My best friend was gone at the night 3d ago. She’s a Brazilian red-eared turtle who came to my life 3179d ago. She’s a brave, brilliant, beautiful and quite gentle, tolerant girl. So I’m trying to write down these words in secret, not letting her know.

I can’t forgive myself forever for never taking good care of her. I always thought myself loving her, however let her live in small house, often dirty water and unhealthy food. I just started to buy her expensive turtle food months ago and she just ate it once for hibernating soon. While she never blamed me. I think it’s the hardest part with pets that they never blame us. I know she doesn’t want to but I can’t help blaming and hating myself, in secret so she won’t know. I also hate God now (forgive me). That night I begged gods to bring her back and promised to let her go forever, sending her to a better home and only visiting her secretly. I would like to trade my everything for her life even my life. Nobody answered me. I HATE THEM ALL. And of course I hate myself most.

I did a reading but I doubted it. It said she had gone and didn’t want to blame me or my blaming myself. But I don’t know if I actually think that’s true cause it’s too cruel for me. Maybe it’s wrong to try and execute myself for her cause she doesn’t want to and it may prevent her from leaving peacefully, but I think I should be cursed and spend the rest of my life in torment. Every time I want to plan my 2026 it strikes me that how can I leave her alone in this year? How can I be happy and peaceful without her? It’s so unfair. However I think she doesn’t want this. I know it’s a paradox but I can’t figure out.

And I am so scared that I will forget her. I can’t see her, hear her, smell her, touch her and kiss her anymore. My arms have missed her scratch and my fingers have missed her bites, don’t judge her those are just games between us or my offending her. Only a few photos of her, I’m so sorry. I always thought we had so much more time, after my graduation and getting my own house. I don’t want to live with anyone but her. I imagined her being with me in my last day on earth. I am so sorry. What a cruel world it is without her. What a horrible life it is without her. But I can’t say it, cause I don’t want her stuck in these words.

So my dear, could you come and pick up me at the end? I just can’t wait to see you again.

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This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated.

Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated.

Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if one disagrees with something that has been said.

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Please report any trolls, spam, or harassment to moderators. To do this on new reddit, click the three dots below a post or comment and select "report." On old reddit, click the "report" link below the post or comment.

This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated.

Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated.

Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if one disagrees with something that has been said.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.