Hey everyone! I’m a first-time children’s author and would love feedback on my query letter.

Dear [Agent],

I’m excited to share ROXIE, THE MOOING DOG, a picture book for ages 3–7 [770 words].

Roxie, a black-and-white dog who looks just like a cow, wakes from a nap ready to bark, but instead, out comes a very unexpected moo.

Unsure how she feels about her new voice, Roxie moves through the day testing out her moo; sometimes hesitant, sometimes brave. With the help of her friends, Roxie begins to understand that her voice, whether it’s a bark or a moo, doesn’t change who she is.

ROXIE, THE MOOING DOG is a gentle, rhythmic picture book about self-acceptance and navigating change with the help of good friends. It will appeal to readers who enjoy warm, character-driven stories such as Not Quite Narwhal by Jessie Sima and The Cow Who Climbed a Tree by Gemma Merino.

The story was inspired by my real-life black-and-white pit bull, Roxie, who toddlers often mistake for a cow on our walks, sparking a playful “what if?” that became Roxie’s story.

 This is my debut picture book. Thank you for your time and consideration.

  • Your story sounds very sweet. At 770 words, it’s longer than most agents would like for a picture book debut, and animal protagonists are not in fashion right now. I don’t say that to discourage you but to give you a realistic understanding of the current market.

    If you’re gonna catch an agent, I think you’ll need to make this hookier. Show why your story is best told with a dog protagonist instead of a child (which is generally what is preferred now). What does Roxie do in the story? How does she learn to accept herself? Make sure you show why your book is special and different from any others.

    Your inspiration is sweet but probably not relevant for an agent. I would cut it to give that word count to the pitch instead.

    Both your comps are a little old. I would try to find books from the last 5 years if you can.

    I hope that helps.

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    parent root

    You cannot post another version of your query (even as a comment) for 7 days, so this comment will be removed shortly by the mods.

    I strongly recommend you let the feedback sit for even longer and really take your time on the rewrite. While you wait for the next time you can post, I also recommend just spending time on this sub reading other queries and the feedback they get. It really helps you see what a great query looks like. Not many picture book queries come through here, but you can search for them and there are definitely some good ones.

    I did read your updated version quickly, and I think you may have an issue with the manuscript and not just the query. To be frank, the main conflict being all a dream is a cheap trope that even kids don’t like. It’s no fun if the problem wasn’t real and it takes away the stakes and agency of the character.

    There is a really good discussion of “it was all a dream” here: https://www.reddit.com/r/writing/s/M8G68JJQhT

    Best of luck.

    parent root

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