Some people value novelty. Some people value familiarity. I don't particularly enjoy having sex with a bunch of random people; I would rather be with the same person/people repeatedly over a longer period of time. Different people enjoy different things.
I’ve done both. I used to enjoy trying every flavor I could, and appreciate the women who were willing to indulge. But, when I met my wife, it’s like my drive for anyone else was killed. I knew she was the one, and because of my past, I never question what I missed out on.
I think the novelty only wears off if you don’t have an emotional connection to the person you’re sleeping with, or if you don’t truly love them.
Often. But sometimes it gets better and better. Sex with someone you truly love will have you losing yourself and just becoming Man and Woman. Shit will tap you in with the cosmos
It’s quite a bit more than a “few encounters”, though. Lived together for three months now. It’s new in the context of life long partners but it’s beyond what I think the intention of the question was
But I do find that a 3 month relationship is likely still novel enough to warrant the euphoria you are describing.
Not saying that it doesn't get better than this. It does fpr many couples. But acting like that is a an expectation for everyone is a But unrealistic and can lead to people feeling depressed if they feel like their relationships don't measure up. For most relationships, the novelty wears off eventually, but can be replaced by deeper attachments. Those feelings will make you feel fulfilled and happy, but they are not rhe same as puppy love. Not even close
The novelty is replaced by the kind of sexual experience you can only have when you completely trust the other person. You can really let yourself go in a way you can’t with a stranger
Novelty sure, but sexual arousal in general? I mean, maybe if the neuroplasticity of your internal reward structures are broken due to excessive porn use or a surplus of casual encounters.
How can porn damage your brain but repeated sex with the same partner can't? What if you and thst partner break up? Are you forever broken? Unable to form new connections? Come on...
If a whole bunch of neurochemicals trigger upon sexual intercourse for the purpose of pair bonding, isolating those chemicals from that purpose maladapts them for that purpose.
It’s not a moral judgment; it’s about how reward pathways adapt. Repeated overstimulation can change your arousal patterns, but normal partner-based sex usually doesn’t.
You're not forever broken, no. But like learning a musical instrument, a new language or breaking a substance dependency, it's going to take conscious and sustained effort to restructure cognitive architecture.
If a whole bunch of neurochemicals trigger upon sexual intercourse for the purpose of pair bonding, isolating those chemicals from that purpose maladapts them for that purpose.
Can yiu demonstrate how those chemicals are meant for anything other than feeling good?
It’s not a moral judgment; it’s about how reward pathways adapt. Repeated overstimulation can change your arousal patterns, but normal partner-based sex usually doesn’
Why can't you get over stimulation from partnered sex then?
You're not forever broken, no. But like learning a musical instrument, a new language or breaking a substance dependency, it's going to take conscious and sustained effort to restructure cognitive architecture.
That is true for anything. The brain is always changing snd adapting. Doesn't make anything "broken".
Married almost 30 years here. Sex is better than ever now that the kids have their own places. It’s about emotional health and choosing each other every day.
Yeah — it can, but it’s not as simple as “new = hot, familiar = boring.”
That first rush usually fades after a few times. That’s just your brain reacting to novelty. New people come with mystery, nerves, anticipation — all of that amps things up. Once you know someone, that specific buzz naturally settles down.
What matters is what replaces it.
For some people, once the mystery is gone, interest drops because they were really chasing the newness, not the connection. For others, familiarity actually makes sex better — less anxiety, more trust, better communication, and you know exactly what works. That kind of chemistry can be way more intense than the early stuff.
Desire usually drops when sex turns into a routine or when emotional connection fades. It sticks around when both people stay curious about each other and don’t treat attraction like something that’s supposed to run on autopilot.
So yeah, the novelty wears off. But good sex doesn’t disappear — it just changes.
I think sex and chocolate is always a great analogy: some people like to eat different chocolates every day and some like the same for a long time. For some the novelty factor of chocolate wears off fast, for some not.
I was married for 36 together for 44. I’m also the type that wouldn’t want random partners. I loved that man right up until he passed and I have no desire to find another man. We met in high school. Even though I loved him dearly I’m fine being single. I’m now living with my youngest daughter, sil and grandson since my husband passed so I’m not alone. Just to clarify they asked me to move in with them and I pay rent to help out. They lived with us and didn’t pay rent because we didn’t need it and they were just starting out. I don’t want to weed throw the not so good men to find a good one.
It's a lot like a tango. Chances are your first few times are gonna be a little stilted. It's kind of fun, but it's not very creative.
Sometimes, having a low effort partner means the longer you dance together, the more you realize they're awful.
The people truly amazing at tango have been at it for a while. New moves, better combinations, more complexity. Ya get past the basics to their signals, their tells, subtle ways your bodies interact. If you're just going through the motions ya never really get good at the tango.
I think it just depends on the individual. I had a high sex drive and my younger days but in my 40s, not so much. Sex is on the back burner now. I care more about the relationships I have with people than I do the sex.
I mean, it’s less exciting because (ideally) any fears and insecurities are gone. Sex is no longer tense. It doesn’t feel “high stakes”.
Flip side is that (again ideally) at some point you’ll be done training them. They won’t do that stupid thing with their fingers that you hate and they will know where the right spot is and how to hit it.
Novelty of sex partner is not something I list highly in the most sexually stimulating criteria for me. So when it "wears off" it has little effect on how I experience sex with that person.
Not with a real connection. But yes if it was just some bar meetup or fling it generally Is a quick slide to boring and even tedious. If there is a real connection then no. It gets better and better in that case.
I wonder if the person who experienced sex in weeks over and over again has experienced more novelty, or the person who's had sex in the first weeks of a relationship, and after a few years, and sex with the person who's been through their hardest moments with them, and rediscovered their partner after having kids, and explored what they enjoyed as they get older, and finally sex with someone they've spent they're whole life with before they die.
The novelty absolutely fades after a while — that initial “new partner thrill” and dopamine spike aren’t meant to last forever. Biology pushes for variety, but real relationships aren’t built on novelty alone. Once that Coolidge effect wears off, what’s left is the actual connection, trust, emotional intimacy, and whether you genuinely like the person you’re with.
There’s a great line often attributed (in various forms) to philosophers and thinkers like Nietzsche and others:
A good way to judge a relationship is by asking yourself how happy you’d be simply talking with this person when you’re both old.
That’s always stuck with me. Passion is great, novelty is exciting, but in the long run what actually matters is whether you enjoy each other as human beings. The couples who last aren’t the ones constantly chasing stimulation — they’re the ones who can still laugh, talk, and choose each other even after the spark becomes something quieter but deeper.
Yes. That’s why marriage is so difficult. Especially now when we are all trying to get high on the introduction to something new in our lives every day.
I’m so confused by all the people saying yes, it only gets better when you love someone. How do you explain cheating/affairs after being married like 20 years?
yes, sexual arousal can decrease with repeated encounters where novelty boosts interest. however it does not disappear, emotional connection, intimacy and variety can sustain or enhance sexual interest over time
Depends on the partner. Some (most) I got tired and wanted something new. You know it’s the one for you when it never gets old and you want more and more. That’s my wife
That hasn't been my experience. I've been with my current partner for 15 years, and the sex - though less frequent - is better now than it was in the beginning of our relationship.
We know each other's bodies and preferences really well. It works for both of us 98 times out of 100, and there hasn't been a shortage of spice or excitement.
Some people like variety and others like consistency.
Depends on how much of a sexual compatibility match both people are. If they are both heavily into the same stuff (especially if it's taboo), then the novelty won't wear off for a WHILE.
Individual experiences vary. By definition though, novelty inevitably wears off. I can tell you though after almost 20 years of being married to the same person it seems like we meet each other again every few years. So the novelty wears off but it can come back.
Some people are wired to continuously chase that novelty and others not so much. Though I think sexual compatibility can be at play here a bit.
Even if you don’t chase novelty you may want something new and your sexual arousal could decrease knowing you’ll have sub par sex. But if you’re compatible you could spend years trying new things in new places and have beautiful new experiences with the same person.
I’m gonna go against the grain here and say sexual arousal definitely decreases over time, even when you line someone. Otherwise affairs and cheating wouldn’t be a thing. We are wired for novelty.
(Non monogamous here, just for clarification) You always get a novelty with a new partner, sometimes it develops into more meaningful love or a relationship, and sometimes it wears off. The time frame for this I would say is how much you see this person, and what you know about them outside of the bedroom. For me sex with a new person is exciting and fun and more “sex=hobby” than “sex=love” but I do still love and appreciate the sex I have with my partner. The novelty is gone and we’re just comfortable. We have a regular play partner that is still the exciting new novelty, despite seeing her for many months now, becuase we have sex with her far less than with each other, it still keeps that balance between sex for fun and sex for love
Yes and no.
My body count was high before I met my wife. Honestly, I would just get bored with them after 3-4 months.
I can't say what I was looking for but I did know what I didn't want. I also knew a few things I did want.
The woman I married hit all the targets. Mentally, socially, sexually and 25 years later I still desire her physically.
IMO the physical is definitely important (how important (depends on the individual) and for me it was on the high end. The only thing I can say is 99% of the girls I was with I was bored within months. For me dating wasn't so much about finding the right girl (at least not at first) but about eliminating the characteristics I dont want. You should be clear on what you dont want more than what you want because the right woman can make you change your mind
You’ll read all whole bunch of poseurs and virtue folk but the reality is it does. After many boinks of course it does.
There IS cool place you can reach where trust goes way up and things like comfort and just knowing your partner can go next level for sure .
Some people value novelty. Some people value familiarity. I don't particularly enjoy having sex with a bunch of random people; I would rather be with the same person/people repeatedly over a longer period of time. Different people enjoy different things.
I’ve done both. I used to enjoy trying every flavor I could, and appreciate the women who were willing to indulge. But, when I met my wife, it’s like my drive for anyone else was killed. I knew she was the one, and because of my past, I never question what I missed out on.
I think the novelty only wears off if you don’t have an emotional connection to the person you’re sleeping with, or if you don’t truly love them.
My drive for anyone else was also killed when I met this guy's wife.
100% this! Even though my marriage ended up terrible, I was married for 17 years and didn't want anyone else.
Passed around
In your case.
I love my wife, but I still live trying different flavors
Totally this, plus you can actually get better at pleasing each other when you stick around long enough to figure out what works
[deleted]
dont forget the “both” and the “sometimes to a widely varying degree based on individual and/or situation” crowds respectively
What does that even mean?
It means the answer can be yes, no, or sometimes.
So exactly what I just said?
You added .... what?
I didn't add anything, I was clarifying the other person. The other person was agreeing with you and expanding upon it.
This is the answer to most questions.
I would argue that the novelty of any sexual partner wears off no matter what. But some people aren’t attracted/valuing based solely on novelty.
I’ve been having sex with my wife for 20 years and it continues to get better.
I can confirm. I’ve been having sex with his wife for 20 years also and it continues to get better
Often. But sometimes it gets better and better. Sex with someone you truly love will have you losing yourself and just becoming Man and Woman. Shit will tap you in with the cosmos
I really gotta stop reading these threads man shit makes me depressed
Don't take it to heart. A lot of this is exaggerated fairy bullshit
If you think it’s fairy bullshit you just haven’t experienced it yet. 💁🏻♀️
Sure okay lol
Currently falling in love and I was just describing sex I had the night before. It’s out there, don’t give up
If you are "currently falling in love" then this relationship is obviously still novel for you
It’s quite a bit more than a “few encounters”, though. Lived together for three months now. It’s new in the context of life long partners but it’s beyond what I think the intention of the question was
I'm happy for you. Truly I am.
But I do find that a 3 month relationship is likely still novel enough to warrant the euphoria you are describing.
Not saying that it doesn't get better than this. It does fpr many couples. But acting like that is a an expectation for everyone is a But unrealistic and can lead to people feeling depressed if they feel like their relationships don't measure up. For most relationships, the novelty wears off eventually, but can be replaced by deeper attachments. Those feelings will make you feel fulfilled and happy, but they are not rhe same as puppy love. Not even close
The novelty is replaced by the kind of sexual experience you can only have when you completely trust the other person. You can really let yourself go in a way you can’t with a stranger
Novelty can wear off, but attraction isn’t just novelty.
If attraction is purely about newness, it fades quickly. If it’s about the person, shared history and connection can deepen it instead of reducing it.
Nope. The electricity builds. That's the good stuff.
If it is the novelty that lights your wick then maybe grow up a bit before thinking about a relationship.
Been married 30 years and I’m still absolutely obsessed
Depends on if you like the person. Or if it is toe curling
I’ve been with my guy for 43 years. When you find the one that makes your toes curl - keep him.
They say variety is the spice of life. But there is no reason that all that spice can’t come from one spice cabinet.
Not for me
I’ve been having sex with the same woman for 47 years and she still absolutely turns me on. We find novelty in small things.
Novelty sure, but sexual arousal in general? I mean, maybe if the neuroplasticity of your internal reward structures are broken due to excessive porn use or a surplus of casual encounters.
That's not how it works.
How can porn damage your brain but repeated sex with the same partner can't? What if you and thst partner break up? Are you forever broken? Unable to form new connections? Come on...
What do you mean? That's exactly how it works.
If a whole bunch of neurochemicals trigger upon sexual intercourse for the purpose of pair bonding, isolating those chemicals from that purpose maladapts them for that purpose.
It’s not a moral judgment; it’s about how reward pathways adapt. Repeated overstimulation can change your arousal patterns, but normal partner-based sex usually doesn’t.
You're not forever broken, no. But like learning a musical instrument, a new language or breaking a substance dependency, it's going to take conscious and sustained effort to restructure cognitive architecture.
It isn't
Can yiu demonstrate how those chemicals are meant for anything other than feeling good?
Why can't you get over stimulation from partnered sex then?
That is true for anything. The brain is always changing snd adapting. Doesn't make anything "broken".
Married almost 30 years here. Sex is better than ever now that the kids have their own places. It’s about emotional health and choosing each other every day.
Not for me. I met my wife 30 years and still want to see her naked.
Yeah — it can, but it’s not as simple as “new = hot, familiar = boring.”
That first rush usually fades after a few times. That’s just your brain reacting to novelty. New people come with mystery, nerves, anticipation — all of that amps things up. Once you know someone, that specific buzz naturally settles down.
What matters is what replaces it.
For some people, once the mystery is gone, interest drops because they were really chasing the newness, not the connection. For others, familiarity actually makes sex better — less anxiety, more trust, better communication, and you know exactly what works. That kind of chemistry can be way more intense than the early stuff.
Desire usually drops when sex turns into a routine or when emotional connection fades. It sticks around when both people stay curious about each other and don’t treat attraction like something that’s supposed to run on autopilot.
So yeah, the novelty wears off. But good sex doesn’t disappear — it just changes.
Please god, not ChatGPT responses about sex and relationships....
if OP wanted an answer from ChatGPT, they would ask ChatGPT.
I think sex and chocolate is always a great analogy: some people like to eat different chocolates every day and some like the same for a long time. For some the novelty factor of chocolate wears off fast, for some not.
It can. This is highly dependent on the people involved and what they are looking for. If you are seeking novelty that can fade really quickly.
Depends on the partner 😘
If your encounters are just sexual then yes there is no connection and move on. Next!
Not if you love them
I was married for 36 together for 44. I’m also the type that wouldn’t want random partners. I loved that man right up until he passed and I have no desire to find another man. We met in high school. Even though I loved him dearly I’m fine being single. I’m now living with my youngest daughter, sil and grandson since my husband passed so I’m not alone. Just to clarify they asked me to move in with them and I pay rent to help out. They lived with us and didn’t pay rent because we didn’t need it and they were just starting out. I don’t want to weed throw the not so good men to find a good one.
It's a lot like a tango. Chances are your first few times are gonna be a little stilted. It's kind of fun, but it's not very creative. Sometimes, having a low effort partner means the longer you dance together, the more you realize they're awful. The people truly amazing at tango have been at it for a while. New moves, better combinations, more complexity. Ya get past the basics to their signals, their tells, subtle ways your bodies interact. If you're just going through the motions ya never really get good at the tango.
A few encounters? No. A few hundred encounters? Yeah maybe.
Novelty is called novelty for a reason. Eventually it becomes familiarity. And at the end of a relationship... Boredom.
It's not all doom and gloom, partners with intense emotional connection can continue to have intimacy beyond the boredom stage.
yup this applies to anything in life...novelty eventually becomes familiar
Not for me but I’m picky
I think it just depends on the individual. I had a high sex drive and my younger days but in my 40s, not so much. Sex is on the back burner now. I care more about the relationships I have with people than I do the sex.
I mean, it’s less exciting because (ideally) any fears and insecurities are gone. Sex is no longer tense. It doesn’t feel “high stakes”.
Flip side is that (again ideally) at some point you’ll be done training them. They won’t do that stupid thing with their fingers that you hate and they will know where the right spot is and how to hit it.
You take the good to take the bad.
Depends.....i met some that did and some i could never get enough of
Depends on the partner and chemistry. If it happens then that person is probably not for you long term.
Novelty of sex partner is not something I list highly in the most sexually stimulating criteria for me. So when it "wears off" it has little effect on how I experience sex with that person.
Not if you fall in love😔
Not for me. It gets better
Not with a real connection. But yes if it was just some bar meetup or fling it generally Is a quick slide to boring and even tedious. If there is a real connection then no. It gets better and better in that case.
No if you’re in love. I want my partner more each time. This scares me though just a little, cause I’m afraid of loss😅
Of course.
With my ex, after 8 years it was still exciting. But we put effort into making it fun and were extremely compatible
I wonder if the person who experienced sex in weeks over and over again has experienced more novelty, or the person who's had sex in the first weeks of a relationship, and after a few years, and sex with the person who's been through their hardest moments with them, and rediscovered their partner after having kids, and explored what they enjoyed as they get older, and finally sex with someone they've spent they're whole life with before they die.
My gf was hot at the start, she's still hot now. 🔥
The novelty absolutely fades after a while — that initial “new partner thrill” and dopamine spike aren’t meant to last forever. Biology pushes for variety, but real relationships aren’t built on novelty alone. Once that Coolidge effect wears off, what’s left is the actual connection, trust, emotional intimacy, and whether you genuinely like the person you’re with.
There’s a great line often attributed (in various forms) to philosophers and thinkers like Nietzsche and others:
A good way to judge a relationship is by asking yourself how happy you’d be simply talking with this person when you’re both old.
That’s always stuck with me. Passion is great, novelty is exciting, but in the long run what actually matters is whether you enjoy each other as human beings. The couples who last aren’t the ones constantly chasing stimulation — they’re the ones who can still laugh, talk, and choose each other even after the spark becomes something quieter but deeper.
Yes. That’s why marriage is so difficult. Especially now when we are all trying to get high on the introduction to something new in our lives every day.
I’m so confused by all the people saying yes, it only gets better when you love someone. How do you explain cheating/affairs after being married like 20 years?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I never have been able to figure out exactly what makes the difference.
yes, sexual arousal can decrease with repeated encounters where novelty boosts interest. however it does not disappear, emotional connection, intimacy and variety can sustain or enhance sexual interest over time
Personally, depends on your sexual chemistry with that specific person.
Depends on the partner. Some (most) I got tired and wanted something new. You know it’s the one for you when it never gets old and you want more and more. That’s my wife
Depends on who it is
After the first time
That hasn't been my experience. I've been with my current partner for 15 years, and the sex - though less frequent - is better now than it was in the beginning of our relationship.
We know each other's bodies and preferences really well. It works for both of us 98 times out of 100, and there hasn't been a shortage of spice or excitement.
Some people like variety and others like consistency.
Yep. Sometimes
Depends on how much of a sexual compatibility match both people are. If they are both heavily into the same stuff (especially if it's taboo), then the novelty won't wear off for a WHILE.
For some yes. Those are the ones you hope to avoid if you're looking for something serious.
Depends on compatibility. Sometimes you are getting a fantasy fulfilled. Or sexually a good match.
Individual experiences vary. By definition though, novelty inevitably wears off. I can tell you though after almost 20 years of being married to the same person it seems like we meet each other again every few years. So the novelty wears off but it can come back.
Every time my FWB and I have had sex, the attraction just keeps getting more and more intense. I can't imagine it wearing off anytime soon.
Some people are wired to continuously chase that novelty and others not so much. Though I think sexual compatibility can be at play here a bit.
Even if you don’t chase novelty you may want something new and your sexual arousal could decrease knowing you’ll have sub par sex. But if you’re compatible you could spend years trying new things in new places and have beautiful new experiences with the same person.
It can. We tend to control this w the subconscious more than we think.
There were some i have thought i should've stuck with, you know to see how well it would play out
If its the wrong one, yes. If its the right one I find it tends to get more intense as you learn what each other like.
No because my level of comfort and confidence increases when I’m involved with someone longer and that leads to more enjoyable experiences.
people get an urge for a new partner? what? 🙅♀️
I’m gonna go against the grain here and say sexual arousal definitely decreases over time, even when you line someone. Otherwise affairs and cheating wouldn’t be a thing. We are wired for novelty.
(Non monogamous here, just for clarification) You always get a novelty with a new partner, sometimes it develops into more meaningful love or a relationship, and sometimes it wears off. The time frame for this I would say is how much you see this person, and what you know about them outside of the bedroom. For me sex with a new person is exciting and fun and more “sex=hobby” than “sex=love” but I do still love and appreciate the sex I have with my partner. The novelty is gone and we’re just comfortable. We have a regular play partner that is still the exciting new novelty, despite seeing her for many months now, becuase we have sex with her far less than with each other, it still keeps that balance between sex for fun and sex for love
Depends on what you mean by 'novelty'. Sure, it's not new anymore, but biting my wife's ass never gets old.
I usually lose interest after about 2-3years and want someone new (F).
Jennifer Coolidge effect
People get hotter
Not all of them.
If you’re a shallow nitwit you’ll continue seeking novelty your whole life. But yes, nothing like the first few times.
Sow your oats but then evolve into something more meaningful.
sex is like pizza
when its a good iza, its really great
when its a bad gas station pizza, its still pretty good
Somebody wise once told me that for every beautiful woman you see, there are ten guys tired of fucking her
Sweet. So then I can get a turn
Does it mean they’d rather explore men? Sounds like they’re interested in penis at that point
everything wears off over time, most will argue the proportions, whether its more or less noticeable, but its as true as entropy
Yes
Yes.
Yes
Not when your imagine still active
Yes and no. My body count was high before I met my wife. Honestly, I would just get bored with them after 3-4 months. I can't say what I was looking for but I did know what I didn't want. I also knew a few things I did want. The woman I married hit all the targets. Mentally, socially, sexually and 25 years later I still desire her physically.
IMO the physical is definitely important (how important (depends on the individual) and for me it was on the high end. The only thing I can say is 99% of the girls I was with I was bored within months. For me dating wasn't so much about finding the right girl (at least not at first) but about eliminating the characteristics I dont want. You should be clear on what you dont want more than what you want because the right woman can make you change your mind
You’ll read all whole bunch of poseurs and virtue folk but the reality is it does. After many boinks of course it does. There IS cool place you can reach where trust goes way up and things like comfort and just knowing your partner can go next level for sure .