Look at the beautiful mansion of a house I brought you to live in out of your drab basement. My hard work and money paid for us to be able to live like royalty and travel to ginger island daily. Who do you think pays for your $1,000 ticket? I am up at the crack of dawn until 2am, farming, fishing, looking after a our animals, mining and whatever else for us to always have a cool Mil in the bank account and I shower you with gifts on the daily.
And THIS? This is how you talk to me?
Look at the friendship indicator, the little dot. It's red, that means he's only at 6 or 7 hearts. If you really gift him daily, do you gift him things he doesn't like?
It also goes down if you don’t talk to them. With how easy it is to do, that means OP hasnt even spoken to their spouse in ages. It’s not hard to keep you spouse at max hearts by talking to them daily.
Tldr; how dare OP not even speak to their spouse
Pretty much the only time I “gift” whichever spouse I choose is when she puts a bomb or food in my hands from her morning dialogue and then accidentally give it right back to her. Talking and kissing every morning keeps spouses at max hearts though and even with the accidental negative morning gifts and disappearing to ginger island for a week I’ve never lost a single heart AFAIK
You get like +10 or 15 for talking each day and then like +15 or 25 for the first kiss each day.
It is apparently +20 for talking.
I had no idea the fist kiss of the day gave points. I’ve just been doing it bc I like to lol
Why on Earth wouldn't I wanna kiss my wife? I always check the tv kiss her and then fuck off to do whatever I planned in the least efficient way ever
Relatable
"least efficient way ever" hits different when you realize you do the same thing
“Least efficient way ever” is how I live my best Stardew Life.
Yeah I didn't even know this could happen because it's like the first part of my daily routine XD
+20 from talking
You get bombs in dialogue? Wtf do you have her saying?
Abigail just gives you cherry bombs to help with your mining since she likes adventure and exploring, I didn’t specify her because I’ve also married Leah in another save. Leah actually likes or loves most things she gives you other than the red mushrooms which she hates
I just started playing, but my little loner artist is gonna be my bae. I’m giving her salads whenever possible and am so grumpy I can only give 2 gifts a week. How am I supposed to make her my wife if I can’t give her things daily?? So rude.
But I’m also prioritizing farming and stuff rn so I guess it works.
For real, I’ve been married to Sebastian for (in game) years and I’ve never gotten his hearts below 14 because I talk to him daily
This is why I hate video games because it appeals to the male fantasy of encouraging positive relationships through healthy communication and daily shows of affection to your significant other
That's a male fantasy?
It's a reference to the "This is why I hate video games" meme.
Ah. https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/video-games-appeal-to-the-male-fantasy
That’s the joke.
Communication is key
How long do you have to go without speaking to someone for it to actually start affecting the friendship, I get paranoid going to ginger island lol?
A long time. For it to drop below 10 hearts it had to have been over a year
Also, for most of the valley, once you get to 10 hearts it cannot decay back down to 9. This isn't true for those you can marry though
Spouse auto-petter when?
This made me audibly exhale
If my spouse quit speaking to me I'd be mad if they asked me to clean too. Like excuse me I thought you forgot I lived here.
This reminds me one time I sent a screenshot of something my spouse (Elliott) said to my friend and they said wow you must rlly treat him well cuz youve been married a while but hes at full hearts. And i guess yeah i never thought about it but I talk to him and smooch him daily and give him duck feathers everytime theres one. Like i just did not get tired of him after marriage like it happens in some games, he became part of a happy routine instead.
When I was married to Elliott, I kept ponds with crabs and shrimps, so I could make him crab cakes and tom kha soup every now and then! :D I also had a pomegranate tree in the greenhouse for easy daily loved gifts, but I liked giving him a bit of variety, haha! Talking and smooching (or hugging in krobus' case) doesn't even take much time, I always do it first thing in the morning. To me that's part of the fun of getting married in the game!
I stock sashimi in the fridge for Sebby. Wake up every day, talk to him, give him a smooch and some sashimi. It's been years and I never got tired, he's just such a cutie :)
real talk seb is such a part of my day's routine that i change his gift depending on the weather -- sashimi, quartz, or frozen tear if it's warm out, pumpkin soup, coffee, or green tea if it's cold, and if that boy didn't hate flowers i'd be giving him a seasonal variety of those too
I thought once your married, the hearts can't decrease.
Anyone full at 8 or 10 hearts doesn't decrease. Except for your spouse/roommate. They lose something like 20 affinity a day without gifts, chats, smooches.
IT DOES?! Huh, luckily I don't leave the house without chatting to my beautiful wife Haley lol
based
We YES WE are kissing our wives before we leave
facts lol i kiss her 7-8 times sometimes to get the little heart to appear over her head. haley simps unite!
I'm a Leah man sorry <3
Hailey top 3 though would marry on a 2nd or 3rd file
ah i read your reply as “our wife” instead of “wives” and assumed we all had the same one. i’m currently dating leah in my 2nd save file, and she’s lovely too, but something about the enemies-to-lovers vibe of the haley/female farmer romance really gets me lol
I do this but hugging Krobus. I love seeing the lil heart appear above us ♡ ̆̈
krobus is such a cutie! i got married early on and only just met him (i never put effort into the museum, just turned in items as i found them) so i never considered him as an option, but i do love the idea of befriending a little cave creature and bringing him home to adopt children with lol
They decrease even faster actually. 20 friendship points every day that you don't talk to them
Opposite.
Once you max friendship hearts don't decrease. But once married they do over time.
No no, you still have to put in the effort once you’re married.
Just like real life
Ah shit.
Brb, buying gifts for my wife
Make sure she loves them and not just likes them. Apparently that makes a difference
Ahhhhh so many rules to this stuff...
Do you know what she likes? 😅
Just check the wiki
If he found his IRL wife on the statdew wiki I'll be very concerned
Ask the neighbors or family. Sometimes they tell you. Or sometimes they tell you stuff she hates so you can play a prank. I dunno. I usually just give sashimi and mayo to everyone. Everyone at least likes one of those things. Both in game and real life lol
There should be a secret note somewhere
Mayo is a hated for me but you are correct. Sashimi is a win
Funny enough, my wife dislikes mayo and is allergic to fish.
Well. That plays into my comment of making sure she loves and not just likes. Fish and mayo are just liked overall and I'm patient. Gift loved gifts instead. Duh =p
Can't tell if they mean for stardew or reality.
Yes
Important life lesson everyone
so thats why, remind me again why am i on stardew valley subreddit again
To learn important lessons about keeping your spouse happy. They need attention love and commitment damn it
I mean if you marry someone IRL and you neglect them afterward they'd resent you for it, why not here?
Hearts dont decrease for any npc you have it maxed with except who you live with
As far as I can remember I think I give him a coffee everyday
You need to talk to him and kiss him everyday too.
😭 making him coffee every morning and he can't even initiate that /j
No you don't of you gift appropriately
I could be wrong, but is the plant beside the bed blocking his path? I feel like that pisses them off but I can’t totally remember
Yes if op is already in bed he can’t sleep and that will piss him off
I know that makes them visibly frustrated, but does it actually affect hearts?
It does - I've lost hearts with Willy before because of refusing to move out of my fishing spot on the dock when he's trying to get to his
Wait really?!! I thought that was just for spouses! We’re all learning things today
Give him sashimi it's his favorite. He's my husband in game and I give him a plate every morning (I fish a lot)
https://preview.redd.it/ip0zy939gdcg1.png?width=653&format=png&auto=webp&s=be0095f8eede0999bdacf42384f7c7bd503d3e50
he loves the first group and likes the 2nd group.
harvey loves coffee not sebastian
Will try this! I’ve just been giving him coffee which I guess he only likes and doesn’t account for much
also, frozen tears! that's my go-to. stick one or more in crystalariums, and you have an endless supply of happiness for sebastian. kiss & talk to him daily too! happy husband, happy home.
Yeah loved items are definitely better. Frozen tears as well but I found sashimi to be easier. Make sure you kiss him daily too
Frozen tears and pumpkin soup are other things he loves!
Pumpkin soup is the key. It's a recipe from his grandma lol
Yeah he has dialogue about how he has good memories from the soup and his mom gave us the recipe and told us she made it for him when he was sick growing up.
you could set up like 4 crab pots and a worm bin. then use the fish from that to make sashimi. it's pretty passive and you'll always have extra as long as you put new bait in
Are you talking to him/giving a kiss also every day, without fail?
Friendship decay from not talking is twice as much as not talking to a normal villager. Some also say that giving a kiss is necessary, though I have never tested that personally.
A liked gift should barely offset that decay since spousal friendship gain/loss is halved. So if you have not been interacting with him beyond gift giving and forget to gift him something at least a few days per week, your decay to this level is understandable.
Edit: Just in case, the gift response does not count as talking. You must initiate dialogue separately.
Umm...coffee is for Harvey. Sebastian likes it but a liked gift is only worth 30 points for spouses. If you miss 3 days of coffee he will lose points every week if you don't talk to/smooch him.
Edit: Also, if you give other marriage candidates gifts there is something like a 30% chance your spouse loses 30 points each time unless it is their birthday.
wait... what dot ?
Bottom right corner of the text box, next to the character portrait
well I'll be Jigger Jaggerd... Never noticed that before. lol
How many hearts?
Give him some frozen tears or something! Poor guy probably feels ignored.
Well there are days where he’s gone, left for the beach, or something, when I’ve woken up to do chores or he’s at the arcade late into the night with Abigail and Sam. What about my needs??
When you get up first thing he should be right there offering you coffee. Maybe the problem is that he can't get into his side of the bed....
He can because hes always asleep when I get home! Whether its at 2 am or if im lucky and home by 10, hes sleeping lol
rests hand on shoulder
Joja has you covered. Joja will never abandon you.
He's always either been in the house (kitchen or his space), on the porch, or working on his motorcycle first thing in the morning. Get the talking/smooch out of the way first thing and never have to worry about finding him later.
Exactly you gotta do it first thing in the morning lol
That’s always my approach because I’m usually warping home at 1:40-50am and my spouse is always in bed. Lol. So I get it outta the way before I start my day so I don’t have to worry about it.
That's just how he is, you knew that beforehand so WHY DID YOU MARRY HIM
Ditch him for Abigail, show him what's what. He's not the only goth in town, and the other one can at least make a living exploring the mines.
Maybe you'll even figure out how she manages to eat amythists eventually...
“He’s not the only goth in town” got me 😂
sigh....he's not goth T___T he's emo T__T
I get that this is a joke, but Abigail will say similar jerky stuff if you get her to low hearts. All of the spouses will.
Abigail is sweet and generally alt and Sebastian is antisocial skinny jeans emo. Much like Abigail emo basement twinks are my type unfortunately.
You don't talk to your spouse in the morning? When you know they will be there?
May I suggest you divorce him and marry Harvey? He rarely goes out and when he does it’s for work and he will wait till 7 ish to leave so you have the opportunity to talk to him! Harvey’s route is somewhat sweet
Seb doesn't leave the house until 9am, and that's only on a few days, so I think OP is just not seeing him
But Harvey is so.....
...plain yogurt.
That's why I divorced him. And married his sister.
Iridium void eggs for the win
Because you never talk to him or give him gifts. You only get this dialogue when your hearts drop. Maybe talk to your husband once in a while and give him gifts and kisses.
See that red dot under his image? That means you only have 6-7 hearts with him. What have you been doing lately to piss him off? Do you still have boyfriends whilst married?
I give him a coffee as far as I can remember every morning and he says thanks I like this
Coffee for Seb isn't a loved gift so it doesn't add that many affinity points. Spouses lose 20 affinity a day. Each heart is 250 points.
Frozen tears are fairly easy to get, sashimi is easy, with crab pots especially, and void eggs are very accessible. One gift a day, a chat, and a smooch... easy to do first thing as he won't usually leave the house for anything until after 8am. If he's not in the kitchen, he's on the porch. If he's not on the porch, he's at his motorcycle, where you can still gift and chat, but no smooch.
They only lose points if you don't interact with them at all. Coffee as a gift would be fine. Hell, saying hi to him would be enough. This Sebastian has been IGNORED for a long time.
just a horrible way to treat this breed. their needs are so particular- my sebastian demands a frozen tear every morning, and i’d never dream of ignoring him this way. it’s so sad.
See, the problem these days is that everyone wants a Sebastian because of their goth look, but nobody actually looks into how high maintenance they are before impulse marrying them. So many Sebs are left abandoned once players realise they can’t care for them, and it could all be solved with just a bit of wiki stalking! It’s really sad to see.
I should start a Sebastian sanctuary for abandoned and neglected Sebastian’s. Computers and TTRPGs for enrichment, round-the-clock sashimi, bowls of frozen tears in every room, and a nice strange vase if they start looking tense. I hear strange vases are good for that.
Don't forget the pumpkin soup.
Pumpkin Soup stays with me. I use that for Skull Cave diving. He's cute, but he's not that cute. I'm drowning in Frozen Tears from using the ice floors of the Stardew cave and he is welcome to those.
Yes! I knew I’d forget some important stuff. Sashimi just doesn’t hit right on chilly days lol
Fun fact, you get the pumpkin soup recipe from Robin who writes that her mom made it a lot for their family when she alive, ergo Sebastian associates it with the better parts of his childhood and memories of his grandma. I'd guess she was one of the few who could grapple with his introverted nature.
They also lose points if they are blocked from parts of the house (like how the bed is blocked in the image) and have a chance to lose points if you gift another marriage candidate something outside their birthday.
Isn't that only if you've given that character a bouquet in the past?
After you give the gift, do you talk to him or kiss him?
Your memory is failing or you aren't being honest haha a coffee every day would be fine to keep his hearts up
How many hearts???
“Why does my spouse hate me how dare he ?!” Idk bud ask that to yourself
OP's out there treating their husband bad and then getting mad he's not excited to wait on them hand and foot
…so you’re probably neglecting him. Less effective gifts, no kissing, and no talking. The affinity goes down every day. Like in real life. Ignore your spouse? They start loving you less.
Hey OP the plant by the bed. You're depriving him of sleep lol.
Doesn’t he always get in from the left?
He lays on her side while she's off galivanting again.
Stardew valley subreddit: where you can be reminded every day that the majority of people think relationships would be transactional. This rant sounds more like an abusive parent than a partner
The people on this subreddit are weird about the spouses. For such an ultimately irrelevant part of the game too.
It truly boggles my mind how seriously people take their pixel spouses. The amount of posts I’ve seen saying that they’re being “gaslit” over farm chores… bizarre behavior.
I choose my spouse entirely based on which portrait I want to cover my house in. It's a very unserious decision lol
Hell i chose to play this game all those years ago cause i learned there was an emo boy named Sebastian you could marry and I got reminded of my old Black Butler days and got giddy excited. Still can't bring myself to marry anyone else if I play a female farmer
I am like this everytime I start a new Skyrim file. I always go track down the same mage at the Mage's College. I found him the first time and he's always been handy as a dragon killing partner.
its mostly satire (used to be at least) 😭 just mimicking how ridiculous reddit posts can be on relationship subs
They really are lol. Like calling the characters standing next to each other as cheating like um... might be time to take a break.
You need to gift him some stardrop tea a few times.. that will fix everything trust..
Doesn't your spouse tend to get really grumpy if their path is blocked by anything in the house? He might not have been able to path where he needed.
I mean it looks like you've been neglecting him so yeah. Material goods can't replace emotional intimacy
Seb is so easy to keep his hearts up with! What have you been doing to my sweet baby?! He’s literally so easy to keep happy!
Small rant aside, The quickest way to repair his affinity for you is sashimi, frozen tears, and void eggs with a conversation and a kiss. He usually doesn’t move about until after 8 am, and if he is out of the house before that then he’s either at his motorcycle or on the porch.
Alternatively, if you are so put off on doing the work to repair your marriage to Seb, you can divorce him and choose to ignore someone else instead 🙃
I literally just ranted to my best friend about this post 😂😭.
I have been married to Sebastian since the fall of my first year, and he's at max hearts. Has never fallen below max hearts. He never really goes anywhere, hes always in the kitchen when I wake up. If he's not there, he either did some chores or he's working on his bike. Sebastian's whole thing is that he never really... uh... leaves the house??? He goes to hang out with (mostly) Sam one day a week. And only goes to the lake or the beach occasionally. He's pretty much always at home. Like... idk what to tell OP. He's easy as hell to please.
Exactly! His whole thing is that he really doesn’t go anywhere. On Monday’s he visits with Robin and on Friday’s he kicks it at the saloon with Abigail and Sam. Otherwise, he stays at the farm.
I’ve been married to him since summer of year 2, maxed his hearts out ASAP so we could have the froggies in our home. He’s ridiculously easy to please and keep track of 😬😬
You're also blocking the hallway exit which can interfere with pathing and lead to negative generoc dialogue. Then "why don't you clesn up in here" one.
I got it once for standing in that same corridor to welcome my husband home. Damn near broke my heart even though i know he's pixels amd i know it's generic dialogue.
I have never seen hearts of spouses drop so low 💀
Calm down sometimes marriages struggle. It’s not the honeymoon phase all the time.
you can very much make it a honeymoon phase all the time if you really care (yes, even on their off days) /j
I'm married to Seb... A Crystalarium with frozen tears reminds me to gift him one every day. He's a happy little emo. Why you treat our boy so bad 😭😭
Whenever this isnt posted in the meme sub it's always a toss up on how seriously to take this 😂
If it's a joke, lol yeah kinda funny
If it isn't, please go touch some grass
Wait it’s absolutely meant to be a joke lol there’s a meme sub??
I thought it was a joke at first but seeing OP’s replies in the comments I think they might be genuinely mad. It’s unfortunate.
Do you even love your spouse
I married Sebby and he just tells me how much I make him feel appreciated and how happy he is. He even winterizes the house with Abby for us (I have the free love mod).
Do you give him kisses and talk to him daily? Have you continued gifting him items since y’all got married? I don’t think it’s him that’s the problem… 👀👀
Right?? I did too and he's always gifting items, doing chores around the farm, etc. OP is telling on themselves for being a shitty spouse lol
Right?! Just like the ones giving my girl hate. Leave my Little Rock Muncher be. I give her jelly or amethyst and she’s happy and gives me crab cakes (which is my irl favorite, so I died laughing the first time it happened).
I haven’t really started getting gifts from Sebby yet, but I just married him less than a season ago in game, so it’ll probably take a minute to start getting stuff from him. I bring him coffee when he’s working on his bike, though, and it seems to make him happy. I also bring back frozen tears and obsidian from the mines to gift him.
ive never had sebastian say anything like this to me??? what did you do to him?
He has literally never said this to me
Move the plant from the bed! My poor man can't get any sleep
TICKET?? If you really loved him you'd delve into the fiery depths for dragon dentures and buy him an obelisk. Tsk
Jokes aside make sure that plant isn't obstructing his path to the bed and you give him a chat and a kiss everyday. He loves sashimi which you can make out of any fish. Also restrict gifts to other marriage candidates to birthdays, jealousy can eat away at spousal hearts.
Edit: it’s been brought to my attention that some of you maybe don’t realize this is a JOKE. I’m not actually serious I just thought it was funny 🤣🤣
You used the "discuss" tag...what did you expect?
Well a discussion of course but some people are so offended lol
Welcome to the internet, Linda!
I knew this was a joke 😂 but also I get your confusion if you’ve only been giving him likes gifts! Upgrade to frozen tear/ pumpkin soup/ sashimi/ void egg, bonus points if you give him gifts themed to the season. Fall is for pumpkin soup, winter is for frozen years, spring is for void eggs, and summer is for sashimi 😎
That’s on you. The little red dot next to the bottom right corner of Seb’s portrait indicates he’s only at 6 or 7 hearts. That means you haven’t spoken to him in ages or gifted him a bunch of crap he hates, and so he’s fallen out of love with you. If you have been neglecting him due to his schedule not lining up with yours, you gotta make time for him, like you have to IRL.
Do you kiss him every day and give any presents at all? Because this is what happens when you neglect your spouse.
You sound like an ex-stepdad.
I must be awful. I talk to the spouse until they give me the Stardrop, then I am off to the Mayor's office to get rid of them. Heck I even stay out overnight in my Island home then come home to MY nice single abode the next day.
I have never seen those remarks from Seb or any spouse. Guess I should ignore them just for the heck next time around.
How is your husband's heart level soo low? No wonder he sounds so agro. Speak and gift the man his sashimi.
Because you've been abusing him or something, he's lost half his hearts 😭
If I had to give my IRL husband gifts everyday just to make him love me we would have a huge problem lol
Yeah! Make him remember our humble origins when he was working and living in a basement and we had just a couple parsnips or chickens and now he could just stop working and be an Ex-Yakusa Male Housewife™
Your house is SO cute. I can’t bring myself to find the right decor for mine and Harvey 🙁
It took me so long to realize you had a coffee table in front of you and that wasn't just an oversized cup sitting in the middle of your living room floor
Someone else said something similar about a giant cup in my room and i cant see it haha
Did you think the gift giving and talking to them would just... stop after you got married? They're not trophies to win, you still need to actually care about them.
I've only ever married Sebastian and I've never had this dialog come up once and I've been playing off and on for years.
Some of you think Sebastian needs his ear talked off to feel love but how do you explain THIS
https://preview.redd.it/2j3tbb2palcg1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f52209ff080cc5a34e214c6175ddc8b83538a9b4
like, yes sebs, i DO want you to make me a sandwich.
As Shane's spouse I feel you
This is why I'm a Korbus girlie every time. Me and my shadow bestie never fight and he cooks for me... albeit weird food, but it's the thought that counts.
This is why I'm flying solo rn lol
This except I don’t want to be alone so maybe I’ll recruit Krobus as a roomie
I mean money is cool and all but a partner who puts no effort into me? I can’t blame him
How on earth do you allow your spouse to go far enough down to be 6 or 7 hearts? I had Abigail at 14 two in game weeks after marrying her and she hasn't dropped once
Give him a piece of fruit and a bit of conversation every morning. Spouses are one of the easiest things to upkeep. I keep cherries on hand for the daily treat.
I love how op is getting roasted for being a bad spouse
Harvey makes me breakfast and I don’t even have to ask. He thinks the world of me.
"now go and make me a sandwich"
Not the post calling you out on being a bad spouse XD
(For obvious reasons I'm specifying I'm just joking, people attacked me for less on this sub to the point I had to make a new account, so I can never be too sure)
Must not have had a smoke in a while and is cranky. Dated a smoker irl once. Never again.
I married Alex and he’s the sweetest. I make him fried eggs for breakfast everyday. Kiss and talk to him a lot. He is lovely and always helps with the farm and the kids. He makes me pancakes and complete breakfast too! Maybe try interacting with your spouse more often?
I'm sorry, completely off topic but the way you titled and described the post reminded me so much of an old friend, I legitimately read this in her voice. Now I miss my friend that I haven't seen in like 5 years.
Anyways, yeah, gotta kiss your husband/wife daily. I married Penny and kissed her every day just cuz I feel like that's something I would do IRL in a relationship, and my hearts never go down with her, so IDK.
Please give this poor man a kiss every morning 😭
Ugh finally someone who married Sebastian! My friends have made fun of me for choosing him every single time LOL
Funny thing is, I’m usually an Eliott enjoyer so when I married Seb, I actually divorced him cause he was so… sad all the time. My cozy happy game has my husband stay depressed in bed all day? Girl that’s what I’m doing rn don’t remind me lmao
he doesnt like you cause hes my husband. womp womp. /j
You’re the other woman!
That's odd, I've never gotten this dialog before. If you talk to him daily and give him regular gifts, that never happens. I'm guessing this must be a glitch.
its not a glitch, this type of dialogue is what happens when you neglect your spouse and their friendship with you drop