I understand that outward appearances can be deceiving, and that we don't usually know all that's going on within a relationship we're not in, but, do you know anyone or a couple who is in what appears to be a healthy, highly functional romantic relationship that is happy and content?
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Yes I do. My friend who is very down-to-earth and has the wisest wife. They're both such a joy to talk to. Just genuinely decent people. I think the key is, not only do they love each other, they respect each other. They were friends for years before they realised they had feelings for each other.
This is the only way I see myself dating someone again. Id have to have already known them for a while, and have shared a community with them. I've had people insist I wont meet someone that way, but I feel like getting to know some rando is too big of a risk nowadays.
Yeah - but if you don't want a relationship, you aren't going to be happy and content in one. I think to many people go into one not really wanting one for for some perceived benefit, whether that's to uphold an image socially or for financial reasons, and end up disappointed and in a sad place.
EXACTLY.
Not tooting my own horn, but in my 40's after two failed marriages, I found a woman who matched my groove. Some basic stuff that needs to be balanced before it occurred, was financial equality, emotional equality, and finding shared goals. Once all that was there, we were free to chase romance like two hungry people.... It lasted 12 years, until I got injured and created an imbalance that got in the way. It's OK, 12 years of heaven was wonderful. Happy today that I lived fully.
I think the key to a highly functional romantic relationship is that it is temporary. Feels like 12 years is a max, good on ya
This is beautiful
I'm genuinely curious, so without that third romantic relationship you wouldn't have felt like you lived fully? Was there not any romance in either of your marriages that you felt like you hadn't lived before meeting her? You mentioned romantic hunger, was it more about sexual compatibility and satisfaction?
No, each of my marriages were wonderful in their own way. My success in life checked all the boxes. The question was about romanticism in life. I also failed as much as succeeded. I am 66 now and lived a life fully, in all aspects. Marriage #2 was also a romantic one, although not as intense. I was 21 when I married the first. Goals then were kids, career, etc... My failure there was not making couple time a priority. You learn as you go.
My parents have been together since they were 12 (mid 50s now) and have an insanely healthy, happy relationship. So rare & so grateful to have such great examples of love in my life! But that doesn’t mean just cuz they figured it out, that anyone else is gonna figure it out with me. I’m so happy single and wouldn’t trade what I have now for what my parents have had for life, even though it’s great for them
Yes. I have a few friends who have been in their relationship for a decade and they seem overall pretty happy. Of course they’ve had rough patches and bicker sometimes but overall they seem content and like they love each other.
Yes, I know many people like this. And what is appreciate about them is that they don’t say anything negative to me about being single. It’s the people in questionable partnerships acting is if my life alone is defective. How telling!
I do!! I have a few friends that stand out to me as really exemplary couples. Those pairings are my standard and I wouldn't want a relationship unless it was to that standard. In my personal experience, I don't see many relationships like that. So, I am not expecting to find it myself and am perfectly content being single til then or forever if I don't come upon it 😊
Nope! Never seen one. And all the people in this thread are not privy to the real gritty parts of the relationships they’re talking about.
I’m 49 years old, been married and seen all my family and friends in marriages or long term relationships. The best you can hope for is being good friends at the end. The romance is not there; if it is, it has long turned sour.
Yeah, most of my core group of friends that I met in college are all in super healthy relationships and I'm really happy for them. Been together with their partners for years and I foresee many years to come.
But I know others who have had a very unhealthy dating history, and I'm always skeptical when they end up in a relationship before working on themselves a bit more because it usually doesn't end up very well
Yes I do actually, I know many and they are not faking it, they are truly happy despite any issues. One of them told me that having a happy marriage requires a lot of work, but they both have put on the hard work to have a truly happy marriage. Btw he always has treated his wife like a princess through the years.
Needless to say, yes I believe a happy marriage is smth very rare in reality, but it's attainable. Personally I love so much singleness and my freedom that ofc I would reject having a happy marriage w a great man, because having that doesn't appeal to me at all.
No. My sister's life is picture perfect on the outside. Her and her husband are both very educated and highly successful career wise.
Nice house, cars, vacations. They send their kids to the best schools. Blah blah blah.
Truth is they argue a lot. The love is gone. Pretty sure her husband is cheating on her. I don't think it really bothers her. She knows she'll be taken care of financially if they divorce.
They go through waves of grossness. Poor hygiene and disgusting living conditions. It's a strange thing to witness.
The last part is so interesting- is it from something like depression or stress Perhaps? Hard to see people in painful situations and the toll it takes on them.
This describes a few couples I know as well.
One in particular is the picture perfect Desi couple. They are gorgeous. They are wealthy. They appear devoted to each other and claim their marriage is their top priority. But they also have an open marriage. They don’t just have sex with other people. They date and fall for other people, spend the night, write live notes etc. But also won’t claim polyamory 🤡 No one can really know what happens behind closed doors, but to me it seems like what they have is more of a strategic partnership than a romantic marriage. 🤷🏻♀️
Yes, i was. But he died from a cardiac arrest about 93 days ago. Sorry if the sadness rubs off, i just wanted to share.
I’m very sorry for your loss.
Thankyou so much
I’m so glad you knew real love.
I know 5 couples currently. For every happy couple, I’ve known dozens who were miserable and/or divorced.
No, I can’t say that I know anyone who’s in a long-term, healthy and functional relationshit.
🙈💦
In my entire life I’ve known 3 couples like that. And they truly are very connected, functional and happy together. It’s rare but I’ve been fortunate enough to see it. I’ve never experienced it myself and I’m personally much happier single than I was in any of my relationships.
Any insight to what made it work for them?
I actually know quite a few and am very happy for them! Whenever I get the opportunity to spend time with these couples, after an hour or so I can feel the love radiating between them. It's honestly heartwarming to be around.
My sister and her husband! They’re so happy and work so well together and seem to love being in each others company even after 14 years. Currently living with them waiting to move into my new flat. They’re honestly annoying sometimes with how lovey dovey they are.
Please ask them each individually what they think the secret has been to keeping the romance alive 14 years on. I’m aching to know.
A know a couple, they’re very lucky. We can’t all have that though and that’s fine with me.
I know several friends who are in long-term, loving relationships. It would seem to me that some of the reasons these partnerships work is because they all genuinely like each other as people and have a good friendship as a foundation. Some people do truly jive together. I know others who don’t have that and have rocky relationships. So, clearly, it all depends.
Yes I do. They are great together. They love each other a lot. They have been through some shit together. Knowing them solidifies my choice to be single. I could never make the compromises they make for each other on a daily basis. I enjoy my alone time way to much. They are wonderful and I am wonderful. We are just different kind of people.
My best friend’s entire family seems to be made up of these, and they all seem very genuine! He and his wife are a near perfect match, his parents just celebrated 40 years and almost all of his siblings are in what I understand to be very respectful, healthy marriages. They’re honestly kind of an anomaly in my experience, but I come to all their family events and it’s definitely just how they all are.
Yes absolutely, I have friends that are in great relationships. I often times feel a little alienated when I come on here because a lot of folks seem anti-relationship and don’t believe it’s possible to achieve a healthy romantic relationship. I’m not anti-relationship by any means and would be happy to find a lasting romantic companion one day. That just hasn’t happened, and I see no point in being upset about that. I’m very content by myself but also unopposed to finding someone someday.
I am subscribed to this subreddit because I was single last year and enjoying the freedom, learning to be comfortable being happy with myself and my friends, and I was feeling so happy.
The most amazing guy fell into my lap in January this year. We are about to hit the one year mark, have recently moved in together, and he’s been taking care of me while I recover from a surgery.
He is absolutely wonderful and a true partner. He makes everything better. I was happy to begin with before I met him, but he adds so much joy and affection to my life. Anytime we have a minor disagreement, we talk about it like adults. We both have our own friends and lives, not attached at the hip. It feels like such a healthy relationship and I didn’t know it was possible to be so happy.
I am glad I didn’t close myself off to the idea of great people being out there. While I was good with being single for a long time or forever, my heart was open to finding a great person. And there he was. 💜
I know a couple of couples who fit this criteria. I do, however, suspect that the women would both ultimately be more at peace and feel more joy if they were on their own - but yes, they are happy and content as they are in their partnerships; I just get a sense that something is missing and they're quite tired. Maybe I'm wrong, and I hope I am. Perhaps it's the same for the men also, but I definitely feel the women would be.
Everyone else I know who is coupled up is existing in hell.
The four of my siblings that are in relationships seem very happy and balanced. They never really fight and we’re all over-sharers, so I don’t think there’s much if any secret strife there.
A couple of my friends also have very good seeming LTRs, but a few others have very bad luck with men…
Even seeing my very successfully married siblings, there’s aspects of those relationships that are worse than remaining single to me tbqh. So, it hasn’t really swayed my lifestyle decision much beyond that I would consider some hypothetical perfect match if they showed up now that I’ve seen how well it could go.
Nope, they're all unhappy
A few that seem genuinely happy. They don't have relationship dynamics I personally would want if I wanted to be in a relationship. I don't, though.
Mostly they complain about their partner. So you know they aren't happy. Then there are others that pretend it's perfect... and next thing you know they've had a massive fight... in the example I'm thinking of police were involved. I was shocked. Neither seemed the type.
My best friend and her husband, but they met in college so they've grown together as opposed to trying to make two grown ass adults compromise.
Yes but they have to constantly work on communication and understanding and compromising which sounds exhausting to me. I’m sure it’s worth it for those who want partnerships but from the outside I’m just like yeah that’s not for me. I’m pretty set in my ways
My brother and sister in law have been together for like 33 years now and they are perfect for each other. They are in a healthy relationship and are content.
Yes, a few people
just one
sure, I know of several. But despite that, I know that I am happier single.
everyone else that is coupled up? nah, I have my doubts.
Yes, I do. I know a lot of genuinely happy couples who love and support each other.
My parents. 40 years and counting.
Yes, my cousin and his wife. 2 sons - both grow into respectful and well-balanced member of society. Their house has an aura of ease, such great hosts. Can tell that they have respect for each other even when they're really playful. What they've built together is truly beautiful. Seen them overcoming adversity and they make it look so easy, and it shows on their eyes that 'I am good as long as I have my person stand by me and see me through this wave of life'. Praying that this type of connection finds me (romantic/not)
I am not sure I follow here....is "highly functional" just another way of saying "healthy?"
My sis and her hubby have done a lot of work to undo trauma from abuse and neglect so that it doesn't affect their relationship. They communicate about their support needs, and try to show each other appreciation in the way they receive it. It's possible, it's just a full-time job until it's not.
Not many
I know several highly functional couples, most of them married for more than a decade. Doesn't make me want to be part of a couple but I'm happy for them.
Yes a few.