TW: ED, self harm
I honestly start trembling and feel my chest tighten when I think about returning to school. I've struggled terribly with school and my mental health for my entire life. For some reason I seem really put together and I've been able to keep failing upwards. Nobody would ever/ has ever suspected that I am struggling.
My last semester was absolutely terrible. Living alone for the first time with no accountability caused me to spiral and my eating disorder and self harm tendencies were the worse they'd ever been. It was an endless cycle of torturing myself and trying to recover.
I probably spent about 1 hour a week completing assignments and nothing more. I dropped two of my major classes that are pre-reqs and somehow passed another so now I have to move on to the next class despite having almost zero knowledge of the material. It would set me back to try and retake and also every section is full.
I met some amazing people but ultimately dodged them/ kept a distance while they grew closer out of being ashamed of myself.
While I've been clean for the entirety of winter break I am terrified of what could happen when I return. I'm also taking the hardest schedule I've ever had before (not much choice). While I've succeeded in school in the past, keeping a 4.0 for my entire first year of college, I feel completely dejected and don't know if I can ever perform that well again. I truly have no idea what to do with myself.
You should reach out to student health services and see if you can be seen for your mental health struggles https://ccs.osu.edu/
You can take a gap semester, it really is ok. Everything will be here when you come back - the important thing is that you are.
You should really consider taking some time off, I was in a situation where I was dreading going back to classwork and was dealing with my mental issues. I knew taking a break would be the best thing for me but I tried to make it work. I ended up withdrawing from all my classes as I was failing all of them. Even though it was the best thing that happened to me as I took the spring semester and summer to really get help and come back to finish my degree; I ended up wasting thousands because of my stubbornness to stick with it when I shouldn't have. It's ok to not be ok, and you can get an education at any point. Your mental health is the most important thing.
Came here to say this, I had your exact same experience freshman year, to the letter—only, i didn’t withdraw from classes, and it was a huge mistake for my GPA. OP, if you’re having serious doubts about whether it’s possible to complete the semester, don’t put yourself in my position. It’s okay to take a gap semester and focus on your health. Many people do it!!
I hear you. In first year living on my own, I developed an ED and relapsed with SH too. The cycle is vicious. I started seeing mental health professionals. School and living on my own is more manageable now. I have passion again.
Please talk to someone. OSU has the “let’s talk” service. They can get you in contact with people who can help you. You are more than just a student. You are worth more than a grade.
Stressing me out and making me sad. Take the semester off and heal if you can you deserve to be happy.
Hey, I have been there and still struggle both things. You’re so not alone. Talk to Student Health. They hooked me up with ED treatment and made sure it was going to be affordable when I told them I’m broke.
Do yourself a favor and do not put yourself through the stress rn. Take a semester off, maybe even see if you can get medical leave a while. You do not want to be in a place where you’re in a stressful environment for you when you’re dealing with these things, especially if you aren’t getting help.
When you come back, you can talk to SLDS and get disability accommodations. They’ve been an absolute lifesaver for me, and my ED was one of the qualifying conditions I have. Professors are human and they’re so understanding when you have accommodations on file. Sometimes they’ll help you out outside of what they have to (I’ve been allowed to turn in something later than usual when I reached out ahead of time).
Right now you should focus on you. You also really don’t want to do this on your own. Tbh, when I couldn’t afford therapy I’d try to “cure” my ED and then I’d cut more, and then when I cut less I’d go crazy style on the ED. I don’t want that for you!! A professional will help sooooo much.
And please don’t feel like you aren’t valid or sick enough to get treatment. Absolutely everyone in my groups felt that way first of all lol. But also, the unfortunate truth is that many people with EDs are perfectionist types and are really good at looking well even when they’re not. You still deserve help.
Sending you lots of hugs and well wishes if you see this. Things can feel awful but they’ll get better. 🫂 Hang in there.
I’m reading this and wondering if this was posted by my son. He went through a very similar experience last semester.
Please reach out for help. We eventually learned about OSU’s Student Life Disability Service and his assigned caseworker is AMAZING. She immediately reached out to all of his professors. There was no judgement and they were all very accommodating and understanding. SLDS got him set up with extended time for tests in a more quiet setting. He likely would have dropped out entirely if SLDS hadn’t intervened.
Another great resource is the Mental Health Urgent Care center at OSU. They accept walk-ins and will surround you with support for up to 2 months. His provider was able to get him in a much better headspace and referred him to a permanent MH provider at Harding. I can’t say enough good things about them. They offer in person or video calls for follow up and can accommodate your schedule.
PLEASE DON’T SUFFER ALONE AND IN SILENCE. I assure you, you’re not alone and people want you to succeed. It’s important to reach out otherwise your professors might make their own assumptions (“They’re partying too much” or “They must understand the material”).
Do you have any local support? I’m new(ish) to Reddit but feel free to send me a message. I’ll help any way I can.
Sending you a big hug.
def not the main issue, but prereqs arent really used in the following classes a ton- most of the time it is weed out. 95% of the time you can succeed with just the info given in class. i would consider meeting with someone (ccs/dennis learning center) to help tackle your anxiety and build a good plan on how to manage your work going forward. of course it does not fix the issue itself, it might help. my dms are always open if you want to vent :)
Another fellow buckeye with ED, thought I was the only one
Important life lesson is that you're never the only one of anything. There will always be someone out there who has/is facing your same struggle. I've always found that idea comforting in trying times
As a cse major while working full time I totally feel this.. I DREADED going back to work after winter break like felt so depressed ab it and still feel that way about classes next week. I do love osu, it’s a gorgeous school w sense of community.. but sometimes it can feel depressing. Since I started working there full time.. I realized that it doesn’t feel like “real life” it feels like its own city. Sometimes that feels negative at 25yrs old, when I already want to be done w college/done being around college students && want to move elsewhere already.
Hey. Happy New Year. This semester can be overwhelming to juggle. My name is Jonah, and I do help with classes in case you feel stuck. Feel free to reach out.
I have an ED as well and it makes me introverted. Or maybe my introversion makes me eat so I have an excuse not to engage with people. Stress is a trigger too. I don’t know. lol.
Best thing it seems is to take a gap semester and sort things out/try to save up money