked and yin should not have answered. Yikes.
She was wrong to put you in that position. What a bizarre thing to do.
Why you are in love with somebody who pulls such traps? Do you think you can rely on her?
Trick question. The correct answer is "It's dehumanizing to rate people by looks, and I won't play these kinds of games."
hmmmm wonder how much social media your gf consumes?
these are necessary lies imo (and i’m a female). she should not have put you in that position.
Honesty is the best policy when it matters.
Lying in these trap questions when honesty will only cause problems and it doesn't matter is perfectly fine.
My bf in high school insisted I was the most beautiful woman on earth. He said it all the time. Made me feel good. It wasn't the truth. But it was his current truth. And that can be the truth for you. You can say "to me, the most beautiful person on earth is someone who is cute, kind, thoughtful. And you are who has those qualities. I don't even think about anyone else."
That's it.
Ranking will never work. The truth now is not the truth later. We look back with different eyes.
Just say I choose you. You're hot. You're cool. You're kind.
I’m going to have to step in and say that I really do think attraction grows as an emotional connection builds. Maybe in some cold sterile vacuum you can come up with an objective ranking system to quantify beauty, but the truth is the more time you spend with someone, the more you see their smile, the more intimate moments you share, the more they come through for you, the deeper your feelings for them start to grow….the more beautiful they start to look.
Sure, I think there are limits to this, and there definitely has to be a strong degree of base attraction, but I don’t necessarily think it’s a lie when someone says their lover is the most beautiful person in the world, because that shared emotional connection you have with someone just cuts so much deeper than any super model you see on TV. When you look someone in the eye, and they make that cute little smile and you know you’re about to kiss them, it just makes your heart melt in such a way you never feel when looking at people you don’t have a connection with.
Oh, my poor boy... That's the kind of trap that an older man can see from 15 miles. You ALWAYS say she's number 1. Trap questions don't deserve honest answers.
Trap questions don’t deserve answers at all unless you’re okay with dating an insecure child. Stick to your guns and shoot that shit down people.
The only answer to these type of questions is “you are the most beautiful of all of them”
Fail
The only thing to do is refuse to engage in this crap
Childish of her to ask and childish to indulge her request.
You did the right thing. Your gf put you in an extremely unfair and difficult situation just to try to shore up her own insecurities.
This is so childish to ask and to answer
Why would you agree to do this? Never agree to this kind of crap. "I'm sorry you're feeling insecure in our relationship, but this will not helps and I'm not participating. I'm more than willing to help you feel more secure but this isn't the way to do that."
Best answer for this post
Thank you.
It was very unfair of her to ask you to do this because she's insecure. If you would have told the truth, she would have been upset. It's a dammed if you do and if you don't situation.
Sometimes the only way to win is to not play. Do not engage with these games
Hot life tip: you don’t have to answer every question you’re asked. You don’t even have to answer a single yes/no question.
You did this correctly
Its like when a girl asks of this outfit makes her look fat when she is in fact fat and knows she'd fat. There is no way to win... entrapment and manipulation. And childish.
She would freak out if you gave her honest answer. She was just testing you with that question. Chill!
I’ve never asked a BF to do this. They have however, done it of their own accord. If I ranked my BF’s compared to the best one, almost none of them would have ever had a chance. Comparison is the thief of joy. Ranking is silly. Do not engage.
I found it's best not to participate in games like this. You don't have to take the bate. Just say you'd like to talk about something else and stick to it in the future.
Don’t participate in stupid games.
Smart man
You answered correctly. No need to dwell on this.
My brother in Christ you didn’t lie enough.
You did the right thing. The reality is she's not asking that out of curiosity, she's insecure.
The answer to this kind of question is "have you ever read the Iliad? No? That makes sense. You should read at least the beginning!" And then you tell them to speak to your lawyer.
Your girlfriend plays games so you’re entitled to play the game in kind. You answered correctly and told her what she wanted to hear.
Dont lie to woman🤣be a man
There’s this show called ‘Married At First Sight’ where strangers “marry” each other and this is one of the challenges. The husbands are asked to rank all the wives, including their own, by attractiveness. The smart ones always put theirs first because that’s the only correct answer.
https://tenor.com/view/that70s-show-oh-is-that-what-were-gonna-do-today-were-gonna-fight-red-forman-gif-16369724
Asking a question like this is literally a “relationship test.” This isn’t an objective thing. You’re set up to make her upset, and this is not something you do in a healthy relationship. This is the same as having one of her friends texting you to meet up while sitting next to her, gauging your responses. If you feel the need to “test” your partner, you are not ready for a relationship OR the relationship is toxic and needs to end anyways. She’s insecure, lacks trust, and/or has been cheated on in the past and is struggling to trust people, all of which need to be moved past for her to have a healthy relationship. Not trying to downplay her previous relationships if that is the case (being cheated on is not an easy pill to swallow) but this is something she would need to work on, either through therapy or opening up to you.
What a silly thing for her to even ask, it shows her level of immaturity and her own self-esteem issues. I’d be leaving her for that alone, but I’m too old to deal with that shit. My husband and I haven’t ever played games like that, not even when we were 20.
She basically did that to herself.
By asking that question she seems to deliberately want a little bit of heartache and mindbleep. I’m not sure why someone would do it to themselves.
My point being, it’s a foolish immaterial question and she should never have put you in that position to answer that - she should not do silly things like “three questions to ask your man!” polls from magazines. Heh.
It’s immaterial because all of that happened before you met her, it is not the present. And you are specifically with her. There is a reason why you’re not with the other ones. And she can try to compare herself or she can recognize that she’s the one who landed you.
Any further justification makes no sense.
Ask her who’s given her the best dicking or better yet licking. She’ll lie about where you are on the list. Her lies even out yours. Problem solved
you want to win this type of trap?
“It’s demeaning for me to compare women based solely on looks. If you want it to be a competition, then you won. Because i’m with you, and all of them are exes for a reason.”
Brother you had two options.
The nice option, aka what you did
The chaotic option, you tell her the truth and then when she gets upset you just look her dead in the eye and say "if you didn't want your feelings hurt then you shouldn't have asked." And you walk away to let her stew in the consequences of her own actions.
Personally I think you chose correctly if you wanted to avoid a useless fight. I'd have done the same thing unless this was a norm of hers then I'd have gone option two because my tolerance for mental games is lacking.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Oftentimes people will tell you they want the truth when in fact they want to hear what they want to hear. I chose the word people, not women.
The 'do you think I look fat in these pants' question has been around a long time.
Men think, women feel.
Smart move dude
Bruh this question is stupid af for a girl to ask her bf or vice versa. The “be honest” is still just a rue to boost her ego. Ofc she wants you to “be honest” and rank her number one. This is odd and screams insecurity on her part.
The correct answer:
"I need you to trust the fact I picked you and not do this. This isn't fair and I dont think I need to explain why questions like this lead to arguments."
Don't play stupid games. I promise you, the anger they express for refusing to play doesn't even come close to if you answer honestly.
As a woman - that was a bullshit trap.
Next time she tries that with you, you tell her: "What do we gain out of this? We are here, in the now. Everything else is the past and I don't live there. Do you? Do you rank me along with your exes? This is not a healthy topic for us and I'd appreciate it if you never ask these type of questions in the future." Set your boundary. Don't feel guilty for her manipulation tactic. If she doesn't respect your boundaries, reevaluate if she's actually the one for you. I don't play those games with my husband. I just ask dumb questions like: think I'd catch you if I were a t-rex?
I'm so glad that I don't see physical attractiveness as a more or less situation. This sounds exhausting.
You sound too young to believable fake a heart attack, so theres no way out of that ambush.
This is an example of a situation where lying is ethically completely acceptable.
It is probably worse to allow yourself to fall for an obvious trap then it is to lie your way out of it.
Why is your girlfriend playing such childish games and putting you in such an awkward position?
You can still save yourself by saying “You’re second because you’re tied with that girl I’m always seeing in your mirror.”
My friend you play that as well as you could have but it's just unfortunate that was a trap
If you ever hear anything along the lines of ranking her alongside other women do not answer because if you are honest and don't wake her at number one she will get upset and if you are honest and you do rank around number one she's going to think you're lying and get upset
This is defcon 3 do not engage
I asked my bf this once when I was 18 and stupid and toxic and learned that he thought his family’s maid in Colombia was the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. This was a decade ago and I still think about it occasionally. You were correct to lie
The fact that she even asked is weird
The only way to win is not to play.
why is she even asking you to do that
Next time just ask her “why she is asking that” and don’t let her deviate from the subject. Keep nudging in this direction with care. If she is honest herself and talks about her insecurities, listen to her and just reassure her “you love her and your eyes are only for her.”
If she become combative and escalate the situation to a fight “because you are not answering her”, you need to get out immediately.
You want dated or been with?
I would want to understand my partner vs judge? But maybe I just haven't experienced a toxic manipulative partner so that wasn't a thought for me 👍
I'd just say, wtf.. you think i'm shallow enough to rank my relationships, I was a different person in each of them and every time I felt smth for someone it was a unique experience related to that person, when I think bk on my time with someone i'm not immediatley ranking them on a 1 to 10 scale of how attractive they are, I just think about memories with them or that they were beautiful, and im actually upset that you would try to make me rate my exes, like if we broke up you'd just become a number i compare to other girls, how sad is that. Not gonna dignify that with an answer and i think you know i shouldnt have to.
Honestly best answer possible including for her toxicity, just make sure to put some kind of supermodel looking woman at #1 so she isn't actually feeling insecure but kind of learns that it's a stupid question if she really wanted to be #1.
All avoidant style questions for a person like this would automatically be 'I'm ugly', true answer would be 'I'm ugly & he compares me to exes', 'you're #1' would be 'he's lying meaning I'm actually ugly'. It's a trap question because she's feeling insecure.
However your answer is the least painful, because 'I'm not #1 and I'm kinda mad about this, but this woman looks like a supermodel, so it's my own fault for asking.. at least he's honest and in his eyes I'm 2nd after the most gorgeous woman, I guess it'll do'
Just don't include an actual celebrity photo 🫣 And preferably no ex gf photo either since she can find her ig through it. Try finding some realistic AI filter and run your ex's photo through it to make her look less like herself but still conventionally attractive
Weird of her to ask but still weird that you even said second. This is the time for "you're the just beautiful person because I love you so much baby" and then you change the subject
"You're number one. Based on looks you definitely look the funniest of all of them."
For the benefit of your partner is not one of the worst reasons to betray your principles.