I will be ok with being downvoted, I just need to get this off my chest.
years ago I was playing DnD with a mixed group of men and women. A woman, who was very beautiful, got up to leave and all of the men were like “oh be careful!” and one guy was like “hey let me walk you to your car.”
Later I (quite unattractive) get up to leave and they’re all like “bye.”
The first woman who left? Literally Navy vet. Fit as a fiddle.
I’d like to say I lost some respect for those guys, but really I internalized it like “yeah, I’m not worth worrying about,”
it does speak to the infantilization men project onto attractive women. they cross their fingers that she's helpless and create this false sense that they're necessary protectors.
men don't even consider ugly women to be people so this is not a "both sides have it bad" thing just continuing the conversation that being someone men pay attention to is never fully safe
100%. men who say things like “women have it so easy! They never have to pick up a check, they get everything they want handed to them, etc.” they are referring to women they specifically find attractive. They do not consider ugly women to be women, or potentially even human.
I wonder (but don’t care to work to find out) how these guys feel about their own mothers.
Yeah as a “conventionally attractive” woman I notice men tend to underestimate my competence and risk assessment quite a bit, and some of the concern can come across as very condescending. Once had the brother of a friend who I did not know at all hear about an international trip I was taking (to a country that is considered safe) and absolutely refuse to take my word for it being safe despite me having traveled there solo before.
The first day of my senior year I started to get paranoid there was a bet in place to hook up with me or something. The skater guys i adjacently hung out with wouldn't stop touching me and acting super nice, but also no longer found me funny and seemed mad, instead of entertained, that i was a bitch.
I had eventually realized I got hot over the summer. I was so fucking annoyed by this.
yeah same thing happened to me freshman year of college after feeling weird and undesirable all through high school, it was super bizarre how people switched up
Eh I've also had the complete opposite experience, the moment I came out at as trans woman at a queer youth support group they started getting antsy about me walking back through the CBD at night. That I'd been doing it for the last 3 months fine and hadn't changed anything about my presentation didn't seem to twig.
Yeah usually it’s stay safe and this post is so weird I’m all for sticking up for yourself when a stranger is rude to you or creepy but when someone’s polite just move on with your day don’t be weird about it….
i was curious about the numbers so i searched "bear attacks on women stats". everything i got is just about the man or bear thing and no actual data on bear attacks on women. google sucks now.
I know there was a woman mauled by a black bear in Yosemite some time in the last 15 years. It was a big news story. But this being the only one I've ever heard about kinda proves our point.
Once, when I was a freshman in college, I was walking home from an off-campus friend's house at, like, 2 am. When I got on the actual campus, a middle aged man rolled up out of nowhere and asked me what I was doing out so late and told me it was dangerous.
I flat out just shouted over my shoulder "The only dangerous thing I've seen on my walk is YOU" and kept briskly walking. It was one of the only moments in my life when I had something smart assed to say.
Some people will foam at the mouth at the opportunity to discuss any number of societal ills they can attribute to a group of people who make up the minority of our populace. It’s always, “the Southside of Chicago has a problem with violence,” but never “men have a problem with violence.”
They know exactly how men are when it's their friends, daughters and girlfriends they're looking out for, but the minute WE say we're not going to trust a guy because of how men are, then suddenly "whoa, misandry, not all men, this is why feminism bad!"
Judging an entire group of people for how they were born (not their choice) is inherently wrong. Being born a certain way should not bring prejudice. This is, I believe, a fundamental truth.
It's totally natural to be wary of people because you don't want to be hurt or worse. And men do make up the vast majority of rapists and violent crime. But that same logic can be applied to other things, and it's just not fair. Judge on the individual. Protect yourself, absolutely, and call out people who claim to not see why you are wary, but don't say things like "how men are." It's the same vein as claims about "how women are," even though of course not all women are materialistic, solely driven by emotion, or biologically susceptible to cheating. There are many bad people and societal issues, but half the human race cannot be contained in a box.
Lastly, it's unfortunate a lot of men are very uneducated when it comes to feminism. They see something and don't have the full context, and equate men bad = feminism. This misunderstands the core concept of feminism; fighting for the equality of the sexes. If you hate men, you are not a feminist. I feel many people don't understand that.
Lotta words to say "#notallmen #misandry #umactually".
Tell me again not to be sceptical of men as a class once there is no patriarchal oppression anymore, 'kay?
Yes, I do in fact like to use a lot of words to discuss something with more nuance than just a misconstrued retort. The patriarchy hurts everyone, and most of us are oppressed by far more than just that.
I know nothing I say is going to be taken seriously by you, but I do hope one day you realize I am not your enemy. Until then, have a good day!
Oh, it's not that I don't take you seriously. I just don't share your focus and personally think focussing on the liberation of women & trans people is much more important than dedicating relevant amounts of energy to make sure we drag along and take care of the fragile feelings of cis men. They are usually grown adults (at least those I'm talking about here) and are able to make their own decisions. Which can be to be an ally and/or accomplice to our struggles, or to stand in it's way. I'll treat them accordingly.
And yes, from my lived experience and those of my sisters and trans siblings, I conclude to be very sceptical of (primarily cis) men in general until they show us that they can be trusted (which is of course a process and not a black/white thing). Not because of the "way that they're born" as you said, but because of the system we live in and that heavily encourages and rewards them to be a danger to us. It'd be foolish to ignore that and act like cis men's violence should be seen as only individual instances and judged on a case by case basis, when it's really systemic.
This post is super weird, isn't it?
I always ask my friends to lmk when they get home because it's dangerous and shit. If the person dating it is usually a creep himself? Sure, go for it. But it is so common to say this type of thing to people you care about
abso-fucking-lutely stop acting like you know more about men's violence than we do or that we need to be reminded of it. thank you!!!
edit: warning women about men's violence increases our safety 0% but expecting us to live in fear and avoidance shrinks world and freedoms constantly. Police men for their own damn violence.
They’ll just say “weirdos “
People often forget that the creep is not always the "creepy guy" or the "weirdo."
Sometimes, the creep is actually the "respected citizen," the "successful businessman," or the "paragon of the community."
Or the president of the US
Point taken, but POTUS is a creep
Or "It could be a woman I was almost robbed by a woman once"
"or it could be a woman my mom abused me and no one cared" stop deflecting Brian
Lmao. My dad and boyfriends always said it was men. They don't trust other men, some are monsters.
I grew up in a busy city where violence, gang fights, kidnapping, murder and sex trafficking doesn't make the news most of the time.
I will be ok with being downvoted, I just need to get this off my chest.
years ago I was playing DnD with a mixed group of men and women. A woman, who was very beautiful, got up to leave and all of the men were like “oh be careful!” and one guy was like “hey let me walk you to your car.”
Later I (quite unattractive) get up to leave and they’re all like “bye.”
The first woman who left? Literally Navy vet. Fit as a fiddle.
I’d like to say I lost some respect for those guys, but really I internalized it like “yeah, I’m not worth worrying about,”
it does speak to the infantilization men project onto attractive women. they cross their fingers that she's helpless and create this false sense that they're necessary protectors.
men don't even consider ugly women to be people so this is not a "both sides have it bad" thing just continuing the conversation that being someone men pay attention to is never fully safe
100%. men who say things like “women have it so easy! They never have to pick up a check, they get everything they want handed to them, etc.” they are referring to women they specifically find attractive. They do not consider ugly women to be women, or potentially even human.
I wonder (but don’t care to work to find out) how these guys feel about their own mothers.
Yeah as a “conventionally attractive” woman I notice men tend to underestimate my competence and risk assessment quite a bit, and some of the concern can come across as very condescending. Once had the brother of a friend who I did not know at all hear about an international trip I was taking (to a country that is considered safe) and absolutely refuse to take my word for it being safe despite me having traveled there solo before.
The first day of my senior year I started to get paranoid there was a bet in place to hook up with me or something. The skater guys i adjacently hung out with wouldn't stop touching me and acting super nice, but also no longer found me funny and seemed mad, instead of entertained, that i was a bitch.
I had eventually realized I got hot over the summer. I was so fucking annoyed by this.
yeah same thing happened to me freshman year of college after feeling weird and undesirable all through high school, it was super bizarre how people switched up
Eh I've also had the complete opposite experience, the moment I came out at as trans woman at a queer youth support group they started getting antsy about me walking back through the CBD at night. That I'd been doing it for the last 3 months fine and hadn't changed anything about my presentation didn't seem to twig.
no man has ever told me to be careful on my walk home.
and the times it's happened, they've had no problem telling me it's men 😐
I don't drive and walk home exclusively. Someone says this to me very often.
Same. I walk frequently and am always told to be safe. Or I'm simply told that I shouldn't walk this late at night by myself.
I do it all the time, always ask them to message me when they get home.
Yeah usually it’s stay safe and this post is so weird I’m all for sticking up for yourself when a stranger is rude to you or creepy but when someone’s polite just move on with your day don’t be weird about it….
You don't think it's impolite of someone to, in one setting tell you to be safe, but in another tell you you're paranoid for being wary of men?
I'd say that it's impolite at a minimum. I'd say it's worse than that.
The people who tell me to "get home safe" are not the same ones telling me I'm too paranoid of men.
Good for you. They are often the same ones for me. And clearly, they're often the same for whoever wrote the original.
Also, you did actually read the words in my comment, right?
I was clearly talking ONLY about the people who DO actually do BOTH of those things.
So your response was "I don't know anyone who does both those things."
Ok.. so..? Yeah, we don't know all the same people. It is known.
Like we could ever forget
Not all men, but almost always a man.
not all men, but all men benefit
But never of a bear.
Not once of a bear. Maybe in some of women's lives this is a regular occurrence, God bless you living in Alaska, but not mine. Funny that.
i was curious about the numbers so i searched "bear attacks on women stats". everything i got is just about the man or bear thing and no actual data on bear attacks on women. google sucks now.
In 2025 I could find only 4 records of bear attacks on women in the world. Granted, I only did a simple Google search like any other keyboard jockey.
I know there was a woman mauled by a black bear in Yosemite some time in the last 15 years. It was a big news story. But this being the only one I've ever heard about kinda proves our point.
according to this article https://iere.org/how-many-humans-are-killed-by-bears-every-year/ less than 10 people are killed by bears worldwide each year.
Usually people ask me to let them know when I get home. I ask people to do the same
I feel like a man who is aware enough to say that is less likely to be in denial about it, no?
Once, when I was a freshman in college, I was walking home from an off-campus friend's house at, like, 2 am. When I got on the actual campus, a middle aged man rolled up out of nowhere and asked me what I was doing out so late and told me it was dangerous.
I flat out just shouted over my shoulder "The only dangerous thing I've seen on my walk is YOU" and kept briskly walking. It was one of the only moments in my life when I had something smart assed to say.
They do this shit and then act offended that we're afraid of men.
Some people will foam at the mouth at the opportunity to discuss any number of societal ills they can attribute to a group of people who make up the minority of our populace. It’s always, “the Southside of Chicago has a problem with violence,” but never “men have a problem with violence.”
It's always "woman murdered " and never "man murdered woman"
the vase broke, he says after breaking it
Myopically offering a protection racket. /facepalm /sigh
"Hey, I'll walk you home."
Gives a thumbs up to the predator hiding in the bush near the sidewalk
They don't walk you home?
"Bears" 🐻
They know exactly how men are when it's their friends, daughters and girlfriends they're looking out for, but the minute WE say we're not going to trust a guy because of how men are, then suddenly "whoa, misandry, not all men, this is why feminism bad!"
Judging an entire group of people for how they were born (not their choice) is inherently wrong. Being born a certain way should not bring prejudice. This is, I believe, a fundamental truth.
It's totally natural to be wary of people because you don't want to be hurt or worse. And men do make up the vast majority of rapists and violent crime. But that same logic can be applied to other things, and it's just not fair. Judge on the individual. Protect yourself, absolutely, and call out people who claim to not see why you are wary, but don't say things like "how men are." It's the same vein as claims about "how women are," even though of course not all women are materialistic, solely driven by emotion, or biologically susceptible to cheating. There are many bad people and societal issues, but half the human race cannot be contained in a box.
Lastly, it's unfortunate a lot of men are very uneducated when it comes to feminism. They see something and don't have the full context, and equate men bad = feminism. This misunderstands the core concept of feminism; fighting for the equality of the sexes. If you hate men, you are not a feminist. I feel many people don't understand that.
Lotta words to say "#notallmen #misandry #umactually".
Tell me again not to be sceptical of men as a class once there is no patriarchal oppression anymore, 'kay?
Yes, I do in fact like to use a lot of words to discuss something with more nuance than just a misconstrued retort. The patriarchy hurts everyone, and most of us are oppressed by far more than just that.
I know nothing I say is going to be taken seriously by you, but I do hope one day you realize I am not your enemy. Until then, have a good day!
Oh, it's not that I don't take you seriously. I just don't share your focus and personally think focussing on the liberation of women & trans people is much more important than dedicating relevant amounts of energy to make sure we drag along and take care of the fragile feelings of cis men. They are usually grown adults (at least those I'm talking about here) and are able to make their own decisions. Which can be to be an ally and/or accomplice to our struggles, or to stand in it's way. I'll treat them accordingly. And yes, from my lived experience and those of my sisters and trans siblings, I conclude to be very sceptical of (primarily cis) men in general until they show us that they can be trusted (which is of course a process and not a black/white thing). Not because of the "way that they're born" as you said, but because of the system we live in and that heavily encourages and rewards them to be a danger to us. It'd be foolish to ignore that and act like cis men's violence should be seen as only individual instances and judged on a case by case basis, when it's really systemic.
Huh? This is weird
1) That statement includes pedestrian safety, and
2) Men know that there are creeps out there, why "confront" them to force them to say "creeps and/or the mentally ill"?
And why is it a negative thing that they're basically saying "stay safe out there"? It's just a common goodbye and wishing-you-well statement
My sibling+partner say this to me when I walk home from their house, it's no biggie
This post is super weird, isn't it? I always ask my friends to lmk when they get home because it's dangerous and shit. If the person dating it is usually a creep himself? Sure, go for it. But it is so common to say this type of thing to people you care about
From what I know, this is often meant as an attempt at flirting or to be like a "gentleman" (can be honest or not).
By the responses here, it is not a good one.
How, the hell,
I may have misunderstood. I was thinking about the "boyfriend accompanying his girlfriend on the way to her home" thing.
I would expect a racial slur at that point.
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abso-fucking-lutely stop acting like you know more about men's violence than we do or that we need to be reminded of it. thank you!!!
edit: warning women about men's violence increases our safety 0% but expecting us to live in fear and avoidance shrinks world and freedoms constantly. Police men for their own damn violence.