I recommend you research purple prose because I’d argue your “poetic” style leans purple. Why? Because it seems like you’re stretching descriptions just to make them for dramatic effect rather than them feeling natural to the story. You only have a few sentences of description or exposition before readers start asking, “Why should I care?” How does your prose move the plot or character development forward? What is the point of each scene?

Examine your favorite romance authors and dissect why their prose works for you as a reader. Study the bestsellers on a craft level so you can hone your own voice. Best of luck!

I'm personally not a fan. It sounds like something that is trying to be poetic, but can't quite get there. It's off putting against the juxtaposition of a very modern phrase of "would she be mad at it?"

Also you switch tenses at one point.

Writing style is yours. Everyone has a different writing style. For example I favor shorter sentences, short paragraphs and single paragraph words.

This is an example from my upcoming book.
Lucen, alone with her body. Reaching out to touch her cold cheek. Tracing the line of her jaw with fingers that glowed faint aquamarine.

“He said he saw me,” Lucen whispered to no one. “He was lying. He always lies about that.”

The passage swallowed Imhotep whole.

And behind him, in the empty sanctuary, the third star of the Hunter’s Belt blazed alone.

Counted to three.

Stopped at two.

That's my writing style. So this is something you have to develop yourself, mostly from practice. Just write a lot and you'll eventually find your voice. For your sample, you've layered a lot of metaphors really close together. They're powerful, but when smashed together they can loose impact and seem cheap.

So you just need to practice! See what comes naturally. See what sort of writing you gravitate towards.

I think it depends on your niche or subgenre. I would be happy reading your style in a regency, though some of the figurative language leans toward cliche (eyes as storms) and, of course, some is poetic, like you said.

For example, I would like to answer another comment that you can taste a smile with a kiss or lick or "taste" just as you would a mouth—which smiles—and I loved the sensory details beyond plain old imagery.

That said, if you're writing outside of regency or gaslight or even steampunk, etc. (I'm thinking of Manners and Monsters, if I remember the title correctly), though, this absolutely would not work for me.

ETA: I think another commenter rightly noted your style and tone should be more consistent (within each POV, I might add), and another that you should still add stakes. Your description needs to do more heavylifting, more storytelling, especially if it's going to be this long.

Okay. Your writing is fine but, you may be giving too much detail. Allow the reader’s imagination to do some of the work.

When you told me his voice lowered, either give me the “impossible so” or the simile. I didn’t need both. Either one gets my mind working.

Same thing in the next sentence. You don’t need to tell me his eyes darkened and they were like a storm. It’s the same thing. Use one or the other.

The smile tasting like chocolate absent of sugar.(I actually like it. I understand it.) This paragraph was almost perfect for me. Lose the last sentence it does nothing in my opinion.

This last bit, is kinda confusing. It just reads awkward.

Maybe it could’ve been.

“His fingertips brushed under her chin and tilted her face up. Their noses grazing, the air thin between them with the breath that escaped her parted lips”. I think that reads smoother.

Last line I’m unsure of. Is he aware how he makes her feel?

You’re not being concrete enough. Your imagery is not logical or consistent. “His voice lowered—impossible so—“ what do you mean? “like the low rumble of thunder on the horizon.” But that’s simply not true, is it? Why am I thinking about thunder right now? Not only thunder, but you created unnecessary and unhelpful “imagery” by adding “on the horizon”—which doesn’t really make sense, because you see lightning on the horizon. You hear thunder with your ears. Thunder has nothing to do with a horizon. It’s in the room. But, again, why do you want me thinking about this when I should be thinking about a man’s deep voice as you attempt to create an erotic moment? You don’t. It’s incorrect.

I could do the same for each attempt at “poetic imagery.” Frankly, you’re not being logical/concrete enough. You’re just going on vibes, but words put images in your readers’ heads, so those images need to make sense and be purposeful to the scene. Stay focused on your intentions.

A more holistic examination of your prose suggests your fundamental problem might be a lack of embodiment within your POV character. Get inside your POV character and describe everything through their senses. His voice isn’t low like thunder on the horizon. His always deep voice rumbles lower, deeper—into her belly—as some primitive instinct alerted her to the beast looming all too close. Glancing toward his face, she flinched back at his narrowed, accusing gaze, but even that—the fear, the excitement—felt urgent and holy. She had his attention. All of it. The need to keep it twisted in her like the need to breathe.

🤣 I kept it kinda dramatic, because I thought you’d like it. But it’s details anchored through your POV character. That’s the point. Good luck.

"Style" is relative. If you write poetic, that is your voice. That's okay. There are people who want to read that. If we all sounded the same, that would be boring. Also, your prose is gorgeous. It's not "purple" (term for overly verbose) - it's just got that hint of beauty that makes it pleasing to read. Don't stifle your voice or your poetic tone. It's lovely.

I think the writing itself it’s fine, but there’s too many descriptive parts for me. Like someone else said about the lowering voice passage. There’s just a lot going on, I find myself getting bored when there’s too much fluff

The best thing you can do is keep writing and refining your style. There will be moments when choppier sentences are required (fight scenes are a great example of this) but there is definitely a place for writing like this in the romance world.

My main bit of feedback would be to make sure you do a couple of rounds of self-edits and employ an editor. This will weed out the repetition and make your writing tighter.

Happy writing!

how tf do you taste a smile😭💀

I just finished my first manuscript in September and the thing that helped me the most was finding critique partners in my subgenre (HistRom).

My writing was so dry and my scenes were skeletal. Frankly they were terribly written. Those first critique partners really had to suffer through a lot. 😅

But I slowly improved and recently won a writing award (yay me!) But most of the credit needs to be given to writing partners.

Go find them and good luck!