Ive been working a job lately that has been extremely stressful with long hours, barely any breaks, and just in general stress. January is an extremely busy time for us. Every day i am coming home sore and tired and i just want to hold someone so badly that even a tree branch brushing me or the wind softly blowing on me is enough to give me goosebumps. Last night i tried to relax and just ended up throwing up instead. It is miserable but i know this is temporary and the money is good. After blowing so much of my savings last year on escorts(somewhere around the tune of $1200), i need the money and overtime. Issue is i am stressed as fuck.
Most massage places around here just flat out will not book guys in their 20s. Ive tried, they always say they are booked even though its like a tuesday at 1pm and theres no cars in the parking lot. Ive tried asmr or even porn and it just doesnt work. Ive tried using pets, still doesnt work. I want another person. The issue is another person is so unbelievably expensive, like insultingly expensive, i dont want to spend that for an hour. But i can feel myself breaking down day by day and i feel like i am going to crack and blow like half a grand on someone who should cost 1/3rd that. Thats the main thing stopping me, most of the escorts here are objectively ugly and overly expensive. I am also tired of using them but i am probably 5 solid years away from being good enough to date.
I ask myself:
What is it I truly need in this moment? Loneliness is a real emotion. Maybe I need to feel it for a while and move forward. But is that what is truly going on with me? Are there other human needs I haven't taken care of ? HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired)? If it's loneliness, perhaps I need to reach out to another human for conversation?
How can I take care of myself in healthy ways, in ways that don't harm myself or use others?
One thing I heard once in a meeting was "acting out will make nothing better in my life." Is cuddling with an escort really going to fill your cup? I've found the instant gratification often holds the promise of making me feel better, but so rarely delivers. A band-aid on an ax wound.
Perhaps what I need is to connect with others. If I have friends I am not alone. It is human for me to long to be known, to be seen, to be loved and accepted, but paying for that is not real. It will not satisfy my need.
When I'm really stressed, I'm not in a great headspace to make decisions. Perhaps finding a place to rest, recharge and calm down is better before I decide on any action. Maybe this feeling will pass if I allow it some space/time.
I wish you well.
> Is cuddling with an escort really going to fill your cup?
It wont fill it, just like another person wont permanently fill it. But it will help. Like i said in the OP im not seeing one because they have become stupid expensive to an insane degree even compared to 3 years ago while also increasing the chances of scams(young women today are ruthless to the point where any woman under 25 is 100% a scammer unless you are stupid rich or hot or both). But i do know if i could decompress with someone i would be much better throughout the week. I will say though, they have become so bad, so emotionally cold, so expensive, etc that they dont do anything for me. But i also, as i said in the post above, am not good enough to meet anyone at this time and thats been proven by the near 100% rejection rate ive received after 10 YEARS of trying. I have watched women pick literally getting kicked in the head over going on a single date with me. That is how bad this situation is. Im not a 1/10, i am not even on the scale. Below zero.
>Perhaps what I need is to connect with others. If I have friends I am not alone. It is human for me to long to be known, to be seen, to be loved and accepted, but paying for that is not real. It will not satisfy my need.
For me i have to just accept it wont be real either way. Back before escorts sucked the situation was at least for a couple hundred dollars i could get at least something. Now i basically have to accept either paying 2x as much as i did 4 years ago for women who are 4x as ugly and that im just not attracted to, or accept i wont even get so much as a handshake from a woman unless i change literally everything about myself while the goalposts gets moved every 2 or so years.
>Maybe this feeling will pass if I allow it some space/time.
For the most part this feeling passes every time i look at my bank account. Its just gone immediately when i realize if i go see one its like 1/4th of my savings.
Hi and welcome. It sounds like you're having a tough time. I've certainly been there. I've learned along my journey that sexual acting out became my primary way to decompress. While the urges were stronger on tough days, I've acted out countless times after wonderful days too. So, I learned that it ran deeper than just coping or stress-release. It actually became a pathological thing. To answer your question, I find these activities helpful for stress-relief. All of them involve me getting out of myself because sometimes my mind is a bad neighborhood.
I learned that as long as I am an untreated sex addict, I am a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. The addict part of me seems to be looking for every rationalization and justification to act out again. That's why it's about working a program and experiencing this internal change. I found that as I changed, my thinking, feelings, attitudes, and desires around sex changed too.
For me I used escorts because I wasn't comfortable with myself. I wanted the connection without the fear of rejection. One thing is escorts wastes so much money on things I could have done for myself and my future. Plus diseases, and I know we all think it won't happen to me. But there is never 100% guarantee you'll be safe. I got unlucky and let me tell you, for a quick gratification, its not worth it.
I deal with stress by actually admitting and saying it to people that I'm stressed. I don't smile, and say I'm ok. I tell people, yeah I feel like crap, I talk about my emotions. But most importantly if I had a stressful day I self care to balance it out. Maybe ill get pizza from my favorite restaurant, watch my favorite show, or read a book or paint. Something I enjoy, I plan to do that if I know I'm stressed. I also text people from program if something popped up that I'm stressed about. Oh work upset me. Rather than carry it inside me all day. I text someone immediately to vent and deal with it the moment it pops up.
>I deal with stress by actually admitting and saying it to people that I'm stressed. I don't smile, and say I'm ok. I tell people, yeah I feel like crap, I talk about my emotions
This part made me have to ask, what gender are you? As a man, if i complain i just get told to shut up. If i air out anything like this to anyone im not paying people get visibly annoyed. I think its because every guy is stressed today, everyone is dealing with a ton of stress and unhappiness. But you know what they do to mask it, or help with it? They come home, and cuddle with someone, or be with someone who loves them. Oh wait, i cant have that, so i have to use escorts. Anyone who says another person in your life who loves you doesnt make stress easier to deal with is either lying or blissfully unaware of how hell their lives would be without it.
>But most importantly if I had a stressful day I self care to balance it out. Maybe ill get pizza from my favorite restaurant, watch my favorite show, or read a book or paint.
If you were truly stressed you wouldnt have the energy to do this. When i say stressed i dont mean "man today was kinda rough" i mean 13 hour shifts with barely, if any, breaks. I mean barely eating the entire day. I mean knees hurting, back hurting, everything hurting. A pizza isnt going to cure that. I want another person.
>Rather than carry it inside me all day. I text someone immediately to vent and deal with it the moment it pops up.
Again i seriously wonder what your age and gender is if people give a shit. In my experience no one wants to hear about it. They have their own problems.