I go to bed everyday at 4:00 AM, and I wake up at 11:30 AM. I rarely even feel that rested.
I spend my entire day doing nothing but watch YouTube videos, read the news on my phone, and msturbate. I'm not exaggerating here in the slightest. My msturbation addiction in particular is really bad. Sometimes I'll do it for hours on end just to keep the dopamine flow running for as long as possible. It's pretty much the only thing that gives my brain any dopamine at this point, but even it gives me far less dopamine than it used to due to the fact that I've been severely addicted to it since I was 14 years old.
To add to that, I have zero IRL friends, zero online friends, the worst self-esteem that a human being could possibly have due to the fact that I've been bullied for literally my entire life, no money, no degree, no career path, severe flat feet with zero arch, no experience at even being around people my age of the opposite sex due to the fact that I was homeschooled, no driver's license, and I'm underweight (5'10, 136 LBS).
I turn 23 years old next month, and this is my current situation. It's completely hopeless. I truly feel like my life is beyond saving at this point, and have begun praying every night before bed that I pass away in my sleep.
I've completely lost all hope in life. I don't see a single reason to want to continue living on this planet. I just want to go to heaven already to be with my creator. I truly don't know what to do at this point.
I’m a slightly older man. Though you are a man legally, to me, you are still a young man. I work with many young men in my day job. I am a school teacher.
I don’t have something easy for you to do. I don’t have any magic to give you to make it all easy. You grew up in a very different world than I did.
You have to make your own meaning. The world will not give it to you or, at worst, it will trick you into thinking something is meaningful when it isn’t.
Start small steps. Sleep at 3AM instead of 4 and get up at 10:30 instead of 11:30. You do not have to solve all your problems today or tomorrow. Just find a small thing you can do, and do it. Do it tired. Do it even if you don’t want. It has to be small enough that you can do it.
You cleaned part of your room. Congratulations, it’s better than the day before. You cleaned part of part of your room. Guess what, it’s still better than the day before.
You have God. You have an unlimited source of hope. You have the Word and the words of the early church fathers. You have hope. God supports you in coming closer to Him and a better life. He is there, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
In 1 Corinthians, Paul writes, “You were bought with a price.” Your life is not worthless. It cost Jesus His blood. That means your body, your mind, and your time all matter deeply to God, even in this dark season.
So no, you are not done yet. You are not “allowed”to die yet. You and I both have work to do. Your work right now is simple and difficult at the same time: do your best to take one small step out of this pit. One earlier bedtime. One small task done. One honest prayer. One verse read.
You were bought with a price. That means your story is not over.
Beautiful
Try to find a job. It doesn't have to be a dream job, but something that will take you away from your ruts and through responsibility begin to take you out of yourself. Of course seek Jesus the whole time, and commit your way to Him. Change often is not easy, but it can come, and it will come, if you are persistent and patient.
Hi,
would you like to share with me on chat ?
That's really kind of you to offer. I hope they take you up on it because they clearly need someone to talk to who actually cares.
Start by having a conversation with Jesus
Satan must be truly afraid of you!
Under all of that is a mighty warrior of God and so he has used every means to keep you in as many chains as possible to break you spirit.
I too struggled in some of these areas. I had to get rid of all social media ( except this) my smartphone and almost all connectivity to the internet (This is a work computer) and I'm still struggling against lust.
THIS IS A WAR ! And somedays my heart is filled with nothing but fear and shame.
My heart breaks for you my brother and I truly understand the suffering you feel.
Here is your hope my brother.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all;” Psalms 34: 18-19
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. (Matthew 5:3)
"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart and save such as have a contrite spirit." Psalms 34:18
That broken heart of yours is bleeding death from it just as mine and only Christ can heal it and restore us.
If you wanna talk message me, I'll be your friend brother.
Truly excellent response. May the Lord bless you abundantly. IXOYE
DM Me I’ve overcome that addiction
It may not seem like it, but you actually have a lot going for you. You're young, not obese, and you have faith in the one true God!
You need to pray and take small steps of improvement. Each tiny step of improvement will give you great satisfaction and dopamine!
You're blessed to have been homeschooled, imagine how much bullied you could have been at a regular school?
Don't forget every day to go for a walk outside. Maybe try to fast (intermittent fasting), exercise (weight lifting can ease depression), eat healthy (in some caes if severe depression doesn't go away for some carnivore diet helps a lot).
And learn by heart the Bible verses thar speaks most to you.
Well dude that's the hard part. Find out what God put you on this Earth to do. Do as many different things as you can possibly do give as much as you can give, not just of your money but of your time and effort which is more important than your money, figure out what fills you with joy, fulfills you. This is the thing did you should find a way to honor God in. Some people never find it because they don't actively look they just go with the flow. You need to purposefully fast, pray, read the word, find out and seek what God has for you on this planet. You are here with a purpose, you just have to find it. Wish you the best I'll be praying for you.
Be confident that the Lord is with you pray about these concerns. I believe God will give you opportunities to meet your desires for freindship and such. He did it for me why not you? Depression can really work on you I completely understand. I will pray for you. Brother. You cab have much to look forward to
I was pretty aimless from 18-22 while dealing with anxiety and depression issues. It took a lot for me to build small wins over time and I was able to complete college and start a family in the latter half of my 20’s. Faith and prayer were critical along that journey. Please know that things will get better if you can start to develop a plan and work to execute said plan with tenacious grit, looking to God along the way.
I would definitely start by getting more involved in a church, as well as improving sleep, diet and exercise. Purposely limit your online activity…start with time limits but also move to the content you consume. If you can’t go cold turkey on that and masturbation, I’d say take small wins as you cut down while giving yourself some grace. Next get a job. Any job. The job and church will give a natural place for human interaction, even if you lack some close friends for the time being.
If you can get to this point, you can start to develop some confidence and success has its own inertia. So does a lack of success, and right now you’re feeling that. The cycle CAN be broken, but it will take everything you’ve got. There will be failures along the way but always get back up after a fall my friend. Good luck to you. You’re worth it.
All these comments are good, encouraging, and edifying. Solid advice, like getting a job and put your mind and your hands to work... I would recommend another thing, and it's very easy to do.
Start reading through the book of Proverbs.
Delete social media, stop watching YouTube, and simply read the Proverbs, pray for God's help to put it into practice.
You have a long road ahead of you but it'll be worth it. If you think you're at the bottom, at least you know where you're starting, and the only way from there is Up.
Oh... if you're desperate to watch YouTube, start binge watching "Financial Audit with Caleb Hammer."
Pray that puts a fire in your soul to get out and work.
Ypur purpose to to grow in your relationship with the Lord, make disciples, steward his kingdom on this earth, and spread the gospel.
everyone has a calling according to God. I fought him years on wanting to do what I wanted and compromise.
and of course love those around you as your self! loving others in any way shape or form possible is one of the most beneficial things you can do, it's why it's one of the two most important commandments in the bible.
Hi,
I see that you believe in God and Jesus, as you have stated in your post and are posting in a Christian subreddit.
You want to go to Heaven as soon as possible. Understandable, as that has been the hope of every believer since Christ Himself. However, do you understand that Jesus died not only to bring you into Heaven when you die?
There is more to being a believer than hoping to die to go to Jesus, you already know this or you wouldn't be crying out.
He sacrificed himself to purchase not only Heaven for you, but also discipleship and calling.
My poor friend, you are not in a waiting room to go to Heaven, but in a place where you are to complete the mission of your Lord.
The mission itself would be grace for you, because it would call you out of your bondage to sin.
You must find the calling of Jesus, which is the light yoke under which you would be empowered to lift great burdens.
Maybe you are asking "What if Jesus didn't call me?". Don't worry because Jesus calls everyone who has heard of Him, but only a few people obey His call.
"For many are called, but few are chosen." - Matthew 22:14
So, friend, you must find and obey Jesus' call to you. He is gentle and following His call will not be a burden to you. And yet, this is the only way to life.
May the power of God be with you
The fact that you reached out to us here is proof that, subconsciously, you want to live. You want positive change. And the explosive energy for change is stirring in your spirit. Embrace it! What are the things you do when you are bored, other than masturbating? Let's start from here.
It seems that you write pretty well. Have you thought about writing?
I'm sorry that you're struggling, as a man who is nearly twice your age, I have a lot of compassion for guys your age and the situation you find yourselves in. There's lots of good advice here, so I'll mainly stress this: you've got to get out of the house. Even if it's just going to the public library to use your computer there, you at least 1. will be around people and 2. won't look at porn/masturbate (at least, if you'd like to stay out of jail). Go for a walk in a park and leave your phone in the car (but tell someone where you are first and that you'll be out of contact for thirty minutes or whatever, if you think that would be important). Most importantly, given that you posted on this sub, get up and go to church on Sunday morning. Worshipping God with fellow believers is so vital to our mental and spiritual well-being, not to mention that God desires that we do it! If I don't make it to Sunday morning corporate worship, my entire week feels off. Good luck, sir, I'll be praying for you.
How'd you meet your wife, and in what size of city?
We met, in a medium sized (150-200k) city in the American South, through a mutual friend who (by God's grace) double booked himself to meet each of us for a beer at the same time.
Dang dude. I don't even know how to navigate such cities. Probably a lot more pickings there than in 2k population towns. Did it chagrin your friend at all that you latched onto the girl? Unless they were both girls.
I also don't drink. It's tempting to be bitter and suppose maybe I should start drinking if I want a woman. It'd probably destroy me though.
Did you have much romantic experience before your wife?
Our friend was pleased, he carried the cross in our wedding processional. All three of us were members of the same denomination, which was a helpful commonality for my wife and I when we met.
There are some decent reasons to occasionally drink alcohol socially, if you can do so responsibly. If you think it would "probably destroy" you to drink, then you absolutely should not. Alcohol consumption is not inherently sinful, by my goodness if it doesn't make it a lot easier to sin in all sorts of ways if consumed to excess. And "to excess" really isn't all that much.
I did have substantial romantic experience prior to meeting my wife, but I was also 28 at the time. Yes, there are certainly more available women in a bigger city. However, what I would encourage you to look for is a good church. Not primarily to meet your future wife -- the main reasons to go to church are to glorify God in the fellowship of believers and to attend to one's own soul through the confession of sins and reception of the Lord's Supper -- but, for all the faults churches have, it's still the best place to meet people who are trying to follow Jesus.
Think of the sexual addiction like a loop. It both eases AND causes your feelings of hopelessness.
There are many Bible verses that make something abundantly clear: sexual sin removes us from God's path.
In Proverbs 5-7 we find that sexual sin pulls us off the path to life, it drains us of honor and destiny, it damages judgement, and leads a man blindly to destruction.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 explicitly ties sexual purity with God's will.
James 1:14-15 tells us that lust leads to spiritual death.
Job 31:9-12- Job says sexual sin is like a fire that destroys from the roots.
And there are many more.
My point is that if you want to end the hopelessness, you've got to get serious about quitting sexual sin. Try joining a group to help.
Masturbation can ease the pain in the short term, but it is a direct cause of purposelessness in the long term. If you truly want purpose, then you have to put the sexual sin to death. And get back in alignment with God.
I know it's difficult to quit. But trust me, once you quit, God will make you a man full of purpose. It's happened in my life, and it's happened in my friends' lives.
Therapy. Pronto. With a Christian therapist. Sounds like severe depression is a good possibility here. Low self-esteem and self-worth can change. You need to find out who you are in Jesus. Read Psalm 139.
Start attending church with the goal of finding something to volunteer at. Many churches are always looking for volunteers for the sound/video/camera groups, music, ushers, etc. Also, some have other opportunities like food banks and the like. It doesn't sound like much, but I can tell you from personal experience that it's meaningful.
I was in a similar situation to you years ago with a deep lack of meaning in my life. I worked a miserable corporate job that gave me little time or money for friends or significant hobbies. But getting involved and volunteering in church was the first step towards finding God's purpose in my life and creating a much more rewarding life. It's super easy to do, just requires you to want to change enough. I volunteered to work the cameras almost every Sunday for the online crowd despite not having a clue what I was doing. They coached me through it and I learned a new skill.
I volunteered on Easter Sunday to work the cameras, and noticed out of the corner of my eye a single mother with her baby was attending that I hadn't seen before. She was worshipping and praising Lord with a biggest smile on her face while her little one was content with his art book. In that moment it all felt so worth it. Here I was playing a small part in giving hope to the lives of people like her who had it way rougher than me. It was the first time I had felt like my actions had true meaning in years.
I don't volunteer cameras anymore as my life has evolved and my family has grown, and time is in short supply. However, that was exactly what I needed to be doing in that season of my life to kick me out of my complacency, spend time in the presence of God, and prepare me for new seasons.
Go outside. If you want to talk to someone I got you. I’m 31, at 22 BRO YOU HAVE THE WORLD AT YOUR FINGERTIPS.
Purpose is found in taking on responsibility.
The easiest things to take responsibility over is individual things like personal hygeine (showering), and exercising to be responsible over your physical health, cooking to be responsible over the your diet, cleaning your room to take responsibility over your living space.
Then you move on to more challenges responsibilities like education/learning so that you can develop skills for employment or skills for building your community, showing up to church and volunteering for a role in the church that others can depend upon you to do, hosting events or finding ways to support events other people want to host (like bible studies, potlucks, or seasonal activities like white elephant gift exchanges), checking in on people to see how they are doing (if you know nobody, then this would mean going to Church and asking people in person how things are going).
If you aren't looking for responsibility and actively pursuing taking on responsibility... You will wither away into obscurity and question why you are alive.
If you want purpose, you must take on responsibility, and if you want responsibility, you must look around you to see what around you could you do that would depend upon you to do it.
Please message me if you would like to talk.
You're not alone. Don't assume that you're getting good advice from a cleric or bad advice. Also , consulting a therapist ( if you are not already) is not a betrayal , as some may suggest it is. They should be approached with the same attitude. In addition , one has to recognize that organized religion is lagging behind in the area of recognizing psychological issues that may perhaps be present with you. I'm not suggesting that they necessarily are. If you haven't sought such advice , you may want to consider. Keep your options open , and don't close any doors.
Hey, do you need to find your purpose. Number one, since you have a lot of down time GET INTO THE GYM. Learn something, go to school, or a trade. You have to get out of the house/apartment.
Life is a childhood for us, to prepare us for a future with God; our purpose is to grow up and mature spiritually in this life. Your alienation is extremely damaging to your mind, and you're falling back to physical addictions for whatever little dopamine hit you can get acquire. Do you attend Church? That might be a great start to meet other people, maybe even find a few clubs through the church or a bible study.
You're an image of God? What do you mean there's no purpose!? Jesus is the purpose, nothing else, we have to endure like Jesus did. Walk the way of Golgotha, Jesus is with you. Even when you don't feel like it.
do you know why you even exist?
Q. 1. What is the chief end of man?
A. Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him for ever.
1 Cor. 10:31; Rom. 11:36; Ps. 73:25-28.
Bro, do you even KNOW God?
how can you know God and say there is no purpose to your existence??
No one is special, you need to understand that.
Your main purpose in life should be to achieve salvation.
Lot of good responses. Even strangers know your worth it. Feel free to message myself or anyone whose words touched you. Your reached out now receive the blessing.
Then find your purpose in serving Jesus Christ. Start at the moment in reading this. Devote your every future action to His glory. Throw yourself into prayer. The Bible isn't just a manual for life, but also a power for healing. The more you throw yourself to Him, the less power the devil has over you.
It is definitely not hopeless and I’m sure you could turn yourself around completely in a matter of months. Don’t convince yourself that there’s no point in trying because it’s not true at all.
This will set you free: https://civility-institute.com/en/study-guides/Know%20Your%20Foe/VI