Hi, all!! I got wonderful feedback on my first attempt, and have now come back with my second! I'm considering adding a third comp for the element of mother-daughter conflict, but I'm having trouble finding one! For now, this is where I'm at:
Dear .....,
I am seeking representation for EREBOS, a standalone, with series potential, adult romantic fantasy, complete at 111,000 words, set between the Underworld and the modern human world. It will appeal to readers of THE JASAD HEIR for its strong heroine and high-stakes conflicts, and A RIVER ENCHANTED for its slow burn, character driven exploration of love. EREBOS offers a fresh take on popular romance tropes while exploring complex themes, including institutionalized religion, childhood trauma and self-discovery.
Ilaeira is an Erinya of the Underworld, a creature of darkness capable of feeling only disdain, anger, and fury. Seven years ago, she was exiled from Hades’ army by its merciless leader, her own mother, after Ilaeira publicly disobeyed her. Now a homeless outcast, Ilaeira works as a psychopomp, escorting human souls into the Afterlife, knowing a single mistake could earn her the execution her mother is waiting to deliver.
When the mysterious soul of a young man is assigned the highest price in living memory, Ilaeira fights the other psychopomps and wins the right to bring him to the Afterlife. But the soul escapes and blackmails her into taking him back to find the woman he loves in the forbidden World Above, the desolate realm from which her kind was expelled two thousand years ago.
With the risk of certain death at her mother’s hand if her failure is discovered, Ilaeira smuggles the soul out of the Underworld but as they travel through the World Above, the differences between them begin to fade. The soul is annoying joyful and irritatingly bold, but he also sees right through the hardened façade she wears like armor. Together they face dangers, experience stolen moments of wonder and beauty while challenging each other to confront their own lies.
But larger truths she doesn’t want to face begin to unravel. The World Above is not the desolate wasteland she was taught to fear; creatures still exist there, and not all souls are being brought to the Afterlife. Worse, Ilaeira faces the most dangerous revelation of all; she is developing emotions an Erinya should not be capable of feeling for the very soul she is sworn to deliver to Hades.
[bio]
Welcome back!
I am one person with one opinion
'EREBOS offers a fresh take on popular romance tropes'
Cut this. So many authors claim this and then someone is inevitably able to say 'hey, book X by C and book Y by M do that, too!' If anyone is going to claim something like this, let it be the publisher and let them stand behind it. You have no idea what agents have read that you have not, you don't know what's in their inboxes, you don't know what their clients have cooking. What might feel fresh to you could feel stale to them.
There's just no positives for keeping this language, in my opinion
'Ilaeira is an Erinya of the Underworld, a creature of darkness capable of feeling only disdain, anger, and fury. Seven years ago, she was exiled from Hades’ army by its merciless leader, her own mother, after Ilaeira publicly disobeyed her. Now a homeless outcast, Ilaeira works as a psychopomp, escorting human souls into the Afterlife, knowing a single mistake could earn her the execution her mother is waiting to deliver.'
I'm pretty sure there is a way to condense this. A lot of this feels like backstory and there isn't a sense of forward momentum. You want to get to the main thrust as quickly as possible.
'When the mysterious soul of a young man is assigned the highest price in living memory, Ilaeira fights the other psychopomps and wins the right to bring him to the Afterlife. But the soul escapes and blackmails her into taking him back to find the woman he loves in the forbidden World Above, the desolate realm from which her kind was expelled two thousand years ago.'
Is there a particular reason that the love interest is not named? General convention states that the love interest needs to be named if the book is being sold on the romance arc. If there are worldbuilding reasons why he doesn't have a name, I would still give the agent his name because calling him 'the soul' over and over doesn't really help me get invested in the romance and want to read more.
' The soul is annoying joyful and irritatingly bold, but he also sees right through the hardened façade she wears like armor. Together they face dangers, experience stolen moments of wonder and beauty while challenging each other to confront their own lies.'
All of this is both vague and part and parcel for the genre. It's not needed
Good luck!
Thank you so much again! A lot to work on still, but it's getting clearer!
I agree with the other commenter about naming the soul and introducing him as an actual love interest. I think you could also cut the section about her fighting the other psychopomps to bring him to the afterlife, because it just raises a lot of world building questions for me that I’m sure are covered in the book but you don’t have time to answer here.
I’d go for someone sharper like: “[Soul] doesn’t want to go to the Afterlife for [reasons]. He blackmails Ilaeria into taking him back to the desolate mortal world above, in search of the woman he loves. [insert details about what they do on this journey and what challenges they face]”
This is a very solid suggestion for the plot description! So I should begin with the catalyst? Also, noted on the name of the soul! Thank you so much for your help!! 🙂
I would still start by (briefly) explaining that Ilaeria is a psychopomp for reasons, but then jump to the inciting incident, which is that she’s blackmailed into taking someone on a dangerous journey