Yesterday was the first day in about a decade that I’ve been deliberately sober all day. No weed OR alcohol and purely by choice.

The few times I’ve spent a day or two without smoking in the past were always against my will and I always found some alcohol to get through the day. Sobriety just hasn’t been an option. My days started to revolve around my next hit, and I started to dissociate every time I smoked. It was like I was watching my life happen to me and I had no control. It got to the point where I could barely recognize my fiancé and I was having an anxiety attack every day.

I have never felt capable of doing this before. But one day down is making me feel more ready to find myself again and able to take it one day at a time. My goal is a month before I even consider if/how want to partake again. There’s always the fear that I’ll fall back into the same habits but I’m going to try to not think so far ahead. Just one day at a time. Here’s to day 2.