Last month my 19 year old brother called me at 1:40am, whispering like he was in a movie. He said he was “in trouble” and needed me to come get him. I drove to this all night gas station on the edge of town, the one that always smells like burnt coffee and lemon cleaner. When I pulled up, he was sitting on the curb with his hoodie over his face, and there was a police car parked kind of sideways like it didn’t want to be seen. The clerk was inside pointing at the counter and talking fast. My brother had tried to walk out with a handful of stuff: a pack of cigarettes, two little plastic bottles of vodka, and those stupid “energy shots” by the register. He didn’t even do it smoothly, like there was no plan, just pure panic and impulse. The officer told me they hadn’t booked him, they just wanted him out of there and wanted the clerk to be paid back. My brother wouldn’t look at me. He just stared at the pavement like it was safer than looking at anyone’s face.
I went into big sister mode on autopilot. I apologized to the clerk like my throat was full of sand. I paid for everything, plus I tossed in a bag of ice and a bottle of water like that somehow made it more normal. Then I did the part that makes me feel sick: I tried to soften what happened with this little story about “confusion” and “he forgot he was holding it” and maybe the register didn’t scan right. The clerk looked at me like I was slime. The officer didn’t argue, he just wanted the situation over. My brother got in my car and mumbled “thanks” like I’d done him a favor, not like I’d just lied through my teeth for him. On the drive home he started talking about how this was “just once” and how he’s been stressed and how everybody at his job bets on sports and drinks after shift and it’s not a big deal. He asked me not to tell our mom because she’d freak out and make it worse, and I said okay. Since then I’ve been lying like it’s nothing. I texted my mom that he was with me late because my car battery died. I told my aunt he’s been doing better and looking into community college again, because she always asks and I always pretend it’s fine. My brother has been acting almost sweet, washing dishes without being asked, offering to run errands, like he bought himself a clean slate with my silence. But I keep seeing the clerk’s face, and my own mouth moving, making excuses that weren’t true. I feel like I didn’t protect my brother, I protected his addiction, or whatever this is turning into. And the worst part is I know why I did it. I didn’t want my mom to get that phone call. I didn’t want him to be “the one who got arrested.” I wanted to fix it fast and pretend we’re still a normal family. I hate that I did it, and I hate that part of me would probably do it again.
I would communicate with him, make him realize he needs help, and that you're not his enabler. I dont blame you sometimes. You just dont think we have it ingrained in us to protect our siblings.
Yeah, I need to stop being his airbags. I’ve tried talking, he jokes it off. Next time I’m not paying or lying, and I will tell our mom. I’ll help him get help, but not hide it.
When you find out about someone's gambling and they say it's not a big deal or they have it under control, it's already out of control.
Not telling won't do him any favors. I know this is hard but he needs help. Tell him to stop going out after work. The people he is around is a bad influence.
Yeah, the “I’ve got it under control” line is what scares me. I’m not gonna micromanage his friends, but I can say: no more after work drinking, no more lies. If he wants my help, he meets me halfway.
Tell your parents now. he's acting and using you as a get out of jail card he's done it once hence the pot washing and laughing it off and got away it he'll do it again i promise
Just let him know how you feel. Based your future interactions on his reaction
Yeah, that’s fair. I can’t control him, but I can control access to me. If he blows it off or gets nasty, that tells me everything I need to know.
Most times I wouldn't piss on my brother if he were in fire, but I'd bury bodies tonight if he called.
Family are awesome and family suck
This is disturbingly relatable. I hate that my first instinct is still “fix it, hide it” even when I know it’s making him worse.
Hopefully he'll figure it out.
I keep mine at a solid distance but the minute our mother passes I'm done with him
holy AI
Seriously, “the one that smells of burnt coffee and lemon cleaner,” “throat full of sand” - also what cop is going to be like just pay back the clerk and you can go? Especially with a presumed minor and alcohol? Like, just stop.
You did what almost everyone would do in that situation at your age. Everything is fine. He got a freebie from family, we all do it, just tell him it’s the last one and thats that.
You’re being too hard on yourself. He’s young. Hopefully he learns but if not, it’s not on you to save everyone’s feelings.
This screams AI, especially the little bit about burnt coffee and lemon cleaner. Who tf actually points that out when it’s irrelevant to the point of the story
I keep replaying the clerk’s face. I covered, lied, paid, and now my brother acts like it was handled. Feels like I just taught him that stealing has a safety net.
Don’t blame yourself this just shows that you have a big heart.
I have been there so I understand completely why you did it
Just don’t do it again and warn him about it and tell him your disappointed etc. If he does it again then tell him it’s his problem, even though I know it’s tough to not help or if you know he calls you at this specifik time then don’t answer it and just say you fell asleep.
I get what you mean, but it’s not just “big heart”, it was panic. I’m gonna set a real boundary: if he calls me at 2am again, I’m not rushing over. I’ll talk to him sober, in daylight, and if he keeps spiraling I’ll loop our mom in.
Keep in mind that this may cause him to continue the same actions, just without telling you. You're a safe space to him clearly, try to talk to him about the importance of morality and empathy before you resort to telling your mom.
From the sounds of things, your mom is not a safe space. He's 19, try to keep him on your side. Show gratitude for his trust in you while making it clear that his actions are unacceptable and you will not cover for him in the future.
This was his 'get out of jail free' card, make sure he knows he isn't getting another.
I hear you. I’ll talk to him first, calm and clear: I’m not covering again, but I’ll help him find help. If he keeps stealing or drinking, mom gets told.
You did.
His refusal to look at you during the event or apologise showed you what he thought of it. He thought the situation/the clerks feeling were beneath him. At the very least you should have made him apologise. But no, he left with his pride intact. I don’t doubt this is/will be his only offence.
Tell him it won't happen again. If he ever does it again, you will personally tell the cop to take him to jail. The coworker excuse is just an excuse. He made his decisions that night, they didn't. He needs better friends. They don't sound worth hanging out with.
No you did what youre supposed to do for your brother. This is slightly different but if one of my kids called and said there was a dead body id be there in 20 minutes with lye a shovel and a saws all
I don't have siblings, but both my parents were addicts (one thankfully sober for 3 years and the other is no longer with us). I found myself lying about their addictions. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was because some part of me thought that if I lied, the lie would become the truth.
It sounds like your brother has a problem, and at least part of you knows that. Talk to him. I can't promise that he'll listen, but at the very least, you'll plant a seed.
It’s funny, my partner and I have a saying. Those people that are dear to us, “everyone gets one.” That means everyone that we love gets one really big oh my God what the fuck help moment. This came up for my sister-in-law years ago when she called us from jail having been put there after having an auto accident in a rural area by supposedly falling asleep and driving off the road and running into a house. In truth, drinking was involved. She was young, and the cops went the distance to try and scare her straight. They hauled her to the jail, put her in a jumpsuit, and threw her in the drunk tank.
She called crying asking you to be bailed out, and after the shock war off, we jumped into action, hit two different ATMs to withdraw necessary funds to bail her out, and went and picked her up in the wee hours in the morning. We got her, sat and talked with her for a little bit to make sure she was OK, and then she was like where are we going? My partner said we’re taking you home. She was living with her mother at the time and she screamed and yelled no, but that was part of the deal. We help you out, and we help you along the path to do the right thing. And we explained that that would never happen again.
Just explain to your brother that you helped him out this once, but you will not do it again. And the information that you know about wrongdoings will be shared that those that need to know about it. If he doesn’t want bad things to happen, then he will cut this shit out and get his shit together.
Confucius once wrote, "Among us, in our part of the country, those who are upright are different from this. The father conceals the misconduct of the son, and the son conceals the misconduct of the father. Uprightness is to be found in this."
Why does the clerk need to be paid back? This part makes no sense to me. Shouldn’t he just have given back the stuff he tried to steal? It’s not like he got to keep it right?
Not that big a deal. Don't let it eat at ya. We all make mistakes and he seems like he feels bad. Hopefully this shook him enough to pull it together. Forgive him and stop worrying about the clerk, whom you don't know, and who also took no losses here, as you paid for everything.
So far you've taught your brother that you'll cover up his bullshit. Until he's in prison or dead.
Come clean