I thought that was going to be a lot sadder when I read the title! As far as I’m concerned, you and your wife have lord and lady sleeping suites! 

My parents have been married over 25 years and they have slept in separate bedrooms my entire life. My dad snores like a chainsaw so that might have something to do with it.

We started 3 years ago and we love it (probably me more than my husband).

I toss and turn and evidently snore sometimes. I also have tinnitus and sometimes want a podcast or BBC streaming from my cellphone but not with headphones (I did not do this when he shared the bed).

I also work FT and he’s partially retired /wfh so he brings me coffee in the morning, sets out my lunch, and goes back to bed.

When our adult kids are visiting (like this next week) he’ll move back in and we deal but largely, he’s in my son’s room’s bed unless it’s spicy time.

Have been with husband for 31 years. Have slept in separate bedrooms for about 10 years. I LOVE it and actually have a really hard time when we have to stay at hotels.

I will say though, with much kindness, go out of your way to maintain your intimacy.

It was totally fine for a while, no changes. But eventually, we started to drift. You just kind of miss out on the basic "shared space" moments like small talk in the bathroom and bedroom or pillow talk or spontaneously cuddling. It's not about sex but about maintaining the physical closenes of a shared life. I didn't realize how much moving into my own bedroom would disrupt that. Once it gets weird, it's kind of hard to get it back. So work hard to keep it before you lose it.

I wish there was a better name for it because it helps me. Similar reasons to yours, add in we like different mattresses. The one he likes hurts my hips but mine is too soft for him.

We're happy which is the important thing.

Highly recommend

I think I have a negative connotation around sleeping separately because that was the beginning of the end for my parents. My husband and I always sleep together, and honestly I’d be sad if we didn’t. However, I don’t think couples should be judged for wanting to sleep separately if that’s what makes them happy!

Yep, we sleep separately. I think I’m less annoying now that I have a CPAP machine but there’s no reason to change what’s been working for years.

Most of the time, yes. I’m in perimenopause and USED to be an amazing sleeper. Now it’s a whole highly calculated routine of sleep gummies, progesterone, bedroom fan on, pitch black dark room, etc. I’ve also always needed more sleep than my husband so he usually ends up staying up later than me then falling asleep on the couch. Not my ideal situation but at this point I’d just be happy to get a few hours at a time.

Hubby and I have slept separately for almost 30 years. He snores and is a furnace at night. I am an extremely light sleeper and have to be cool. When our 30 year old was a baby he didnt sleep all night until he was almost one. We took turns walking him and sleeping. When we bought this house, he got his own room and we both rested better and it stuck. Not going for TMI, but stuff you do before sleep wasn't affected, he just went to his room to sleep. Best thing ever.

My partner and I have seperate but adjoining houses, having our own personal living spaces makes everything much better. 

Not every night, but most nights, we sleep in separate bedrooms. We both are more rested the next day. I think it gets more common as people retire and move into a different daily schedule. At least it did with us. Whoever gets up first makes the coffee!

My husband and I sleep separately, mostly because he snores and I'm a light(er) sleeper but these days it is nicer because I'm hot all the time. It's been about 15 years and I have no regrets.

We are sleep divorced and have been for quite some time- my husband had restless legs syndrome and would kick wildly in his sleep and be kicking me also. While dead asleep.

He likes to go to bed quite a bit later than me and we found we both slept lots better in separate bedrooms. We've been married 46 years and we are best friends. Sometimes it's what you need to do

Not to the full extent of separate bedrooms. However, we have two king single beds pushed together instead of a king bed. It means that my husband can't feel all of the tossing and turning I do all night.

We sleep in separate rooms, but's not our choice. I got a bad wound 3yrs ago & have had to sleep on an air fluctuating mattress on a hospital type bed which won't fit in the same room. 👎👎 It's very hard for me emotionally & I hate it.

Sleeping is the most important thing and there's no reason to be next to a human that disturbs you. You aren't any less of a couple if you pass out for 8 hours in a different part of the house. I've never understood why people get weird about not sleeping next to your person. You're just sleeping, it's not some magical shared moment.

I was about to argue with you because my husband and I sleep separately but we are very happy together. We just can’t co-sleep. I thought your post was gonna imply that sleeping apart means the marriage isn’t working out!

Been sleeping separately for about 6 years and we both sleep so much better.

“Allegedly, I occasionally snore.”

Like a freight train, I bet. My husband will be snoring so loudly I can hear him downstairs. Even “occasionally”, this type of snoring makes it impossible for a bed partner to sleep.

Ok but why do you lock your bedroom door?

Sleep divorced here. Best thing we did for our marriage. She is a snoring monster and I’m a violent toss and turner.

I've slept in a separate bedroom from my partner for almost a year now and my sleep quality is soo much better! I'm a super light sleeper, we both snore, he tosses & turns, and I steal the covers. I tried everything including multiple brands of earplugs and a sleep mask but I'd still wake up in the middle of the night and move.

My husband and I haven’t shared blankets in years. We love it.

Growing up in the 70's and 80's my parents had separate beds because my dad was a big guy who flopped and my mother was a very small woman. It just wasn't physically safe! I dated a guy for five years that would sleep with his arms above his head and at least once a night I would be woken up to an elbow cracking down HARD on the top of my head.

You do what you have to do. Touching and commitment have very little to do with with sleeping beds.

literally almost everyone I know does this. seriously it’s way more common than ppl think

we did for a long time before my husband got a CPAP, now we are back together because the CPAP helps a lot

Hubs and I are sleep divorced and have been for almost our entire marriage. It's probably the primary reason we are still married.

He is a light sleeper. I toss and turn (snore too).

We are building our house now and the master suite is set up as a Jack and Jill set up. We have a shared closet and shared bathroom but two bedrooms that are easily accessible by either of us.

Both bedrooms have sleep number beds but his is a king - just in case we need an overflow spare bed for guests when all the family comes at one time for a visit.

It may be unusual to some but it's the absolute best for us.

My eldest goes to college next year and I cannnnnnnnooooot wait to move into her room while she’s away. I use ozlo sleep earbuds now to drown out my husbands noises, but they bother my ears and we both sleep a LOT better in separate beds.

Yes! My husband and I sleep in separate rooms, which started very early in our marriage due to his truly remarkable snoring. We hang out in my bed together every night until it’s actually time to sleep and he goes to his room. He wakes me up most mornings for a cuddle. It’s awesome - we both sleep fantastically better. He recently got a cpap which totally eliminates the snoring and I think we would consider sharing a room again but we just had our first baby and take turns with her in our rooms so the other person can get good sleep for a bit!

Yep- we have a two year old and a baby, both co-sleepers, so we divide and conquer. That’s the only way. 

She snores like a Wisconsin sawmill. I’m smart enough to sleep in a different room.

Sleep separate most of the time. Multiple reasons that aren’t due to our relationship. I go to bed later, I also wake up earlier I also wake up at different points in the night. I’m warmer, she’s cooler, etc..

My husband and I have had separate bedrooms for 12 years.

It started when he had surgery and came home with drains and tubes still in place. I couldn't sleep in the same bed without risking something getting bumped, pulled or tugged. So I went to the guest bedroom and gave him a bell to call if he needed me.

Well, when he finally had the last drain pulled we looked at each other and said, that sleeping together was over and we are both so much happier and have never regretted making the move.

I'd call it sleep liberated. I roll around a lot, I snore, I hate body heat, I hate "white noise" and fans, I wanna hear everything around me, down to the night critters scurrying through my yard as I drift off to sleep. But the last couple of guys I dated needed white noise/fans/tv to sleep - which gave me insomnia. After a relationship where we were fine sleeping in separate beds, I don't think I ever want to go back.

Hubby & I have for 5ish years now. Its great! We both allegedly snore, he kicks in his sleep, i get overheated,he cannot have too many blankets. We are as close as ever now & better rested

My partner and I just “moved in together” to a property with three little 1BR cottages…his, mine, and the guests’. I love it and him.

my partner and I share a king sized bed but it's made up of two twins that have their own sheets and blankets because we found that we sleep much better when we don't share a blanket. our beds are each on their own moving platforms too so I like to sleep propped up a little bit. We also have a second bedroom set up mostly for when one of us wants to stay up later or needs to get up earlier or is sick or just wants a night alone because sometimes it's nice to have your own space. We've discussed with some seriousness purchasing a duplex so we could each have our own house but they'd be connected lol

We did it about 3 years ago when I took a job that was overnights. It was already an idea that was floating around that we hadn’t had the space to try to pull off. We had the space finally, and completely opposite schedules definitely shoved that what-if into yeah-that’s-happening territory.

I have very inconsistent sleep and wake times, but I fall asleep rapidly. She has a long windup and cooldown periods to get going in the morning and fall asleep at night (without feeling grumpy and shorted on rest). She has apnea and snores. I “twitch”, I guess. I also will talk in my sleep.

We both guessed it would be a net positive, and it was a bigger net positive than we thought. I was more concerned than she was about the “but you’re supposed to sleep together” expectation for married people. It wasn’t logical, but there was a little hesitation about sleeping separately somehow degrading the relationship.

It’s worked so well for both of us that we kept the arrangement even when I switched back to dayshift work.

We use two rooms, too, which made for a his and hers bedroom/office/hobby combo thing. We didn’t actually sacrifice space. There is more room elsewhere in the house because a number of things that would be in other rooms (if we had a shared bedroom) are set up with each of us in our individual spaces.

We do. Best decision ever. We both sleep so much better. I like sleeping with an emotional support YouTube playlist and a nightlight. My husband needs a sensory deprivation chamber.

We changed when we moved to a new house with an extra bedroom.

Nope! Being in bed with my husband is the best part of my day. Before we were married, I’d stay up into the wee hours of the night and then when I did fall asleep would have horrible nightmares. As soon as I started sleeping in the same bed as him, that all went away. When he is traveling, it happens again. Actually, my subconscious liking him so much was one reason I knew for sure I wanted to marry him!

That's a terrible name for it but we've done that for many years and it's amazing. I honestly attribute it to the longevity of our relationship, we've been together since we were barely 20 in 2004.

As long as there’s still sex sounds great

Me and my husband have been sleeping in separate beds for nearly 8 years. Kids came along I like to cosleep with them he never felt comfortable because he was worried about squishing them. However when we did share a bed he always kept me awake from his snoring and this bizarre self soothing rocking thing he does 😅

Thought this was a post for r/deadbedroom

My aunt and her husband built their own house and have an L-shaped master bedrooom, each with their own King sized bed. I thought it was so weird, but now I understand it!

Sleeping beside my wife makes me feel safe which makes me fall asleep faster. BUT when each of us are traveling we admit it's nice to have our own bed and all the space we want! The real problem for us is two small dogs (pugs) in the bed. They disturb our sleep the most!

Nothing wrong with it. My husband snores and I am a light sleeper with an early wake up and complex job. We often sleep separately because we are both happier.

My husband and I sleep in different rooms. I generally keep it a secret because people tend to think sleeping in separate rooms means you have relationship issues. Can we normalize sleeping in separate rooms and getting quality sleep!

Yep, a Sleep Number Split King and a CPAP machine does a number on your sex life.

We'd be legally divorced if I hadn't moved to another room. We cannot sleep together, he kicks and thrashes; I snore.

My wife and I have had two beds since we moved in together, and didn't get married until a couple years after buying our house. We both had beds we loved when we lived separately, and our house is a bungalow so we've got this weird super-low pitched ceiling nook in our bedroom that happens to fit her tatami mats and futon perfectly. I prefer my bedframe and mattress, which is in the "typical" bed spot of our room. We normally both start out in the bed, then when my wife inevitably gets too hot she moves to her futon. It's honestly a game changer, especially in summer when two people to a bed just isn't comfortable. Since we're in the same room, we can both sleep our best and our cat just cuddles with whoever she wants. I recommend anyone with the means to do so get two beds!!

I prefer to call it sleep separated. Same house, different rooms. Both sleep better.

Yep! We have been for years. I still feel a little weird talking about it at first with others, but I'm a light sleeper and I roll around a lot at night. Husband is a very heavy sleeper and snores. He doesn't get hit by my moving and I don't get woken up by his snoring. He also wakes up earlier than I do so I get to take advantage of those extra 10-15 min before getting up and getting ready for the day. We both sleep better and our marriage is all the better for it.

Sleep divorced just over a year ago. It was the best thing I’ve done for my overall health. Being able to sleep better was a game changer physically and mentally.

No I couldn't be. I sleep better with my husband. Even the sounds of his snores lull me to sleep.

All my friends sleep in separate bed, many stopped having sex with their partner after their last child was born

We sleep in separate rooms...but the carpet is worn out betweent the rooms.

My husband sleeps on the couch about 30% of the time. He just can’t sleep sometimes in bed, so he prefers the couch. I have to say, I don’t hate it. It’s nice sometimes to have the whole bed to myself. Whatever works for you, go for it and don’t hold resentment for your spouse because of it. Sleep is precious and hard sometimes to get, do what you gotta do.

My parents had separate rooms the entire time they were together. Personally, I wouldn't mind something like that because I'm like you, I toss and turn and frequently read at night. Its a no go for my husband, so we just have separate top sheets and blankets.

We used to and I loved it- then we had another kid and lost the extra bedroom and now I get crappy sleep again 😭😭

Same bed, different duvets, works great for us, even when the dog joins in the morning right between us.

Snoring

My mom and stepdad always slept separately, and both of my sisters sleep separately from their spouse. I'm the weird one of the family for continuing to sleep in the same bed as my.husband.

I don't sleep with my partner. I didn't sleep with my late husband either. It's a preference thing.

No, but we have separate blankets and sheets which has been life changing 

Yes, best decision we ever made.

Have been sleeping separately for over 25 years

my parents have for about 7 years — they like each other more like this lol. they have different bed preferences and also get up at different times, so it’s easier for them to just sleep separately.

Yup. I've been sleep divorced for about 3 years and it's phenomenal.

My late husband and I had a good marriage but we had separate bedrooms the entire time that we were married. He snored and I move around a lot. We simply got better sleep in our own beds. Better sleep means a better marriage. Plus we were both self employed, mostly working from home and we both liked having our own personal space.

My partner & I have had separate bedrooms since I moved in.

Some of our reasons were the same as yours. We had hugely different schedules, and we both snore sometimes. I'm also a very restless sleeper & shockingly he doesn't like being kicked or elbowed while sleeping. (Guessing from the state of my blankets, I seem to march or dance most of the night.)

Also, we were both only children & not accustomed to sharing personal space.

IDK why some folks feel a need to declare that sleeping separately isn't normal or healthy. What's important is for both partners to be happy.

my husband and i slept apart for a few years, but then he got a cpap and it changed our lives

I wish I had the space for my own room, 3br home with two kids.

Separate rooms since the second baby was born 23 years ago, and I could no longer cope with sleep deprivation due to my husband’s snoring.

My husband was hit head on by a drunk driver. He has been in pain since and we have lost the ability to sleep curled up together. We haven't gone to separate beds yet but we may get there yet. I find it heartbreaking.

For what it’s worth, we have separate beds, but together. Twin XL’s that are connected together. I can’t tell when my partner gets out of bed, but intimate time isn’t impacted when we adjust both sides to the same position. (Adjustable platforms)

and just to clarify, we still watch movies in bed together and she will always come read with me in my bed for about an hour before I try and sleep but when one of us gets sleepy beforehand the other goes. Sometimes we even try sleeping with each other again, especially after a few drink, lol. Always, always, always we end up waking up in separate beds, it never works, we can’t go back.

Yes! About 7-8months ago, due to snoring (me) flopping (me) and farts (mostly not me). We sleep a lot better now.

We sleep in separate bedrooms. She snores and I snore louder. But now I get to fall asleep watching sportscenter every night.

It worked for Ricky Ricardo and his wife Lucy

100% and we both love it!! Great marriage, but completely incompatible sleepers!

I’m gonna go against the grain here and say we’re the opposite.

Any night that I’m not absolutely spaghetti tangled up with my wife when I fall asleep is a bad night.

Oddly enough, 10 years ago I hated being touched in any capacity regarding sleep.

I’m totally conditioned to need it now, funny how that works!

Having a guest bedroom seems like unimaginable luxury to me.

Since before we were married! I told her the only way I'm moving in is if I have my own space. So, I live in the basement! It's perfect. She comes down to say good morning, and it's super cute!

I plan to have my own room when married. When we want to spend the night together we can.

My husband and I are happily married for nearly 20 years so far and we are "sleep independent" and have been for years. It's incredible! We do our snuggling and before bed chatter in my room because I go to bed early and have bad insomnia (lots of tossing around), and he stays up late and sleeps in way later than me. It's awesome and, at least among long-term marriages we are familiar with, pretty common!

My husband and I have been doing this for most of our relationship. I always tell people that if hadn’t switched up the sleeping arrangement, he’d be unalived

We have slept separately since I was pregnant with our first. He would move so much I was completely bouncing on the bed - and I am not small.

“What ARE you doing?”

He also snores like a chainsaw.

Just celebrated a silver anniversary. I think being as well rested as possible had played a role.

My partner and I have kept separate rooms since we moved in together 15+ years ago. 10/10 everyone gets to sleep how and when they want! It rocks. 

My husband and I have done it our whole marriage. I am a very sensitive sleeper. He snores. He likes the room at 74 degrees to sleep. I like it at 67. We had two smaller bedrooms with small closets in our house. Neither could fit both of our stuff comfortably. I love it to sleep, and also, it’s nice to still have my own space. I lived by myself for a decade before getting married, so I liked still having my own space.

Yes this is the way

My grandparents were married for over 60 years and slept in separate rooms the majority of those years so personally I don’t see any issue with it.

I would love to be but we don’t have extra bedrooms. I’m counting the days until the kids move out and I or he can claim one of the rooms.

I also like a neat and tidy bedroom whereas he has piles of crap on his side of the bed. Not too long ago we rearranged our bedroom furniture and he swore he’d keep his side uncluttered. That lasted about a month.

We’re not, but when we travel we always try to get two beds. We both sleep better when we do.

I have slept in separate bedrooms for 10 of my 25 years of marriage due to my chronic insomnia and my husband’s snoring plus I am always cold and he’s always hot. I think it has saved our sanities andI would recommend it to any couple with sleeping issues that has a bedroom to spare

I'm cheating on my wife with my LazyBoy.

Haha, this makes me think of my parents. Married for 30+ years and my dad can only sleep in one of the walk in closets. He is very peculiar about needing total darkness and somehow doesn’t feel claustrophobic there. Mom gets the king bed all to herself

My husband and I sleep separately. He will usually go to bed with me and stay for a little while but then gets up and moves to the guest room. He’s just an “active” sleeper- tossing and turning and he sometimes talks in his sleep. We both get better sleep apart, but it’s still kinda nice to go to bed together for cuddle time and then going our separate ways. Been married 16 years, together 23. We’re better partners when we’re rested!

Thanks for your edit! I love sleeping separately. We are both happier with each other this way 🥰

After 45 years of marriage, we each sleep better apart. He likes white noise, a fan blowing, very thin blankets, windows and shades closed.

I like it quiet, a weighted blanket, windows and shades open .

Just easier apart about 11pm

Seperate bedrooms are a necessity. The house is clean but her bedroom is like a teenagers room, mine is nice and neat. We try to sleep together every so often but we usally end up leaving sometime during the night. We only have room for queen size beds in our house. If we had a giant king bed it is easier to get a good night's sleep.

I brought it up once when I was still a bartender as I felt bad I would get home and go to bed around an hour before he had to wake up, even when I try to be quiet, he would wake up for a little bit, but he doesn’t even like when I accidentally fall asleep In our game room, he always say he likes to wake up next to me, which is the sweetest thing ever, it really makes his day start better just to have me there, so we still share a bed, I suggest it again recently as I’m 35 weeks pregnant and his job doesn’t give him paternity leave so I don’t want him tired every day, but he said is part of the process so we gonna have the basinet with us in the room

About 4 years into our relationship, we decided we were tired. Between snoring, blanket stealing, fans, lights, tossing and turning, neither of us was getting a good night sleep. 21 years later, and all is well.

Yea I think these king queen living quarter things were on to something back in the day

Why do you lock your door? I understand, keeping it shut, but lock it seems concerning even if it’s just the off chance that you were to have a medical event.